#siinful

[quietandpasty-blog]

@siinful because wolves

          He was too tired to try to speak, and it would be too much work trying to get Audrey’s attention just so they could have a conversation, so Leo did something he tried to avoid as much as possible. His fur was clean, and soft, and just as shiny as everyone else’s, but it was lighter, and easier to see in the dark, and seeing as that meant potential werewolf hunters could see them, he avoided it if only to keep the rest of the pack safe. But sometimes he just needed a little bit more than he could be given in his human form, and it was something he had to put up with for a little while.

          Hesitantly, Leo sent out a careful mental signal toward the only member of the pack he wanted anything to do with at that moment, the only other werewolf that didn’t poke fun at him for being smaller or different just because it was true. In his mind, Grant was his best friend, and while that might not have meaning for the older lycan, he knew that things would be very different for him if he’d never been welcomed into the pack the way he was.

          I need you. If you’re not too busy.

[quietandpasty-blog]

▲ five time my muse thought about kissing yours, and the one time they did.

symbol for 5+1@chronolockcdcc: @siinful

i.

          Being one of the only people on the Bus who actually understood how most of the equipment in the lab worked meant he was in charge of running the blood tests needed to make sure Clara was stable enough to stay in the air with them. He wasn’t worried, not really, but it took a lot more studying for him to even understand the results, and he knew that the hours he spent on looking over the paperwork could be nerve wracking. The time he spent clearing his head so that he could go back with a better understanding was even worse, even for him.

          Leo hated making her wait so long for him to come to a conclusion, but he could at least make that time pass faster with a movie while he had a snack. And that was how he ended up in that position, arm around her shoulders while he hugged her close to his side on the couch, close to sleep. It occurred to him that he didn’t get close to people often, that friends were rare for him, and having anything more than a friend was practically impossible.

          ( he wanted to know if they could ever be something like that, if friendship was the only thing in the cards for them, but he had to keep himself focused on her blood tests, not her lips. he wasn’t very good at it, but it was the effort that counted )

ii.

          Everything was falling apart around them, and he knew that things were especially bad for the few of them left that still believed there might be some inkling of good left in the worst parts of all of it. He needed to get away from all the negativity, all the members of their team who had already given up hope, who refused to believe that there was anything good left in someone they once considered family, and he’d ended up inside, sitting cross legged on one bed while staring straight ahead, his gaze not quite focusing on her even though she was spread out only a few feet in front of his face.

          The only thing he could think was that he had to be right. Leo needed to be right, just about this one thing, and he would be perfectly happy never being right about anything ever again. It would hurt too much if Skye’s carved message was true, and he didn’t think he’d be able to survive it.

          ( it occurred to him that there was exactly one person around who believed the same as he did, believed in good and second chances and an opportunity for someone to do the right thing, and she was right there with him. it would be easy enough to move from the bed he’d claimed, over to hers, and just hold on for a little while -- to the hope they both shared, to her, to the last dregs of hope in his gut that were rapidly fading with every argument he got into about what was happening in the world around them. maybe he’d like to be held in return, or just be close and affectionate for a little while, but that wasn’t an option when everyone outside was preparing for war )

iii.

          Leo was far too tired to focus on speaking in complete sentences, and even when he tried, he was very rarely successful. Most people left him alone, and he was okay with that when he could occupy himself with tinkering and his physical therapy for his hands, but when he was holed up in his bunk, staring at the door, it was entirely different. He wanted them to stop tiptoeing around him and acting like just one wrong step would shatter him. He wanted them to treat him like he was a person, and not some broken toy. As it was, he was barely allowed in the lab anymore, and never without supervision from some agent who would have been bowing at his feet and following his every order just a year before.

          When he was especially lonely, and things were too quiet, he would venture out toward one of the lounges on base and take up a seat on the couch in silence. At least he wasn’t alone, even if no one bothered to glance in his direction until he made a point to get their attention. The one and only exception was when he turned on some movie channel and Clara rolled in on her lunch, or after work, and they could sit in silence together. He didn’t like to try speaking, and she didn’t make him, and that alone was a fine enough reason to let the space between them shrink until there were mere inches between them.

          He knew he should thank her for her company, at some point, and seeing as he couldn’t exactly say it, he was tempted just to lean over and press a kiss to her cheek, show his thankfulness in that way. When he tried, he second guessed himself before he could make it that far, instead resting his head on her shoulder and letting his eyes slide closed.

iv.

