#shadowsuspended

[montanaparker]

"All these heroes come and go, but you’re still standing."

{ shadowsuspended || open || meme }

       “Your definition of ‘hero’ is shot to hell."

[yourpoweranimal]

It Was Inevitable - closed rp

shadowsuspended Alana had thought of leaving, retiring from her consultations with the FBI and retreating to the relative safety of private practice. There were days when she woke up, looked at the sun streaming in the window and she knew why she continued on. When there was no sun, all she could see was grey, and she could not think for one moment why she had continued on. Her life had became so different from what she had thought it would be. She didn't even know how to feel true happiness anymore. She supposed on better days that she should be thankful for what ruined remains she had been left with. It was better than some had, but she could never fully escape from the long shadow of her failures, and the knowledge that she had been so very stupid. Her stupidity had cost her dearly, and it had cost others. A meeting had been called by Jack Crawford and Alana had to attend. She had limped into the room, shoulders hunched slightly and taken a seat in Jack's office. The door had opened and she had felt as though a bolt of electricity had shot through from the base of her spine. Will Graham. She had not expected to see him and yet there he was. She didn't even fully know the nature of the meeting. What she did know was that Jack was about to get the harsh side of her tongue. Then the news had come. She had straightened in her seat, and her hand had gripped tighter on the duck's head handle of her cane. She had hoped this day would never come and yet it had, despite all her wishes. Her lips pursed and she listened carefully to Jack, a small part of her in shock. The meeting had finished and she had stood up, her legs shaking. Her hand reached out, looking for something to hold onto, to steady her, and her hand had found Will's arm, the touch familiar from long ago days. "I think we need to talk Will." She told him, her voice carrying strength and determination that surprised even her.

[montanaparker]

# shadowsuspended

         Cell Phone Headcanon ;; open

                                                   shadowsuspended

name

Graham, Will (bc organized by last name)

picture

ringtone

welcome to the jungle by guns n’ roses

last text

[ text ] I’m not drunk — you’re drunk in your eye!

[catnipforkillersbloom-blog]

five times kissed -shadowsuspended

Send me five times kissed for a drabble about five times our muses kissed [ shadowsuspended ]

I. Teenage years.

People said that the first kiss was the best, the most honest and sincere, that you will never forget it because it’s special and innocent. Well, they are wrong, and so they are declaring that the first love is unforgettable, but a ‘true love’ of two weeks and a first kiss in the backseat of a car is nothing compared to this.

Something that started like a little accident, a small meeting after her car stopped in the road and asked him for help, came to be friendship, simple and silly, because at sixteen, you don’t think in responsibilities, don’t care about the future and don’t carry with you the past, because in that moment, being with someone special it’s all that matters.

In summer, when the days are warm and the nights a little cold, Alana asked him to go out, “C’mon, Will! It’s Saturday, you don’t have any plans, -and don’t put that face because I’m damn sure that you don’t-, and I don’t wanna go to the movies alone,” were her words, and he accepted, a little reluctant at first, Will had been the ‘new kid at school’ for too long that having someone around was a bit of a surprise. But for Alana, he wasn’t just the new kid with whom occasionally she bumped on the corridors, no, Will was her friend, someone with whom she could talk for hours or send random texts at night, someone who didn’t need to say a word and still she knew he was there.

The movie was rather boring, a waste of 90 minutes, that Alana spent with her head on his shoulder and she could feel his fingers playing with her hair. It wasn’t a waste after all. After the movie, she suggested go to the park, and he gladly accepted. The night was chilly, and Will offered her his jacket, draping it over her shoulders, and she accepted it, with a soft blush on her cheeks.

They sat on the grass, talking about everything and nothing, school, homework, friends, summer job, his dad, her brothers, by now, they know enough about each other, he knew her secrets and she knew his. But that night wasn’t like the others, Will was there, but he was distant, and Alana tried to fill up the silence, and she wondered if something was wrong, if he had a problem with his dad, or if she was boring him.

