mcu characters as things the discounts have said
tony stark: “i’m gonna yeet myself to bed, i’m actually dead inside, i feel my organs shutting down”
steve rogers: “AND I WAS LIKE HITLER???”
thor: “EVOLUTION, those were the wild times”
bruce banner: “QUICK WHAT DO YOU CALL THE THINGS THAT YOU PUT THROUGH YOUR ARMS ON THE BACKPACK I CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT THEY’RE CALLED”
natasha romanoff: “i am too tired to deal with your homicidal antics”
clint barton: “PUNT. THOSE. KIDS.”
peter parker: “i was 13 and angry”
peter quill: “i don’t need anyone, i can sniff my own ass”
gamora: “I BREAK NECKS NOT HEARTS”
loki: “i’m dying, you just can’t hear it”
t’challa: “and just like that, i am now asexual”
okoye: “i have the receipts, bitch”
shuri: “I KEEP RUNNING OVER MY CAT”
carol danvers: “i love to snack on millennials”
sam wilson: “TRANS LESBIAN BUCKY BARNES”
bucky barnes: “you own god and his gag reflex?”
wanda maximoff: “i can snort the pain away”
vision: “PUT YOUR SCEPTER IN MY CHEST CAVITY”
scott lang: “i traded my soul to satan for an apple watch”
happy hogan: “i just laugh a lot and have to pee”
hope van dyne: “guess who had to fight off another spider”
stephen strange: “DID I HEAR THAT CORRECTLY OR DID I HAVE A STROKE”
drax: “if you lick them they run away in fear”
mantis: “the puppy enlarge f a s t”
nebula: “the pont of no return”
valkyrie: “im sleep when death”
rhodey: “you guys have a dolphin riding class?”
wong: “i used to smoke craAAAAHHCK”
korg: “NOT IN MY FRUIT SNACKS”
nick fury: “BOINK, I AM HERE FOREVER”
