#shitpost writing

[rice-w0lf]

I worked wayyy too long on this shitpost so please appreciate it my little fambase

[nobody-nexus]

The Pomni Is Dead

Pomni: Yeup deh eh la da- It is good day to be not dead!

*Pow!*

Jax: You are DEAD!

Pomni: I AM DEAD

Jax: hehehehe

(Gangle congaing into view) bum bum da bum dada da-

Jax: Aw shucks (Hides weapon)

Gangle: Oh! The Pomni is DED!

Pomni: Y e s (Sandwich) I am dead!

Gangle: WHY is the Pomni dead?

Jax: I dunno

Pomni: I think it was-

Gangle/Jax: SHH, you are dead!

Pomni: Okay :D (RAGDOLLS)

(Gummigoo enters the scene)

Gummigoo: What's up, ya wankers!? Who's up for a- ... Ah. What the bloody hell just happened???

Gangle/Jax: The Pomni is dead

Gummigoo: The Pomni is dead?

Gangle: Correct!

Gummigoo: :D

Gangle: So... Did you see the murderer?

Jax/Gummigoo: No. Sorry mate

Gangle: (Table slam) I will find him. I will capture him. And no one will ever die again!

(Clapping)

Gummigoo: Ah, well that's nice

Jax: I am DAMN proud right now

(CLAPPING)

Kinger: ATTEEEEEEEEEEEEEENTION! (Zips to the others) The Pomni is dead!

Gangle: We know!

Kinger: Who killed her?

Gangle: We don't know!

Kinger: I will find clues!

(Sniff sniff sniff sniff)

Kinger: What's that? (Grabs it) A weapon? That thing is why THE POMNI IS DEAD!

Gangle/Gummigoo/Jax: THE POMNI IS DEAD!?

Kinger: YES! (AGGRESSIVELY SLAMS TABLE) She DIED!

(LE GASP)

(Ambulance noises)

Ragatha: INCOMING!

(Ambulance crashes into Kinger as Ragatha slides out of the back)

Ragatha: Raus, Raus! (Pushes everyone away) Move, now!

(Ragatha gives a lil MWAH on Pomni)

Pomni: (Floating) HEHEHE... HA- (Ragdolls to the floor)

Ragatha: In my medical opinion, that POMNI IS DEAD!

Gummigoo: Doc, what happened?

Ragatha: My professional opinion? (SLMS TABLE AGAIN) The Pomni was killed!

Gummigoo: Oh God

(Insert panic)

Ragatha: I don't think it's anything to worry about (Hops away)

Gummigoo: Well, now what?

(Kaufmo appears from the distance)

Kaufmo: Clippity clop motha- fucker

Gangle: OH, come on....

Kaufmo: Lookathis, the freakin Pomni's dead!

(Pause)

Kaufmo: What do ya think of that?

(Another Pause)

Kaufmo: Um....

Gangle: Yes, yes- Kaufmo?

Kaufmo: Ye-

Gangle: GO HOME!

(Looks to Queenie in a car waving)

Kaufmo: AW COME ON! PFFFFF!

(Gets in the car)

Kaufmo: Freaking unbelievable no seriously you all suck- (crashes)AAAH

Gangle: Okay... Let's get back to the point!

(Second Pomni pokes dead Pomni with stick)

Pomni: I think Pomni is dead

Jax/Gummigoo/Gangle/Ragatha: THE POMNI IS DEAD!?

Ragatha: (Gasp) Kaufmo, I will heal you- (Explodes)

Pomni: Seriously? WHO KILLED POMNI?

(DRINKING)

Zooble: It was me

(Everyone turns to them)

Zooble: Yes (Drink) I did it like this:

(BOOM)

(Gummigoo gets fucking SHOT)

Zooble Woop dee doo

(Gummigoo bleeding)

Zooble: (LIP SMACK) That's a joke, lads

(CannedLaughter.wav)

Zooble: (Drinking burp) It was..... Y- (Burp) him

(GASP)

Jax: How did you know?

Zooble: I didn't (More burping) That was a joke too (Drink)

Jax: Heheheeee... Heheheheeeee!

(Zooble falls over) I'm dead

Jax: HAHAHAAA- that's right! It was me!

Gangle: You monster!

Pomni: But WHYYYYYY

Jax: Cause your fat toots! And another thing, you're ugly!

