#siesto

[sheiseverysinglething]

You could've just left me the fuck alone..

[sheiseverysinglething]

9:05 AM

I travelled this past weekend; out of my home time zone.

1. Because I needed it.

And.

2. Because I really needed it.

I wrote this while I was gone..

As I lie here in this hotel bed, I'm reflecting. I've written so much lately. And the more I write, the more that comes. There's so many layers to my current emotions that everything that hits me, usually in waves, has just been flooding. And it would be fine, it would at least be some relief, if I finally saw the waters receding but, I don't. I don't. This one really impacted me. I have some drafts saved here that I'll probably never publish but, to see how much I was dealing with recently because, of this.. That's scary. I just.. I don't know what's doing more damage, the hope that still lingers and is begging me to hold on or the hurt that resurfaces daily and needs me to let go.

I shouldn't feel like this.

[sheiseverysinglething]

1:23 AM

I'm hurting. Hurting.

[sheiseverysinglething]

8:15 AM

One second at a time..

One minute at a time..

One hour at a time..

One day at a time..

[sheiseverysinglething]

8:22 PM

I don't wanna care.

I don't wanna care.

I don't wanna care.

I don't wanna care.

I don't wanna care.

I don't wanna care about you anymore.

But I'm stuck; stuck here by the way my heart is set up.

Why is this so damn hard?

I'm exhausted.

[sheiseverysinglething]

1:56 PM

I feel so stupid.

And I blame myself for it.

What is wrong with me?

I'm so tired of getting hurt and not being heard.

[sheiseverysinglething]

11:59 PM

The day is here.

The time has come.

Logging off; time zone CST.

24 hours, at a minimum.

[sheiseverysinglething]

12:01 PM

A lesson that I've learned the hard way more than once.. "Stop hurting yourself/breaking your own heart by exaggerating your role in other people's lives." If there's no balance, sometimes you have to fall back.. Sometimes you have to let go.

If they don't (or no longer) make room for you, make time for you, engage with you, etc.. Despite your best efforts? Despite you telling them how it makes you feel?.. It may hurt to walk away but, holding on could do more damage.

You are more than enough. In any type of relationship if you are taken for granted, if your absence doesn't affect them; then redirect your energy. Believe a person's actions.. or inaction. The people who truly value you will show it.

I hope this helps somebody today.