Sep 2, 2014
Sooo Do people liked my Erik Durm fic?
Some feedback? ;)
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Sooo Do people liked my Erik Durm fic?
Some feedback? ;)
He Fools Me Not (Erik Durm) - Chapters 5 and 6
A/N Sorry guys! been away on holiday but i'm back now! Here's two long ass chapters to make up for it. Enjoy!
Chapter 5
“Oh wow! You actually…ripped it” Lisa stared at the bin in the corner of the room in which lay a crumpled, half ripped poster of Erik.
“I don’t want to talk about that jerk” Yana scoffed, “do you know he asked me what else he should say? Because apparently ‘sorry’ is enough”
Lisa looked thoughtfully at Yana before speaking, “you want him to take it back don’t you?”
“Huh?” Yana looked confused.
“You want him to tell you that you look beautiful or in the very least you want him to say you aren’t bad looking”
“Ha!” Yana laughed, “As if! I know I’m not ugly, I know…I just…I want him to say sorry and mean it”
Lisa snorted, “Sure.”
“I’m telling the truth!” Yana protested.
“Whatever you say. I’m bored” Lisa quickly changed the topic.
“I am…” Yana insisted but she knew her words weren’t being heard. Lisa was already thinking of what to do.
The barbeque at Mats’ house was 2 days ago and since then the girls hadn’t done much at all. They had been lazy and stayed in their room, watching films all day long.
“Another movie?” Yana stretched as she asked and Lisa strongly disagreed. She had just come out of the shower to find Erik’s face on paper, all mashed up, in her bin. She was now picking out clothes to go out. She decided staying in this room was doing neither of them any good.
“You haven’t seen Dortmund”
“There’s nothing to see in Dortmund” Yana chuckled.
“Then let’s go somewhere else.” Lisa shrugged.
“Where?” Yana frowned, “Frankfurt? I have family there that I haven’t seen”
Lisa’s eyes sparkled making Yana frown.
“What?” the blonde asked.
“You have this evil look in your eyes from time to time…and really, it’s creepy. You’re doing it now. Please stop. Mario did it too at the barbeque…did you learn from him?”
Suddenly Lisa began smirking, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Really…stop now…” Yana stared suspiciously at her new friend.
“I know what we’re doing today. Today and for the rest of this week.”
“Huh?”
“We’re going on a road trip. To Munich.” Lisa was beaming
“Huh?” Yana asked, confused.
“We’re going to Munich early tomorrow morning, we’ll spend the day site seeing and the night partying. I have family there we can stay with and then the next morning we can drive back through Frankfurt so you can meet your family. How does that sound?”
Yana wondered how Lisa had just devised such a detailed plan in a matter of minutes.
“Uh…sounds great” she mumbled and then wondered aloud, “Wait, that’s it? You’re not planning something else?”. She sounded suspicious and Lisa worked quickly to make her think otherwise.
“Why would you think that?” Lisa asked with a smile making Yana sigh happily.
“Ok! Let’s start packing. I’m already excited!”
Lisa giggled at Yana’s enthusiasm and joined in straight away.
An hour later the girls had everything they needed in a compact suitcase. They decided to share and have only one suitcase so it would fit inside the boot of Lisa’s car. The girls were now in the kitchen being as lazy as ever, heating readymade meals. The kitchen was at the end of their dorm corridor and was to be shared by the three rooms in that corridor. None of the other people had come yet so Yana and Lisa had all the freedom they could need in the kitchen so far. It seemed a shame they weren’t making use of it yet neither of them had the energy or will to experiment in the kitchen that day.
“Oh crap” Yana swore softly, “I need to ring my Grandparents up and tell them I’m coming”
She chewed on her lip nervously as she wrung her hands.
“So? Call them now. It’s only 6…” Lisa shrugged casually as she went about making her dinner.
Yana shot her a look before sighing heavily and standing up.
“I’m just gonna…go to the room and call Nic”
“oohh your brother?” Lisa’s eyes lit up making Yana roll her eyes. She had shown Lisa a picture of her brother earlier in the week and since then she had heard at least 20 times from Lisa about how ‘cute’ her bother was.
“He’s 18 and you’re 20, Lisa! Stop being such a pervert” Yana scolded making Lisa giggle.
“But his eyes! They’re hazel and oh my god, he has dimples!” she cooed.
“Yuck” Yana whispered as she shut the kitchen door in Lisa’s face.
---
“Nic!” Yana waved and shot him a broad grin.
“Yo…how’s life?” Nic asked as casually as ever as he stuffed his face with food. Yana sneered at him and wondered how girls even found him attractive. They did though…so, so many of her friends had mentioned before ‘in passing’, how attractive they had found her younger brother.
Yana chewed on her lips as she wrestlessly wrung her hands.