(They be arguing. It's tradition)

Pomni: JAX!

Jax: Ah dammit Pomni FUCK OFF! You are dead!

Pomni: No u- Ha!

(Jax Falls over dead)

Pomni: You are dead! Not big surprise

Gangle: Well, that was idiotic. Off to hit myself, WATCH AND LEAR- (Insert getting hit with a brick and dying)

Pomni: I am ALIVE! .... Is nice

(Silence)

Pomni: Yes, this is stupid!

[ang-tupa-kong-si-yuki]

BONBON PICTORIAL DURING YUKI'S BIRTHDAY

Technically Yuki's Bonbon Birthday Vignette

Last Late September, Ace and Yuki (Yuu) decided to celebrate their 3-days birthday together in that new sweets store so they took a picture of their totally platonic date eating Mont blanc.

Look at them sticking their tongues out hehe

Heartswool (Ace and Yuki; Aceyuu) having that Birthday Bonbon date on September 25 (Yuki's birthday)

...

OOPS

Woahhhh....Jade joined too because he is Ace's duo magic partner and he's thirdwheeling this very platonic date lmao

Even tho Jade's Birthday is in November, he wore his bonbon drip early for this occassion. It's in fact Yuki's birthday after all...Yuki doesnt mind a pictorial with her buddy Jade.

Jade taught Yuki how to hold a fork in a fancy way (I drew Yuki's fork holding hand with Jade's hand as ref)

but what's with that hand in the corner...

Oh shit...Ace is gonna poke Yuki's eye with fork.

Oh nevermind... Food.

[alex-rambles]

S/O as a gaming glitch character would like yan Bill to play her game. Yan Bill finds out that she’s a sadistic entity only like to tormenting people for fun. She would probably drag Bill to her video game world “Welcome to my world, Bill. So glad you had finally found me. This gonna be fun, right?” S/O creepy grins and smirks darkly.

This has little to do with your request yet I thought of it so here: Bill Cipher vs Monika rap battle

Also I one hundred percent made this more of a shitpost than actual headcanons

-Oh no the tormentor has become the tormentee

-Oh no the new tormentor is more powerful than the old one

-Oh no-

-No wait he's in love with you

-o h y e s

-Bill can absolutely be a masochist under the right conditions (*cough* sock opera *cough*)

-These are those conditions

-You're probably annoyed now

-He's enjoying this too much

-He isn't tormented at all

-He's cackling and kicking his feet

-Wtf

-Now you're just gonna ignore him since that seems to bother him more than the infinite torture methods

I love the idea of some sadistic entity going to torture someone but that someone is just as much a masochist as the other is a sadist and so the plan fails lmao

[magicalgirlpropaganda]

(Shitpost)

The year is 4503. At least I think it is. Ive been trying to keep track of time, but all the days blur together. Keeping track of time, trying to have some sense of normalcy, its the only thing keeping me sane. It's been hundreds of years since it all happened. The end. I was the only one left when it happened.

I had everything. I was the richest person alive, I had a wife, I had a family. I could have ruled the world if I wanted to. There was only one thing that I ever had to worry about back then. That damn snail.

One day, everything changed. Sickness started to spread across the world. I had survived through many pandemics and so I thought that I would be able to protect my family and I. But I was wrong. My family all died. I had witnessed my own families die again and again. That is the price to pay for immortality. But this time, it was different. This time was the last time. This time, it wasn't just my family but everyone else on this planet. My family had died, and it was the last family I was ever going to have.

Soon, everyone died. I faked my own death in order to avoid suspicion. I did it several times, and each time I did it, I wished more than anything that it would be my actual death. Eventually, it did not matter anymore. Everyone on this planet had died out and there was only me... me and the snail.

I spent thousands of years walking across the desolate ghost town that used to be my home, watching the buildings crumble to pieces and be reclaimed by the earth after hundreds of years. I had nothing else to do. Every day, I hoped more and more for an end to it all.

And then, as I was standing on a cliffside, looking over the ruins of what used to be my home, I saw him. My old friend, the snail. I always knew that someday, it would be there to end me. I walk towards the creature and embraced the end.

[chuckling-chemist]

No One Understands Kingdom Hearts

Okay, I know I make the joke of saying “the stupidest thing I’ve ever written” before I write the second stupidest thing I’ve ever written, but this time I seriously, actually mean it this time. I am not sure we’re going to top this one, lads. 

