@shematriarch | 🤝 + 3 ( to say goodbye )
he hates this. it’s a game, it’s all a game ; they all know it, as well. they congregate in grimmauld place, and sit at the long, elaborately set table, and drink wine and chat, and pretend they aren’t evil. and sirius is caught in it still, caught in this web, because it’s the summer holidays and he hasn’t the luxury of being able to leave when he wants. he’s never had that luxury, but his mother had made it very clear that morning that he wasn’t to start arguments, wasn’t to draw attention.
and perhaps sirius would fight, normally, but he’s so tired.
it’s not as though the rest of them don’t know. he goes to school with most of the cousins present here anyway ; they know he’s in gryffindor, know what he thinks, know who his friends are. he doesn’t make it a secret. and yet there’s a charade here, and all sirius can do is keep his eyes on the table and pretend as though he’s already eaten, because his mother can’t control much about him anymore but this she can control.
later they retire to the sitting room ; the adults. the rest of them are sent to the front room, large enough to hold them all either sitting upon the sofas, the couches, or lounging on the floor. sirius tucks himself into a corner for as long as seems appropriate before he finds it in himself to rise, feigning exhaustion, moving tot eh door.
he hadn’t expected narcissa, of all people, to follow. she catches him in the hallway, and he’s ready with a sharp word, but there’s something in her expression that gives him pause. it’s simple, quiet - she presses a hand to his shoulder, and it means something he can’t decipher, but the fight floods out of him. all he does is nod in return, watch her move back towards the room ; to their family, to the performance.
maybe he doesn’t hate them all ; but it’s so much easier to pretend that’s the case.