“You’re too quiet tonight, Graham,” Alana knew he hated being called like that, too formal for him, but she do it so, and he only shrugged it off, “Yeah, if it’s the movie I swear it’s Jenny’s fault, she told me it was a good movie, but we can watch another next week, you can-” but Will cut her off, with a hand on her back and the other on her cheek, leaning closer and pressing his lips against her. She didn’t have time to react, she wouldn’t stop him neither, so she closed her eyes, and kissed him back. Their first kiss was messy and inelegant, nevertheless, she felt butterflies in her stomach and goose bumps on the skin of the back of his neck as she hold him close to her.

After that, he accompanied her home, walking hand in hand. In the porch, she gave him a quick peck, and he hugged her for what seemed hours, hiding his face on the crook of her neck, “You okay?” she asked, slightly worried by the sudden show of affection, and he nodded, giving her one of those sad smiles that she hadn’t seen before, “Goodbye, Lana,” was all Will said, and she could’ve sworn that she’d seen a glint in his eyes of unshed tears.

Her brothers teased her, asking if he was her boyfriend, and Alana only rolled her eyes, shutting the door of her bedroom behind her. Alana was tired, and happy, a goofy smile on her face, that widened when she felt Will’s jacket still on her.

[ text: Will ] I forgot to give back your jacket, sorry. See you on monday.[ text: Will ] And thanks for tonight, it was great :) Good night Will x.

She fell asleep, with the neck of his green jacket pressed to her face, smelling of Will. Good thing that she didn’t read his text until the next morning, because she could have sweet dreams that night, and a broken heart in the morning.

[ text: Lana] Dad got a new job in Louisiana, we’re leaving in the morning. I know I should’ve told you first, but I didn’t want to ruin our date. [ text: Lana] You looked so happy tonight and I was happy, too.

II. Bittersweet Symphony.

The morning sun bathed his body, light coming through the window. A beautiful day, that was out of question. They were lying under the sheets, tangled around them, his eyes were closed, likely dreaming, but hers were open, staring at the ceiling. Thinking and planning.

To say that Alana Bloom was interested -without a particular purpose- on someone, was an understatement, but interest and attraction to the same person, was a dangerous combination, and cruel as well, especially when the tables have turned against her.

Days had passed since the piano man, Will Graham, approached her, with a charming smile that hid a shy attitude, adorable, in a way, Alana had never found someone like him. The man was different from the people who usually surrounded her, he wasn’t a flatterer, and had no interest in her ‘business’, she had genuinely thought that whatever this was, was real.

But as a mere caution, when she realized that she really liked him, sent one of her men to follow Will. Great was her surprise when he informed her that Will had been seen more than a couple of times inside the FBI building, talking with who seemed to be agents. Another snitch, and nothing else.

Conflicted emotions emerged after her discovery, Will had gotten too close to her, closer than anyone else. And she had been lulled by sweet notes of music under dim lights and between shadows and curtains of smoke.

A yawn broke her train of thought, and Alana turned her head enough to look at him. “Hey…” his voice was hoarse when he asked, “What time is it?”

And in that moment, glancing at his sleepy face, tired eyes that wrinkled when he laughed, and rosy lips that twitched when he smiled, Alana Bloom knew that she couldn’t get rid of him, she could not let him go, but he could not be with her for too much. Leaning over, with a hand just above his heart, she kissed him, tenderly, wishing that her doubts could disappear from her mind, and the hollow of her heart could be filled with music again, “It’s not too late,” she murmured against his lips, “We still have some time.”

III. Hush.

Alana was still amazed by how things could change in someone’s life, and how a little person could make everything better. There was no trace of the sadness that clouded her life for days, her past was more like a nightmare that she’d rather to forget, she had more to look forward, and a little hand to hold along her way.

And part of her happiness was possible thanks to Will.