“What’s up?” Nic looked mildly concerned now, he knew his sister’s nervous habits.
“Have you had another fight with loverboy?” Nic snickered making Yana scowl. The second she had gotten back from the barbeque, Yana had gone on skype to Nic and told him everything in vivid details. NIc had refused to believe Yana at first but then when she showed him a selfie she had taken with Thomas Muller and Mats Hummels, Nic started seething in jealousy, finally believing her.
“No.” she huffed, “I haven’t spoken or seen…him”
“Then what’s up?” Nic asked boredly. He loved his sister, he did, but he had spoken to her a few days ago and he really wanted to play fifa at the moment.
“I’m going on a road trip tomorrow to Munich and then Frankfurt” Yana informed him.
“oh cool! You’re not driving right? I would hope not, you suck” he quickly blurted and what annoyed Yana more was the genuine look of worry on his face as he spoke those words.
“I don’t suck at driving! I’m…just…stop annoying me! Let me talk”
“then talk” Nic rolled his eyes.
“I’m going to see grandma and grandpa soon. In Frankfurt.”
Nic stiffened, his brows furrowing as a guarded look took over his features.
“Are you…did they say you could come?” he asked sceptically making Yana bite her lip.
“I haven’t exactly asked…”
His eyes narrowed, “what do you mean?”
“I mean I haven’t asked at all” Yana groaned, unable to keep secrets from her brother.
“you’re just going to show up?! And say what? ‘Hey! I’m your granddaughter you haven’t seen in 20 years!’”
“well no..” Yana stuttered, “but I can’t call and say that either, can I? it’s better to show up and speak to them in person”
“What did Dad say about this?” Nic sighed, reluctantly giving into the idea of Yana going to meet their grandparents. She didn’t respond for a long second. At first he simply wondered if skype was messing up and then his eyes widened in realisation.
“you haven’t told him have you? And you don’t plan on telling him either. Yana!”
“oh come on you’ve kept bigger secrets from them” she scoffed.
“like what?” he argued.
“like how you snuck Macey Harper back to your room and slept with her when you were 15” Yana shot back making Nic pale a little.
“whatever, point is…point…” he groaned, “fine! Go see them. Nothing I say will make you change your mind anyway.” He knew very well how stubborn his sister was so most of the time she had her way.
“how do you know where they live?” he realised he had never asked. Yana laughed, “now you’re asking?”
“tell me” he rolled his eyes.
“Well we know about granddad’s law firm so I just looked up the address of that”
“so you’re gonna see him at work?”
“yep”
Nic blinked in surprise at his sister. She kept finding new ways to surprise him. jUst when he thought her ridiculousness couldn’t exceed his expectations, she proved him wrong.
“good luck” That was all he could say.
---
“are you ready for this?! I am so pumped!” Lisa’s chirpy attitude at 6am the next morning made Yana want to throttle her.
“shut up” she hissed as she dragged her feet down the stairs of their apartment building.
“It’s such a nice day too! Yana I really like what you’re wearing!”
“you picked out my clothes” Yana shot out, deadpanned. She had to be blackmailed out of bed by Lisa. Yana hadn’t realised that when Lisa said ‘we’ll leave early’ what she really meant was ‘we’ll leave at the crack of dawn before even the birds wake up’.
“oh stop being such a sour lemon. It’s only 6am”
Yana scoffed, “I don’t even want to know why you think this is an acceptable time to wake up, much less get dressed and sit in a car”
“Speaking of cars…” Lisa started off slowly but Yana couldn’t be bothered to beat around the bush.
“what Lisa?” she bluntly asked.
“We uh…we’re not taking mine”
“oh?” Yana was confused now. Were they taking a cab?
“Cab will be expensive though and I’m not sure I can affo-”
Her eyes widened at the sight in front of her.
“Oh hell no.” she spat out at the same time a very familiar voice shouted much the same; “Not you!”
In front of her, in a very cool sports car, were Mats and…Erik.
Chapter 6
Yana and Erik had been forced to sit in the back of the car while Mats drove and Lisa sat beside him.
They had both been sulking for the first 20 minutes of the drive and Lisa was beginning to get annoyed by the silence.
“Oh come on guys. You’re both adults so start behaving like it”, She snapped as she shot them a look through the rear view mirror.
“I don’t see anything wrong with how we’re behaving” Yana argued, “we’re both silent.”
“Yana” Lisa scowled.
“I’m just saying…I’m not the one that lied and tricked her friend”
“agreed” Erik piped in, sending a glare of his own to Mats.
“We just thought this would be a great opportunity for you guys to become friends. You’re going to see each other often, no point in hating each other.” Mats intervened, sensing his sister’s frustration.
“I don’t hate her” Erik interrupted while Yana simply grumbled. Erik’s eyes widened at her, “Do you hate me?”
