Bigger
Pure
Part 2: Cookies | Part 3: Run | Part 4: Alone | Part 5: Child | Part 6: Memories
A Crowley Fanfic
This is a long one, +4500 words, and took me ages to write. Yeah, I want to say more but, don’t really know how to word it...hope you enjoy!
You leaned against the bar, watching with some amusement as Sam and Dean duped some guys out of cash in a game of pool. They'd all been drinking, so it was no surprise when words became a little heated, but you didn't worry, Sam and Dean could handle themselves.
You had wound up with the Winchester's after your life suddenly changed dramatically. You used to live quietly near your aunt's place, often babysitting your eight year old cousin. You had moved there for a life change, but close to some family at your parent's request, and you thought things were working out nicely.
That was until you hadn't heard from your aunt in a while and went around to see if they were okay.
Your aunt had answered, her eyes red and bloodshot as she begged for you to leave.
That was when your cousin had walked in behind her, all sharp teeth and wild eyed. Your aunt had pleaded with him to go back to bed, that everything was going to be okay, but he had seemed to be beyond listening.
You'd watched with horror as he had torn into his mother and you stood frozen, unable to move, your scream caught in your throat.
When he was done, he ran to you, tears his eyes, seemingly back to normal. He clung to you to you so tightly and begged for you to help him.
You hadn't known how to react, just letting your hands rest on him.
It hadn't lasted long as you found yourself unconscious, someone having hit you from behind.
As it turned out, you were dragged to a vampire nest, a family, and they had wanted a child, your cousin being the chosen one, and now you were to be the intended next victim, so that they could teach him to control his urges.
Sam and Dean had turned up and saved you.
You had refused to let them kill your cousin, who had hid away when they burst in.
What followed, what you had to do, killed a small part of you.
So, you forced Sam and Dean to take you with them, so something like this didn't happen to anyone else, despite their warning that couldn't save everyone, as well as doubts that you could not handle the life.
You knew where the doubts came from, you'd been getting it all your life from everyone.
Being on the bigger side meant that the world was just that much crueler.
It never slowed you down though, you proved, always, that were more than capable. You were fast and strong, and years of sports meant that you had amazing reflexes, all skills that you now threw into hunting.
Sam and Dean were now proud to drag you along, but it didn't mean there were still times that this life sucked.
Taking another drink of scotch, you now watched the boys sitting back next to you, talking and sharing a laugh.
"Must be your shout by now Y/N." Dean said through a grin.
You shook your head. "You guys just won a whole lot! I'm not shouting anything."
"Damn," Dean mumbles through a wink. "You don't miss anything."
You grin. "Very rarely Dean, now buck up and shout a round."
Dean's round was shots. The three of you clinked your glasses together before downing them.
Sam screws up his face. "Man, what did you do, pick the worst available option?"
"Gotta admit Dean, that was pretty bad." You followed it by the last mouthful of your own drink.
"Well, the worse they are, the drunker you get." Dean said simply. "And after that hunt-"
"We know." You and Sam said together.
Dean grins and orders another round.
This had been what you needed, a night away from everything that happened, long overdue, but the feeling of happiness soon began to deflate a little, both Sam and Dean's eyes beginning to wander.
Sighing inwardly, you rolled your eyes and drew away a little. You didn't want to let it bother you, everyone had a type after all, but it would be nice to receive some appreciation now and then.
Sure enough, it wasn't long before you were left at the bar alone.
Swirling the last of your drink, you decide tonight you would head home early, get another room for yourself.
The boys didn't pay attention as you finished your drink and got up to leave, too interested in what they were doing.
However, as you head for the door, two very different guys stop you.
Your gaze narrowed on them, telling straight away that they were trouble.
One of them grins. "Looking for a good time doll?"
You resist the urge to gag. "No thanks, I'm good."
His grin doesn't falter, his friend nodding as if in encouragement. "Come on doll, you ain't going to get much better than us."
You didn't bother to hide your anger or disgust this time. "One, don't call me doll, I am not a play thing. Two, you have no right to assume who I can get. Three, no means no arsehole, so get out of my way before I make you."
