Goodbye
You break up with your boyfriends
♡ pairing: ot8!Ateez x gn!reader (not all members mentioned)
♡ wc: 1.7k
♡ Genre: angst, one-shot, break up
♡Warnings: implied cheating
authors note: I thought I could post this at some point too~ English is not my first language and I even struggle in my mother tongue sometimes, lol. ♡ I hope you like this and please let me know what you think ⊹₊˚₊⊹♡ ~Fey 🐱
The table had many little imperfections. Small indents littered the smooth surface, telling a history of usage, of life. A history you were at some point part of. You can’t quite remember when you got the table, but you do remember how you got it. It was a trip all of you did to the second-hand market. A fun day, for some time you even called it a date with your loved ones. But that was years ago.
Time slips from you sometimes. You can’t recall the last time you actively perceived the surface. The table was nice, a sturdy wooden table. If you bought it today you would need to pay half a fortune.
Sure, you saw it every day, but when was the last time you really looked at it? Took in its crevices, its discolorations from spilt drinks and food?
Time slips again and as it escapes you. Every second, every minute and every hour you sat there, time fell down and build itself up again in the form of a wall. A wall made out of brick and stone around your heart. You’re not sure how much time has passed since you sat down. Waiting always did funny things with your perception of hours and minutes. Making you unaware of the bigger picture and zooming in on the smaller details.
The sun has gone down– stolen by time too– you finally notice. And by the looks of it, it has been down for a while. Just as you ask yourself how long it’s been, your phone lights up. A message. Your brother. It’s past midnight. You sigh; your meeting was set for the late afternoon.
You assume this was answer enough. Sure, the question was never formally asked, yet the universe gave you an answer, nonetheless. Maybe it’s trying to make up for the wasted hours and the countless tears… Man, you were so pathetic.
You looked at the message your brother send. You felt sorry for him. He was waiting in the parking garage for you. Probably fuming. Not at you- never at you. But that was the reason you couldn’t have him here, not for this. You needed to do this alone, for yourself. Aware you couldn’t put him through more of this endless waiting, you decided to go after another fifteen minutes.
Just as you decided, the door opened, and the fragile quietness of the apartment was broken. Voices filled the room, voices that you knew. Except for one. The Lights turned on. You look at the newcomer. The other owner of this apartment. Your lovers.
And another woman. Snuggling up to the oldest, his arm was comfortably trapped over her shoulders. A nice accessory that you swore belonged to you once. Another answer to the question you never asked- well, or at least confirming the answer you’ve already gotten. You thought there would be more pain, that your heart would twist and turn and burn up in a big blaze. But there was nothing. The hours must have built quite a wall.
Hongjoong is the first to notice you. He halts for a second, his face switching from happiness to surprise, before his eyes widen even more. A deer caught in headlights, your mind automatically commented. You’re not quite sure why he was so startled though. It’s not like they weren’t aware that you could be here- you lived here. Had been for the past several years. He catches himself, his face immediately portraying his usual smile when he sees you. “Y/n! What are you doing here? Why are you still awake?”
The others were looking in your direction now, noticing you too and coming closer. Like gravity pulling them towards you. Like they couldn’t help but be closer to you… at least that’s how you always interpreted these little signs of affection. But when you think about it now, they could have tried to reassure you subconsciously about the new guest. Consciously or not, you couldn’t trust these signs anymore. You stand up. “Well, I was waiting–”
“You shouldn’t have. Didn’t we tell you we would be late today?” he interrupts you, laying his keys on the table. His voice was soft, lulling you into his arms like it always did. You resisted, eyes trailing along the guys. When you get to Seonghwa he had the decency to look embarrassed, his eyes everywhere but on you. The woman, now without her accessory, is a face you recognize. Oh, and recognized you did. It wasn’t like the guys didn’t have female friends. And normally you don’t have a problem with them. As long as they didn’t send them photos and messages on could only describe as porn. And even worse as long as your “boyfriends” didn’t send some back and entertained them. The poor soul just looked confused. You couldn’t quite place where it came from. Was she surprised about your boyfriends being, well, your boyfriends? Or was she surprised about them seemingly still being nice to you? Or maybe was it the way you reacted to her? Either way, it really couldn’t concern you any less.