“Let’s see,” Yana began sarcastically, “you called me ugly, rude and crazy…oh I love you right now”
Lisa snorted and mumbled under her breath, “yeah you do”
Her seat received a swift kick from Yana while Erik looked on, unhappy.
“You don’t even know me! You can’t hate me.”
“oh yes I can” Yana laughed, “I don’t need to know people who call me ugly-”
“Oh my god! I did not call you ugly!” he raised his hands in frustration and slapped them on his thighs. The action drew Yana’s attention to his biceps and she felt butterflies flutter in her stomach. She stared for a second at how the material of his short sleeved white tshirt stretched over his bulging muscles before she turned her gaze away. Glaring at her own hands in her lap, she huffed and turned away from him. Of course her body would be traitorous when it was sitting so close to Erik.
It took another 20 minutes and a series of coughs from Mats to get Erik to sigh deeply and crack.
“So…are you excited to see Munich?”
Yana blinked in shock. Was he talking to her? That too something as lame as that?
“Er…yeah. Yeah.” She coughed, not sure what else to say, “you seen…Munich before?” she winced as she asked. This small talk was painful. Of course the boy had seen Munich before. She knew and so did half of tumblr which basically meant half the population of the world that had access to the internet.
“yeah” he mumbled with a nod.
“oh wow guys…do involve us in this riveting conversation” Lisa added in a dry, sarcastic tone.
“No I don’t think we will. Who knows, you may plan to send the two of us on a tourist bus together without our consent” Yana bit back and Erik chimed in,
“and maybe Mats booked us only one room in the hotel”
“hotel?! I thought they had cousins in Munich?” Yana spoke with her brows furrowing.
Mats coughed and avoided her gaze through the rear view mirror.
“Oh Mats. Yana breathed out, a broken expression on her face. I had more faith in you”
“it was Lisa!” he yelled whilst Lisa smacked his arm and defended herself, “oh don’t even pretend you weren’t into this”
“what is going on?” Erik huffed.
“Well, tubelight” Yana spoke with a scowl on her face, “Mats and Lisa have clearly lied to us again.”
“I get that” he glared at her, “but why? What about?”
Lisa sighed deeply, “well technically no one lied to you Erik. I just…maybe lied to Yana”
Erik looked like he was about to burst a blood vessel in his neck so Mats decided to just tell him.
“Lisa and I are staying the night at our cousin’s place but there isn’t room there for both of you so Lisa booked for you guys to stay in a hotel for the night.” Upon seeing the worried look on Erik’s face, he quickly added, “2 rooms of course”
Erik’s jaw clenched slightly and he tried not showing how annoyed he was at Mats.
“so…why tubelight?” Lisa asked after a few minutes to dissipate the thick tension in the car. It was suffocating her.
“he’s slow and not very bright” Yana grumbled and a few more seconds of silence later the three of them bar Erik started chuckling.
“this isn’t very funny” he glared which in turn made them all laugh harder.
“it’s fine” Yana laughed easily, “you’re a fantastic football player”
He blinked in shock at her words, “you think so?”
Yana’s smile dropped drastically as she seemed to realise what she had just said.
“Well” she began, fully having some sarcastic retort on the tip of her tongue but the look in his eyes…the look of pure sincerity and wonder made her change her mind.
“You’re in BVB aren’t you?” she shifted uncomfortably and avoided his stare. Why was he staring anyway?
“uh…thanks” he mumbled and she had no doubt his cheeks were flushed. A small smile erupted on her lips as she looked out the window. Maybe he wasn’t awful.
“the Churches were so beautiful” Yana gushed as she fell onto her bed at the hotel.
“I know right! I love visiting Peterskirche” Lisa made herself comfortable on the single chair in Yana’s room while she watched her exhausted friend yawn and stretch.
“your cousins were nice” Yana nodded, “especially Olivia. She’s so sweet!”
“what about Krystal?” Lisa snickered at Yana rolling her eyes.
“she’s ok”
Lisa burst out laughing, “oh please. You hated her”
“I didn’t hate her” Yana whined, “she just…you know…I don’t know. We didn’t speak much. She was more focused on…Erik” Yana grumbled making Lisa almost cry with laughter.
After a few hours of visiting churches and famous gardens in the city centre, the four of them met up with Mats’ and Lisa’s cousins for dinner. While Yana got along well with Olivia and Henrik, she wasn’t too keen on Krystal who seemed to have her eyes fixed on Erik. She had felt an odd sense of possessiveness bubble up inside her despite the fact that she had decided she didn’t like Erik anymore and the fact that Erik seemed very uncomfortable with Krystal’s advances. Yana hated what she saw all the way through dinner; Krystal practically sitting on Erik’s lap at the restaurant and of course the two of them would talk in German mostly so she had no clue what they were on about. All this lead to her glaring even more at Erik who was growing frustrated with his bad luck with women lately.
