When You’re Ready
y’all I found this old gem, headcannon.
This shit is dumb, sorry.
Gif creds to owner
“I’m not coming back Shawn, I need a break” the words fell off my tongue before I even had a chance to process them. I knew in my heart it was exactly what I needed too, not even because of our argument.
“Baby,” his voice came off strangled, I saw the tears instantly and it absolutely killed me. It didn’t matter how many times we’ve fought or wanted to scream, the tears of someone you love is the hardest tears to see.
“I didn’t mean what I said, at all. I’m so sorry, please don’t leave me like this. I can’t fucking lose you.” He sobbed and I had to choke back my own. I needed to be strong to make it through this.
“I’m not breaking up with you Shawn,” I mumbled and he looked up so quickly that I was convinced that he’d obtain whiplash.
“What?” He asks with the hope of a small child.
“I’m taking a break, I need time to become myself again. Become someone who will be herself even when you’re not around. I give myself to you and your lifestyle so much that I never realized I don’t take care of myself the way I should. You were right when you said that I depend too much on you and that I’m too needy.”
“God, I should’ve never said that. Fuck. If anything, I’m needier than you are. I want you to be the happiest version of yourself and I’m so sorry I’m causing this much of a riff.”
“Shawn, this was a problem within me before we even had this fight tonight. If I’m being honest, I’m more upset with myself than the fucking fight, I’m honestly over that. I just don’t need to be with you anymore.”
“What?” His voice crumbled once again, I mentally punched myself for not analyzing my words further.
“No no, I want to be with you and I still fucking love you. I’m just apparently really bad with grammar. I mean I need to take some time away from you. I need to breathe and become me again. Please.” I explain myself and I see him relax some.
“I’ll wait for you. Even if it’s 10 years from now and you’re taking your sweet time, I’d be waiting with open arms.” He whispers as he kisses my forehead gently.
“I’m going to stay with a friend. I’m going to go pack and I’ll let you know who I’m staying with, I promise I don’t mean to hurt you.”
“You shouldn’t apologize for it, honey, it would hurt me worse to know you were suffocating in your own skin while I paraded around without knowledge of it.” He kisses my forehead once again and I engulf him in a hug.
“Shawn, I fucking love you. Okay?” I ask and he nods before repeating it.
———
“Today we have Shawn Mendes in the station with us, how are ya, buddy?” I almost flipped that channel but I heard them say his name, my heart rupturing some.
“I am doing good, you guys doing okay?” He replies and my heart ached at the sound of his sweet voice coming through the speakers of my car.
I hadn’t heard his voice in almost 4 months, it was so hard not to call him every day and tell him about my day. Or to drive to his apartment to make those disgusting ass oatmeal cookies that he loved dearly, he was the worst assistant when making them, but it always made us laugh. Or to call him to tell him I heard his album that he dropped last month, that I was so proud of his lyrical talent.
“We heard from a little birdie that you were releasing a new single today from the album?” They ask and I heard his fucking giggle, I always loved that giggle. It was the one of pure joy when his music was about to be released and he’d get to make the fans happy. I figured it would be WWYITM, it’s a very radio song (which isn’t a bad thing).
“I heard from a little birdie that you guys were gonna play it today.” He stated boldly and it made me laugh, he’s silly as hell.
“Well, you heard the boss. Here is When You’re Ready by Shawn Mendes.” The guy said and I had to stop myself from slamming on my brakes in the middle of the fucking interstate. When I heard this song when it was released, I knew it was for sure meant for me to hear... hell, he used what we said before I left. Not to help that it was the last song on the album, it sealed the deal.
The song played and I had tears running down my face rapidly, I fucking missed this guy. I had solely been off social media sites, besides when my friend told me that his album came out, I had started to eat healthier and workout, heck I even gave up coffee!
I got a new job that actually makes me beyond happy and I fit in so much better, my coworkers had so much more in common with me. I felt happy and airy, constantly.
So when his song played, I was trying to figure out why the hell I hadn’t run back into those loving arms yet. Why I hadn’t told him all the good I had been feeling? If I love him so dearly, why the fuck am I not with him?
“Wow! What a good song, dude. I have to ask, are you and your long term lover Y/n broken up? That's some deep stuff.” The guy who finally said his name, Lewis, asked and I feared the answer. I was so glad I had pulled into my friend's driveway before I had a heart attack.
“You’re right, it is some deep stuff. I am still very much in love with her and very much in a relationship. As any couple has felt this way, we’re going through things. We’re 21-year-olds who are trying to live in this society, we have things we need to work on and there’s not a day that I want to waste on not waiting for her... even when I have her, I’ll wait on her forever. Something that good shouldn’t slip through your fingertips. I’d wait forever, as long as she waits for me. She’s the one for me.”
“That’s so touching, I’m so glad that there are couples like you in this world. I’m also so glad you could stop by when we got to show this region that beautiful song.” Lewis complimented before Shawn said his goodbyes too.
I cried my eyes out at his little mantra, I didn’t even process that I was backing out of the parking spot. My mind leads me to where my heart needed to be... with him.
I was parked outside of his house, our house? I sat on the small bench we bought at some thrift store, I refused to buy some fancy ass one. I heard the car door slam and feet running towards me, looking up to see Shawn’s hopeful eyes.
“Y/n.” He spoke like he was out of breath, but he wasn’t.
“Hey, can we talk?” I ask and he nods quickly.
“It’s pretty hot out here baby, you still have your key. You could’ve gone in.” He scolds and I laugh a little.
“I’m so sorry,” I was already a crying mess the minute I walked into his house. I saw all of our photos were in the same place, the house was tidy and it was like I never left. So many memories flooded through.
“I know baby, there’s nothing to be sorry about. God, I love you so much and I will wait until you are ready.” He has some tears too.
“I heard your interview earlier, I was driving home from work and it just hit me so hard. I heard your album last month, which was amazing by the way, but like it hit different today because I knew it was time. I’ve been doing so well recently and I just know you’re the missing piece. I need you.” I was talking so fast but he listened so intently.
He didn’t say anything but he kissed me so hard, wrapping his arms around me. I didn’t know how much I missed his hugs and loving. He pulled back to start to wipe my tears off, he had so much love in his eyes.
“The words in the song are beyond true. I went to my dad after you left, he told me that you were the one, he could just tell. He told me to keep my head held high because a love like ours would last a lifetime. Because I know he’s right, I didn’t even fight it because we make it through tours and time zones, it’s always been us. I know love the most when I’m with you and you’re in my arms.”
“You’re the best thing in my life. I could never find someone like you again in this lifetime. So if you’d have me, I would love to come home.”
“It hasn’t been home since you left, so baby... welcome back.”