There’s no warnings, but heads up this thing is incredibly rough and is unedited/beta-ed. I just had to write it out after a series of snapchats between @commentisunrelated and myself. About you know. Xehanort. And hearts. 

It felt like they’d been running for hours. Hours of white walls and white ceilings, ambushing faceless shadows dressed in black cloaks long before they had the chance to strike. Ren didn’t remember the last time they encountered a safe room. If it hadn’t been for his cooking, the Phantom Thieves’ stamina would’ve been wiped out far too long ago, and they’d be stuck traversing through this nightmare of a Palace another day under potentially different circumstances.

He was fast to jump on the first door that looked different – heart shaped, its pink color almost pulsing against the white. Locked, but not a problem. Ren picked locks for so long in his life he was practically a master at it now, Metaverse abilities or not.

“Readings say it’s pretty important,” Futaba said. “Might have a boss inside.”

“What about a map?” Makoto asked.

Futaba shrugged helplessly. “If he’s got a map, then yeah. Otherwise? We’re on our own still.”

Ryuji groaned. “Goddamn it. I hate this place. This…this effing--”

Ren heard a few taps on something behind him, followed by Futaba saying, “Xehanort’s Kingdom of Hearts. That was the key phrase. Don’t ask me why.”

The hefty, heart shaped lock clicked open, dropping to the ground with a resounding thud. Ren turned back to the rest of the group with a grin. “Showtime.”

Unsurprisingly, the room was painfully white. It was also wide open, with absolutely no cover from the singular shadow standing beyond them – human looking, with gold eyes and long silver hair that stood out against the man’s long black and white coat. He watched, motionless, as the group walked in. Just like Futaba predicted. On the corner of his vision, he saw the fuzzy outlines of what looked to be a safe room. This man, clearly waiting for them, was the only barrier between their goal.

“Welcome, thieves,” he said. If he noticed Ren immediately grabbing for his baselard, he didn’t say anything, opting instead to continue standing there with his arms crossed.  “I see you’re after Kingdom Hearts.”

“Are we?” Ann blinked owlishly. “Wait, did this shadow name the Treasure?”

“Oh no. Kingdom Hearts is one thing: Kingdom Hearts is darkness.”

Ryuji scowled. “Wait what? I thought Kingdom Hearts was—”

“Kingdom Hearts!” the man shouted, as if Ryuji said nothing, “fill me with the power of darkness!!”

The shadow transformed, morphing into a black beast not unlike the ones they’d seen at other points in the Palace. Darkness in the form of inky black smoke pooled around them, cutting off their vision as smaller shadows bombarded them. It was only thanks to Captain Kidd’s lightning and the light from Power’s hama the Phantom Thieves saw anything during the fight. By the end, the shadow disappeared into nothingness, leaving the rest of them exhausted.

“That’s a safe room up there. Let’s pack it up for now and return in a couple days when we have our strength back,” Ren said. He wasn’t ready to process the shadow ate up that much of their energy and didn’t even have the decency to drop a map. That was, apparently, asking for too much.

No one argued with him. They were all too tired.

When they went at it a second time, it was the same thing all over again. White rooms. White halls. Black shadows. Pink hearts. Hoping they made progress.

The answer to their question came at the appearance of another Shadow. Like the previous one, he was tall with long white hair. Unlike the previous one, he dressed himself in what Ren swore was a zebra-fur coat, though simultaneously knew it couldn’t be possible since the man in question didn’t technically come from a place where zebras existed.

“Who’re you?” Ren demanded.

“I am Xemnas. I seek to bring Kingdom Hearts,” he said. His voice rattled just as deeply as the previous Shadow, though different. Hollow.

“Oh…kay,” Futaba said. “And what exactly is Kingdom Hearts?”

Xemnas smirked. With a snap of his fingers, white walls gave way to reveal a monstrous, actual heart-shaped thing in the sky past the windows. “Kingdom Hearts,” he said slowly, almost in a drawl, “is how us Nobodies will feel again. It is a heart for all Nobodies!”

“And what does that have to do with it being darkness?” Morgana asked.

“Yeah, the last guy told us Kingdom Hearts was darkness!” Ryuji shouted.

Xemnas didn’t answer. Rather, the instrument of apparent darkness used to make Nobodies (whatever those were) to feel again shot a beam of light through the room.

