#shitty jokes

[doingautismsohardformyfandoms]

why couldnt shakespeare write his plays using pencil?

he couldnt decide between 2b or not 2b

[possum-that-likes-the-stars2]

Loop took “you are what you eat” a bit too seriously

[arisa-exists]

Is it normal that everyone i know call my tiffany?

i know that might sound normal but i'm a boy. With boy name.

not for long

[flankerclinger0a]

Shitty jokes I made in the tender hours of night

[de-activated-offical]

Oh, your friend stopped talking to you? Well... I'm sorry for your

[bigassmoonchild]

i absolutely adore maple syrup to the point my partner lovingly / jokily deemed it unhealthy { can i be added to the tag list}

your writing style is amazing btw

as a request im curious to how simon would handle someone he likes who has a humor as dark as him { we all know hes a cocky b@stard with a dark humor and dad jokes}

"a man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree," you said. simon could feel his brows furrow, listening to you.

"is that so?" soap responded, and from where simon was set up to snipe he could see the smirk growing on his face. it was weird having someone else who would try and crack jokes over the comms.

"'you can't cut me down!' the tree complains. 'i'm a talking tree!'" soap snorted sharply into the comms and price made a little complaint about all the noise. "the man responds, you may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue," simon snorted sharply, not expecting that. of all things you could do, make dark little dad jokes was the one thing you did?

soap called out a few people walking alone and simon shot them down. "i just got my doctors test results and i'm really upset," simon retorted. you hummed into the comms and he could hear a few silenced gunshots come from your mic. "turns out, i'm not gonna be a doctor," he heard your snort followed by a few coughs.

"y'choking?" soap asked, somehow sounding genuinely worried even through his hand to hand combat. he heard a few louder shouts from your end, another couple of gunshots coming through.

"the lieutenant has jokes, now?" you asked. you were a newcomer, having joined recently to help out on stealth focused missions. this was the first one you had joined, and thus far it was going pretty well for a 141 mission.

he knew you looked good, he knew you were a sweetheart but now you had your own kind of personality coming out. he already was starting to like you more and more by the minute.

as you boarded the flight to return, all of the information you needed (and a few people needed to help 'inform' you on it) was on the flight. as you sat down, soap had sat beside you.

he leaned in close and whispered something and you snorted.

"you know if you give a man a match, he'll be warm for a few hours" you looked him dead in the eye. "set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life," simon had to look away to keep from busting out laughing. if there was anything in this world simon appreciated, it was a good shit joke.

"the sergeant has jokes now?" he called out from across the way and you smirked, shooting him a little wink. simon could feel, ever so weirdly, his insides becoming just a little warm.

maybe he'd need to drown the butterflies, but for now? he'd accept what they were, and who they were caused by. pretty little, shit joke making you.

(p.s. it's a little shorter, but i really like how this came about. you are added to the taglist, btw!)

[the-wings-of-eternity]

Prolly have iron deficiency Amelie Farren cursed me

[friday-im-in-love-with-crowley]

i gues phan is no longer phanon.