Disrespected S.M
Long time, sorry y’all
Part 2?? Idk this sucked
Also, photo creds to whoever
All I asked was for one day, just one day for Shawn to show up! It could’ve been just an hour and I’m sure I’d be just as happy. Somehow, those days are far from over.
It’s the second time this week, probably the 10th time this month, more than I want to admit in the past 4 months since we moved to LA.
Every time it’s like a new excuse; dinner with the board, writing session, clubbing with managers, fell asleep at Brian’s. I mean I couldn’t even keep up with all the new excuses. I’d rather be back at my home in Toronto and miss him from thousands of miles away than to miss him worse while he’s 25 miles away.
All he had to do was meet me at the restaurant, not a fancy one or anything, just a simple dinner setting with minimal people.
After the 4th time, I was done being pissed off, the 10th time? Just plain disappointed. Now? Disrespected and done. Which my dumbass should’ve felt this way a long time ago.
“Did you want to order miss?” A young teen asks she seemed to notice my disappointment because she offered a kind smile.
“Uh, I’ll just take an order of fries. Thanks, girl.” I smile as best as I could for my anxiety-ridden body. I knew it was time to go, I couldn’t hold on any longer when there was a blatant disregard for my feelings.
“Hey mom, I’m coming home for a few days, can I stay at your place?” I read over the text a couple of times before I hit send. I didn’t want to go honestly, there’s a majority of my heart taken by Shawn, but if I wanted to move to LA basically on my own, I would’ve done it in my rebellion stage at like 16.
I knew I couldn’t just leave work, so I also sent a short text asking my boss for vacation time.
“House is always yours to come back to, let me know when you land. Shawn staying in LA?” Her message popped up almost a second before the young girl brought a handful of fries and the package of the ranch I requested before she walked away.
“He’s got business to attend to.” I lie, I’m starting to sound just like him.
I finish my fries, pay the worker, and start to head back to our condo. I couldn’t even see straight I was so upset like I honestly have never felt so much anger, sadness, and disrespect in my heart before. I’ve been mad and upset with Shawn before, we’ve had plenty of fights or disagreements, but this felt so much worse.
So when I stepped into the condo and saw Shawn sitting on the couch asleep, a part of me died a little. I knew he’s been busy, he really has, but why ditch me all the time. Everything I’ve done for the past 3 years, I’ve done in its foresight of how it affects the two of us, but I feel like his hindsight got the worst of him.
He didn’t wake when I slammed the keys down, so he must be out of it, more than a catnap.
I slid past him without another peep and made my way to the bedroom. A piece of me broke when I started loading the duffle bag with clothes, but then I thought of how fun it’ll be to see my parents, my dog, my little sister!
“Hey babe, I’m sorry I missed the date, I just woke up and I thought I heard you come in. Wait, why is there a bag full of clothes?” His soft sleepy demeanor changed so quick, sadness and confusion took over.
“I am going home,” I say confidently, even though someone punching me would’ve felt better. “You are home,” he started to step forward and I put my hand out. “Don’t start that shit now.”
“I mean it, you are home, we always said that wherever the both of us together is, is where home is. Baby, what is happening. Talk to me.”
“Everyday for the past 3 years, my first thought was us, you. Why could I do to make this relationship better, I shouldn’t do that because it could hurt Shawn and I. These past 4 months Shawn, I would’ve been convinced we were just roommates. You stopped thinking of me and it’s been all you.”
“I’m allowed to make plans for myself and my future, regardless of a girlfriend.” He crosses his arm and I literally scoffed in his face.
“Okay, so when I almost moved off to Florida for a huge writing gig and had to be convinced out of it because I would’ve rather had you, makes no fair trade for what I wanted for a future. I can handle the pettiness from this shock of me leaving, but really Shawn? Really?” My voice broke and his face dropped.
“You’re right, I’m sorry. You can’t leave though, we need to talk through it.”
“I can count on my hands how many dates or just stay at home days that you’ve attended. I can’t even count on my hands and feet on all the ones you blew off with dumbass excuses.”
“I can see where you’re pissed off, but I never wanted to ditch you. God, I wished every time that I was with you instead but everything has been so crazy the minute we moved here.”
“I wouldn’t know that Shawn because you didn’t include me. I’ve been disrespected by the press, your fans, even some of your coworkers, but god Shawn, I’ve never felt disrespected by you until today.” I finally let all my tears flow and I saw a few escape the corners of his eyes.
He went in for a hug, I couldn’t stop myself from allowing him to entrap me in his arms. In my heart, it felt like a goodbye hug.
“I never meant to exclude you from this new process and city, I just wanted to make everyone else proud and I’ve abandoned your happiness on the way. Please forgive me, please don’t leave me here. Even if I don’t see you for hours, hell even days, the easiest part of this job is coming home to you. Seeing you curled up in my tour hoodies and asleep on the couch watching Sabrina The Teenage Witch. It’s you.” He has practically hiccuping over his tears.
“Of course I’m going to forgive you, I love you, Shawn. I just can’t stay, not for a few days at least. I can’t do this whole thing right now. Even with your apology and I can tell it’s sincere, there’s just a hole in my heart. I don’t think sorry can fix it and I don’t know what can. I need my mom, I need to be around somebody because you’re just going to hop back into work come tomorrow morning. So I’m headed to a hotel then to Canada tomorrow morning, Shawn.” The tears had gone away, some of the confidence was back. I needed to choose me since he was so good at choosing for him.
“So that’s it? You’re just gone?” He sniffles but still in the process of wiping the rest of my tears off. “Just taking a vacation. My boss is letting me just write publications from Toronto, I’ll just be at my parents for a bit. I’ll see you soon, honey.” I give a weak smile and try to remove myself from Shawn’s embrace.
I attach my lips to Shawn’s quickly, I knew I needed it for the sake of my sanity and his. My duffle bag almost dropped to the floor when Shawn slung my body back into his, but I had to pull back before I changed my mind.
“That seemed like an ‘im never coming back’ kiss,” Shawn whispered and I shake my head. It felt like it in my heart too, but I also knew Shawn was always going to be my completing puzzle piece, I’d always be back.
“I have too many clothes left behind for that thought.” I wink and he shakes his head but the frown was evermore present.
“I love you?” He sounded it off as a question.
“I love you. Promise.”