        Being locked in an abandoned office with an agent of SHIELD was not something he was prepared for when he left the base the day before, but he wasn’t complaining about it now. Leo figured that, if he had to pick a SHIELD agent to be stuck with, it should be her -- she was the one who understood him the most, he supposed, and he minded her company the least. He still refused to move from under the desk he’d hidden under when they’d first arrived, but he could see both her and the door from where he was, so he didn’t think he really needed to.

          In those hours of talking, of confessing and gossiping and reconnecting, he realized that he still cared. No matter how wrong he believed SHIELD’s ideals to be, it at least had a few good eggs, and he didn’t doubt that he’d never stop caring as long as the world kept spinning.

          ( there was still an urge in his gut, long dormant, to find an excuse for his lips to meet hers, to somehow thank her for all she’d managed to do for him when no one else even tried, but SHIELD was after him, and getting distracted could spell his death. maybe another time, when he didn’t have a rogue government organization with a mission to put his head on a pike, they could find more time to catch up, and explore that idea, but not then. the timing was just too wrong. )

v.

          He’d been so hesitant to agree to a night like that, so scared to take that risk. Getting attached to people never worked out well for him -- not at SHIELD, not within Hydra. The idea that his life might be cursed was getting more and more likely as time went on, not that he’d ever bring something like that up when the two people he was with for dinner that night were so insistent on making things work. Yes, Leo wanted all of them to be happy, but the doubt that they could all be happy together was always on his mind.

          By the time they were done eating, he was far more relaxed than when he had arrived, and he didn’t want to leave. For the first time in far too long, he actually felt good, and the conversation was nice, and everything was actually calm and easy and he knew that it wouldn’t last long if he didn’t hold onto it for as long as possible.

          ( he knew that so much was due to her, and thanking her with a kiss wouldn’t be so out of line anymore, but she was already on her way to the kitchen to start cleaning up, and he was grabbing his coat, and the time slipped away from them too quickly. )

+ i.

          It was the most peaceful night he’d ever experienced. There were memories he had, of when he was a child, that weren’t nearly this good. He’d never been more comfortable than he was with his head pillowed on Grant’s chest, curled up close enough to him that he could reach out and grab Clara’s hand with a soft smile, and hold onto the two people he loved with everything he had. Nothing would ever be as wonderful as things were in that exact moment, and he never wanted to leave.

          To make the evening improve to an impossible level, Leo shifted his weight until he could practically lay on top of his boyfriend, getting close enough to kiss Clara’s nose with an even wider smile. He had everything he ever wanted, and he never wanted to give any of it up.

[quietandpasty-blog]

@siinful encouraged me to write this, I have the Skype convo to prove it

i.

          There was a very good chance they wouldn’t make it out of there alive, and while he knew he should be terrified, all Leo could think was that the entire mission felt WASTED. They were in the middle of a freezing hell, and they likely wouldn’t make it home, and they didn’t even finish the mission they’d been sent on. No matter how bad the odds were, he still wished they’d at least accomplished something other than growing closer just in time to end up dead.

          ( it occurred to him, just for a moment when his attention was caught by Grant’s words, that he was going to die without ever knowing what a kiss felt like. and then his eyes dropped, just for a few moments, while he contemplated the idea that, maybe, that didn’t have to be the case )

          No. They had a job to do, and his silly little hope of being that close with anyone any time soon was entirely irrelevant.

ii.

          Everything was so crazy, just in the few hours since Grant had gotten to the Playground, and there wasn’t nearly enough calm moments for him to temper down his worry. Somehow, even when they thought the situation was fixed, Hydra had still surprised them yet again, and hurt someone he cared about. If things were going to continue like this, more people could die, and that meant they could very easily lose more friends. If the universe could just stop taking, and maybe start giving for a change, maybe things wouldn’t be so disastrous.

          The idea of Grant being one of the people who was rooted in the emotion of that, of him genuinely caring enough to suggest to Leo that discussing his own emotions was laughable. Even more ridiculous, at least in that moment, was bringing up Jemma when he’d just spent so long worried about GRANT’S safety. He could only focus on so much at once, and his mind had settled on how much we wanted to share with the man in front of him that he cared.

          ( he’d banished the idea of a kiss before, more than once since their near deadly mission in South Ossetia, and he just had to do it again. it wasn’t hard -- he had more than enough practice finding words so that he could suppress that urge at the drop of a hat )

          “Good to have you back.”

iii.

