forgive me mother, for I have sinned.
I am the age when your hands were painted yellow
and maybe I wished too hard for life that was different that I ended up on a single bed with my pants down. hospital beds and lonely boys rooms have the ceiling fan and the warm air in common but the bed always feels cold. I know u can never hate me but I know you've started to dislike me and I'm sorry to have eyes that are not yours. is that why u walked away when I cried that day?
I was so scared in the silence of the nurses words. she held my hands when I reached out for u. I'm sorry that they're so identical just not to u.
and I ate myself just to bleed out the sin of being 21 cz I know u can never hate me but could u pls make it less obvious that u don't like me. all I wanted was to hide in ur arms but I don't fit anymore so I found someone with undone laundry. I let him in like the pill inside my throat I know I will throw up in the morning. it felt nice until the celeing fan came crashing down and all left was debris.
so I took the wrong train to come home I hurt myself but u wouldn't even glance. maybe its for the better. maybe u don't have to know.
so I ate myself so u don't have to witness the ruins of ur 21. I don't really care about god. he will understand me I guess. I just want u to ask me if I'm OK so I can lie to u and hope that u don't wish for a life that was different.