Even though she had hated him at first, now she understood that what he did, had been an act of affection, not because he wanted to bring painful memories and to hurt her more, but to cure her, to alleviate her pain.

After their first visit, her reaction was to avoid Will, to ignore his calls and to isolate herself in her house again, anything was a good excuse not to see him. But at nights, when loneliness was almost unbearable, and the weight on her shoulders was too heavy for her to stay the night, she remembered the small face of the baby boy she’d held days before, his wrinkled little nose and soft brown hair. And she remembered the look on Will’s face, his presence, making her feel that everything would be right, that she could finally have what had lost.

After some weeks, between paperwork, talks with her lawyer and visits from a social worker, Alana had a new opportunity for her to be a mother, and a second chance for the baby to have a family.

A new beginning for them all.

The baby was in her arms, and she headed to Wolf Trap, this could be a surprise for Will, too. She found Will sitting on the porch, the dogs running around, interested in her, but just for a little. He saw her walking toward her and an incredulous smile broke out on his face.

He stood up, watching her approaching him, bouncing the baby on her arms, who was more interested in the dogs. Will looked down at the baby for a long moment. When he returned his gaze to Alana’s, his eyes are wet. She didn’t say anything, he didn’t let her anyway, not when his hand was on the back of her neck, bringing their lips together in a soft and slow kiss, that was only broken by the noises and little giggles made by the baby.

Her heart hurt in the best way possible, and she was grateful, after all this time, trying to protect him, to help him, it turned out that the one who saved her had been Will, he gave her back what seemed lost. A family.

IV. Soiulmates,

It took them a while to sort things out, they were both independent for different reasons, and they were drawn to each other for just one. They were meant to be after all. But things weren’t perfect, there were doubts and there were dreams, growing trust where loneliness had been set for too long. Promises of a shared future and unanswered questions of a live together,

She had seen him, but not enough, hadn’t gone to the depths of his mind, there, where only he knew what kind of darkness was hidden. But she also had seen good, and kindness and braveness, and that was enough for her.

And there were moments of weakness as well, shown only when one’s mind is more vulnerable, and monsters are lurking within someone’s head, in those moments Alana wished she could do more, help him fight against whatever thing was hidden in his sleep, and not to be just a useless viewer. Just like that night, the silence of the room was broken by tiny gasps, that turned into painful groans and a face twisted with terror or agony, clenched fists at his sides. “Will,” she called his name, “Will, wake up,” she tried again, shaking him by his shoulder slightly, until his eyes snapped open, confused and frightened.

“I’m fine,” Will mumbled in a trembling voice, avoiding her gaze more than ever. He got up, taking off the wet undershirt, while Alana changed the sheets. A routine by now, that they were still trying to get used to.

They lay down back to bed, and in the dark, she found his hand, interlacing their fingers together, “Sorry”, he said in a tiny whisper, she didn’t reply, but instead, she moved closer, leaning over to kiss him, lips moving lazily against each other, sighing in comfort, “We’re in this together, remember?” A last kiss and Alana rested her head on his chest, listening to his beating heart that had started to calm down.

That night, neither of them slept again.

V. Ghost that we knew.

The sky was full of stars and music wasn’t as loud as before. The events of the night were almost over, and people were going back to their houses or hotels. It was close to dawn the waves broke against the shore, making a soft sound every time they crashed. For most, a night like that would be beautiful, but for Alana, it was just the beginning of a new nightmare.

She wouldn’t ask Will what he planned to do, she wouldn’t judge him this time, but she couldn’t feign happiness that didn’t feel, or wish him a good trip, because deep inside, she knew his plans, what he longed to do, a thirst of revenge or justice, whatever. He didn’t leave his past in Baltimore, he hadn’t forgotten, or could not let himself forget what happened.

Her feet sank in the sand as they walked, unhurried steps as if with that the night could last a little longer, but that was inevitable, their lives won’t stop with a simple wish, a childish thought, indeed.

