Fat Nuggets Wins The Heart Of The First Man (AU Sinner Adam)
Act I: Gloom at the Bar
Adam—the First Man, former commander of the Exterminators, and now the universe’s most embarrassing example of a Winner turned Sinner—sat at the counter of the Hazbin Hotel’s newly rebuilt lounge. He was currently trying to drown his massive ego in a glass of cheap booze. Despite the fact that he had tried to slaughter everyone in the room only a months ago, Charlie had insisted on giving him a room, provided he didn't cause any trouble. With absolutely nowhere else to go, Adam had begrudgingly accepted. He still deeply hated everyone here, especially Lucifer, Vaggie, and Charlie, but free lodging was free lodging.
"Hey, Cat Boy," Adam grumbled, swirling the amber liquid in his glass. "Give me another round."
Husk didn't even look up from the glass he was wiping down. "I'd prefer it if you didn't call me 'boy,' old man."
Adam let out a loud, mocking laugh. "Old man? Kid, I lived to be 930 years old on Earth and I've been chilling in Heaven for ten thousand years. All of you are toddlers to me! The majority of you modern losers can barely make it to a century before your hearts give out. I had my son, Seth, when I was 130, and I was still in my absolute prime. So pour the drink, kiddo."
Husk’s ears twitched in pure irritation. Under his breath, he muttered, "For that remark, I'm spitting in your next one."
While Adam waited for his fresh glass of misery, his eyes drifted down the counter. A small, pink, demonic pig was sitting on the edge of the bar, happily crunching on a pile of bar nuts. Adam hesitated, eyeing the creature warily. This was Hell, after all. On Earth, wild animals were unruly enough, so he figured demon pigs and whatever other animal would be ten times worse.
A wave of actual homesickness hit him. The animals in Heaven always reminded him of the original state of nature back in Eden—complete harmony, no fear, where creatures would just stroll up and eat right out of your palm. Despite a voice in his head telling him to keep his guard up, a desperate part of him just wanted a normal interaction with something alive that didn't immediately want to stab him.
Slowly, reluctantly, Adam stretched out a clawed hand. "Alright, porker. Let's see if you're gonna bite my finger off or what."
He gently tapped the pig's head. Instead of snapping, the little creature leaned into the touch, letting out a blissful, rumbling snort. A genuine smile broke through Adam's usual miserable scowl. He began scratching behind the pig’s ears, his tough-guy facade completely melting away.
"Gosh, you are so freaking cute," Adam squealed, his voice dropping an octave into pure baby talk. "I almost want to steal you away and figure out a way to get you un-demonized when I find a way back upstairs."
Husk walked back over with the fresh drink—having fully followed through on his promise to spit in it—but stopped dead in his tracks. He stared at the First Man happily petting Fat Nuggets' head, showing more genuine warmth to a farm animal than he ever had to any sinner soul.
"What the absolute fuck?" Husk muttered. He rubbed his eyes, genuinely wondering if he was looking at the same homicidal rockstar who used to brag about mass slaughter.
Adam actually picked Fat Nuggets up, cradling him in his upper arms. "Aren't you a cute little piggy? Yes you are! Yes you are!"
Husk let out a heavy, soul-tired sigh, reached behind the bar, and grabbed an entire unopened bottle of top-shelf rye. "Bottle, please save my fucking sanity."
Act II: The Interruption
"Fat Nuggets, no! Come to daddy!"
Angel Dust came skidding into the lounge, his four wide with panic as he spotted his beloved pet in the hands of a certified lunatic. He rushed forward and violently snatched the pig out of Adam's arms, hugging Fat Nuggets tightly to his chest while glaring daggers at the fallen angel.
"What the fuck, man?!" Adam shouted, his hands still shaped like he was holding a basketball.
"Stay the hell away from my pig, you psycho bastard!" Angel snapped, backing away.
Adam rolled his eyes, quickly trying to dust off his jacket to look casual. "Relax, legs. I wasn't doing anything to him."
"Oh, right, because I can totally trust the guy who spearheaded a yearly massacre," Angel scoffed, highly suspicious. "You killed Dazzle, so how do I know you're not trying to turn my baby into a pork chop?"
Adam blinked, looking genuinely perplexed. "Who the hell is Dazzle?"
"Razzle's twin!" Angel yelled. "The little dragon guy Lute killed! The surviving one still misses him, you prick."
"Oh, that thing," Adam shrugged, waving a hand dismissively. "Kid, that overgrown lizard was actively trying to rip my face off. It's a little different from this cute little guy who wouldn't hurt a fly."
