Even More Shitty Talking Swords
A sword that constantly reminds you to call your mother.
A pair of twin swords that recite Abbot and Costello bits.
A very expensive sword that's only good for helping to analyze literature. It has no other practical applications and is very dull (both literally and conversationally).
The Compass Sword: a talking sword that, every time you turn to face north, screams "THIS IS NORTH!" It doesn't say anything about the other cardinal directions.
A sword that provides helpful information, but only after it is no longer relevant.
A sword that only speaks when someone else is talking.
A sword that can only speak by mimicking someone else's voice. However, it's really bad at accents and usually sounds like an offensive caricature. At the DM's discretion, the wielder must make a Charisma save to avoid offending others.
A talking sword whose personality is actually very upbeat, but it has a very menacing voice and everything it says sounds like a threat.
A sword that's inhabited by the ghost of a bard. It doesn't speak, just sings. It will harmonize with the party's bard, which adds an extra d4 to bardic inspiration rolls. However, if it doesn't like a song, it detracts a d4 from bardic inspiration.
A talking sword that continually shouts "I'm gonna tase you, bro!" It does not deal thunder damage.
