#shittystory

[shittyaus]

You have the idea to end them all. The ship will meet outside of a truck-stop bathroom. What a wonderful, shitty AU.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS NONNIE YOU ARE MY NEW FAVOURITE and the pun especially omfg it’s fantastic (mod karissa is a HUGE fan of puns fyi)

Is it bad I actually thought of a few prompts for this???

OMFG I HAVE TO PEE MAN JUST PULL OVER finally a bathroom worst road trip ever-WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS OCCUPIED HURRY UP

ugggghhhh my friend’s been peeing in the public bathroom FOREVER and wanted me to wait outside incase they get kidnapped i told them not to drink that much pop- oh, hey. you too?

FRIENDO HURRY UPPPP YOU TAKE FOREVER TO PEE ITS MY TURN hey buddy pal friend wait your turn i was here first

~Mod Karissa

[shittyaus]

au: you see him out of the corner of your eye. shia labeouf

Nonnie. Dear sweet nonnie. I hope you’re proud of yourself.

You actually got me to legitimately laugh out loud while sitting at my computer XD honestly this should be our new description, it fits the best lol

~Mod Karissa

[shittyaus]

They stared at the cute barista from afar, utterly in love, despite not saying a word to them besides drink orders, but their soulmark was all they needed to do so. Their child tugged at their clothes, antsy to leave for the beach. They smiled at the child; soon they would be free for the first time to swim tail and all in the waves. (coffee shop au, parent au, soulmate au, and mermaid au, hope it was shitty enough)

This is so cool!! I love all of the different aus you incorporated into it!! also the kid wanting to leave the beach one could totally be an actual au list hmmm

I think you were supposed to do something funny with our url “shittyaus” though? But this is still wonderful I love it!!!! <3 Thank you!~Mod Karissa

[shittyaus]

you'd stepped through a mirror and ended up here, a long, blank hallway with a floor covered in grey tiles. doors line the walls as far as you can see, all of them having their own unique look. you stop in your tracks to read a small green sticky note stuck - taped? - to one of the smaller doors - "this the shitty au lads"

😂😂😂😂 accurate and we would tape a sticky note to a door omfg this is wonderful Nonnie thank you 💜

~Mod Karissa

[8-petaled-flower]

Men in Dirty Colours

White snow falls upon these ruined frozen wheat fields, becoming a white blanket for the buried silent bodies of the soldiers. Men in dirty colours that still stand, with frailing white cloths covering their dark bloody wounds, gaze in awe at the silence of the delicate darkness. Howling winds, previously fueling fury within these men, settle down into a mourning breeze.

Faces of these men are smothered in dirt and blood; their empty eyes express their clearest shame. A bright star stands alone above these men in the sky, only accompanied by the falling moon. The day of Christ’s birth had arrived yet these men were waging in their unholy war when darkness was still present. These men in Royal Blue and Prideful Orange were at opposite ends, now united under the weeping white. Their shadows, casted by the dim moonlight, extend into the darkness.

As the Sun rises to shine upon this land, a small and wrinkled man in a ragged brown coat carries a pine tree nearly the size of him, trekking heavily through the snow. The men in dirty colours turn their gaze at this frail old man dragging a pine tree towards them, who places it in front of the buried bodies. More elderly people begin to arrive, coming from a small village only a frozen field away, bringing small snacks or even steaming cups of coffee; offering them to these men in dirty colours.

These men in dirty colours sighed, breathing out their heavy burdens, and taking the gifts with grace. The dawning sun brings brightness to the scene, turning the eyes of these men from empty and weary to glimmering jewels worthy of a King’s crown. Dropping their weapons made of old wood and rusted metal, these men in dirty colours chatted away their sorrows.

Village children, not thoughtful of the dirty colours, approached these men with smiles and questions, like newborn puppies playing with humans for the first time. These men cheered welcome to these children as more and more came.

As wooden tables and stools were beginning to be set by these frozen fields, these men in dirty colours became jollier with the time passing; enjoying the freshly brewed beer and golden baked goods. These men in dirty colours, former fiends in Royal Blue and Prideful Orange, stand with each other in shared white and red. These men in dirty colours, though their friends in buried fields, are enjoying Christmas together.

[cresentisspeltwrong]

https://www.deviantart.com/fhenamasomi

Hey, you guys should check out my mediocre in-progress sci-fi story about the testing of simulations on kids in an closed environment. Also symbiotes, apparently.

[theworldwidewebers-blog]

That moment when you think it’s so cute that your toddler is sitting down to read. Only to realize that said toddler doesn’t know how to read and in fact she’s just using the chair as a toilet and pooping in the store #proudparents #poopliterate #shittystory #toddlersaregross (at Finlandia, Quindio, Colombia)

[avellanas-nutty-empire]

The strawberry Island quest of Greatness

ok, do you guys know the Wiiu? it has this thing called miiverse. its kinda like tumbler, except not really. its for the games on the wiiU. Anyways, i found these papers, and it had this weird strawberry story i wrote with this guy on miiverse and i just wanted yall to read it! (If yall even want to read it) We each wrote about a few sentences each before switching. And no, there are NO CHARACTER NAMES! NOR DO I KNOW THE AGES OF THE CHARACTERS! I'M SORRY!!! anyways, here it is!!!:

Him:Welcome!!!! May i take your order?