“I felt so bad for Erik” Lisa sighed.
“why?” Yana scoffed, “he was having the time of his life. Women fawning over him…every man’s dream”
“didn’t you see how uncomfortable he got?” Lisa grinned.
“he was blushing” Yana spoke in a dry tone.
“he was embarrassed” Lisa snickered, “Krystal wasn’t exactly subtle in her flirting”
“how would I know? She spoke in German” Yana huffed, annoyance rising in her yet again.
“only because she thought Erik had a thing for you”
“oh as if!” Yana’s voice rose. She knew Lisa was pulling her leg and she wasn’t in the mood for it.
“no! seriously!” Lisa laughed, “Krystal asked me if you two were an item”
“I hope you told her I’d rather dive off a cliff into a sea of sharks” Yana snapped making Lisa raise her eyebrows pointedly. There were having a stare off…one that Yana knew she’d lose because Lisa had seen first hand how love sick she had been over Erik back in her ‘good old naïve days’. She knew better now but that didn’t seem to matter to Lisa.
Yana huffed once again, “I’m going to shower and then go to sleep”
Lisa chuckled, “ok, ok, I can take a hint! Mats is probably waiting for me in the lobby anyway. If you need anything, call me or Erik”
“why would I call him?”
“just…take his number. He’s on the same floor as you. Call him if it’s an emergency” Lisa rolled her eyes as she left a piece of paper on the desk in the hotel room.
“Mats and I will come pick you guys up at 10 tomorrow ok?”
“ok” Yana smiled warmly at her friend, “thank you so much for this”
“psshh. Nonsense” Lisa winked as the two hugged goodnight.
Yana sighed deeply as the hot water from the shower soothed her tired muscles. She always spent ages in the shower simply just standing there, letting the water warm her very bones. She loved long, hot showers much to her mother’s disdain. Here she didn’t have her mother yelling at her to get out before she used up all the hot water. Yana grinned in joy and decided to stay in till her skin became all wrinkly and she got tired of standing up. A good half hour later, once she had lathered and washed soap off her hair and body, she lethargically wrapped a towel around herself and exited the bathroom. She had never felt this relaxed in her life. She knew she was in for a wondrous night of sleep…till she saw the closet door open and Erik was standing in front of her, mouth gaping, eyes wide and of course…cheeks a deep shade of maroon.
Meet Nina Brook...the 6th member of The Wanted. How does this change things?
From the Author of The Wanted Life and Runaway Bride comes
A tale of friendship, unrequited love, jealousy, rumours, way too many flashbacks and fighting dirty.
Harry Styles/Nina Brook/Nathan Sykes/Ariana Grande.
Fic name changed. Was previously called Starlight. Enjoy. :) xx
Hurt - Nathan Sykes one shot imagine
You’re unsure about everything right now. One person says they’re dating and another says it’s just a rumour. You haven’t been able to call him for the past 36 hours (and yes, you had been counting) because his phone was switched off and it was all driving you a little insane. You know you shouldn’t do this to yourself but you can’t help it as you turn on your laptop again and look at that one picture on twitter with the caption underneath that says ‘Nathan Sykes and Ariana Grande were on a date last night in NYC’. Taylor Swift’s ‘Come Back Be Here’ is playing on your laptop right now and you feel silly for being so dramatic but you’re going crazy from the suspense.
Your phone vibrates and you leap for it desperately.
Hey babe…you called? Been so busy with gigs and promo lately! Is it urgent? Should I call?
You chew on your lip as you decide what to text back…if you should even text back. The two of you had been on a few dates but you hadn’t defined it yet. It was all very new…just like the article suggested Nathan and Ariana were. It made you feel a little sick as you recalled the memory of reading that article for the first time. You had read it 30 times since then. You had even tortured yourself by watching Ariana Grande’s interviews and it made you feel worse because you realised that she was perhaps made for him. She was beautiful, had an angelic voice and she seemed genuinely nice. Everything Nathan wanted. She was successful too…she was a lot more than you were…just a simple British girl going to Uni in London. You had never let yourself feel this insecure before but getting involved with Nathan had caused you to doubt yourself many times. Especially since the two of you hadn’t had the talk. You know…the talk where it’s decided if you’re exclusive or not?
No not urgent
You text back, not wanting to make a scene. You didn’t like feeling vulnerable in front of anyone. You liked to bury your feelings and cry to yourself over a pint of ice cream but not tell anyone. You waited to see if he replied to your text…he never did. You somehow wanted him to know how you felt without having to tell him. You wanted miracles to occur…you wanted him to just…understand.
