Broken Bird l Simon & Elly
Simon could see her, on the dance floor. She was dancing the way she always did, with wild abandon. He watched her move, and then went outside, waiting. One cigarette followed another, again and again as he filled his lungs and tried to calm the riot of emotion within. He saw her step outside and stepped closer. "Having fun Elly-bean?"
Elly had noticed Simon watching her dance, and even the amount of alcohol she consumed couldn't stop the anger and sadness he had created from bubbling within her. She could feel his gaze on her, and she hated it. Once she had noticed that he had gone, she treated herself to a generous amount of shots before exiting the bar. She was surprised to see him, thinking that he had left. She was nervous about the sadness that now begged to pour out, so she willed herself quiet. Nothing was said, but she grabbed herself one of his cigarettes, reaching for a lighter from her purse.
Simon held out his own lighter, flicking the lever and holding the flame to allow her to light her smoke. "I miss you." he murmured softly. "Why do you torment me? By being here. Reminding me of all the things I cannot and will never have."
Elly inhaled deeply, reluctantly offering his assistance. As soon as it was lit she side stepped away from him slightly, her gaze falling to the ground. She had no real desire to look at him, especially with the words that leaked from his lips without any true thought. "Oh fuck off with pretending that you give a shit that I'm here." Her words were muttered before the cigarette returned between her lips. Simon: "You have no idea." Simon replied darkly in an almost whisper, "Maybe you never did." He looked away as a crowd of people stumbled out the door, riotously laughter filling the air. "Why did you come to me? Then you just wanted to pretend it never happened? It's been eating at me ever since. Why?"
Elly: "No, I have a very good idea." Another inhale, and she finally willed herself to glance up at him before exhaling. "I texted you after and told you my reasoning for not replying. I was freaked out, but you couldn't accept that. You couldn't fucking accept it so you decided to shut me out and ignore me again. And now you've got this other guy that you're in deep enough with that there's all this shit around it and you block out the goddamn world again because you're a coward with him too. Don't tell me I don't get it, Simon Linklater." Simon: "Because you didn't really have a reason. That wasn't a why. That was a fuck off regret delay. I know it and you know it. I'm tired of this damn game Elly. This pretence of I love you so much and you're the super villain for not being what I need. So fine, fuck me, fuck you, fuck everything. Rhett is ... temporary." Simon's voice broke over the word, not because he didn't believe it but because he did. Because Rhett would move on. So would Elly. So would Fancy, Felix and every other person who had come to mean something to him.
Elly: "No." Elly's voice was stern, if only to prevent it from allowing her emotions to take over and have it get shaky. Another inhale and then a slow exhale. "Fuck you for saying that. And fuck you even more for believing that. When have I /ever/ lied to you? We had sex, I freaked out, and I didn't respond to your text. I texted you a few days after that. I didn't regret it one fucking bit until you started to act like I didn't exist. Temporary just like you made me." She paused and allowed herself another inhale before tossing the finished cigarette to the ground and grabbing another from him, this time lighting it on her own. She remained silent for another few minutes before she managed an almost whispered "Do you love him?"
Simon: "You turned my ass in as fast as lightening. You let them filet me ten ways from Sunday without even so much as a conversation so yeah, excuse me, but your love seems to come with an awful lot of limits. We made love as goddamned pathetic as that sounds. I looked into your eyes and it was slow and like touching heaven again and then you were just fucking gone. I texted you. I looked for you. And fuck you, you decided when you would bother to talk to me again. So yeah, I doubt it." He ran his hands through his hair, stepping away from the slender beauty, "I don't know. I've only ever loved you. It doesn't feel quite like that. It's different. Maybe cause I know it has no future." He laughed, a bitter and harsh sound, "With you I had such pathetic fucking hope. I was pathetic. Stars in my eyes and all that shit. I've been crawling on the dirt since the day you walked away." He paused, "But with him at least I feel like I get to walk. It isn't the clouds and stars, but it's pretty fucking nice ... sometimes."