Angel’s defensive posture melted for a split second, his face glowing with pride. "You... think he's cute?" He quickly shook his head, remembering who he was talking to. "Ugh, not the point! I already have to keep a constant eye on Alastor because that creepy smile-factory keeps talking about bacon. I don't need you eyeing him for some unholy barbecue."
Then, a slow, incredibly mischievous grin crept onto Angel's face as he realized exactly what he had just witnessed. Adam noticed the look and instantly froze.
"Oh, this is some incredibly juicy gossip," Angel purred, pulling out his phone. "The big, bad, metal-shredding Dickmaster doing baby talk to a pink piggie? I cannot wait to tell Cherri about this."
Angel turned on his heel, cradling Fat Nuggets in his lower arms while his upper hands started furiously texting as he walked toward the elevators.
Adam’s blood ran cold. "Get back here, you overgrown lint ball!" He scrambled over the bar stool, nearly tripping over his own boots as he gave chase. "Delete that! Shut up! Shut the fuck up!"
Behind the bar, Husk didn't even look up as the two went screaming down the hallway. He just tipped the bottle of rye back and took a massive, unbothered swig.
Act III: The Hallway Chaos
Angel Dust was strutting down the second-floor corridor, his thigh-high boots clicking rhythmically against the floorboards.
"Oh, it's too good, Nuggs," Angel cooed, bopping the pig's snout. "We have leverage on the alpha-douche. I'm gonna hold this over his head until he cries tears of holy gold—"
"I WILL FLAY YOU ALIVE, SPIDER!"
Angel smirked, turning around to walk backward just so he could fully appreciate Adam's misery. The former leader of the Heavenly Host looked ridiculous. His halo was gone, his wings were mismatched, dark Sinner appendages, and his face was flushed bright red with a mixture of rage and pure, unadulterated embarrassment.
"Aw, what's the matter?" Angel taunted. "Scared the mean old Radio Demon's gonna find out you're a softie? Or maybe you're worried Vaggie's gonna laugh her other eye out?"
"I am the First Man!" Adam bellowed, pointing a dramatic, clawed finger at Angel. "I named every goddamn creature on Earth! Lions, tigers, bears, fucking platypuses—I named 'em all! It is my literal genetic right to appreciate a cute animal, you multi-limbed freak!"
"Yeah, well, this 'cute animal' belongs to a Sinner," Angel said, stopping right outside Cherri Bomb's room. He raised a boot and gave the door a loud, obnoxious kick. "Hey, Cherri! Get out here! You gotta hear what the granddaddy of humanity was doing to my—"
Before Angel could finish the sentence, Adam lunged.
He didn't use angelic power—mostly because he didn't have much left—but pure, desperate weight. He tackled Angel's midsection, sending both of them crashing onto the carpeted floor in a chaotic mess of limbs.
Fat Nuggets was tossed safely through the air for a split second, landing perfectly on a nearby plush armchair. The piglet let out a happy snort, thoroughly enjoying the sudden circus.
"Get off me, you heavy piece of shit!" Angel wheezed, six arms flailing as he tried to push Adam away. "Do you know how much this fur coat costs?!"
"Shut up! Just shut the fuck up!" Adam yelled, desperately trying to plant a hand over Angel's mouth. "I will give you whatever you want! Heaven weed? Holy water? Upgrades for your stupid guns? Just don't tell anyone!"
The door to the room swung open, revealing Cherri Bomb holding a half-empty bottle of cherry-flavored moonshine. She looked down at the absolute disaster on the floor, her single eye blinking in total disbelief.
"Uh..." Cherri raised an eyebrow, looking from Angel, to Adam, to Fat Nuggets. "Am I interrupting a family therapy session gone wrong, or are we finally beating up the choir boy?"
"Cherri! Tell this dickhead to get off me!" Angel gaspsed, finally shoving Adam’s face away. "He was doing baby talk! To Fat Nuggets! He called him a 'cute little piggy'!"
Adam's face went completely pale. He slowly let go of Angel's jacket and sat back on his knees, staring at the floorboards as if he wished the hotel would collapse on him a second time.
"You're joking," Cherri said, a massive, wicked grin spreading across her face. She looked down at Adam, thoroughly amused. "The guy who tried to wipe out the whole population got soft for a pork chop?"
Adam threw his hands up in complete defeat, his voice cracking slightly with raw frustration. "He had a smooth forehead, okay?! Heaven animals are all fluffy and perfect, and everything else down here tries to bite my dick off! Cut me some fucking slack!"












