stanxreader, 4.2k words
NSFW 18+ it’s smut baby!!!
female reader, creampie, public sex, vaginal sex, rough sex, bratty reader
+++
You two are terrible at communication.
He has trouble properly untangling the mess of feelings he experiences during difficult times and even more trouble expressing or explaining them. You’re fully capable of articulating feelings and ascertaining their origins, you just hate the process of emotional extraction. It’s too painful, too much for you to bear. While Stan can’t do it, you choose not to. Regardless of the differing motivations, you end up at the same frustrating spot. And this is why you’re fighting in the bathroom at a bar.
You’ve been officially “seeing each other” for a few weeks now. Neither of you are calling it anything, of course. That would take emotional vulnerability. Eugh. No, you’re mostly just doing all the things a couple do but without naming it as such. Kissing, holding hands, fucking. You’ve only fucked a few times despite the mutual desire for more, privacy being hard to come by when you both live in the Shack with two children and a consistent barrage of paranormal something or others. Those times have all been great. Vanilla, but great. You’d like him to be a bit more dominant, but you’re not sure how to approach that conversation just yet. It’s still too early.
Overall, things have been going very well, more than you ever would have hoped. With the exception of the fight you had this morning.
It was stupid. You both know it was, but you’re also both too stubborn to admit that you played equal parts in blowing it out of proportion. You’d probably have cooled down enough to have some sort of half-assed mutual apology and move on by the end of the night, if not for the hijinks you got wrapped into.
The twins needed to get into the bar in town. Something about a secret code tucked in one of the storerooms. The bouncer was onto their fake IDs and they needed some actual adults to help them get into the establishment, then distract the bartender and the bouncer so they could try to sniff out their prize.
Stan distracted the bouncer with a variety of terrible magic tricks, and you took care of the bartender with terrible flirting. You were not, by any means, on your game, throwing out too many winks and hamfisted attempts at forcing continued conversation. He was very unreceptive at first, likely thinking you were just trying to get some free drinks out of him (which may have been an ulterior motive of yours), but the longer you went, the easier it got. He was handsome, in a rugged way, and though you had very little common ground, once you started asking him about the difference between whiskey and whisky, he did most of the work for you, letting you fall back on batting your eyes and putting a hand on him here and there.
The twins, thankfully, did not take too long. You saw them scurry out and signal the okay, that they were now onto the several other locations on their list for the evening, and you had at least an hour before they’d need a ride back to the Shack. You’re about to try to look for a way to wrap up your conversation with the bartender when Stan walks in.
He sees you, leaning far too forward on your barstool, wide smile on your face, finger twirling in your hair, and the lingering frustration from your fight is reignited. More than that, it’s burning even brighter than it had been before. He beelines right to you, not caring who he bumps into on the way.
“Don’t you think you’ve had enough to drink, there, sweetheart?” Stan suddenly appears beside you and you jump in your seat.
“I’ve barely even had anyth-”
“She’s ready for the tab,” he says, cutting over you to address the bartender. His voice is low, measured, and no small amount of intimidating. The bartender quickly produces a receipt and slides it across the counter before hastily going to the other side of the bar to help a customer he had up to then been firmly ignoring. You dismiss the paper, instead turning in your seat to face Stan.
“What the hell was that?” You ask in a hiss, taken aback by his fiery attitude.
“You heard me sugar, we’re done here,” he replies in that same low tone. “We’re gonna spend the next hour sittin’ in the corner drinking nothin’ and talkin’ to no one ‘til the kids are done.”
“What are you, my babysitter?” You ask loudly, frustrated at this sudden display. You stand from the barstool, draw yourself up to your full height and jab a finger into his chest, poking it for emphasis as you rebut. “I am not done drinking, I am not going to spent the night sitting next to your sour ass-” your voice is raising quickly, drawing some attention- “and I am not going to let you- hey!”
Stan grabs the wrist of the hand currently jabbing into his chest, stopping it instantly. His grip isn’t hard, but it is firm, and you’re reminded of his strength when you try to pull away and find you can barely even get his arm to move, despite the hard yank backwards. He, however, is able to make your entire body move when he steps past you, bringing your hand with him, leading you to the bathroom door a few feet away. He asks in a harsh whisper, “You wanna get us kicked out?”. You do not, in fact, want that, so you bite your tongue long enough to make it through the doorway.
It’s a single-use bathroom with a toilet and urinal lining one wall, a large mirror and sink in a counter hanging opposite. Stan swings you in front of him through the door and he follows, closing it behind him. You stumble as the momentum of his pull leaves you. You start speaking before you’ve even turned around to face him.
“Why are you so mad? What’s going on?” When you do turn you see him, shoulders squared and face still stony. You’ve never seen him like this before- sure, you’ve seen him angry or upset, but this is different. Despite the emotional nature of the situation, you can’t help but appreciate how it makes him look: dangerous.
“You tell me, toots. Cus what I saw when I came back inside was you puttin’ the moves on that hairy loser with the bad mustache.”
You blink.
“Stan, that was an act!”
“Yeah, ‘course it was. But don’t lie and say you didn’t enjoy it.”
You roll your eyes. “Okay, sure, he was kinda cute, so sue me! That doesn’t mean- ”
“Oh, so one fight and you’re tryna punish me by actin’ like you’re steppin’ out?”
You’re both hurt from the fight. He’s hurt that you appeared to so effortlessly flirt with another man. You’re hurt that he appears to trust you so little that he’d assume you’d go for another man at the first sign of trouble. If you both calmed down, you could talk this through, and with some difficulty, reach an understanding of each other’s perspectives and resolve the conflict entirely.
Neither of you are doing that shit.
“No, if I wanted to punish you, I’d fuck him!”
Something changes slightly in his gaze. For a moment it worries you, until you can identify what exactly it is. Then it excites you.
He closes the distance between you as he says, “I can fuck you hard enough you won’t dream of fuckin’ anyone else.”
Your knees nearly buckle. But you’re not going down without a fight.
“You gonna show me, or are you all talk?”