The two men just blinked, so instead, you just huffed and went to shove past them, but the first reached out and grabbed your arm.
"Now hang on just a minute doll, we-"
He was cut off as your fist connected with his nose, blood spraying everywhere as he buckled over with a screech, sending the bar into silence.
The second guy didn't like this, throwing his drink at you before launching forward. Luckily in his drunken state, he was slow, so you wasted no time in kicking him between his legs.
"That's what you get for being sexist, judging pigs." You spat and stormed out before anything else could be said.
No one followed.
The cold air did little to south your anger, which you knew was partly fueled by the alcohol, but being partly wet, the air bit at your skin.
In that moment, you were glad it wasn't a far walk to the motel, you weren't sure that you would be able to handle it, both the cold and frustrated emotions that were going through you.
The receptionist at the motel almost didn't give you a room because of the way you looked, but the furious look in your eye must have convinced him otherwise.
The door slammed shut behind you and you instantly made your way to the bathroom, turning on the shower.
Usually, a shower helped, it would clear your head of those negative thoughts, but those two idiots had really done your head around.
You're not good enough.
That one always made you blanch.
No one will ever accept you.
You refused to let the tears come.
You're too big, no one could ever want a fat person.
That one made you curse, swearing until your hands were shaking and your voice cracked. You needed a distraction and you needed it now.
Your shirt on the bathroom floor got your attention, mixed with blood and beer, and you truly hated the smell of beer.
You focused on cleaning it.
It worked, your mind slowly coming back to a slightly blurred reality, the alcohol leaving a buzz in your system. Once you were happy enough, you rung the shirt out and threw it over the sink, now focusing on cleaning yourself.
The monotony of it, the routine, was the last straw, settling you back to being comfortable.
You left the shower with just the towel wrapped around you, your hair hanging in wet strands, and you went looking for the best spot to be able to dry your shirt, after all, all your things were still in one of the other rooms, and you didn't really want to go anywhere near them tonight.
You had just settled on the table being the best option when a noise got your attention, causing you to stiffen.
There was a bang against the wall, quickly followed by giggling and muffled voices, that quickly turned into noises you didn't really want to be hearing, hence why you'd gotten the room further away possible from Sam and Dean.
It brought it all back up.
With a loud curse, you pelted your wet shirt at the wall, causing the noise to momentarily stop, before continuing, which made you sink onto the end of the bed with a heavy sob.
Your hands clenched in the towel as you tried to control it, drawing in deep breathes. You couldn't show it, even though it was only you here, you knew that if you let it go, it would consume you for several days, and with that, came questions you just didn't want to answer.
You buckled over yourself, just trying to make it all go away, trying to drown out the suddenly increasing noises from the next room. All those negative thoughts were coming louder now, and you grabbed handfuls of your hair, tugging it, hoping the pain would make it go away as tears dripped down your cheeks.
A knock on your door barely made you move. You didn't want company and right now, you didn't really care who it was.
The knock came again, but you still ignored it, hoping that whoever it was, would go away.
You quickly found out you weren't that lucky.
"Are you alright darling?"
You jumped to your feet and would've gone instinctively for your gun had the towel not started to slip and you desperately clutched it to you.
"What are you doing here Crowley?" You almost squeaked and hurriedly wiped your eyes, your other hand holding the towel up.
"Given my previous question, I thought that would be obvious?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.
You blushed heavily. You'd only met Crowley a few times, it was someone that Sam and Dean had been quick to warn you about, but he had been nothing but charming. Not that you hadn't seen his cruel side, but it was never directed at you, and, in all honesty, didn't terrify you, no matter what stories Sam and Dean told, or you had seen yourself. Everybody just had a bad side.
"I hardly see it as appropriate." You said with a frown. "Especially considering that I'm not dressed. Sam and Dean are at a bar nearby if you want them."
You turned to move back into the bathroom, going to at least put your pants back on.
"I am well aware of where Moose and Squirrel are, it was how I found you here." Crowley said lightly, making you still. "Which I don't blame you, the bar was hardly a place appropriate for one such as you."
