//imma tag whoever i remember in this, feel free to participate even if you arent tagged though ALSO I DID NOT READ THIS ADTER WRITING SO THERE WILL MOST PROBABLY BE ERRORS just go with it// @why-am-i-the-one-drowning @killerbeecj @br1ghtest---star @ uhhh oops. I dont remeber. Okie, anyways, feel free to tag people in the comments if you remeber their url
TW: uh self harm, not really graphic though. If you squint you might see something with an eating disorder, not purposeful though. Kinda, like, a panic attack? Maybe? Idk. Also, it feel very criptic sooo uh, yea.
James lets out a sigh as he colapses on his bed after class. Care of Magical creature had just let out after a test about the evolution of Magical creature compared to the evolution of Non-magic creatures with similar ancestry and he was 100% sure he failed it. His grades have been declining throughout the past couple weeks and every time his parent’s called him he hated every lie that came out of his mouth.
He can’t seem to stop lying though.
First to his parents about his school work,
then his teachers about needing to go to the bathroom
then to his friends about, well, frankly everything
And now to Regulus.
Well, he didn’t lie entirely. He truly did have a shitty day yesterday. But he’d been having a shitty day almost every day recently. Yesterday he was just especially out of it. His friends noticed it, too. Asking why he wasn’t eating at lunch, “oh, i just really need to finish this late work, i’ll bring something with me back to the dorm, don’t worry”. Asking why had so much late work, “i dont know! The teachers have just been giving so much homework don’t you think?? And all on the same week too! It’s ridiculous!” Asking why he didn’t participate in the conversation, “oh, sorry! I just don’t have much to add, really.” Asking why he was staring at his desk, “what mate? Oh, yea, i’m just really tired. Not even sure why.” Asking what was wrong with his thigh “just really sore from practice is all. Don’t worry, i’ll stretch it out later.” Asking what he was doing, “just gotta go take a piss is all.” Asking where he was going, “I just need a break is all. School has been giving me such a headache, a breath of fresh air and run will do me good.”
And then Regulus.
He had followed him all the way into the forest. James had hoped to be alone, but seeing his boyfriend was nice. Being able to cry into his shoulder and hug him had helped.
But clearly not enough.
Because now he was laying on his bed, looking directly at the bathroom door, the small container in his pocket weighing heavily.
Another sigh.
another rub to his thigh.
A pulsing in his wrist.
Oh. That was new
He’d never felt to need to cut there.
He looked down at the smooth skin, pressing in just where Reg had kissed the day before.
BaDum
BaDum
BaDum
pulsed under his fingers as images pulsed in his head.
the flowing of blood out of a small line
BaDum
a blade slowing slicing through the skin
BaDum
a crimson river going down his arm
BaDum
down his leg
BaDum
spilling put faster
BaDum
as more cuts we sliced into the skin
BaDum
metal to flesh
BaDum
metal to flesh
BaDum
metal to flesh
BaDum
His hand flew away from the pressure point
Blinking away to clear his thoughts, he stood up, putting his hand in his pocket and the other on the door knob.
Twist
Pull
Step
Step
Step
His head felt just as clouded as it was yesterday. Thick cotton blocking his thought from his body. Holding on to the railing to not fall, he made his way down to the common room. And out of the common room. Not sure where he was going. Not even sure if he was going somewhere.
He made it somewhere though.
Specifically he made it to a small room in the first floor of hogwarts. He had found it while making the map, but decided it was too small to tell the others about. He had forgot about it since then.
Well, apparently not.
He let out a shaky breath and sat down on the cold, dusty floor. Wrapping his arms around his body and feeling pathetic while doing so.
. . .
. . .
Don’t
a nail dug into his wrist,
Don’t
pulled at his skin,
Don’t
and let go.
the wrist made his way to his mouth,
teeth dug into the skin,
and let go.
Deep breath in
Deep breath out
Deep breath in
Deep breath out- of fuck this
Small blade out
Small blade in
Small blade moved across his skin
nothing
nothing
red
blood
blade
nothing
red
blood
blade
nothing
red
blood
pain
pain
pain
sigh