Immediately, as if he was waiting for his cue, he pushes you against the counter, your ass digging into the edge, and one of his hands is already rubbing your crotch. You’re instantly aroused, taken aback by the sudden escalation and how rough his fingers are grinding into the seam of your jeans. His other hand grabs the back of your head and angles it, his mouth finds your earlobe and bites. You’re squirming in his hard grip, already throbbing.
“C’mon Stan, I know you can do foreplay better than this,” you say, trying to goad him.
“Just for that,” he says low, directly into your ear, making your spine tingle, “you get nothin’. Hope that was enough for you sweetheart.” He pulls his hand away and for a second, you think your goading backfired. Then he takes you by the hips, spins you around to face the counter and the mirror that sits atop it, and presses his body against yours.
You take in the sight. Heat has already found your cheeks, your brows are knit. Stan’s eyes find yours in the reflection. His gaze is intense, piercing even, making you feel a vulnerability you’ve never felt with him before. It makes you throb again.
His eyes dart down. His hands reach around your hips, finding the button and zipper of your pants and undoing them for you, pushing them down and letting them fall to the ground. You step your right foot out of the leg of your jeans and prepare to to do the same with the other to give him space to, you assume, stick his fingers inside you again, when you hear him unzip his pants.
Now you know what he meant. Your heart jumps a little in your chest. Those past few times you’ve had sex you’ve required ample foreplay to get yourself to a point where he could fit inside you, and even then, it took time to acclimate to his thick cock. The first time you fucked it took nearly ten minutes of fingering to get you ready for him. You’re certainly wet from the arousal and the precious thirty seconds of his fingers grinding against you, but you don’t know if it’ll be enough.
Stan places a hand between your shoulder blades and pushes, making you lean forward, bending you over the counter. You place your palms on the counter to brace yourself. One of his knees nudges your leg, making you open wider for him. You feel him run two large fingers up and down your slit a few times, checking to see how wet you are. Whether he’s satisfied or not, you’re not sure. But immediately after his fingers leave you, the large head of his cock replaces them, pressing against your entrance. You swallow, unsure if you’ll be able to take it, when he pushes in. He barely enters you, it’s not much more than an inch, but he’s thick enough that’s all it takes to make you feel like you’re being split open. You suck in air through your teeth and swallow a whine. He doesn’t press further, not immediately, and you dart your eyes back up to his reflection. His eyes meet yours again.
“Eyes on yourself, princess,” he says low and dangerous, red starting to bloom through his cheeks. His hand reaches up and runs through the hair on the back of your head, then grips, turning your head to meet its reflection face on. “I want ya to see what this does to you.”
Before you can think of a response his eyes dart back down to your pussy, and he gives a shallow thrust to bully another two inches of his thick cock inside you. It feels almost brutal, the intrusion literally breathtaking as all the air leaves your lungs. He barely pulls back before forcing another couple inches inside your twitching pussy, watching the way your muscles tense as your body reels from his sheer girth. Despite his instruction your eyes are thrown to the ceiling, mouth open in a voiceless gasp, unable to produce any sound, just high and quick pants for breath as you take him. With every thrust you endure you think surely, that’s it, you can’t take any more, but he keeps going, filling you completely. By the time his hips hit your ass you have the dim thought that he’s going to have to carry you out of here when he’s done with you.
He stays there for a moment, buried completely inside of you, so deep he’s brushing up against your cervix. You’re throbbing, both from arousal and the swelling of your punished nerves. His eyes dart back up to the mirror and he sees your eyes rolled up, mouth open, face reddening. The hand not holding your head finds your waist and keeps it in place as he pulls back.
His cock drags against your walls as he leaves you slowly, making you feel every centimeter of the sensation. You can’t move, body locked in place, everything overridden by the feeling, both the pain and the pleasure of it. He pulls back until just the head remains inside you.
“That all it takes to shut you up?”
You let out a couple pants before responding, having trouble forming a coherent sentence, stretched to your limit as you are.
“You fucking wish. Don’t get lazy on me, asshole.”
He pushes back into you and your mind goes blank. He doesn’t do it fast, doesn’t do it hard, but that doesn’t really matter. His cock is stretching you so much it’s all you can think and feel. He fills you up again, his hips meeting your ass, but he doesn’t linger this time, instead pulling right back, all the way to the head, and then pushing back in, a steady pace that is almost devastating. The more he goes the more slickness he draws out of you, helping to ease the pain on the edges of your pleasure, and bringing your voice back to you. You can hear the music and rowdy voices as more clientele come into the bar. You’re desperate to hold back any noise- you clap a hand over your mouth and let out a muffled moan.
“Nah, none of that,’ Stan says, quickly grabbing both of your wrists and pinning them against the small of your back with one large hand. “I think everyone here wants to hear what you have to say.”
You grit your teeth as a whine looses from your throat. You glance at him in the mirror. He’s panting, eyes heavy lidded and eyebrows drawn together, mouth open with a slight grin playing on his lips as he watches your struggle with great satisfaction.
“Hey,” he says, starting to breath a bit harder, “I said watch yourself.” His free hand travels back up to the back of your head to force you to look at yourself. He hasn’t even fucked you properly and you already look like a mess. Face a bright red, screwed up in an expression of both pain and pleasure, eyes dazed.
Then, he does start fucking you properly.
He starts thrusting in and out of you with a quicker pace and you think, for a moment, you might pass out. He’s just too fucking big. Even with him still holding back it feels like he’s ramming into you with every brutal snap of his hips. Your pussy feels like it’s at its limit, your thighs so tense they’re burning. Your jaw is clenched even harder trying to hold back any sound, face getting even redder and screwed up in an expression of pure desperation. Your clit is throbbing so hard it’s overwhelming.
“Look at you,” Stan says, and you can hear he’s breathing fast too, “so drunk on my cock you can’t even talk back”
“I c-can talk back all day long, old man,” you manage through gritted teeth. “You just gonna ram into me a-all night, or are you gonna fuck me right?”
He thrusts particularly hard and you almost let out a high pitched moan.
“Stop actin’ like you’re not enjoyin’ this.”