“No, you didn’t. I do remember, though, telling you that I wanted to talk with all of you today.” You pointed at your phone, “I even put it in our shared calendar.” Your voice was distant, cold. There was no need to raise it, because you knew. Knew them well enough. Coldness always hits harder than loudness.
San stepped beside Hongjoong, his eyes filled with hurt. If you didn’t know him as good as you did, you wouldn’t have seen the regret in them. Truly, for San, regret wasn’t something he showed only his eyes. His whole body displayed it. Something you noticed here and there the past few weeks. Funnily enough, seemingly every time he saw you- another confirmation. He reached out to you “Shit, we are so sorry, babe. It’s so late. Do you want to go to bed now? We could talk tomorrow- “
You avoided his touch, walking past all of them “No, this doesn’t take long. And it’s probably better if your guest hears this as well.” Different levels of confusion were written all over them.
Mingi reached for you, not quite touching but close enough for the heat of his skin to find you. You looked at him. The look he gave you is nothing short of the eyes of puppies. As if asking not to do it, whatever you’re going to do, to not do it, pleading for you. Like he knew.
And maybe he did. All of them probably did to different extents. They knew that some day this would happen. With what they did there was simply no way for it not to end this way. If they truly knew you, they should have known that it would end like this. Should have known it was inevitable.
You looked away. You took one last deep breath and turned around again, facing all of them. While you spoke the next few words, you made sure to look all of them in the eyes. Not one of them should feel excluded. Not one should feel like you didn’t mean exactly him too.
“I’m breaking up with you.”
…
It was easier to say these words than you thought it would be. They left you before you really noticed. Vanished into the nothingness in front of you just as you registered that you started speaking. Movies and Music made you believe you needed a heart transplant after uttering these words, that yours would just be too broken, too shattered to keep going. But here you were, still standing, pumped full of blood and adrenaline. Protected inside a wall.
“Please never contact me again.”
You didn’t let the words settle. You weren’t stupid enough to believe this cradle of emptiness around your heart was permanent. That their reaction wouldn’t just magically reach through the wall, wouldn’t take yet another part of you. Sure, pride and stubbornness would make you react to them in a similar cold way. After all, they forfeit their rights to your emotions, to move and manipulate them.
But like you said, you were no fool. It wasn’t what their reaction would do to you in that moment that scared you the most. It was the loneliness after– the moments when it hit you what you have lost. Looking at old pictures of you together, walking past places you were once on dates, noticing spaces they once occupied. Hell, even just lying in bed at night. Alone. Lonely. Without them. Without the part of your soul that they had already taken. And maybe even worse, the moments when you realize what you could have had but never will again. And their reactions would just amplify these moments.
You didn’t let the words settle. Not for them, not for you. So, you turned around and left.
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When you arrived at the elevator, your shoulders relaxed the slightest bit. He was still on your level from when the guys returned. Calling it first would have taken too much time. You wanted to go as fast as possible. Once you were inside, you heard the door to your apartment open, yelling voices being heard from within.
You pressed the closing button at a rapid pace. Just by the sound of the hurried steps you could tell that Wooyoung and Yunho were trying to get to you. You sped up, your heart rate picking up. Why is this damn door not closing. The last thing you wanted was to see them now. Actually, ever. You didn’t want to see them for the rest of your life.
Finally, the door started to close, but of course, not fast enough for them to appear in your line of sight and therefore you in theirs. They started calling your name. You continued pressing until the door was fully closed. You stayed in that position. You knew you didn’t want to see their reactions. Knew seeing their faces all scrunched up, with their nose running and theirs in their eyes would make you weak. So, you told yourself that you just imagined that they were running and with all that movement you couldn’t see their faces clearly anyway. You just imagined that you wanted them to hurt, to feel the same pain you did. They cheated, they had someone new, and they clearly weren’t interested in you anymore. So why would they care about you being hurt. And why should you then.
Only when the elevator started to move did you do the same.
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