[From here, because Tumblr and formatting and screaming forever into the void.]
He listened carefully, watching for all of those little signs of anxiety in the general. All the while, he willed his heart to petrify, not to ache with each heavy heave of powerful shoulders. He needed to push Sephiroth away, to make the break before he vanished for his own safety’s sake. The investigation swirling around Genesis and Hollander was slowly encroaching on him and soon enough, he’d have the Turks to answer to and he just couldn’t risk that.
But Sephiroth’s insistence that he wouldn’t truly let go, that he didn’t want to open to anyone else… maybe, just maybe he could succeed where Genesis failed. “I said it because it will make everything more difficult if you don’t,” he admitted honestly, letting a crack form in his facade. “If you want to keep hold of me, you’ll have to let go of something else. And I can’t simply ask you to do that.”
The expanse of neatly made sheets felt like a ravine between them, but Lazard still managed to bridge the gap with a light touch to the SOLDIER’s hand. “So instead, I’ll give you a choice – if you want to keep the life you’ve known as a member of Shinra, you need to let me go. But if you truly can’t let me go – if you’ve made the choice to stand by me – I’ll tell you everything.”
Every last secret, every last dirty truth of the whole sordid business. More than likely, those green eyes would simply flair with anger and the bitter word “traitor” would spill from familiar lips.
But at least Lazard offered him a choice which was more than Shinra ever had.
“More difficult--?!” He’d started to demand, to become truly angry; but it was something more in Lazard’s expression that stopped him, quieted his likely to be ranting words. Then that suggestion followed...
And then that choice. Sephiroth felt as though he’d stopped breathing. He knew, beyond any sort of doubt, that it was so very possible that he was living within their last moment together, understanding the light touch could just as easily have been a good-bye. Was, depending... but he wasn’t eager to make that choice.
Drawing a breath, swallowing, he remained silent. He was watching, paying attention to every possible nuance in the blond’s expression; so much was like nothing he’d ever truly seen from the man before. There was a gulf opening up before them, and sides to choose before the distance between them became too great.
His world was already steadily falling to pieces, crumbling around him. Nearly everyone he’d trusted, loved, somehow standing against him... or were likely to be before much longer. He knew, even then, that to pick the path of desperation was like willingly drinking poison.
So he didn’t. Instead, he chose the path he never would have before; the path that he wanted. Duty be damned. What is honor when you can’t believe in what you serve, Angeal? “Then I choose to stand by you.”
