#sickness.php

[landmine-doll]

i need to be perfect and super cute so i will be loved forever and ever by everyone

[yandollre]

i feel a little jealous of people who only pretend to be yanderes because they can just put the persona away whenever they want and go back to being normal again

i dont have that option

i am genuinely and unironically just Like This all the time and i cant escape it

ive ended up scaring so many people off because i get way too attached, too clingy, and possessive

[landmine-doll]

i feel like i always have to put on an elaborate performance so that i can be liked

the real me is way too moody and negative to actually be tolerable

[landmine-doll]

sometimes i wish i was a character in a fiction story

so that all of my suffering and struggles will have meant something and there was a reason for all the horrible things that happened to me

but there is no narrative

its just me fighting my mental illnesses and trauma all alone

and theres no purpose or point to anything at all

[landmine-doll]

ill think im doing ok mentally and then the slightest little thing will make me want to cut or kms

[landmine-doll]

i dont think ill ever change

i think ill keep being just as sick as always and making the same poor choices over and over again

there have been times when ive tried to recover and be different

but i always end up back in the same darkness, destroying everything with my own hands

i cant resist the siren song of self destruction

[landmine-doll]

i have the urge to ask everyone i know if they still love me and care about me

but that would be too embarrassing so im just going to sit in my room and not talk to anyone

being vulnerable in front of the people im close to? no thank you id rather explode and die

[landmine-doll]

hey sorry that i had a mental breakdown the other day

you still love me, right?

no matter how messed up in the head i am, and no matter how many breakdowns i have, you'll still stay with me forever, right?

🥺

say yes so i dont have another breakdown