He picks up speed a little and you can hear your wetness on his cock.
“You hear that? You hear how much your pussy loves gettin’ split open?” The hand wrapped around your wrists tightens as he slows his pace, making sure the sounds of your soaked cunt are unavoidable.
“I think you’re ready for more.”
He stops thrusting.
“More? W-what, you got two dicks suddenly?”
“Shut that little mouth of yours up. You’re gonna wanna save your breath.”
The hand on your head travels down your spine, caressing your back and your hip and your ass before finding your thigh. He grabs the back of your right leg and lifts it, bringing your knee to rest on the counter and pins in there, his hand gripping hard enough you know he’ll leave a smattering of small purple bruises. He repositions his hips and in one jerk thrusts his cock all the way back inside you.
You’re completely prone, cunt wide open to his cock which, at this new angle, rams against the spongy tissue of your G spot and batters up against your cervix.
“Oh, god,” you choke out of empty lungs, like the wind has been taken out of you. His grip on the hands behind your back tightens again.
“You gonna let me hear you now?” he asks, and he starts thrusting in and out of you at a steady pace again, rolling his hips this time, making sure his fat cock drags against the softest part of you.
Sounds spill from your mouth, his cock grinding down your resolve. “oh god”s, “fuck”s, and high, pathetic moans are coming out in a steady stream, at a volume you’re trying desperately to keep low but are finding more difficult the longer he fucks you like this. You’ve just about lost yourself in it all when you hear a knock at the door.
“Everything good in there?” A rough voice asks. It’s the bartender. Your mind snaps back to reality and your heart is seized with anxiety.
“Should we let him in?” Stan asks in a low voice, watching the fear on your face in the mirror. “You want him to see you like this?”
“N-no, St-stan you wouldn’t d-dare-”
He knocks again.
“I said, you good in there?”
“You want him to go away, you tell him.”
You swallow thickly. You open your mouth and Stan slams into you, sending another wave of pleasure and pain through you. You manage to turn the moan into a small squeak. He slams into you again.
You see the doorknob start to turn.
“A-all g-good!” you say in a high, wobbly voice. The doorknob stops turning, but you don’t hear anyone leave. Stan keeps ramming his cock inside you, brutalizing your cunt, making your clit throb so hard it aches.
You hear a glass shatter and footsteps walk away from the door. You drop your head in relief.
“Good girl,” Stan says, and keeps fucking you hard, picking up speed.
“F-fuck you,” you stutter out between high pitched, restrained moans. You’re close to an orgasm, and you’re desperate for it. If you could just reach down and rub your clit you know you’d come harder than you have in years.
You try to wrench your hands out of Stan’s grasp. It’s futile; his grip is too strong for you on a good day, let alone when you’re getting fucked like this. You weakly struggle against hi.
“What’s all this about sweetheart?”
“S-someone’s gotta-ah, st-stimulate my clit.”
“Oh, you wanna come?”
“No, I-I just wanna do it f-for the hell of it.”
“Sorry but my hands are full, and yours are too. You wanna get off, you’re gonna have to grind for it. Here I’ll even do ya a favor.”
He turns you slightly against the counter, giving you the wiggle room you need to line your clit up with the counter’s edge. For a few moments you don’t do anything, just keep taking Stan’s ruthless cock into your stretched pussy, put off by the idea of having to get yourself off using the infrastructure of a public restroom. But with each pound you throb, and you’re so, so desperate. You wriggle onto the edge of the counter until you can feel the edge graze against your slick clit. You can’t move your hips much while Stan rams into you, but you can squirm just enough to roll your hips slightly against the hard edge, pressing into your swollen cunt.
“Desperate little pervert,” Stan says in an undeniably appraising tone.
“S-someone’s gotta finish me o-off, seeing as you’re too b-busy,” you manage between gasps and restrained moans. You’re about to come. You’re so close, the past few minutes’ of overstimulation finally coming to fruition, and you want it so fucking bad, you need it, you’re going to lose your mind if you don’t, and then he pulls you back from the edge. He pushes into you down to the hilt but he stops fucking you, pulls your leg down from the counter, leaving you trembling on the precipice of release. You almost sob in frustration.
“I-if you’re gonna be like this, you might as well leave so I-I can fuck myself-”
“Why would I let you do that when I can do it better than you?”
You both pant for a moment. You writhe against his hips, thoughtlessly rolling his fat cock inside of you, craving more. After a few seconds that feel like minutes, Stan speaks.
“You’re gonna keep your feet on the counter, otherwise I’m dropping you and fuckin’ you on the floor.”
“What?”
The hand holding your wrists travels down to your left thigh and lifts, along with his right hand pulling you up and back from the counter. He steadies as his fingers curl into the flesh of your thighs, trapping you in his grasp. Your feet find the countertop and plant for balance. His cock almost slides out of you, but as you two right yourself together, he slides easily back in, pulling moans out of both of you. He finds a slow and steady rhythm in this new position and the two of you turn your attention to your reflections.
You both watch Stan’s fat cock slide in and out of you in the mirror. It almost looks ridiculous, how wide he is, how far he’s stretching your swollen cunt. It’s drenched, nearly dripping from the battering its taken up to now.
“You wanna fuck yourself? You gotta let me watch.”
“You’re a disgusting old man,” you say, devoid of any fire, having the fight almost completely fucked out of you.
“Yeah? What are you doing letting a disgusting old man fuck you?”
You can only moan in response. He likes that answer. He knows he’s just about won.
“Who’s this cunt belong to?”
You’re losing the ability to think, almost entirely overtaken by the ecstasy of it all. You offer no resistance.
“Y-you.”
“Who’s cock d’you want?”
“Yours.”
“Atta girl. Now lemme hear you say it.”
“My cunt is yours Stan, I only want y-your cock,” you spill out over a clumsy tongue, giving in entirely now. “God you’re so fucking big, I don’t want anything else, j-just you -fuck- do whatever you want, please just don’t stop f-fucking me.”
“That’s right, sugar.”