          Moving on from his obsession with the monolith was healthy, he knew that, but spending his time in Hydra’s lab was still something he was getting used to. ( he was still getting used to being in Hydra, and the adjustment period was slow no matter how comfortable he got in Grant’s apartment, or in his bed ) There were times, when they were discussing a mission or he was explaining a project, that he wanted their strange new development to spread beyond the head of Hydra’s apartment, but he knew that it wasn’t possible, that they weren’t like that. Their kisses and more would be reserved to more private settings, and that was just how things worked.

iv.

          The symbol on the arch had just been the beginning of the most relieving few days of his life. It had been MONTHS since he’d found any other leads on the monolith, and having this one appear, practically out of nowhere while they were hiding from SHIELD agents on a mission, was like a sign that taking a break was the only way to accomplish anything, in the end, and he was okay with that. It meant that the weight off his shoulders was that much more of a relief once he finally had Jemma in his arms again.

          ( every time he saw Grant while she was in the medical bay recovering, he wanted to say thank you, wanted to celebrate, wanted to put all of his energy and overwhelming emotion into one of the most enthusiastic kisses he’d ever given, but he knew that wasn’t possible. they weren’t like that, and now that he had Jemma back, they never would be )

v.

          Feelings always seemed to get in the way and make things far more complicated than they needed to me. At least, it seemed that way to Leo, as far as his current dilemma was concerned. He felt a lot, almost too much, for each of them, and the decision he had to make was too big for him to rush into it -- he just wished he could find a way to explain that without hurting anyone. Mostly, he just wanted the pressure and stress to disappear for a while, and his brain was so used to the only way he knew how to do so that he had to physically stop himself from finding his way to Grant’s apartment. Only he didn’t want sex, and he didn’t want to drink or play video games. For once, he actually wanted to be treated like he was breakable, to be kissed and held and told that everything would be okay no matter what he chose.

+ i.

          He’d already called Jemma, already met up with her and explained his decision and his reasoning ( and given his apologies for taking so long to make the choice and then hurting her ) and all that was left was to make the announcement to Grant the man he’d been craving to see and speak to for days but had held off on finding until he was entirely sure that his decision had been made. Leo wasted no time before taking the elevator up to the right floor and marching down the hall toward the office, his goal set in his mind even while he pushed the door open and walked calmly inside. The look in his eyes was likely more intense than he’d meant for it to be, but he didn’t stop to explain or apologize. Instead, he marched over to drop himself into Grant’s lap to kiss him pointedly on the lips.

          ( of all the kisses they’d shared, this one was probably the softest, the most hesitant, and the most emotion driven all at once. he had so much to convey, and only a few seconds to do it, so that his decision was made clear before he’d even said the words )

          Leo pulled away gasping, clinging to broad shoulders that he wanted needed to commit to memory all over again, and spit the syllables out quickly so that he could go right back to the kisses he’d been craving for months.

          “It’s you...”

[quietandpasty-blog]

just a lil cute thing for @chronolockcd and @siinful bc now Leo wants it

          On any normal day, if it was anyone else in the world calling him at just before five in the morning, he’d give them an earful, hang up, and go back to sleep. But on this particular day, for these particular people, Leo can make an exception. He doesn’t open his eyes, or really put any effort in reaching for his phone in a hurry -- they can wait, after all, he isn’t feeling quite that kind -- but he does finally answer the video call without having to look at the screen, and he’s almost certain that they can’t see him, but he isn’t awake enough to care yet.

          “Hey... Mum’s sleeping, so I’m gonna be quiet... is it midnight there yet?”

[quietandpasty-blog]

🔫 {reverse}

leo is trigger happy lately apparently@siinful

          Everything just happened so quickly, he hadn’t realized that he’d still pulled the trigger until far too late. He’d just been trying to aim for one of Malick’s men, for one of the few people in Hydra who was still working against them after all this time, and then he’d been jumped on and his shot landed off his mark, way off his mark. There almost seemed to be a moment of silence after the shot was fired, when no other sound made it to his ears, and he thought, for a moment, that maybe he’d gone deaf.

          And then everything was so loud.

          Then Malick’s remaining men were scrambling out of the room, leaving Leo where he’d been tackled on the floor, his gun having skittered to a stop a few feet away when it was dislodged in the fall. He almost thought it was some fluke, that they were going to be able to regroup and then attack the rogue agents again another day, and then the truth wormed its way into his hopeful thoughts.

