☆ boy do i love fun
“Ahehe. Y’know, I often wonder how everything would have gone if I had wound up killing you.”
“...I’m glad I didn’t. Despite everything. I’m... glad for you to have given me a chance.”
So. Despite everything, despite Tadashi’s comments to others and to his journal before the reveal of his true personality and feelings, he never disliked Toto. Admittedly there was a brief moment during their first conversation where Tadashi suddenly considered that Toto had the potential to be rather annoying, but that died pretty quickly after he realised just as fast that he could pretty much leave Toto running by themselves and they were fine. So no, he never disliked Toto. In fact the male was remarkably neutral towards the drummer for the longest time; if anything, he was actually a little surprised that they kept running back to him after creating a relationship with him so quickly. If he was more open to connections than he was at the beginning of the game Tadashi would have accepted that in a heartbeat, but as we know, he was never very good with that.
That said, unlike some others in the manor, Tadashi really didn’t have an immediate ulterior motive for continuing to allow Toto to spend time with him. Though he did originally toss around the idea of claiming them as his second victim out of convenience that wasn’t a high priority at the time, not like the goals of his interactions with some others there. One thing was absolutely true and foremost though; the idea that Tadashi stubbornly clung to of never having anything more than a surface, a fake connection with Toto. Again, this boy was wary of letting people get close to the real him, what with his drummed-in belief that anyone you’re close to no matter who they are will just end up hurting you- and when it was clear that Toto was coming to think that he had killed someone, Tadashi was pretty damn sure that their run of friendship had come to an end. Here was the moment that Toto would surely drop him straight in it and fuck off, abandoning something that honestly, Tadashi had grown quite used to.
But they didn’t.
Tadashi seriously believed that Toto was going to be awful to him come the third trial. Why wouldn’t they be? Everyone hurts you eventually, no matter who they are or if they’ve suddenly latched onto you and refused to let go for whatever strange reason. But instead they stayed the same as ever, defended him even, and that was probably the most genuinely shocked Tadashi had ever been in the manor. That was also what set Tadashi off into actually wanting to accept their friendship, honestly; something he’d utterly failed to realise he’d actually wanted as it had been buried under that usual expectation. Hell, he wrote as much in his journal: can’t get close. Will only lead to disaster. But of course, by the point that he found himself hugging Toto as best he could... it was all a bit too late of course. Tadashi did genuinely regret his attitude and actions towards Toto in his last trial alive, and it really did pain him that he wasn’t believed by anyone else when he stated that he was honestly sorry and wanted to part as true friends. Someone had, for the first time, gone against everything Tadashi had known over the past grueling years, and he was honestly mourning the loss of the one chance his true self had been thrown in a very long time.
Of course there’s one pretty big thing that’s yet to come up despite Tadashi’s heavy regrets over not deepening his end of the friendship- but that said, it’s not actually a big thing to Tadashi at all. The fact that Toto became the mastermind and kept the game ongoing honestly has no effect at all on Tadashi’s final opinion on them- okay, he is a little disappointed at the fact that they didn’t stay safe after all and find someone more worth their time than him, someone who’d essentially just strung them along at first. But Tadashi, though he was horribly taken aback by the revelation that Toto was the new mastermind and just how much pain that appeared to be causing him, once everything started to settle he realised he couldn’t be mad. Who else had deceived and tricked everyone else, after all? Who else had been hiding key things about themselves regarding the sake of identity?
Tadashi’s final opinion on Toto is mostly influenced by his own regrets and annoyance at himself, honestly; mostly related to the fact that he couldn’t bring himself to accept their friendship earlier and that yes, he did appear to hurt them a good deal. He doesn’t know how he’s seen in Toto’s eyes now, given that he took the role of a killer in what became their game, but even with how things both wound up for them, he’s... actually pretty glad that he was able to finally know something other than people hurting you. A shame it came much too late, but at least he could register it. Maybe it’d take time, but eventually he might see something else - hell, a similar thing already happened with Katrine in him being proved wrong - and actually be okay with himself without fear of relationship. He’s probably got a lot of time where he is anyway.
Hey, look at that, Toto. Maybe you did help redeem someone a little bit by just sticking to them.