Your anger returned as you wheeled around to face the demon. "Oh? And why is that?"
Crowley looked unfazed, just raising an eyebrow. "A dirty bar is hardly fitting for one of your caliber, especially with all those sleazy men around, which, by the way, the boys proudly told me how you dealt with two of them."
The anger fizzled a little and you tilted your head.
He took it as his chance to continue. "Personally, if I had been there, I would've done more that break ones nose and render the other unable to walk, purely for your honor of course, but they were strong enough to send a message."
You were suddenly uncomfortable under the demon's gaze and edged a little backwards to the bathroom door again. "I was only doing what I had to. They had the nerve to insult me and try and sleep with me, hardly a winning combination in my book." You eyed the space between you and door, although you knew it meant little against the demon who could appear wherever he wanted. "What do want Crowley?"
"Well, I had simply wanted to join you for a drink." He shrugged nonchalantly, although with the trade mark smirk. "But given the evening you've just had, I think something better is in order."
"Better?" You weren't really sure you wanted to know.
He nods, his gaze boring into you. "A night anywhere you want."
You stared, realising what he was saying. "You...you want to go on a date with me?"
"Is that so hard to believe?"
The 'yes' was out of your mouth before you even realised it and you had to break away from his stunned gaze as you bit your lip, edging even closer to the door, as the emotions threatened to overtake again. "I don't need pity Crowley."
"I'm a demon love, I don't do pity." He said with a smile, which quickly faltered at your look. "This isn't some play if that is what you are thinking."
You sigh, your stomach twisting as your mind worked too fast for what you wanted to deal with. "Look, I appreciate it, I do, but, I hardly think anything is appropriate when I've got a few drinks in my system and I'm upset. Not to mention, no offence, but you are a demon."
"And you are interested." He said bluntly. "If you weren't, you would've kicked me straight out."
You wanted to argue with that, you really did, but in that moment, you didn't want to find your voice, shooting him a slightly irritated look after you tried a couple of times. "Say I was, I hardly have something to wear besides old jeans and a shirt that is soaked and still smells like beer no matter how much I scrubbed the damned thing."
"Where are your other clothes?"
You an embarrassed wave in the general direction of Sam and Dean's rooms. "In the room I was meant to be sleeping in until I-until Sam and Dean-" You cut yourself off, not wanting to go back down that path.
Crowley made a small noise of understanding and you looked back at him, you realised he was giving you a very slow look up and down.
Your face went red and you stirred restlessly under his gaze, holding the towel just that bit tighter. "What are you doing?"
His eyes finally dragged back up and met yours with a casual grin. "Just getting your size darling."
You yelped as he clicked his fingers and you suddenly found yourself standing there in a very comfortable and fitting red dress.
You looked down at yourself before returning your gaze to his, who you couldn't help but note looked smug and rather proud of himself. "What is this?"
"I believe it's called a dress," He said with a grin and continued before you could respond. "And you look stunning by the way."
Warmth flooded your cheeks again and you stare at yourself, briefly noting that your hair had been dried and tied up too. "Thanks." You mumble. "You really want to do this?"
"My dear, I am not nice to everybody. If I didn't want to, I would not be here."
You snort with amusement. "Really? I hadn't noticed. I'm amazed you put up with Sam and Dean." Sighing, you suddenly frowned as you stared at the wall you had thrown your shirt at earlier, having barely realised that the noises had stopped.
"It's not much fun to listen to when you are not involved."
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that." Although you couldn't help the smile that crossed your lips. "Well...alright, but no catches."
"Why would there be a catch darling?" Crowley asked with a raised eyebrow. "I want to take you out. You deserve more than to just be left to walk home alone on your own after two men practically assaulted you in a bar. If Sam and Dean hadn't spoken so fondly of how you'd handled it, I would've taken care of it myself." There was still a slight hesitation though and he could clearly see it, so he holds out his hand. "Come on love, let's go show the world just how sexy you are."
You laugh, your first genuine laugh since it had all happened.
"Well, I'm pretty sure I can't say no to that." You said with a grin, although not entirely unaware of how self conscious you felt, rocking a little on your feet.