          He turned his head when a pained sound reached him, seeking out the source and feeling his breath catch in his throat when he finally did. Leo had been the only one with a gun out -- Grant had one, but he’d been locked in a hand-to-hand battle and it was still at his waist -- which means that he knew exactly where the bullet in his friend’s gut had come from

          The Scotsman was quick to push himself up onto his hands and knees so that he could crawl over, too shaken to trust his legs even once he was close enough to reach out and clasp Grant’s arm with a worried frown. They could get out of there and somewhere safer in a few hours, easily, but there was no guarantee that they even had that kind of time.

          “No, no, no... come on, stay with me... I need you to stay awake, Grant, please...”

[quietandpasty-blog]

@siinful || [ x ]

          The shots echoed in the air around him, and Leo could feel the vibrations from when he pulled his own trigger traveling up his arms, and when the ringing in his ears stopped, he was left feeling cold. It felt as though his blood had turned to ice, and there were goosebumps on his skin, and the hair at the back of his neck stood on end. Suddenly, the fear that had settled in his gut when he saw the gun aimed in his general direction had disappeared, and it had almost nothing to do with the fact that Grant was on the floor.

          ( the lights are too bright, and he can’t quite see where he is, but there’s an ache in his head, and his leg feels even worse, and he can’t move. there’s something holding his arms and legs down, and something else around his waist, but he can’t move his head to see what it is. he can feel something prodding at his thoughts, pulling at the strings of his memories, twisting them into knots... )

          ( there’s a sharp pain in his leg, but at least this time he’s able to move. twisting enough to get a good look from his spot on the floor, he can see Coulson standing over him, the gun still pointed toward Leo’s now bleeding leg even while he cries out from the pain in the otherwise empty quinjet. he’s not restrained, but he can’t move, not with his leg in that state, and there’s no hope of escaping )

          ( “Leo!” he wants to turn and face the source of the voice, but when he does so, he doesn’t even see who called out to him before there’s a cold pressure to the middle of the back. he knows what it is before he loses consciousness and he hits the ground, he designed the weapon that fired the dendrotoxin pellet himself )

          ( the fact that he’s strapped down in a chair isn’t a surprise to him, not when it’s SHIELD that has him locked away in the first place. Coulson is sitting across from him, ignoring every plea he’s made just for a bandage. he still had an open bullet wound, after all, and the longer it went without attention, the more likely it was to get infected, and he really didn’t want to deal with that on top of already being caught )

          The onslaught of memories was almost enough to make him drop, but he was already moving forward, not letting the sheer exhaustion take over until he was able to fall to his knees next to the only other living soul in the room. It took a moment for his mind to fully shift back into reality, and not the imaginary life that SHIELD’s machine had made up for him, and he was gasping for breath before he could even try to reach out.

          Reality was harsh, and cruel, and he hated it. Leo hated the way guilt made it impossible to breathe, the way it made him feel like his chest was caving in, like he didn’t deserve to have a single gulp of oxygen ever again. He hated how there was new blood on his hands, how it was all SHIELD’s fault and yet he couldn’t do anything but direct that hatred inward.

          He could see how the blood was flowing from Grant’s stomach, even between his fingers ( from the wound that he’d put there ) and he was afraid to reach over, to even try to help. His head may have been toyed with, but it was still his finger that pulled the trigger, that hurt someone the man he loved. The harsh, cruel reality of the situation took over everything else in his mind, and all he could hear was the blood rushing in his ears, the sound blocking out the voice that he didn’t deserve to hear, the words of comfort that he hadn’t earned.

          There was exactly one other sound he could hear, but it sounded so distant that it took him far too long to realize that the broken apologies were his own.

          “I’m sorry...! I didn’t mean to, I--! I HURT you Grant, and--! I’m so sorry!”

[quietandpasty-blog]

@siinful gets something fluffy

          Leo had spent his entire day off trying to keep the apartment neat and tidy despite the new addition he’d made, and it really wasn’t working out in his favor. He’d somehow managed to get dinner made, but he didn’t want to risk turning on the oven and burning the food because he got distracted by their newest housemate. Actually, the fact that he’d managed to even get a drink of water around lunch time was kind of a miracle, when he thought about it. For some reason, he’d thought that having a PUPPY around wouldn’t be that much of an issue, but he was exhausted, and hungry, and he couldn’t move because there was a sleeping animal on his chest.

          And that was how he ended up asleep on the couch before ten o’clock. And that was where he was when the apartment door opened, not that he noticed, entirely passed out with one arm draped over the smaller creature on top of him.