thinking about how ill always be small town girl.
i may have moved away from that mountain and i may be a completely different version of myself but i’ll forever be a girl who was raised in a tiny town of 500 in the middle of nowhere. i may have moved to the city and have a new name but i’m always going to be her. it’s shaped who i am. it plays one of the biggest parts of how i was raised. my home, my mountain, my land. i never felt connected to it and i never once felt like i belonged .. but it was and will always/forever be home. i was out of place and never once fit in with my peers, but we were all raised here. it’s where i grew up. i always imagined a different life and i chased it so fast i made it to the finish line. i left and discovered a life i always dreamt of. i went back for the first time in almost four years. i swore i’d never set foot there again when i left. it felt warmer than i expected. things were different and my little community had changed along with me. i still don’t belong. it’s not where my people are. . but i can look back on it con ternura . after a long time away i hug her now in our reunion. i am so many different things , but at the end of it all i am molded in her image. i always struggled finding a place where my heart rested. 3 separate countries coming together to make me i never felt like i really belonged to any. too much of this or too much of that. not enough of this and not enough of that. but my little town that my immigrant parents chose to raise me in… out of all the places we could’ve ended up … the land that gave me life. that will forever be where i’m from. my native and immigrant community that fights through the seasons with me. the stars that covered the night sky like a blanket. i don’t see the stars much if at all in the city. my body may go places beyond my childhood imagination, but my heart forever lives in the country.
forever a desert mountain girl.