Satisfied, Stan picks up speed. You reach a hand down to your clit and brush it tentatively. Your legs twitch and you feel Stan’s fingers dig deeper into your thighs.
You start gently rubbing in circles and your back arches, letting him get deeper inside you. Stan fucks you harder. You’re so soaked your fingers occasionally slip from their target. It’s not going to take long to get you over the edge. Stan fucks you even harder and you can hear deep growls and groans in his throat right by your ear in between sweet little murmurs like “so fuckin’ tight for me” and “that’s a good girl,” and you’re starting to feel dizzy, you watch his giant cock go in and out and in and out and you press hard against your clit, and everything stops.
Your hips jerk, almost forcing Stan to slip out of you, but he brings you down as far as you’ll go onto his cock, impaling you, keeping you right where you are. He can feel your pussy twitch and seize around him, hear desperate choked moans you can’t hold back any longer, see your face screwed up in desperate pleasure, and it pushes him over the edge too. He thrusts hard into you, barely pulling back each time, and you both watch in the mirror as he goes. He doesn’t stop thrusting even as he peaks, relentlessly pounding up into you. You watch through hazy eyes as white strands leak out of your cunt, come from each of you dripping down his cock, a mess made by both of you pooling on the tile below.
Finally his thrusts slow and his arms start to give. You pull your legs back from the counter and they find the floor as he lets you slide out of his grasp. You keep yourself from immediately buckling by bracing your palms on the counter- he does the same, reaching his arms around you, one arm bringing your body against his chest in a half hug, the other firmly on the counter, keeping him up. You’re both dripping, both panting, both smiling.
Hey guys. me and my family are homeless and we are in a hotel room but we might be kicked out tomorrow due to lack of funds and i’m terrified. please if anyone can help at all please please anything helps http://paypal.me/stjreilly i have other methods too if they work better for you. otherwise please boost so maybe someone who can help sees it but this is super super urgent
Go to paypal.me/stjreilly and type in the amount. Since it’s PayPal, it's easy and secure. Don’t have a PayPal account? No worries.
fordxreader flashfic, 2.0k words
gender neutral, SFW, no warnings apply
this silly little idea popped into my head and the more i thought about it the more this felt like a Ford Scenario, so here's my first ever Ford-central fic! happy forduary!
edit: there's a part two now!
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Of course Ford watches the cameras in the gift shop.
It was one part of Stanley’s adjustments to his workspace in the basement for which he had no complaints. It’s important for him to be able to keep an eye on things, given that the entrance to said work space was right there, being pressed by dozens of sticky-fingered children a day. Plus, it helped him keep abreast of general goings on around the Shack while he worked. Like the new person Soos hired to help for the summer.
This first summer Post-Weirdmageddon has been a boom for business. It's been a struggle to keep up, even with the combined efforts of Wendy, Soos, Melody, the kids, and a Supposed To Be Retired Stanley. He may not wear the suit anymore, but he can’t keep himself from giving tours and hocking wares and otherwise helping (or hindering, depending on your perspective) Soos’ first year as owner. Despite his brother’s overbearing behavior, he's respected Soos' decisions. Two weeks of madness convinced him he needed one more pair of hands to keep the ship afloat, and Stanley only lectured him on the values of headcount reductions once before Soos hired on a random local. Sure, Ford would have probably found out about this new person eventually. But it’s good for him to have a head start on such things.
That first day they entered the gift shop and took their place behind the register he spent a cursory period monitoring the new employee’s behavior. Just a perfectly normal hour or so watching their blurry form on the live stream from the camera in an attempt to discern any ill intent. No suspicious behavior was exhibited so he eventually turned away, with a mental note to do the same over the next few days. Something of a probationary period for this interloper. He gave little further thought to them until many hours later.
He was deep in his work- linguistic study of the strange emoji-like hieroglyphs of dimension :-P- when he heard thumps and yells trickling down from the stairwell. His head snapped to the camera, frustrated at the break in concentration as well as confused. It takes quite a bit of ruckus to make its way down to his study. It was the new employee, alone in the gift shop, mop in hand. His eyes bounced to the timestamp in the bottom right corner of the small CRT screen: 7:08 pm. They must have offered to stay late to clean, a gesture of kindness or a symptom of nothing better to do. They turned in their spot and he could see their mouth open wide, face screwed up in fervor. They were singing along with a song they were blasting over the speakers. And dancing, too. Both were clumsy but compelling. He watched them two step and wiggle and swivel around the mop as their lips formed lyrics that obviously meant something to them. The distant voice he could hear wasn’t sweet, far from pitch perfect, but he didn't dislike it. His eyes remained on them for the duration of the song, until it was over, transitioning to the next one in the queue. He watched them sigh heavily, roll their shoulders, and begin mopping again in earnest, reducing their previous ardor to a hum and a head bob. His eyes lingered on the camera for a few moments before wrenching them away.
Back to his work.
+++
He watched this new addition do a lot of things over the next few days. He watched them joke with Mabel, talk enthusiastically with Dipper, roll their eyes at customers with Wendy. He caught himself staring at the blurry little form of them with a fair frequency. This was normal, he told himself. He doesn’t know this individual, and it seems like they’re already getting close to the rest of the family. Of course he’d want to learn more about them. Sure, it’s been several days and he hasn’t met them in person yet. But that’s normal too. He likes to spend the Shack’s working hours away from all the hubbub, down in his basement, surrounded by his books and experiments and many scientific instruments of highly specific purpose. The chance for an encounter just hasn't occurred yet.
When he installed microphones on the cameras he told himself it was simply for further security.
+++
The first thing he heard from them was a laugh. Stan had gotten them with some corny pun and drawn out a peal of laughter despite themselves. It was a nice laugh, he thought, a small and wily consideration that slipped his notice.
The second thing he heard from them was a conversation with Dipper. It was about history. They were surprisingly knowledgeable about the topic at hand, and their dialogue with Dipper was animated, enthusiastic. Dipper parroted a common misconception of the subject, and he found himself muttering under his breath the exact same correction as them. He chuckled to himself. A joke he couldn’t share.