You scrolled through your mentions wondering what to reply to all the TWfanmily tweeting you, asking if you and Nathan were together or not. You had hung out with him in public before amongst a few other friends. Both of you had said on twitter that you weren’t in relationships but the fans didn’t believe it. They had shipper names for you two. You twp told fans you both were single because really…you both were…you two just failed to mention the part where you were seeing each other casually…taking it slow and getting to know each other.
About to go on stage at AAKD!! Excited
He texts and you think to ignore it but you don’t want to come off as being rude or even jealous so you text back
Great. Have a good time.
An hour later, after you’ve seen a bunch of pictures of him and Ariana at the AAKD, you realise why he’s been texting you so late. He’s with her…she’s obviously more important to him. You hear your phone buzzing…he’s calling…you don’t pick up. You don’t like feeling like you’re second choice and he made you feel that way today. You know it’s unfair on your part to blame him like that but you feel selfish today. You feel selfish and hurt, so you’re lashing out.
You pick up on his fourth call at 1am.
“what’s going on?” he hurriedly asks, “I’ve been calling you all day”
“have you?” you ask coolly, “didn’t notice. Was out with a friend”
“oh” he pauses, “thought you were annoyed at me or something” he chuckles.
“why?” you enquire, “have you done something I should be annoyed about?” you try to suppress the accusation in your turn but a smidge of it seeps out.
“what?” he asked confrontationally, “what’re you on about?”
“nothing” you sigh, “It’s 1am here…I’m a little…hazy right now”
“oh…right so I should…uh…call at a better time”
“are you dating someone?” you blurt out before you can stop myself. Sleeplessness had made you go a little hyper and irritable.
“uhm…wh..what?” he coughs.
“Nothing I-”
“yes” he replies making you freeze. Your heart sinks and you have to force out the word ‘oh’ from your lips.
“I..I’m not sure” he mumbles, “I mean…I haven’t asked her yet”
And you feel like yelling ‘are you fucking kidding me?!’ at him because you wonder if he’s seriously going to ask dating advice from you when he’s clearly about to ditch you for another girl?
“go ask her then” you reply numbly.
“but how?” he asks and you’ve about had it with him.
“send her a bunch of flowers” you snap out, spitefully, the article quotes ring in your head. “Nate sends her flowers everyday”- no one called him ‘Nate’ anyway. You cut the call before he can get another word in and you cry yourself to sleep.
You feel like a zombie the next morning as you wake up. Last night’s conversation with Nathan rings through your mind and you want to cry some more but your eyes hurt and so does your head so you refrain from doing so. You make yourself a cup of coffee because even looking at tea disgusts you now. Other little things that remind you of Nathan are getting ignored today such as his hoodie lying on your couch (it’s now lying under your bed) and the NYC hat of his in your room (you violently threw it and now it’s somewhere out of sight in your living room).
The doorbell rings and you trudge to get to it. Opening it, you stare confusedly at a basket….yes, a basket of flowers lying at your doorstep. Picking it up, you read the little note attached to it.
There…sent the flowers.
Are we dating now?
Nath xx
You don’t quite know how to react. You feel ill from the emotional rollercoaster he’s taking you on and quite frankly you’re still not sure about the two of you. You rush to call him, disregarding the time- he woke you up at 1am and now you’re returning the favour.
“Hello?” he groggily replies and you seethe into the phone.
“you dick what is wrong with you?! is this some kind of joke? I cried myself to sleep last night because I thought you wanted to date Ariana Grande and-”
“so you were annoyed! And this is all about Ariana?” his tone changes, “and I’m assuming you got the flowers?”
You can practically visualise the smirk on his face.
“Nathan” your voice breaks a little and his demeanour instantly changes.
“babe I didn’t mean to hurt you…I just wanted to surprise you. I knew you weren’t happy and I just…I wanted you to know what it’d be like…to date me”
“I don’t understand” you reply as you fiddle with the petals of the violets he’s sent you.
“you’ll hear rumours about me and other girls all the time. You can’t get jealous or bitter and get annoyed and you especially can’t bottle it all up. Talk to me about it or better yet, don’t ever doubt the way I feel about you”
You’re crying now because you’ve never heard anyone say something so wonderful to you.
“are you crying? Shit I-”
“yes, you idiot” you sniffle, “yes we’re dating now” you answer the question on the card and make him chuckle.
“I’m sorry I made this hard for you” he apologises sincerely and you laugh as you try to stop crying.
“I have another surprise” he mumbled excitedly and you wonder what.
“what?”
“check the bottom of the basket”
You gasp as you pull out a first class ticket to NYC.
“I want you to come visit me on tour” he mumbles, “maybe that’ll make the rumours about Ariana go away”
“you really want to do this?” you ask as you take in a shaky breath. You know he’s not public with his private life. His words make you smile wider than you ever have before – it makes all the tears worth it.
