watching you leave, I could do nothing but keep quiet.
while my hands trembled and my heart shook in its box,
I could do nothing but keep quiet.
although I’ve seen the way you look at me,
*
how did you think I wouldn’t notice when I notice your body changing
even before it happens?
how could I not notice your wandering hands, always a moment too long
kept on mine, your body, always a touch too calm under mine,
*
the way you orient not by the sun or the north but by me?
*
and I could do nothing but keep quiet.
*
didn’t you see how weak I was, how weak I still am,
how completely spineless I become whenever you whisper my name?
*
but you also wanted normal, you wanted home
[wasn’t I home enough?], you wanted anything but this surname.
you wanted the meadows at midnight, but you also wanted
a warm embrace of the still strong afternoon sun -
they just aren’t meant to go together.
*
so I did nothing but kept quiet,
while you took my heart and my home on your way to tomorrow.