The third thing he heard was their name. Melody called it from the kitchen, urging them to take a lunch break. As they perked up and walked out of the scope of the camera, Ford said the name to himself, just twice. Once to commit it to memory, again to let it roll around on his tongue. To savor it. Though he wouldn’t call it that himself. No, of course not. He just wanted to ensure he got it right. That’s all.
+++
It’s one thing interacting with someone face to face, seeing the parts of themselves they put on when they know they’re being perceived directly. Even those who claim to be the least bothered by societal convention act differently when in the presence of another person. It’s an entirely new ballgame to observe someone when they assume they are unobserved.
He watched how they chewed on their fingers when they thought no one was looking. How they could never seem to stand still, always shifting their weight, often swaying side to side to alleviate the ache in their knees. He saw them bend at the waist and lean over the counter as the crowd thinned, elbow on counter, chin in hand, lazily swaying their left leg back and forth on the toe of their shoe, the sunlight filtering through the windows and lighting the curve of their back. He saw all of this and he started to know them in ways most others never would.
He still couldn’t see them very well, though. The camera feed was grainy and the monitors were small. They were little more than a handful of pixels to him, though an admittedly compelling handful. Still, he was frustrated by the lack of clarity and he resolved that early the next morning he’d upgrade the cameras. Just another safety measure.
+++
That evening he went upstairs long after the crowd at the shop had been extricated to seek some leftovers from the fridge. Stan had gotten decent at cooking since caring for the twins and having to get creative with mealtime on a boat hundreds of miles out to sea, and fortunately for Ford, he always cooked far too much. He always left the remains in the fridge, free for his brother to come up and forage. Stan happened to be washing the dishes as Ford approached. He turned to face him.
“Oh good, you’ve decided to come up outta your hole. I got a favor I need'ta ask.”
Ford suppressed a smirk. Stanley couldn’t help himself from coming up with both new exhibition ideas, ideas that would sometimes require Ford’s technical prowess to complete. Ford didn't really mind- he had to admit they could be fun projects to work on. Stan removed his hands from the soapy water and dried them on his pants so he could properly gesticulate to convey his vision. He had just gotten to the part where the Sascrotch would be an animatronic that would throw bananas at the crowd when they were interrupted.
“Hey, don’t freak out, it’s just me, I forgot someth-”
They turned the corner and froze in the doorway when they registered the presence of two men. Two nearly identical men. Their eyebrows shot up, then their head tilted, then a disbelieving grin carved up the right half of their face. Their eyes fixed on Ford.
Handful of pixels became flesh, sharp and crisp, all too real, almost shocking. He watched their eyes dart from Stan’s, to Ford's, down Ford’s body, and then back up again. Ford was frozen. He felt like he’d been caught by something as he stared in the face of what he’d previously had to use his imagination to fill in the blanks of thanks to the poor quality cameras. His assumptions were paltry compared to the real thing breathing and smiling and crinkling their eyes in front of him.
It's overwhelming. And now here he stands, feeling like a trapped animal, desperate to act causal.
“I didn’t know there were two of you.”
Ford doesn’t see Stan regard him with a small confused look before answering.
“What, you haven’t met Sixer yet?”
Their smile widens.
“Sixer? No, I can’t say I have.”
Ford hastily pulls himself together with a clearing of his throat and adjustment of his posture.
“Yes, well, I am usually kept busy with my work. Our paths just haven’t crossed yet.”
“Oh, where do you work?”
“The basement.”
They snort, thinking it’s a joke.
“Nah, he’s being real. He works in the basement here. You know that vending machine in the gift shop? That’s actually the door. It’s a whole thing.”
“Yes, it is indeed a ‘whole thing’. But regardless, it's nice to meet you,” he says, and appends the sentence with their name. His gut seizes as he realizes the mistake and they cock their head even further; again, he misses the glance Stan throws at him.
“How did you know my name?”
Wheels sputter in his brain. He keeps his response brief.
“The kids have made mention of you before.” They smile, obviously pleased at the answer. His relief in this moment is immeasurable.
“That’s very sweet of them. I’d heard them mention a Grunkle Ford, but I just assumed you weren’t around.”
“Hell, he barely is. Who knows whatever nerd stuff he gets up to down there. Might as well be in Cabo Wabo.”
They snort again. “Well, it's nice to meet you too...” They step forward and reach their hand out to him. A handshake. Skin to skin contact. This is almost too much. Just a few minutes ago his perception of them had been little more than a tinny voice and a one-inch tall figure on a CRT screen, and now he was about to touch them?
"Do you prefer a first name basis, or do you want me to call you mister?"
Thanks to his intense self-discipline, Ford pretends he is not bothered by this situation in any way, and gives the reaction he knows is expected of him: a grasping of their hand followed by a sentence confirming how he'd like to be referred to. He swallows a stutter as they touch. He almost expected to feel the ambient fuzz of the CRT screen as he gripped their flesh, but it's far more pleasant that that, their hand is soft and warm and smaller compared to his and he can just about feel the blood flowing in their fingers and-
Again, he exhibits mastery over himself and cuts off the train of thought. They make firm eye contact the entire time- if they notice his extra finger, they don't show it.
"Ford is sufficient. Mister wouldn't be entirely appropriate anyways, it'd have to be 'doctor'."
Their eyes widen slightly- they dart to Stan, and he knows his brother is rolling his eyes right now. To his relief they give him a smile devoid of irony. "Well, nice to meet you, Doctor Ford. And y'know, if you ever wanna talk about your nerd stuff, I’d love to listen. I’m definitely not a doctor, but I am something of a nerd myself.”
Ford manages something along the lines of “sure, sometime” before releasing their hand. They let their gaze and their smile linger on him for another chest-piercing moment before breaking them both, quickly grabbing their sweater off the back of a chair at the kitchen table, and making their leave. Before they vanish beyond the door frame, they wave to both twins and say jokingly, “If there’s actually three of you, you better tell me.”
Stan laughs and reassures them it's just the two. Ford remains rigid. He's counting in his head.
