#sight4soreeyes

[stavesofmysymphony]

I think the most disappointing thing is when people are ableist on purpose.

So for the bowl game, one day after it being announced where we were going, I had been asking around for people who wanted to room together, especially considering be assigned a room with people i didn't know or wasn't comfortable with and that I'm uh legally blind. So i ask a handful of lady brothers and sisters, and they're all already in rooms. No biggie, but I started to get really nervous about who I would be roomed with if i didn't find people myself. I found three people in my section to room with who I knew and was comfortable with, so I thought I was set, right?

LOL NOPE

They ditched me when we got to Georgia, and when I asked if one of them could come back, only one responded with "I'm already on the bus". Um? Get off the bus and help your blind bus buddy get to the damn bus in an unfamiliar location. I thought I was solid with the other people I found, but they kind of holes as soon as they could, so that felt neat. I made it to the bus safely with the help of the iconic U's on people's shirts--all of whom I didn't know kind of because I'm blind????--and made it to my bus right as they called attendance.

That's not the worst of it.

On the way back from Alabama, my bus buddy said "I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I was a little crabby and I was tired of getting you see things."

I'm sorry? I didn't realize how this bear of a disability that I have to deal with for the rest of my life has impacted you so much in two days that you'd risk the bus leaving me in a different state and risk my safety because you were tired of"having to help me see things". BELIEVE ME, I AM SO TIRED OF NEEDING PEOPLE TO HELP ME SEE THINGS TOO, but I can't just walk away and ignore my condition. I'm constantly so tired of being people to do things for me--you're definitely the first person to admit that, but I pray you're the last person that ever does that to me or any other disabled person, whether a friend, a relative, or your future spouse/child(ren).

I'm so disappointed in people.

[stavesofmysymphony]

Nothing can go right 🙃 my medicine is under review because it's a high dosage and they said it could take 7-10 days 🙃 I have already tapered myself down to 6 from 10 pills daily because I'm. Running. Out. I don't understand what Humana Pharmacy is doing, but I'm not about playing this game. My health is in the line, I'm running out if medicine, and they don't seem to care. Why does it need to be reviewed if it's the dosage my doctor has been giving me for nearly ten months? I don't understand, I just need my medicine and for it to not cost over $150 for a months worth 😢

[stavesofmysymphony]

Humana is playing with my Rx refill and this isn't a game but they apparently think it is 🙃

[stavesofmysymphony]

“Not everyone survives their trial by fire. The ones that do, cultivate strength and beauty.” My best friend Gabby moved to Alaska over a year ago, and she sent me a package with Alaskan trinkets 😊❤

[stavesofmysymphony]

It's a little hard to stay positive all the time when things aren't always okay or happy, and it stinks because I don't like feeling anything other than happy and the other positive moods. I need long-term good things to start happening again. I'm so tired, I'm so frustrated, and at the risk if sounding like a teenager on MySpace, it honestly feels like no one understands what in immediately feeling. Everyone can say "we're here for you if you ever need us!" but my immediate family/loved ones and friends don't know what it's like to not completely have your sight. It's been almost eight months since I've last had fairly normal sight, and it's been the hardest eight months if my life thus far. This whole thing absolutely takes the cake for any anger, frustration, fear, anguish, pain--all the negative emotions possible. There's probably a handful or two of good things relative to this, but that's about it. I feel like I'm making so many people around me miserable and I'm starting to hate myself for this. I obviously didn't plan on losing my sight, but here I am! I know no one's gonna read this and quite frankly I don't care if anyone does, I just need to get my feelings and frustrations out. It sucks that this typically happens before bed so then I go to sleep upset and that's not swaggy, but anyway, in case you're looking for those magical four letters: TL;DR: I'm upset again, I feel like I'm ruining so many people's lives just by being the person I am with this surprise condition I have, and it makes me wanna scream and cry and sleep all at the same time because I just don't wanna burden anyone anymore than I already have 🙃👉👉

[stavesofmysymphony]

Y'ALL!!!!!!!! I need you to look at this, then look back at my boomerang of me showing my undercut from December, then look back at this. Since November 23rd, so a little over three months, my hair has grown from completely shaved to this. While my problem isn’t with the follicle work (thanks for being good to me when I haven’t always been good to you, hair), I’m still going along and hoping that my eyes get better so that I can do things like able-bodied people again. Here’s hoping that the cells in my optic nerves are working as good as my follicles are :’)

[stavesofmysymphony]

Remain calm when you don't believe you can.

Christina Quay

[stavesofmysymphony]

There are some tones that I really wanna rage quit because I get frustrated that nothing is as it once was (colors) and I just get so mad that I can't see colors right anymore. I'd truly be less upset if I was born color blind because I'd never know what these colors were otherwise but it's so frustrating. It's something so minute but it makes me feel inadequate at times because there's so many things wiith this eye problem of mine, and I keep being told (and reminding myself) that there are people in the world who have it harder than me and my stupid eye problem. Like there are people who are literally being blown up, and I'm usually being upset that I've got a rare eye condition I'm being treated for because I've been privileged enough to have health insurance. I can never loose neck with stepping again or ride roller coasters, but damn my luck, right?