The Sinking Stomach
As always, I return with the need to resolve a watered-down panic attack. In an age that people profess advice and help, tutorial v-logs and blogs are the rage, as are self-help “manuals”, here I am, waving the flag of confusion to the world!
The source: a sinking stomach. ‘Sinking’ isn’t quite accurate. But I’m simply unable to find any word to match the feeling. Butterflies seem like the obvious choice, by cliche and convention. But it doesn’t feel anything like the cheery and colorful creatures. Maybe a moth is more like it.
I have been meaning to make a more difficult call with newly-acquired members of my family. I know delaying it doesn’t make it easier. Nor does it diminish the walking-on-nails aspect of the relationship. Inversely, I’m only restless with an impending sense of doom. With this situation beating ripples on my nervous system, another matter presents itself.
I threw a party for a close friend, bae kinda friend. While I was the prime mover of this party, a bunch of friends came together to throw this party. The expenses got overboard and ever since, I have been at cross-roads as to the right way to go about the expense-sharing. I initiated the proceedings. Another friend screwed up the estimation, despite having been there prior. As consenting adults, was everyone to blame for not being wary of the expense at the venue, where there was an option to modify their expense? Or was I to feel partially guilty for a 70-100% increase in expenditure? The planner showed no remorse.
The participants took no responsibility. But then again, perhaps they were not being meddlesome and/ or didn’t anticipate such a difference. Note to self: for next time, at the cost of being the stingy one, be thorough and shameless in early investigation. Furthermore, I spent some more because the friend wanted to treat us to something and I couldn’t let her. Now, to ask for this extra, or not? Decisions, decisions..
Of course, this is an uncomfortable position to be in. But at the end of the day, what’s the point in a nauseous stomach? The call must be made. And a calmer stomach sure helps.
Add a thought bubble with poverty and corruption, this is hardly a crisis! Why the upset stomach? Calm down you, calm down! Be strong, at least in the littlest of problems. You need a stronger stomach. Go get you one.
Epilogue
As always, writing is my shrink! I felt better even a third through writing this. I decided to man up, and call my people the next day. Went alright! As always, worse in imagination.
On the second count, I chose the gallant route after a misstep. An hour after putting it out on the account share for the added expense, I panicked. I started writing this piece. A half hour of writing helped in desilting my muddied a little. 12 hours later, I issued a statement on the group, indirectly redacting my prior account-share, on the grounds of having had a great time, courtesy of the group turning up. And on this count, requesting the privilege of the extra expense being on me. Grandiose, yes. But I couldn’t see another way out. Interestingly enough, I received no dissent. No thank you either. But I got out of it feeling much better, like I’d done the right thing, the more honorable thing in light of people relationships, even if some bucks short. So, that’s that.