The fight afterward was grueling. Physical attacks did almost nothing to him, resulting in Ryuji and Yusuke taking a backseat as the heavier magic-aligned Persona users blasted him. Kingdom Hearts – at least, what Xemnas claimed was Kingdom Hearts – proved to be its own problem as well. While Xemnas attacked them with his own laser beams, “Kingdom Hearts” shot at them from afar. It managed to catch Ren’s coat more than a few times, singeing the tail.

Still, they managed to end the fight. Xemnas faded away into darkness, and Kingdom Hearts disappeared from the window along with him. Where Xemnas once stood, a map lay crumpled on the floor in his place.

“Oh thank goodness,” Haru said.

“I was beginning to get worried we’d never find it,” Makoto said.

Ren nodded wordlessly in agreement. He picked it up, scanning it for any relevant details.

“I have good news.”

“Oh?” Yusuke asked.

“One more push and we’re at the Treasure. Looks like Xemnas even had the thought to tell us what it’s called.”

“Really?” Morgana’s eyes shone brightly. He hopped up onto Ren’s shoulder, and Ren swore he felt every excited vibration running through the cat as he scanned the map up and down. “Wait, that’s not the Treasure name! That just says Kingdom Hearts!”

Ren used his free hand to point at the arrow pointed neatly to the big red spot marked in a suspiciously large chamber toward the center of the castle. Above the arrow was the name Kingdom Hearts scrawled in dark ink. “You sure? Looks like it’s pointing to a treasure to me.”

“But he said Kingdom Hearts was a heart for all Nobodies,” Ann said.

Haru frowned. “The man before said Kingdom Hearts was darkness,” she said.

“Perhaps it is both?” Yusuke closed his eyes as if in contemplation. “Maybe all so-called Nobodies have hearts filled completely in darkness, and Kingdom Hearts is a collection of all of those.”

“If that’s the case, all the better we’re changing his heart,” Morgana said.

“But wait.” Makoto shook her head. “Earlier in the Palace, we came across books calling Kingdom Hearts all sorts of different things. Some called it light, others called it a portal, others said it was used to make a sword. How can it be all of those things and also a heart for Nobodies and a representation of darkness?”

“Maybe it’s whatever the summoner of Kingdom Hearts desires?” Haru said.

“Whatever it is, it can wait until after the Palace is completed. Come on, we’ve almost secured a route.”

After the fight with Xemnas, the rest of the Palace was a breeze. Ren tried not to focus on the noticeable physical similarities the grunt shadows shared with Xemnas and the other shadow from earlier, but as their difficulty seemed to melt away, it proved more and more difficult. By the time they reached the Treasure and secured a route, Ren was absolutely certain every single shadow was merely a stand-in for the Palace owner himself.

The following days started as normal: send the calling card (an unusual circumstance, but Futaba made it work), infiltrate the Palace and steal the treasure. Ren sold some of their treasure (hearts, they were all somehow related to hearts) off at Iwai for some extra cash that he immediately traded off for medicine at Takemi’s clinic. He didn’t know what to expect, and after months of doing this he learned to prepare for the worst.

And by worst, Ren meant fighting the Palace ruler.

Needless to say, shortly after they took the Treasure – which had taken the form of, what else but a silver gray heart – ahead of them stood the palace ruler, Xehanort. An old man, balding with a long gray beard and a notably similar outfit to the first man they found.

“You really think you can just come here and take Kingdom Hearts? After all the work I’ve done to bring it about?”

“What?!” Ryuji shouted. Thank God it was Morgana who held the Treasure, otherwise Ryuji would’ve dropped it right there. He marched straight up to the old man, grabbing him by the lapel of his coat. It was almost like their previous conversation about the nature of Kingdom Hearts never happened. “What do you mean this is effing Kingdom Hearts?”

“Skull! Get back here!” Ann shouted.  

The man’s lips curled into a smirk. “Yes Skull, return to your friends.” He pushed Skull away with a shocking amount of strength for an old man. With the flick of his wrist, the Treasure morphed from a heart into the strangest, key-shaped weapon any of them had ever seen in their life. Another wrist flick, and the blade disappeared out of Morgana’s paws, moving straight into Xehanort’s hands. “And yield, Phantom Thieves to the true power of Kingdom Hearts!”

