expanding on my pet headcanon that post-canon once Sherlock drinks some shut the fuck up juice and apologises to Sally for all the shit he pulled over all those years, they fall into one of those friendships based mainly around awful things each other, as like, fun banter
Sherlock will walk onto a crime scene and Sally will be like "hi freak, how was your freak breakfast at your freak house? are you getting your daily nutrients are you eating enough frog's liver and spider legs?" and Sherlock will reply without missing a beat "no it was so sad I didn't have enough freak ingredients in my freak kitchen so i had to go to your mother's house instead"
Sally has a few nieces and nephews and manages to keep up with millennial and gen z insults to bring a wide range of derogatries to the table, and Sherlock goes from "I don't care about the solar system" to spending his free time obsessively studying twitter and tumblr because once Sally absolutely fucking totalled him with "begone, thot"
People around them who've known them for years are very weirded out by the shift. One day Sally opens with "wow Sherlock that curly girl method is doing wonders, you look at least 30% less Shirley Temple" and Sherlock is like "yeah I love it, it gives me volume and definition you could only dream of" and Anderson of all people says "i don't know if you as a white person can say that to a black woman" and Sally is like "no it's fine I called him a gay Slenderman last week so it tallies even"
A young detective entirely new to working with them together is totally taken aback when Sherlock greets Sally in the morning by handing her a cup of coffee and telling her she's dressed especially like a homophobic real estate agent today. The detective nearly starts an internal review process when Sally replies "aw, thanks [r slur]".
And occasionally someone else (often Anderson) tries to join in on the bit, and every time Sally and Sherlock have a silent mutual agreement to play mind games with said person until they stop.
Sally, while Sherlock inspects a body: Look at it go. Look at it hold that little magnifying glass in its spindly little fingers.
Anderson: Hah, yeah, it needs a magnifying glass because it's so blind.
Sally: Why would you say that? Why would you talk about our respected colleague like that?
Anderson: You started -
Sally: That's really fucked up, Anderson.
Sherlock, without getting up from the floor: Yeah, Phillip. How's that supposed to make me feel.
Or, when someone thinks the bit is an invitation to be rude:
Sherlock: The snake came down through the vent in the ceiling, obviously. What's going on with you, Sally. Do you need glasses? Is it early onset dementia?
A new DC, before Sally can reply: Probably too busy getting shagged last night.
Sherlock, turning on the DC immediately with eyes like ice:
The DC: Um. [mumbling] It's just a joke, I didn't mean it like that.
Sherlock: How did you mean it, then? In what way did your unsolicited comment about the personal life of a colleague who is, by rank and in all other ways, vastly your superior, not qualify as sexual harassment and misogyny in the workplace?
The DC: Um.
Sherlock: Because to me, it really, really sounded like the sort of thing that got you demoted two minutes ago.
The DC: ... You're not - you don't work for the Met you can't demote me.
Sherlock: No. [:)] But Detective Inspector Donovan can.
[Later after the DC has slunk away]
Sally, who has been holding in laughter the entire time: Coming from YOU?
Sherlock: Shush shush shush, I think he bought it.
Light is the left hand of darkness and darkness the right hand of light. Two are one, life and death, lying together like lovers in kemmer, like hands joined together, like the end and the way.
Since re-watching Sherlock and delving back into fanfiction I have come to the devastating discovery that a lot of people who still care about the show and aren’t conspiracy theorists fall into one of two camps. Either they understand Molly and Mary well but they don’t really understand Sherlock and the intensity of his relationship with John and they make everything very nuclear hetnorm family (they all babies ever after??? for real??), OR they understand the male characters and queer subtexts but don’t even know who the female characters are and generally don’t care about or even openly hate them (dust to the coffin scene and the johnlockary??? dust!?).
And for the most part there’s usually not anything wrong about that, it’s just not my taste and not how I interpret things. But also I don’t need sexy dom Sherlock and his well-behaved straight friend John being separately in normal straight love with their quirky wives. I do not want gay Sherlock and bi John in normal gay love with each other and the only woman they talk to is Mrs Hudson.
I want Sherlock, who is a freak-identifying freak, in freak love with John who is a normal-identifying freak, and John is also married to his freak-identifying freak wife Mary, and the function of this relationship is suddenly intensified by Sherlock realising at the worst possible time that he’s also in freak love with Molly, who is a freak-presenting normal. This is a complicated dynamic I call the Mollycule. I do not need straight or gay I need Mollyamory
goly (gay poly) of sherlock bbc to verbally marry himself to john and mary at their own wedding reception. even more goly (gay poly) of john and mary to let him
btw if you’re praising god I’ve stopped Sherlock posting I have awful news which is that I’m only ominously silent because I’m working on building a massive house in sims for sim versions of the mollycule every night
it’s perfectly simple. Johnlock is freak 4 freak. Johnlockary is freak 4 freak 4 freak. Sherlolly is sweater boy and absolute nightmare except the sweater boy is a girl and the absolute nightmare is a primadonna ballerina
sherlolly of all the myriad ships in Sherlock being the one that got the coffin scene really is incredible. that ship started out as the most ridiculed ship in the fandom. if you were queer and you weren’t actively against sherlolly you got spat on in the street. if you were a woman and shipped sherlolly you were beaten to death with lead pipe. every season the Sherlollies got shit from the fandom and leftover bin scraps from the show. during the last season there was SO much fanwank about johnlock and mystrade and johnlockary and adlock and sheriarty and warstan and then out of the bright fucking blue the final episode was like “AND WHATS THIS, IT’S SHERLOLLY WITH THE STEEL CHAIR”
don't worry, everyone. i've officially come up with the worst crossover idea in the universe. Sherlock BBC Come Dine With Me AU.
Sherlock BBC. everything is the same except they all meet through an episode of Come Dine With Me. the annoying commentator guy is like "wahey ! maybe he should have consulted someone on how to make a creme brulee ! haha !"