Crowley was having none of it, closing the distance between the two of you and taking your hand.
Without another word, you found yourself at a seaside bar and you couldn't stop the smile that grew.
"Lucky guess?" You asked, not letting go of his hand.
"You struck me as a beach girl." He replied with a grin.
You shook your head. "Ocean maybe, but not the beach. Too much sand."
"Bit hard to go for a swim in the ocean without the sand love."
"God no." You gasped. "I just like the view, it's peaceful. You wouldn't catch me dead swimming out there, too many dangers."
"Says the hunter." He said with a chuckle.
"It's very different Crowley." You said with a mockingly serious tone. "At least hunting I can more often than not see what's coming."
Still chuckling, he led you to what was clearly the best table at the place, and you stared out over the ocean with wide eyes, the inky blackness reflecting the stars above and the sound of water calmed whatever nerves were left.
You wanted to be surprised by the fact that you enjoyed yourself, but you knew you weren't. Something that you were never were around Crowley was afraid, and he was ever the gentleman, listening to whatever tale you told with attention, and not saying anything when your gaze was drawn back out over the glittering ocean.
It was unbeknownst to you, but Crowley was enamoured. There was a strength in you he had never seen before, in anyone, let alone a human, and it had him more than curious at first, not quite understanding until the first time he saw you hunt.
You'd been through about 3 months of training with the boys, and you weren't missing out on a chance to hunt a vampire nest, a deep seated hatred burning in your stomach whenever you thought about them. Sam and Dean had tried to talk you out of it, but you were having none of it.
Crowley had watched with rapt fascination, hidden away of course, having simply told himself that he was here to see what new hunter was being drawn into the mix. He watched as that hatred came out on the vampires, your every move precise as you seemed to be aware of what was not only in front of you, but around you, a common sensory trait amongst experienced hunters, but you used it like you had been doing it your whole life.
You had saved Sam and Dean's life that day.
They'd been reckless, gotten separated from you, and you later found them, Dean unconscious and Sam struggling to fight one as the vampire pinned him to the wall. Almost impatiently, you took it out, breathing deep as your body slowly realised that the danger was over.
You couldn't possible have known that it was Crowley that helped you home that night, after you'd left the boys and hit the closest bar, you couldn't have known about the tears you shed or the tale you told him, and you definitely couldn't have known that, in that moment, Crowley swore to himself that you would remain as untouched as possible.
He'd been furious when he had heard what had happened tonight, and then impressed and amused when Sam and Dean had told him about it, before he finally realised that he was very concerned about the state you left in, you weren't hard to read.
"Crowley?"
His gaze moved to yours as he realised he'd been elsewhere, but you had that kind smile that he loved, one that he quickly returned. "Sorry darling, what is it?"
"I was wondering if we could go for a walk?" Your gaze moved back to the water.
"I thought you weren't fond of sand?"
You shrug. "It's a nice night for a walk."
He grins. "Alright, why don't I meet you down there? I'll get us some drinks we can walk with."
"You won't find me saying no." You said as you stood, continuing that warm smile that you were reluctant to let slip from your face.
Crowley nods and lets you walk off, casually weaving between the tables and stopping for a moment at the stairs that led down to the beach.
That was when the giggles got your attention.
Your gaze turned towards the two women sitting not far from you, who's giggles only got stronger when you looked over.
Sighing, you slipped of your shoes and stepped down onto the sand, heading for the waters edge as your free hand unraveled your hair.
Crowley knew as soon as he saw you that something was wrong, glancing at the two women as he walked past before heading down onto the sand. He stilled for a moment, staring at you. You were turned away from him, facing the water, but you were bathed in a soft glow from the moonlight, the dress blowing softly around your feet as the waves washed back and forth, and your hair cascading down your shoulders, reminding him of the ocean itself.
"If you wanted to be poetic love, you are doing a fine job." He said softly as he approached. You gave him a small smile as he handed you your drink, but otherwise remained silent, your gaze on the distant horizon.