As Xehanort’s hands touched the Treasure, darkness surrounded his form. It twisted and shifted around him, the influence of the Metaverse taking over to turn the Shadow into his true form. The first time it happened, back with Kamoshida, Ren had to admit it frightened him. Now? Ren was numb to the change.

At least, he would be, except Xehanort’s form shifted into something quickly becoming painfully familiar to the Phantom Thieves: a twisted, dark shadow in the shape of some sort of malformed heart with eyes and a mouth. Spindly, monochromatic limbs popped out of either side to give it some semblance of arms and legs. It clung onto the key-like blade of a Treasure for dear life. A horrific monstrosity, truly, but not in the way Ren ever expected.

“Kingdom Hearts! Come, consume me with your power!!”

Ryuji sighed. “So what, now he’s Kingdom Hearts?!”

“Perhaps the nature of Kingdom Hearts isn’t important, only what it means to the self,” Yusuke said.

“Yeah right! If it didn’t mean shit this whole place wouldn’t be Kingdom Hearts.” Ryuji grabbed his pipe and pointed it at the giant heart, ready to charge. “I’m starting to think this yahoo doesn’t even know what Kingdom Hearts is!”

And with that, Ryuji bolted forward toward the shadow.

“Skull wait!” Morgana exclaimed.

It was too late. They were left charging in after Ryuji for a fight unlike any they’ve had before.

[eeveevie]

Rosie’s debating with herself over her feelings for Butch:

[prismatixxkhaos]

MegaMan: The New Adventures UwU

CHAPTER 1

—————

Rock was relaxing in the lab at the moment, no longer needing to fight...or at least for now.

The world was at peace finally after Dr.Wily’s 11 attempts to take over the world. It was getting...pretty annoying. Eh, oh well.

Hopefully, this time there would be permanent world peace and-

“Rock! We have an emergency!” The voice of Roll cried out. Aw shit, here we go again.

“What happened?” Rock asked as his sister came running in. Roll didn’t hesitate to grab Rock’s hand and run to somewhere again.

The two made it outside the lab.

First thing Rock saw was...a huge screen. He was prepared to hear whatever bullshit Dr.Wily was gonna say the moment the screen turned on. However, instead on Dr.Wily appearing on the screen, it was instead a...purple bot? A huge bulky one from the looks of it.

“Citizens of Earth, overpopulation is becoming a thing, and it will only get worse. That is why I, Thanos Man, have come up with a plan...get rid of half of the population. It is so that the planet will not run out of resources. You could say it is...a small price to pay for salvation. In order to do this, I must obtain the infinity stones. They will grant ultimate power to whoever gets all of them. That is why I will use them in my plan.” Thanos Man explained before looking down at Rock.

“If you do so dare to challenge me MegaMan, be wary, for I have 8 robot masters ready to take you down at any cost.” That was all Thanos Man said before the screen abruptly shut off.

There was a long silence between Rock and Roll for a while.

“...”

The screen turned on again after a while. Dr.Wily stood there, looking distressed.

“Citizens of Earth, I swear that I am not behind all of this!” He said, looking distraught.

“...That’s the same shit you’ve been saying for a while now Wily.” Rock said under his breath.

“It wasn’t me, I swear!”

“Well then why the hell is there a big purple metallic prune threatening to kill half of the population of Earth?” Rock questioned.

“W-Well...” Dr.Wily began explaining this whole thing. He had originally created Thanos Man and the stones as a way to defeat MegaMan, but something unfortunately went wrong and Thanos Man retaliated. He took a few other bots and some parts with him to make more bots before heading out despite Dr.Wily’s attempts.

“...Wily, you’re an idiot.”

“Shut up! Look, I will help you out since clearly we’re all being threatened here.” Wily said to Rock.

Well, Rock didn’t have any other choice. He sighed. Ah shit, here we go again...

AND SO, WITH A NEW THREAT, WILL MEGAMAN BE ABLE TO DEFEAT THANOS MAN AND THE 8 ROBOT MASTERS AND BRING BACK PEACE TO THE WORLD? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON MEGAMAN: THE NEW ADVENTURES!!!

.

.

.

“...what the hell kind of name is Thanos Ma-“

(Author’s note: I want to commit MegaMan landing on spikes)(Also you don’t like, dOnT rEaD!!1!1!1!22! UwU)

(For legal reasons, that’s a jo-)