“I want us together and I want the world to see it too”
Misha Grover was never a wild card. In fact she was the most boring, reliable good girl around...till she ran away from her own wedding.
Now she is determined to live her life the way she wants to and who better to give her lessons in misbehaving than The Wanted?
From the Author of The Wanted Life comes,
A tale of stressy parents, runaway brides, boybanders, firsts and lasts. Misha is in for one hell of a ride with The Wanted.
GAAHH turning 20 in twelve minutes. Bye Bye teenage years :(
Angry Nathan imagine
“I’m trying to make you understand!” he yells but you’re too angry to hear him.
“no! shut the fuck up, I saw you two with my own eyes” you were fuming. You had walked in on Nathan and some girl looking like she’d just escaped the playboy mansion.
“she was leaning over me that’s all! Nothing happened, I didn’t so much as touch her” he’s exasperated, trying to make you understand but you don’t. You’re so angry and all you’re seeing is red. The tabloids had been making things worse again for the two of you. That, paired with Dionne (Nathan’s ex) showing up at the flat you shared with Nathan a couple of days back had made you weary of your relationship with him. Why was he calling his ex’s and why was he even in a VIP room alone with a fucking stripper in the first place? You’ve had enough. You take a suitcase out and start shoving your clothes in.
“listen to me” he pleads but you’re past it. You’re a little drunk, a whole lot more pissed and just done.
“no. I’ve had it. You called Dionne over” you hiss.
“she had the LA cap I really like! She said she’d bring it over”
“except she stayed and you two had a little date on the couch”
“you’re being a jealous bitch” he spits out and you let out a sob.
“baby I’m sorry” he rushes, his face pinched in worry.
“baby listen” he pulled you close but you push him away.
“fuck off” you sob.
“baby”
“stop it” you seethe and push him away again.
“stop pushing me the fuck away” he yells, capturing your hands in his.
“just listen to me you know I’d never cheat! What’s this about? why are you behaving like this?!”
“I keep seeing you with all these stunning girls and it’s driving me insane. Every other day the newspapers are printing articles about you with a new girl, all the fans are tweeting me to just break up with you and all you do these days is work. If you don’t want me around just say it. You don’t have to cheat for me to get the message”
“you’re crazy” he whispers but his grip gets tighter.
“I’d never let you go”
“well I want you to” you bite and shoot him a nasty glare.
“stop running away. Stop it” he barks, “you’re drunk and you’re a mess, you don’t mean it.” He’s now holding your waist tightly and tugging your body as close to his as possible.
“let me go” you threaten, “I’ll hit you Nathan I swear I will just let me go”
“never” his words light up a spark in you and before you can help it, your hand reaches up and smacks him swiftly across his face. Silence. You gasp softly as tears stream down your face.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry baby I’m so sorry” your words are jumbled and your hands frantically move to cup his cheeks while your lips plaster kisses all over his reddened cheek.
“I love you” you cry, “so, so much. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t. I love you”
“I know” he whispers as he lets you bite and suck on his neck. He knows you’re marking him as yours and he’s letting you do it because he knows you need it. He’s never seen you act this way and he’s scared. He doesn’t want to lose you; He can’t imagine his life without you so if this is what you need to do to stay, he’s willing to let you do it.
“do you love me?” you ask meekly, scared, insecure. His green eyes widen as they bore down into your watery eyes.
“more than you’ll ever understand baby” he speaks so sincerely, it sends another surge of guilt through you.
“I’m sorry” you babble again because you know he’s right. You are drunk and you are a mess but you’re his mess and you’ll never leave him. He knows that and so do you.
Sad Nathan Imagine Part 1
You never understood it…how he could be him and she could be her and they could be going out. They were so different. She was a party girl and while Nathan liked partying, he also liked simply sitting on the couch in his flat, sipping his mug of tea, playing COD or Assassin’s Creed. He could never do those things with her. she got bored of staying in the house too long; she always asked to go out. She was a nice girl; fun, bright, lively…there was nothing wrong about her and you hated that. You knew he met you and her at around the same time. You and him became friends over video games and lazy days in while he met her in a bar and they frequently went to the same clubs together. She became friends with his bandmates all by herself whereas Nathan had to introduce you to his band mates. They all got along with her like a house on fire. You met her a few months ago and apart from the slight stab of jealousy in your stomach every time you saw him staring at her, you were fine with things. She was incredibly good looking and she was sweet to boot. She just wasn’t right for him. Then again you were heavily biased. You liked him. You liked him since the moment you met him. He was a shy, awkward, 20 year old; he was your mirror and your heart constricted every time he shot a wink your way or tucked you under his arms after a bad day at work.