Crowley's eyes glanced back at the two bar, still just making out the two women who was still giggling. He stepped forward just a little more, enough that you could see his hand raise as he went to click his fingers.
You didn't react.
"This is usually the part where most people stop me." Crowley said, a little confused and curious at the same time.
"Some people are just shallow." You replied softly. "It is their decision, just as the decision to punish them is yours."
He tilted his head. "Hmmm, something a little more humorous then?"
With a snap, there was loud squeal, and you couldn't help but look over to see both the girls completely drenched.
Your smile returned, even as you shook your head. "Thank you Crowley."
"You know I would do anything for you."
"I don't want you to." At his confused look, you smile at him. "I just want you to be you. I know you don't want me to change, so why should I expect any different from you?"
Crowley raises an eyebrow. "You realise you are saying that to a demon love?"
"I am saying that to the King of Hell." You confirmed with a nod. "And, despite what I've heard, I'm am not, and could never, be afraid of you."
Your words touched him more than he could ever say, and he just stared at you in wide eyed wonder.
You giggled, placing your drink and shoes in one hand and slipping your other back into his. "I believe we were going for a walk."
The two of you walked along the beach talking, hands still entwined.
"You've surprised me Y/N," Crowley said after a moment of silence. "All you've been through and you are not angry at the world, or bitter for that matter."
You give a small smile. "Well, not entirely, as you've seen, it does build up, but I do have ways of venting."
"Oh?"
You let your grin widen a little and step away from him a bit, letting your shoes drop into the sand.
Testing the weight of the empty glass in your hand, you look out at the ocean, causing Crowley to raise an eyebrow, before you yelled, loud, tossing the glass as hard and as far as you could.
There was resounding plop as it disappeared into the water.
Crowley laughed. "Well, that is certainly one way of dealing with it I suppose."
Your grin was wide but you couldn't stop the heat creeping into your cheeks. "Sport used to be good for it, but as I got older, I had less time for it. I guess now hunting is somewhat good for it too, but I think it may be a little dangerous to think like that."
"Why would you say that?"
You shrug. "Seems like a dark path if you go too far. I mean look, one shit night and I'm already on a date with the King of Hell."
He tilts his head, making sure to keep his expression blank. "You could've said no."
But you shook your head. "I didn't want to. I may have seemed reluctant at first, but that's just who I am. I'm not good at dealing with certain things."
Crowley stepped closer to you again, his gaze soft. He knew that if any of his demons, or anyone he knew, saw him in that moment, they would think he'd gone soft, unable to rule, but he had little doubt of what he was getting into. "No one's perfect love."
"And I'd never admit to being so." You stare back out over the ocean, aware he was approaching, but not wanting to admit to yourself just how far that this could go. "Just as you could never convince me, I wouldn't let it."
You were surprised when Crowley's hand gently cupped your cheek, turning you to face him.
"You are perfect just as you are, no matter what flaws you think you have love."
Without letting you say a word, he pressed his lips to yours, your eyes drifting shut, accepting the kiss. Crowley's other hand rested on your other cheek, angling it better to deepen the kiss. Your body buzzed, hands holding tight as you let yourself become lost in it.
A low, possessive growl rumbled through him, his hands burying in your hair. It should've scared you, should've been truth sinking in that he wasn't human, but instead, you sighed into the kiss, content and feeling needed for the first time in your life.
Crowley broke the kiss and rested his forehead on yours. "I hope that wasn't too much?"
You smile. "No. I think it was just enough."
His eyes burned into yours, a look that told you he wasn't going to let you go easily, but it just made your smile widen, your arms sliding up around his neck and burying your head against his chest.
"I don't want to go anywhere." You said, your voice muffled against him.
Crowley's arms wrapped tightly around you, kissing the top of your head. "Good."
You hum a little in appreciation, letting a peace settle over you. "Crowley?"
"Yes love?"
"Can we stay here a bit longer?"
"We can stay here as long as you need love."
You sigh again and close your eyes, letting his warmth surround you and listening to the sounds of the ocean. Crowley would occasionally place soft kisses into your hair, but apart from that, he just held you to him, a little in disbelief still at your honesty to him.
You were happy.