They didn’t speak much, they didn’t have to, and Alana was sure that if they ever meet again, in another life perhaps, this is how things would be between them, unspoken words and a strange closeness, broken by a gentle touch, until one of them reaches for the other, in a kiss, sweet and slow or deep and hard, intense and meaningful, telling the other what words will never say.

Just like that night, when her hands clung to his shirt, and his arms wrapped her in a bittersweet embrace, trying to melt into each other, with urgent kisses and desperate hands. They pulled away, enough to breath again, enough to share the same air, “Want to stay?” Alana asked, voice small and unsure, very unlike her, and Will agreed.

The door was locked behind them, and there were even less to say, “Promise me you’ll come back safe, please,” Alana breathed, looking for a reassurance that this wouldn’t be the last time they would be together, and instead, Will kissed her again and again, until their voices were lost, in a mix of sensations and emotions, that hid their feelings of fear and insecurity for the rest of the night.

The sun rose and it was daylight, sunlight coming through the drawn curtains, and groaning, Alana buried her face on the pillow, while her hand touched the right side of the bed, to find an empty and cold spot, where a warm body should be.

She opened her eyes, and for a moment she thought the night had been just a dream, but a note on the night table with the words ‘I promise’ was the proof that she needed.

Perhaps, this is how their story starts and ends, a cycle that repeats itself…

Perhaps, they only need more lives until the cycle is completed…

Maybe in another life….

[catnipforkillersbloom-blog]

☮✿✈ ☢☣

Munday questions: [ shadowsuspended ]

☮: five things I have in common with my muse 

-We like to help people.

-We tend to put the others first.

-We’re stubborn and defend our opinions, even if we’re wrong.

-I’ve never adopted a dog, but it’s something I would totally do

-We protect people we care about.

✿: five things that are different about me from my muse 

-My knowledge in Psychiatry is very limited. (I mean, I’m studying Law…)

-If people told me like 100 times to not trust Hannibal, I’d think something was odd, you know…

-I would have had a relationship with someone I think is unstable because that’s what partners do, right? Help each other out, even if my ‘professional curiosity’ was in the middle.

-Alana lives alone and has I big family, and I don’t.

-Alana likes beer and I don’t.

✈: five places I’d love to travel 

-Galicia, Spain (Nerdy fact: I want to go to A Coruna and visit the places described on one of my favorite books :))

-London

-Italy

-France

-Canada

☢: favorite female singer 

Adele

☣: favorite male singer 

Robbie Williams

[montanaparker]

“Don’t tell anyone”

shadowsuspended ;; meme ;; status: open

Ⓦ

Would I have a secret romance with you?[] yes[x] no we are war buddies

Would I keep your secrets?[x] yes, no matter what[] yes, unless someone was in danger[] no way[] hope you like getting blackmailed 

Would I help you trick someone?[x] yes[] only if it’s harmless[] no

Would I tell you my secrets?[x] yes, I’d trust you with anything[] maybe[] only if they were harmless[] not if you were the last person on the planet

(NSFW) Would I tell you one of my kinks?[] yes, but I’d tell anyone that[] yes, and ask to try it[x] yes, but just to get it off my chest[] maybe a small one[] ew, no way!

Would I use something I knew about you against you?[x] no way not even if my life depended on it[] maybe[] in a heartbeat

Reveal any (unrelated) secret: Admit a secret thought I’ve had about you but never before shared: I wonder if you're crazy by nature or crazy because of the warA secret about you I’d like to know: Where you hide when no one's looking

[catnipforkillersbloom-blog]

Headcanon game: curtains, lamp

Send me an object and I have to make a head canon out of it.

Curtains: Alana isn’t a morning person, so she has on her bedroom blackout curtains that block the light in Sunday mornings when she wants to sleep until noon. 

Lamp: In Christmas, Daniel, one of her brothers, gave her a handmade wooden lamp. She loves it and it decorates her office. Alana might have bragged a little about her gift to Hannibal because not even he has one of those.