Why is his heart rate at one hundred and eighteen beats per minute?
fordxreader flashfic, 2.1k words
gender neutral, SFW, no warnings apply
part 1
+++
He upgraded the cameras. When they came in that morning he watched them carefully (just to verify the quality of the footage, of course) and found himself frustrated. Still not clear enough. He observed them far longer than he meant to trying to put the pieces of their face into the irritatingly vague form he saw on screen, to no avail. A small suggestion rose in his chest- he wanted to see them in person again. He shoved the thought down and stamped it underneath the heel of his boot before forcing himself to turn away and return to his work.
Nearly a half hour later when he happened to glance at the camera just in time to see them walk to the kitchen, a helpful voice from the back of his mind told him he should go upstairs to get a drink.
He was nervous as he walked up the long staircase- too nervous, he recognized, for the entirely mundane thing he was about to do. He brushed those nerves off as standard social discomfort. Nothing new. Not for him anyway.
Ford walked into the kitchen as they cracked open a soda and leaned against the counter. He gave a nod and said their name as a greeting. They replied in kind, his name and a nod, but also a genial smile. He let his eyes linger as long as he thought he could get away with as he approached the fridge. He swung open the door and grabbed his own bottled beverage- he actually found Mabel Juice to be quite invigorating- and left without another word. Down in his study he chugged the shimmering, near-toxic liquid with haste to convince himself the ache in his gut was purely sugar-based.
+++
The next day, during one of his glances of increased frequency at the camera feed, he saw them do something he hadn’t caught before. In another slow period in the gift shop, he watched them watch the twins offscreen. He couldn’t see what the twins were doing, but he could see their reaction- pure mirth, all smiles and kind giggles in their direction. That wasn’t new, though. What was new was how, after letting out a loud laugh that made the corner of Ford’s mouth twitch, they produced a small journal from their back pocket. It fit neatly into the palm of their hand as they pulled a golf pencil from the spine and flipped open to a bookmarked page. They scribbled something before swiftly, in a clearly practiced maneuver, replacing the pencil and then the book where they’d drawn it from.
A strange cyclone of feelings tore through him. For all his verbosity, all Ford could muster at the sight was,
“Huh.”
+++
Stanley wanted to throw a party.
Ford barely restrained the reflexive rolling of his eyes when he announced the idea to the living room. Soos was immediately on board and had, in fact, already drawn up several plans to the effect. Literally, he produced a lined notebook with many pages of messy graphite sketches depicting his various party visions. Stan and Soos immediately went to work. Ford was about to make his exit and leave them to it. Then they walked in.
They were immediately tickled with the idea. A tourist trap wouldn’t exactly be anyone’s first idea of a party destination. They started listening in on Soos and Stan’s energetic back and forth with bemused interest. Ford’s eyes lingered on their kind smirk for just long enough to stop his escape. A tactical error: their eyes flickered upwards and registered his presence. They blinked, then their smirk turned into a smile. Five words sealed his fate.
“You’re gonna be there, right?”
Stan darted a glance towards Ford as well. Ford anticipated hesitation in his response, but to his confusion, his mouth immediately blurted out,
“Yes, of course.”
He kept his eyes on them to avoid what he knew would be a look of great incredulity from Stan. They looked pleased, though, and that made any discomfort or subsequent teasing from his brother well worth it.
The problem was, then, what the hell he was going to do at a party.
+++
So now he paces in the basement, yellow legal pad in hand. He has a habit of scribbling notes anywhere he can find them. It’s how he keeps sane, a pressure valve to relieve the thoughts in his constantly overloaded mind. A dozen crumpled yellow pages linger at his feet, occasionally kicked by his heavy boots.
This whole situation is a challenge for Ford, and not the kind he’d like to take on. He’s gained a lot of confidence over the decades. He’s sure of his technical abilities, various skills, intelligence and resilience, but his social acuity still leaves something to be desired. Quite a bit, if he’s being honest. Ford has been wanting to interact directly with the newcomer for a bit now- a desire that is completely normal and only driven by an interest in cultivating knowledge about someone who is going to be existing in his home for an extended period of time- but a party is just about the last place he’d want to attempt such an endeavor. He’d prefer trying to make conversation with them on the precipice of a pit of lava than the edge of a dancefloor. Making and keeping conversation takes a surplus of effort and often leaves him drained. But despite his discomfort he can’t deny a party is an effective pretense. He just has to figure out a way to make the situation work for him.
Scenarios dart through his head.
He’d make a fashionably late appearance, only coming out when the event is in full swing. He’d find them standing on their own, uncomfortable and bashful. He’d approach and makes a witty remark about one of the other partygoers. They’d laugh and easy conversation would follow.
But what if he arrives and they aren’t alone, instead making idle chatter with another partygoer? A possibility, they’ve proven to be more socially inclined than he is (though that bar is admittedly subterranean). What if he entered early, offering to help set up so he can catch them as soon as they arrive. Once they step through the door he could request their help affixing one of Stan and Soos’ gaudy party decorations, which he could wittily remark upon, which they would of course laugh at, and easy conversation would follow.
But what if they arrive with someone else? A friend or a partner? He could move through the crowd under the guise of looking for Stanley or Dipper. He could walk slowly through the crowd, head forward, pretending like he doesn’t see them. They’d reach out and grab his arm, excited to see him. He’d act surprised, but turn to meet them and their maybe-friend-maybe-partner with grace. The parasite attached to them is dull, and they’d seem to know it, but couldn’t bring themselves to extricate from them. Ford would skillfully pick up on this and ask a pointed question that leaves the maybe-friend-maybe-partner flustered, excusing themselves to get another drink. They’d giggle and Ford would tactfully wait until the dead weight was out of earshot to lean forward and ask them if they’d like to step outside for some fresh air. They’d break out into a wide smile, the kind he’s seen them give Stanley and the twins and Soos and Melody and basically everyone but him, and he’d stick out his elbow and they’d wrap their hand around his arm and he’d lead them out the door and-
Ford exhales sharply. He shakes his head at the fantasy, admonishes himself to stay on track.
