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The Second Goodbye Letter

Context: He was my soccer coach

Dear ****,

I write these letters when I think I’ll never meet you again.

The first time I tried to write this letter I couldn’t, because I couldn’t see my laptop screen through the tears. But I’m not crying now. Instead I push back tears when I think of all you had said to me, encouraging me, supporting me, at the very least pretending like you cared. And even so, ever since the moment I knew, for certain, I would never see you again, there has just been this constant, unwavering, dull ache.

When I wrote the first thank you card for you, I was embarrassingly and stupidly lovesick for you. Actually, I still am but not the same way I was two years ago. I can get so angry at the thought of you and things you’ve done and the words you’ve said. And yet I still choose to look past that and think of all the things you’ve said to support me and make me feel like I was an amazing player.

It frustrates me that almost all your good qualities came down to a job description. It frustrates me that this intense overwhelming emotion I feel for you is simply a reflection on me; my attachment, my need for praise, my desperateness. Maybe if Jeremy, or Rhys or literally anyone had been in your place I would be writing this letter to them. You can wonder all you want. But I know for certain I wouldn’t be.

I can go on, and on about the crying and the angst you left me with but somewhere deep deep down I think I knew you would leave. I wasn’t surprised but instead a distinct feeling when the dread in your stomach is confirmed and slowly settling down. I always knew you had to leave at one point, I just wish it wasn’t like this. I wish we had a better last game together. I wish I could thank you one more time because the fact you left without even an email makes me feel like you don’t understand how much you’ve helped and meant to me.

I never once exaggerated when I said you are the best coach I ever had. And with the standard you set, the best coach I will ever have, for a very long time.

You left my life just as abrupt as you entered it and I will forever love you and hate you for that.

Regards, as kind and as intense as you were on the 11th of May 2021,

#shhhwrites

The First Goodbye Letter

Context: He was my English Tutor

Dear ******,

If you said that you hate me, I wouldn’t be surprised. I’m not very smart, I say and do dumb things without even realising but that’s why I appreciate you so much; you are one of the most empathetic and reasonable people I have ever had the delight of associating myself with. I wish that everyone else that you meet acknowledges your kind and genuine personality because I find it a very rare trait amongst people I know; including myself. But you never cared I guess, I mean if you did you never let it show. I also appreciate the way you see the potential of what we could be, rather than what we are today. I appreciate what you have done for the class and I over the little time we had with you. Apart from teaching me how to write basic English, you are the result of hard work; teaching me that you should never rely on luck and how to enjoy learning. I appreciate that immensely. I appreciate you.

Have you realised how interesting you are? You have a preternatural vocabulary and knowledge on some of the obscure things ever. You are yet to explain your extensive knowledge on Scientology. I would call you a nerd but you’re too epic for that title. I just really want to know how you’ve almost memorised the entire dictionary and why you haven’t published a book yet. Your writing creates a new dimension and catapults the reader there; even after the final words have jumped off their tongue, there seems to have been a permanent tear in the worlds from which your words flood the reader's mind and linger there forever. It’s a drug, I swear.

I often find myself wondering why I have this attachment to you; I don’t have an exact answer and I’m okay with that. Maybe it’s because of how much you seem to generally care, or maybe how much we have in common. I reckon it’s because you gave me a sense of hope; before this I felt like I knew I would be a lost cause and wind up as a barely above minimum wage 9 - 5 temp. But here I am convinced I can change the world thanks to you.

I feel like I could write essays about how much you’ve helped me grow over this year but frankly, I do not know that well which is simply sad. I wish I had known you for longer or emailed you more because you are someone who I aspire to be; (I’m sorry if I repeated myself here but) hardworking, have a constant fascination for learning and kind, so very kind.

You leaving is probably one of the worst things about this year but what’s even dumber is the fact that I’ve only met you a couple of months ago and the fact that within those few months you have painted a masterpiece of yourself in my memory of who you are and who I aspire to be is incredible. You are incredible and I really hope you never forgot that. I hope to meet you again, in a circumstance where I get to know you better.

Until we meet,

#shhhwrites

Goodbye Letters

Do you ever meet people who have had an unexplainable effect on you as a person?

When I meet people like that and then they leave my life with no chance of coming back, I write them a goodbye letter of everything I would say to them if I was shameless and the actual chance of seeing them again was 0%. Listen life works in strange ways.

I'll blur out the names and post them on here.

I think the most tragic part of these letters is the reminder of how much they meant to me, but they have probably forgotten my name by now.

Oh well, if this is how life is then what other choice do I have than to accept it?

The List of Letters:

The First Letter

The Second Goodbye Letter

The Third Goodbye Letter

#goodbye #letters #goodbyeletters #shhhwrites

Going through every stage of grief right now...especially the unknown ones.

#shhhwrites

For my final act: Feigning my sanity.

#shhhwrites