You remembered every second of the time he told you he was going out with her. Every second caused you such pain. You had been falling for him all those months the two of you had movie nights and pop corn fights. You had been falling for him all those times he called and whined for you to come over because ‘the lads had gone out’ and he couldn’t because he wasn’t allowed to drink just yet and the temptation would be too much if he partied with them.
You couldn’t understand how he’d picked her instead of you and then you’d see them together…the way they laughed and stared at each other…the way his hand brushed over her and the way her nose grazed against the back of his neck when she snuggled into him. It made you feel sick. It was why you no longer met up for drinks with the gang. You were a jealous mess when it came to him and her. You could never tell him though. You knew you’d lose him for sure. You just had to wait…wait for them to break up or argue…they never argued though. And so you lay in bed at night, alone, empty, wondering if you’d end up living out a Taylor Swift song, stopping their wedding in the end moment, screaming your heart out and professing your love to him…the love that he’d kick back in your face as he rejected you.
“Hey babe! Haven’t seen you in a while…and I know uni’s gotta be tough and all but if you’re free tomorrow night you wanna come round mine? I miss my X box buddy. If you can’t make it then call and we’ll arrange something later. Bye babe”
You’d listen to that voicemail over and over again feeling equal amounts of happiness and sadness over his words. He missed you…he cared. You were his ‘buddy’ and you probably would always be just that. He’d left that voicemail a week ago and you hadn’t replied. You couldn’t bring yourself to. You knew you had to end this cycle of obsession over him. Some nights when you saw his name flashing on your phone you wished you could go back to just being a fan of his. You wished you hadn’t bumped into him in Starbucks and you wished you hadn’t started telling him about your life. He seemed so interested. He knew you were a fan and he was glad he could have a normal chat with you. He surprised you when he told you to sit with him and finish your coffee while you two chatted. You exchanged numbers then. It had all been very tentative, shy, flirty…it all stopped a week later. You didn’t really understand why. His conversations over the phone became less flirty and more friend-like. He started inviting you over to play COD rather than for coffee breaks in cafés. You didn’t understand why things had changed till he invited you on a night out with his mates and when you walked towards him and his open arms, a girl cut in front of you and buried her head in his chest. He chuckled and wrapped his arms around her, his eyes focused and staring into hers. You knew he was blind to you in that moment…you knew and surprisingly so did Jay.
Jay…where to begin with him? he was a sweetheart. You hadn’t met him till Nathan introduced you two. You sometimes wished he was the one you had fallen for but fate was cruel. It wasn’t Jay that captured your attention. Jay’s hugs weren’t the ones that set your nerve endings on fire…no, that was all Nathan…and Jay knew. He was your friend. You’d say he was now your closest friend out of the boys because you didn’t think calling Nathan just a friend was right anymore. Not with the way you felt about him. He was…well, he was just Nathan.
Jay flashed on your phone’s caller id just then and you chuckled as you picked it up.
“I was just thinking about you” you spoke before he could say a word.
“oh” came a slow reply…a reply from a voice that wasn’t Jay’s.
“N..Nathan?” you stutter, surprised.
“you weren’t answering my calls” he accuses and you choke.
“oh that was you!?” you lie, “I think I deleted your number. It kept coming up as ‘unknown’”
“why’d you delete my number?” he asks suspiciously.
“drunken mistake” you blabber. He stays silent for a few seconds before sighing, “can you come over tomorrow night?”
You want to say no…you really do but you can’t. Something in his voice just makes you want to keel over and give into him.
“yeah ok” you agree and convince yourself just seeing him after so long will be ok…you think you can handle just being friends with him for one more night. One more night isn’t a big deal…not when you’ve been holding and hiding feelings from him for the past year.
The night passes like any other. The two of you laugh about, joke around, play video games. You don’t detect a hint of flirting from him and that disappoints you. You aren’t naive to think he’ll magically realise he has feelings for you but you aren’t hopeless either then again you should be used to this by now…You hope and he disappoints.
“I haven’t seen you in so long” he sighs as he wraps an arm around your shoulder, puling you into a cuddle. You giggle and give in, resting your head against his chest. The doorbell to his flat rings and he pipes up, “oh that’ll be Betsy!”
You blink in shock and stare at him. “Betsy?”
“oh yeah forgot to tell you she’s coming over” he grins like it’s no big deal and you feel like something in you has just snapped.
“right. ok. well I have to go”
“what?” he asks, surprised. His face is so cute it’d have melted you had you not been furious.
“I thought you wanted to see me” you speak in an irritated tone as you gather your belongings scattered around his flat.
“I did!” he exclaims, still confused.
“Well clearly not enough or you wouldn’t have invited your girlfriend along” you retort sarcastically and he begins to get annoyed.
“so all this is about Betsy?! You don’t like her?”