Elly: "And if there was hope you'd love him." Her voice was a shakey whisper, forcing the words from her mouth that she knew were true, but stung far more when she spoke them than when she was just thinking them. She had always known she would be replaced in his life; it was inevitable. That didn’t make it hurt any less.
Simon: "If there was hope ..... I would still have you but I don't have any left. The well is dry. My heart is staples and super glue and missing pieces. I don't know if it can really beat for anyone else again."
Elly: "Are we having another pity party? Because clearly you don't understand what you did to me...what you've been doing to me.”
Simon glanced over and then away again, "Yeah. Fuck it. I'm the super villain who deserves everything he gets. Got it." He shook his head, angry at himself for trying, for still caring what Elly thought of him. He turned and started to walk away. He then stopped and looked back. "I was fucking 20 years old and just a stupid piece of shit but just so you know, I did love you. With every stupid fiber of my stupid being. I know that means fuck all to you now. But yeah, that's it. I'll fuck off now. Take my pity party elsewhere. Hate to trouble you with it."
Elly's breath hitched at his words, before she allowed a sigh to escape from her lips. They had gone over this so many times, and clearly he had yet to understand where she was coming from. "You're the one who keeps bringing up the past, Simon, not me."
Simon: "That's cause I'm still living with the wreckage that is my fucking life." He took two steps toward her and then turned away again. He felt as if he were trying to swallow around golf-balls lodged in his throat. "I'm so tired. Elly. I'm just tired. I can't keep doing this with you. I'm spinning around the drain and I can't care when I go. I just can't. I have to let this go. You. Rhett. Everyone else. You guys get a life. But yeah, sorry to bother you with my fucking pity party"
Elly: "You chose to lie to me about who you were." Her voice was quiet as she shook her head, a sigh escaping from her lips. It felt like a sword was being pierced through her gut every time they spoke. Rhett. How had it been so damn easy for him to feel for someone new when she could hardly trust anyone enough to make herself a friend? "Yeah, whatever."
Simon: "I told you who I really was. I shared everything with you but the one thing they got wrong." Simon shouted, unable to bear this pain. It hadn't been a lie. It had been his truth. Everything about how he felt about her had been truth. Elly:"So you should have told me they got it wrong. I loved you, not your fucking mark, Simon." Her voice was quiet and shaky, wavering under the loudness of his.
Simon: "I tried. A hundred times but I couldn't lose you and I knew I would if I did." His voice faded to a near whisper, "And I was right. I was right a thousand times over." Elly: She was quick to shake her head, inhaling her cigarette once more before dropping it to the ground. "That's what you don't get. Had you told me earlier, we would've made it work. I don't care that you were labelled a submissive. I cared that you lied to me." Simon: "You cared enough to throw me away. Throw us away. Let them punish me until I was a broken thing. It sure as fuck mattered then didn't it?" Elly: "I told you before that it was irrational, Simon. If I knew what they would have done to you...I sat outside of the infirmary and dungeon until they dragged me away for curfew." Simon: "You knew. You can't have been that fucking blind Elly. You had to know that the minute you told them that my fucking life was forfeit. My parents had to remortgage their house to pay enough money to save me from the blocks right there and then. Which they shouldn't have but I had no say."
~cue all of the tears from both of them~
Elly: She remained silent and turned away from him slightly, giving her time to collect herself. She worked at steadying her breathing as best she could and wiped at her eyes with the back of her hands before turning back to face him. "I wasn't thinking. You have to know I wouldn't do anything to hurt you like that if I was." She hardly managed a whisper before tears were flowing again.
Simon: He choked on his words, barely managing to get them out, "I don't know if I can believe you." Elly: "You can't believe me? I was completely honest with you throughout everything, and you can't believe me?'
Simon’s jaw clenched, words bitten back. "Yeah, I think you knew and you wanted me to pay. You tell yourself you didn't but you did. Deep down, you wanted me to pay and I fucking did."
Elly: As soon as the last words left his lips, Elly reluctantly willed herself to walk away, like she should have done the moment she spotted him outside.
Simon: A harsh whisper as she walked away, "Like losing you wasn't punishment enough." Then he walks away in the other direction.
