Who was he kidding? Ren wasn’t hungry in the slightest. His stomach felt like it was full of lead, his palms were sweaty, and his mind could hardly finish one thought before another one came zooming in.
He must have looked pretty out of place, sitting in the lunch room without so much as a single apple sitting in front of him. He hadn’t even grabbed a tray. Once in a while he’d look toward the line and contemplate grabbing something, but he always seemed to stop himself short of standing up.
He pulled the card out of his pocket and turned it over in his hands, trying his best to seem outwardly calm and collected. Knowing him it was probably only half-successful, but at least he didn’t look like complete hell.
Somehow, even when you think you’ve finally started to do okay, things have a way of catching up to you. And it always happens when someone least expects it.
This was going to be one such day for Ren Kurokawa.
The model was out for a walk on the town, his hands in his jacket pockets and his shoulders lightly swaying with his steps. He hummed a slightly off-key tune, letting his eyes travel around the street casually as he walked. Passing by a sweets shop, Ren paused and allowed himself a few moments to stare at the treats through a window. As the model indulged on the visual treats, he felt a presence approaching him from behind.
“Ren-kun?” A horrifyingly familiar voice sounded out, one that made his heart and stomach do somersaults and cartwheels as if they were in a circus act. He didn’t need to turn around to know who it was, and as the sounds of the man’s voice bounced around in his head, all he could hear was the same myriad of words echoing over and over: Perfect. Mistake. Secret. Perfect.
Whirling around, Ren froze at the sight of the man, the sight of his familiar face causing Ren to stumble for a second before saving face and blurting out his name with a dopey smile. That smile came on instinct, he wasn’t sure if he actually wanted to be smiling or not.
“Shin-- er, Kimura-san...! What, uh, what are you doing here?”
The artist smiled widely, his eyes looking Ren up and down a few times before letting out a gentle laugh.
“I’ve been traveling around the country for some time, searching for inspiration and a place where I can work on my art for now. My career has started to expand, so I’m expected to keep making art, you see. But...enough about me, Ren-kun, you’ve grown quite well.”
Those words sent a slight chill down the model’s spine, and there was no describing how it felt to have this man’s eyes looking over him once more. It felt as if he’d been pulled back in time, somehow. Once again, everything felt equally wrong and...somehow still welcoming. Maybe too welcoming.
“Oh-- uh, thanks. Well it’s good that your career’s been going well, Kimura-san...”
“I even heard you’ve begun attending Hope’s Peak! Why, I knew you had potential from the moment I met you.”
Somehow, the compliment made Ren feel sick for a moment. But soon enough, he felt himself rationalizing his every word. Surely he had no ill intent....it was friendly conversation. It was awful of Ren to assume anything different based on past mistakes....people could change, after all...
“Yeah, I’ve been going there for a little while now. It’s, uh, it’s really nice there.”
“I can imagine. But look at you now, Ren-kun, you’re nearly an adult. It hardly seems like chance that we’d meet again like this, perhaps since I am here for a time for my art....you’d like to join me for some tea at my current apartment? My studio, even. It would allow me to show you the work I’ve been doing-- I’ve certainly improved since you last saw.”
Ren felt his knees go weak for a moment as his stomach did a triple back flip. Shin wanted to see him again? It all seemed too good to be true....but at the same time, it seemed wrong. It seemed so wrong and dangerous, just like before, but...there came the rationalizing thoughts again. Two sides were fighting fiercely in his head, one telling him to accept him and feel happy about this, the other side screaming for Ren to run as far as he could and find comfort in his friends. But....maybe he did just want to have tea and show him his art. Maybe Ren had this man wrong somehow, maybe he’d changed, maybe...
“I can’t-- uh, not....today, anyway.” Ren responded quickly, some part of his mind screaming at him for even considering it and the other part screaming at him for saying no. Despite all of his rationalizing thoughts, part of Ren still wanted to say no. He wanted to turn around and leave and pretend none of this ever happened, but....he couldn’t say no. Not to Shin. He never, ever could. “I’m on lunch break from school, I only have a little while before I need to be back...”
“Oh, of course. But here, Ren-kun, have my card. You can give me a call when you’re free, hm?”
The artist held out a business card and Ren took took it to slip into his pocket. The way Shin held it almost forced Ren to graze his fingers against his hand, causing the model to go almost numb suddenly. With a stiff nod and smile, he bid Shin farewell and felt that familiar chill in his spine when the artist lightly patted his arm in his departure. Ren was left walking briskly, shakily back to school, his mind a whirlwind of uncertainty