He scribbles and mutters to himself as he hears the unmistakable steps of Stanley approaching. He pauses with a frustrated sigh. He doesn’t love being interrupted. He lowers the pad and the pencil just as Stanley’s slippers come into view on the stairs.
“Hey, I need to borrow the- woah, what’s with all the paper? You drawin’ up schematics for that kiss-bot again?”
“If you’re going to mock me you should start using material applicable to the last thirty years instead of middle school,” Ford says, a bit harsher than he intends. Stan raises an eyebrow.
“Jeez Sixer, I didn’t mean anythin’ by it. What’s got your panties in a bunch?”
“Nothing. Just working something out,” Ford says as he turns away to hastily shove the legal pad into a drawer at his desk.
Ford and Stan had reconnected quite a bit at their nine months at sea. Enough to reignite their ability to read each other to uncomfortable degree, one they were both still unused to, considering their decades of self-imposed emotional isolation. He can feel Stan staring at the back of his head as he approaches the desk. Even worse, he can feel him lean down to pick up a crumpled ball of yellow paper off the floor.
“Don’t-” Ford starts, but it’s already too late. There’s nothing he could say to persuade his brother to drop it.
Stan’s other eyebrow raises to match the first and a dastardly grin curls his lips. He reads aloud.
“Enjoyment of history mentioned; Classics in particular. Potential topics: Odyssey, Iliad, Ovid. Subtopic: educational history (confirmed college dropout, appear empathetic to revelation).” He pauses to throw an incredulous glance at the back of Ford's head before continuing.
“Lives alone. Casually inquire about social relationships- friends, partners, et cetera. Pets? Remember to maintain eye contact without intensity- glances into middle distance or other surrounding subjects encouraged.”
Stan snorts.
“So. Is this what you’ve been spendin’ your time on down here? Spying on our new employee?”
“I am not spying,” Ford says, immediately defensive, more than he’d like to be. “I’m simply observant. You know I have a knack for retaining information others may not.” He tucks the pad into the drawer. It’s not a lie- Ford does remember the little things better than most. But his answer is a clear avoidance of the matter at hand, one Stan's not going to let go of just yet.
“Okay, fine. If you’re not being a creep by spying on them, why are you being a creep writing about talking to them?”
Ford can’t avoid looking at him any longer. He clear his throat and turns.
“I am simply attempting to engage with them in a manner appropriate to their proximity to the family. They’re obviously becoming closer with the twins, Soos, Melody… everyone but me. If they’re going to continue to be a consistent presence in the household, I would like to engender some form of approachability with them.” Ford does everything in his power to remain passively stoic, but to Stan, it’s just forced rigidity.
Stan squints. His brother has always approached social situations in ways he could simply never fathom. Stan flies by the seat of his pants; Ford grasps at plans, even when they’d be detrimental, something he’d told him countless times as teens. So he reiterates it here.
“You know, you can just talk to them like a person. You don’t need to try to make some script about it. They’re easy to talk to. It’s not like Bettie Gargonsky. Or Jimmy Jimson. Or Ash Evans-”
The names make Ford flinch. Early crushes, ones he was ill-equipped to reconcile fifty years ago and would probably be equally unable to now.
“Enough. I understand your point. But what I need to do is prepare for every eventuality. From there I can create predetermined responses applicable to a wide variety of conversational topics, which will ensure I stay on point and produce an appropriate reaction.” He stares at Stan’s raised eyebrows. “This is the best way for me to operate.”
Stan stares at Ford for a moment, face oozing with skepticism. He knows his brother. Enough to know his flaws, and enough that he knows he can’t talk him out of this. He’s going to have to learn the lesson himself. So he shrugs, tosses the crumpled paper back onto the ground, and lets it go, making a mental note to keep an eye on his brother- both for emotional support and potential future mockery, depending on how it goes.
“Whatever you say, Sixer. Good luck.”
Stanley turns to exit, but not before swiping a small hologram projector off a shelf on the wall. He proceeds up the stairs, leaving Ford with his thoughts and a dozen pieces of paper lined with hasty contingency plans.
Ford doesn’t even wait until Stan’s footsteps are inaudible before pulling the legal pad back out.
stanxreader, 12k words
NSFW 18+ there's smut in here!
ao3 link in case you prefer to read there
fem!reader, vaginal fingering, there's a creature and it's kinda scary. takes place a year or two before the twins come to town.
+++
Stupid dog. Stupid dog. Stupid fucking dog.
The words run like a marquee in your head, under your breath as you jump over a log, ears straining to track the sound of paws hitting the dirt. You don’t hate dogs. And you don’t hate this one, not really. But you’re never offering to dogsit for your neighbors ever again after it bolted out the door right as you went to toss a trash bag outside.
You’ve been running after him for far too long. Your chest is burning, breathing increasingly ragged, and all you want to do is drop to your knees and rest. But it’s late dusk, the sky a deep blue as the sun sets below the horizon, and he ran straight to the outskirts of town into the woods, where bears or wolves or coyotes or any other predator could harm him. So you keep gulping down air, ignoring your screaming lungs to get that little shit out of the woods and back in your apartment as soon as possible. You had your whole Saturday night planned, after all.
You run and you run and you run, dodging branches and crushing pinecones until finally, you see a break in the trees, and a little furry silhouette dart into the clearing beyond. You power through, fueled by the hope your chase is almost over. You burst through the trees, into the clearing, and find yourself at the Mystery Shack. You also find your boss in the yard, leaning over slightly, holding something in his hand. The dog is headed in his direction.
“S-stan! Grab that dog!”
Stan looks up just in time to see the dog zoom right by his legs towards the back of the Shack. You can’t even muster a sound of frustration. You slow your pace as you reach Stan, finally ready to admit defeat, when you see the dog come around the other side of the Shack. You worry it’s going to pass you again, potentially run circles around the Shack forever, never to be caught. Instead, it screeches to a halt at Stan’s feet and flops over onto its back, happily wiggling back and forth on the grass.
And also next to some sort of white substance on the grass.
You reach Stan and the dog on heavy, wobbly legs. You open your mouth to say something and immediately slump over, hands on your knees, desperately gulping in more and more air to try to stabilize your pounding heart.
