When you support a team, there is usually a player or two that excites you more than the others. Invariably a striker or a winger, you think he can make things happen. You and those around you get a tingle of excitement whenever he gets the ball. You can hear the crowd buzz. In tepid games, you can hear them urging the ball is passed to him.
In my formative years, that player was Pat Nevin. He was in the same team as John Aldridge and Johnny Morrissey, so Tranmere weren't short of options in that regard. In my journeyman years Barnet had Darren Currie, then Guilianno Graziolli. And then Retford had Neil Harvey. I would wager that some of those names are unfamiliar to most. And that is no small part of their allure.
Paolo Hewitt wrote "The Greatest Player You Never Saw" a while back, about Reading FC's Robin Friday, and whilst I would be hard-pushed to say that any of those players filled all the criteria of Hewitt's title, the sentiment of the unheralded genius is consistent. Be they flawed characters, mis-judged talents, or simply unadventurous, the smaller the club, the more dearly these local heroes are cherished.
But what if, like me, you have eschewed the trappings of club loyalty, and instead travel the highways and byways of this fair isle, seeking out games that even the locals opt not to attend? Will you ever get that buzz again? After all, the names you hastily scribble down off the team sheet mean nothing to you. They are just clichéd list of butchers, bakers and school teachers.
As a blogger of no great reputation, there is little I can do. But when I think I have stumbled upon That Player, I feel duty bound to shout about it, about him. And those who have paid religious attention to my Twitter feed over recent weeks will now understand where this post is rambling towards.
Carl Haslam is That Player. Currently taking the piss out of shaven-headed cloggers in the NCEL Div 1 for Shirebrook Town, I first came across him playing for Blidworth in the Central Midlands League. Both are home to awful pitches, very few fans, and blokes that were better at football than me at school, but who are still, essentially, rubbish. So when I saw a skinny kid in Fancy Dan Boots running full tilt down the wing, beating players, then stopping until he could beat them again, he stood out.
I am fortunate enough to know one or two folk in the area who have played at a similar level, and I asked around. Predictably, I hadn't uncovered a gem.And nor had Blidworth manager Brett Marshall. Haslam was, and is, well-known around the Mansfield footballing network, and has even had trials at Mansfield Town. Alas, the story I heard was that he turned up, ahem, "unprepared" and blew it.
That was last season. Marshall has since moved on to manage Retford United in the NCEL Premier Division. I expected him to take Haslam with him. But no, August saw Haslam turning out for Shirebrook. Whether Marshall thought he wasn't up to a two-level leap I don't know. I think he is more than capable. But maybe Marshall had had enough of trying to coach him. The more you watch Haslam, the more you see the failings that have prevented him fulfilling his potential. And they are the same failings for so many of his type.
He is, pretty much, uncoachable.
The talent is there. In spades. The ability to beat a player, to turn him inside out, can be seen by anyone. Physically, he has the pace. And he is far better in the air than you initially suspect. But he isn't a team player. The simple pass is not what excites him. He pulls on a football shirt just so he can put a defender on his backside. There's no point in wearing those boots if all you are going to do is slide a ball sideways to a team-mate who you know in your heart is not in the same league as you. So what if your tricks don't always come off? Who cares if not passing it infuriates your team-mates? In That Player's head, he is still playing football on the school field, where he didn't have to play to a team ethic. Playing for joy alone. And what greater joy than being adored by people who are paying to watch you play?
Shirebrook fans aren’t the most exuberant you’ll find. As befits an ailing ex-mining town, the locals are more prone to grumbling than cheering. Times are hard round here, and they view most things through embittered eyes. But they forgive Haslam his foibles, currently. There may not be too many of them coming through the gate, but those that are coming know why they are there this season. Opposing management and fans quickly realise it too. They know where the threat lies But recognising the threat is not the same as nullifying it. And defenders at Step 4 are at Step 4 for a very good reason.
None of this meant to imply that Shirebrook are a one-man team. Indeed Haslam’s partner upfront, Keiron Watson, flourishes in the increased attention the number 10 gets. And they have players throughout the spine who do their jobs far better than many in their division. But if you get to see Shirebrook this season, you’ll notice Haslam and his boots far more readily than you do his team-mates. And as long as both parties continue to do what they do, no-one in Shirebrook will have any complaints.