Her:Strawberrys please! And make it snappy!Him: as you with your strawberrynesss.

Him:your strawberrys are here, shall i feed you?

Her:No thanks, i can feed my self. Now shoo! before i call the strawberry administrators for strawberry bullying!

Him: Bullying? Thats it i quit!!!

Her: You cant quit! get back here!Her (To other person): Hello sir! can i speak to the manager?

him: No

Her: (Throws tempertantrum) I WILL SPEAK TO THE MANAGER SO HELP ME I WILL( Explosion of her brain)

Him: (Scared voice) Yes, right this way mam.

Her:Thankyou. NOW GET MOVING! I WILL NOT WAIT ANY LONGER!

Him(Talks to boss): Sir, a lady is asking to speak 2 u

Boss:Bring her in then, and leave us alone.

Him: (Drags her into managers office, she struggles and balls up to cry in a heap on the floor)

boss:what do u seek here stranger? ur not a spy are u?

her; no! im here to talk buisness

boss; but I AM Buisness! How DARE u puenny little human challange me against my job!

her; *crys some more* i need ur help

boss;and why should i help u?

her; *Gets serious* i have 1 million$ u could have them if u help

boss;ok. but first, im afraid i must accept ur challange, we shall do a contest!!

her; what kind of contest?

boss; if u beat 4 of my men on checkers, then we will talk.

her; how does checkers help?

boss; its a test of ur intelegence, use the right stratagy to win.

*She wins, wins, wins, LOZES!*her; can i have a re-do?

boss; 3/4, fair enough, what can i help u with?

her; i need help taking over strawberry land, if u help me, then i will send u free strawberrys each week.

boss; but how manny strawberrys? *Raises eyebrow beyond belief*

her; 5 crates w/ 1000 strawberrys each

boss; u have a deal

boss; .....................sooooooooo.........how, and when do we start?

her; *Epic voice* we need garlic, and lots of it.

                                 TO BE CONTINUED................................ 

................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

                                         EMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!!

boss; so where do we get this garlick? what is it for?

her; DONT QUESTION ME!!!!!

......continues after with a hinting sound of defeat in her voice

her; for the potion. the potion is a liquid that makes any plant grow bigger untill it explodes.

boss; how will exploding a plant elp us?

her; we will have to sacrifice a strawberry for this to work. 

boss; such treachery!!!

her; then what do u sugest?

boss; first, i want to know why we need a sacrifice.

her; i dont know if uve been to strawberry land, but the only workers there are walking strawberrys, so if we blow up 1 strawberry, its jam would cover up the park scaring everyone away.

boss; and this would help how???

her;jam to them is blood to us, making them think that a blender is turnign strawberrys into strawberry jam

boss; i see....

her; so what was ur plan??

*Door slams open*

him; i belive I can help with that.

her; u? i thought u quit!!

him; i did, i work for my new boss...i see that u already met eachother.

boss;u 2 know eachother??

her;yes, unfortunately, its hwy i came to see u.

boss; oh, ok then whats ur plan?

her; if we blow up the strawberry at the tallest building, this it should be good enough to cover most of the park

him; not that bad...i see u still have the brains (Wink*Wink)

her;thankyou! Now lets get to work everyone! I WILL NOT HAVE THIS PLAN DELAYED BECAUSE OF UR LACKING SPEED!!!!!*Next she jsut watches and orders the men around*

him; arent u going to help?

her; this is why u walked out on us!!!!! *The 2 argue like crazy now*

him; never mind, got the garlic for the potion.

her;good, now go get the potion recipy at the counter. NOW! And make it while ur at it!

boss;the kids got a point, u should help out too.

her;I WILL MURDER ALL OF U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND NO MONEY EATHER UNLESS U FOLLOW WHAT I SAY!!!!!!

boss; u do realize that we clearly outnumber u, *Points gun at her head*

her, scared voice: Yes, yes, ok then.

him; that’ll teach her a lesson!

her; how should i start?

boss; lets get this straight, first of all...call mr.big, and u could start by finding the perfect strawberry for the sacrifice.

her;ok....Mr.big?

boss; yes, mr.big. he’s-(Gets cut off by her)

Her; fat? *She says in snotty bratty voice*

boss; NO U INSOLENCE!!!!!!!!!*She crys and colaspes on the floor*

him; i know shes bratty and all, but did u have to be so crule?

boss; how elce will she learn her lesson?

him; ehh,

boss; lets just get back to work.

him; where were we?

boss; i dont remember! ask the girl!

him; she left...

boss;sooooooo..............you and her?

him;yeah, its kindof a long story

boss; i should have known...

him; dont think about it too much alright

boss; then what should we do to pass the time? we got enough for this story right?

him; welllllllll, ok, it all began,

him; it all began one day when i was on my way to work, when i spoted a young lady being chased by a criminal, so i ‘’*Punches air* punched the guy in the face, then i helped her out-

boss; shes back!

him; hey sunshine!! what progress have you made?

her; what the heck did u just call me sunshine for?!?!? *He blushes*

boss; ur progress..... 

SORRY THATS IT! whew! that was a lot of typeing! but yeah, that was all of the story i found written down. i think we wrote this a few years ago, im not realy shure, HOPE U ENJOYED ALL THE SPELLING ERRORS<,RUN-ON SENTENCES, AND BAD GRAMMOR!!!!!