“I do” you stress, bag in arm, ready to leave.
“then what’s the problem?” he frowns, unable to understand you.
“the fact that we haven’t seen each other in so long and you still want to spilt the time we spend with her? God Nathan, why don’t you just meet her another day or meet me another day or something.”
“well I didn’t think you’d be such a child about this” he defends meanly and you swallow harshly, rushing to have the last word, “well you thought wrong”.
You bite your lip as you make a dramatic exit, passing Betsy by who shoots you a confused glance. You realise you’ve just made a massive fool of yourself in front of both of them and you know you’re going to go home and cry your eyes out but you figure it’s probably for the best.
A week passes by in the blink of an eye and he hasn’t tried calling you once. You still leap at your phone whenever it rings though, hoping it was him. Yet again you get disappointed but strangely enough you start to get used to it and you think that just maybe one day you’ll actually get over it all…get over him. The thought seems preposterous though because just then his face appears on the tv screen you’ve been staring at for the past hour and you have to contain your heart from beating just that fraction faster. You see Jay’s number flash across your phone screen and you hit the ignore button. You know what he wants to say to you…he’s been saying it all week. You have been childish and you knew that. You knew you weren’t being fair to Nathan by behaving in that way but you were selfish. You cared more about not getting hurt again than about Nathan being happy. You were ashamed of that and so you couldn’t really speak to Jay.
The doorbell rings and you frown because you’re sure it’s Jay. He’s always one to show up unannounced with just a phone call as a warning a few minutes prior to his visits.
“Welcome Jaybird” you announce sarcastically as you fling the door open and for the second time in the past two weeks you’ve been wrong.
“Nathan” you mutter as you stare at him. He doesn’t look happy. In fact he looks annoyed.
“were you expecting Jay? Is he your best friend all of a sudden now? well it’s nice to know I’ve been replaced” he mouths off yet still barges in. He sits on your couch stubbornly and stares hard at you. You don’t quite know what to do.
“Apologise” he orders and you scoff.
“excuse me?” you quickly figure out that the two of you are going to have your second argument; the first being the disaster that happed last week.
“you weren’t very pleasant the other day” he states and you roll your eyes at how polite he is even when he’s annoyed at you.
“Betsy did nothing wrong”
“I’m not saying she did anything wrong” you growl and he’s a little surprised by the intensity of your tone.
“so I did something wrong?”
“yes” you glare.
“what did I do?” he blinks, his eyes widening, driving you mad.
“just…I told you, you shouldn’t have invited her especially behind my back”
“it wasn’t behind your back! I just forgot to tell you about it”
“how convenient” you dismiss him sarcastically.
“i’m being honest! I thought you liked Betsy”
“get it through your head” you spit out rudely, “I don’t have an issue with her”
“then what do you have an issue with?” he shoots out and the words spill out of your mouth before you can help yourself, “I have issues with sharing you ok!?”
You regret it the second after and you panic.
“j-just..why are you here?” you stutter, hoping to divert his attention, “you need to leave. I have to go somewhere”
“looking like that?” he blurts out and you feel your face pale. You look down at yourself and notice you have on a pair of pyjama shorts and a tank top. You know your hair is in a messy bun and you have next to no make up on and you know you don’t look your best but the fact that he pointed it out to you makes you want to cry. He notices the change in your features and rushes to take back his words.
“I didn’t mean it! I meant I knew you were lying, I just-”
“I think it’s best we stay away from each other for a while”
The calmness in your tone surprises the both of you. He freezes mid speech and blinks. You’ve hit an epiphany and it feels like the fog in your mind has just cleared a little.
“I like you” you speak honestly to him, your gaze never leaving his, “I’ve liked you for the past year and it hurts to see Betsy and you together” You’re being mature and talking to him about this because you realise it’s time to let go.
“I know you don’t like me in that way and that’s fine” it wasn’t but you weren’t going to let him know that.
“I just need to get over you so maybe we can be friends again at some point in the future”
“I need space and time away from you so I can get over you. You understand that, right?” you move closer, cautiously. He’s nodding but his eyes have a far away look in them. It’s as if he’s in complete shock.
“I’m sorry about the way I’ve handled this” you feel tears blurring your eyes and you know you have to finish this quickly before you start crying.
“I’m not sorry about how I feel for you but I’m sorry it’s…come to this.”
“I-” he tries to speak but you place your palm on his lips. You cry inwardly at the cruel irony of the situation; the only time you get to feel his lips is the time you’re telling him goodbye.
“goodbye Nathan” you curtly nod and place a kiss on his cheek to soften the blow.
He leaves with a forlorn look in his eyes yet not a word escapes his lips. You didn’t hope for anything from him this time but his actions still left a bitter taste of disappointment in your mouth.
One step forwards, two steps back.