“What the hell are you doin’ here?” Stan asks. Even between your gasps you notice that Stan sounds even more agitated than usual.
“Dog…. sitting….. ran……out on…. me…..”
“Great, and I got him for you. Now get outta here and go home.”
You take a stabilizing breath and straighten.
“Stan I ran here.” Another gulp of air. “You have any idea how long it’s been since I ran? Why don’t you give us a ride home so I don’t collapse on the side of the road?”
His brow furrows with frustration. Your mind clears enough to finally realize what he’s holding in his hand.
“What’s with the salt?”
“It’s, uh, for an exhibit I got planned for next week. Yeah, the Salt Man. Gonna be a real hit.” He shifts slightly. “Fine, I’ll give you an’ your mutt a ride back. But we gotta go right now-”
You hear rustling in the trees. A common noise barely worth noting when you live at the edge of a forest, but you see Stan’s eyes dart to the source, shoulders tense. You scour his face for a clue. You’ve studied his face more than you’d ever care to admit over the last few months of working for him, and it’s obvious- he’s on edge.
More rustling. His eyes narrow.
“Change of plans,” he says shortly, eyes not leaving the trees, “how ‘bout you take that mutt inside and get yourself a drink. I’ll be right in.”
You balk at the hospitality. The only time Stan’s ever offered you a drink is from the vending machine. At your expense. You want to question it, but the mention of a drink makes you realize how dry your throat is. You can question it later; hydration takes priority.
You go to the dog now sitting and happily panting next to Stan, hook two fingers under its collar and gently tug in the direction of the Shack. Thankfully, he offers no resistance, letting you guide him willingly.
You know your way around this place by now. Or the lower half of it, at least. There have been plenty of times Stan has asked you to grab something from another room for him, and his laziness has given you ample opportunity to venture and become familiar with the more domestic areas of the Shack. You haven’t yet had a chance to snoop around the higher floors, though. You’ve often wondered what his bedroom looks like.
You guide the dog to the kitchen, hesitantly take your fingers from the collar. Remarkably he does not move, just sits, panting, looking up at you with an earnest interest in what’s next. Your frustration at him melts away. You grab a bowl and fill it with water for him to drink before getting your own. You chug the water sloppily, water spilling past your lips and onto your shirt, but you don’t care. You feel like a dried out sponge after your mini marathon.
You’re going in for a third glass when you hear the door shut. You also hear the unmistakable sound of a deadbolt locking.
Stan enters the kitchen, a sour look on his face.
“You should stick to runnin’ registers. You know you’re not supposed to let ‘em run into the woods at night, right?”
You roll your eyes. “No, I thought dogs were supposed to be free range. It’s not my fault, okay? He snuck by me when I had the door open for just a second!”
“Yeah, I’m sure that woulda sounded real convincing if Sparky here got eaten by a bear.”
“But he didn’t, because I ran my ass off, and now everything’s fine. You’re being even more of a dick than normal. What’s your problem?”
“My problem is now I gotta play dogsitter. And babysitter. You better be ready to give me a cut of whatever they’re payin’ you.”
You furrow your brow. “What? Why?”
“Cus you can’t leave. You gotta stay here for the night.”
You pause, searching his face for any hint of a joke. You find none.
“Is this like a test? Because I have big plans tonight, so whatever it is you’re testing me for can wait.”
“No, I ain’t testin’ you.” He rubs his forehead in frustration. “You gotta stay the night.”
He looks genuinely bothered, like this isn’t something he wants to do, but feels he has to. This gives you pause. Still, this isn’t something you necessarily want to do either. You’d certainly love the spend the night with Stan, but preferably under more ideal circumstances.
“Uh. No. I won’t be doing that.”
He remains still where he stands and fixes you with a stare, obviously mulling something internally.
“Alright, fine. Go step outside and you tell me if you think I should drive you home.”
Again, you search for a joke. Again, you find none. Your eyebrows knit in frustration at this strange and obtuse request, but you’re too tired to argue.
“Fine.”
You pass him in a huff on your way out of the kitchen and up to the front door. You turn the deadbolt, pull the door and step out onto the porch, expecting nothing. Immediately, something is… off. It’s markedly colder now than it was just a few minutes ago. The breeze that had been running lazily through the trees has vanished, and the air feels thick, stagnant. An unidentifiable musky scent wafts by you. It smells of wet fur, old mud, and mothballs. Your body tenses reflexively at the harsh change in atmosphere. Suddenly alert, you scan the yard and the trees beyond, looking for something, though you don’t know what. Until you do.
You see slight movement between the pines directly ahead, a little to the left, just by where you and the dog had emerged a minute ago. Subtle, but once you detect it, your eyes snap, hyperalert. You squint, straining to make out anything more than an ambiguous black shape next to a tree trunk in the darkness. After a moment the shape moves forward enough that you can finally discern a proper silhouette, and you exhale.
It’s just a deer.
Of course it is. What else would it have been? You admonish yourself- you’ve let Stan’s stupid talltales effect you too much if you’re this on edge at seeing a deer in the woods. You don’t know what he was trying to trick you into thinking, and right now it doesn’t really matter. You’re about to turn around to reenter the Shack and demand Stan drive you and the dog back to your apartment when the deer steps forward, a limb breaking through the tree line.
Its leg is too long.
Slowly, almost exploratory, the hoofed leg places itself on the grass three feet in front of the tree line. It has too many joints. The leg is bending in multiple places, sharp angles and multiple segments reminiscent of a spider’s. A head follows the leg on a too-long neck. It’s swaying lazily like a charmed snake, weaving around branches as it breaches the trees. The features of the face are not yet discernible in the darkness, just the shape and its movements.
Your mind is spinning its wheels desperately trying to gain purchase on thoughts like “chronic wasting disease” and “running-based oxygen deprivation” as you watch it slowly pull itself out of the forest. You hear an impossibly deep rumbling, barely organic, sounding more like large rocks being ground against each other. You don’t want to see any more. But you can’t move.
The head continues swaying its way forward until finally, it breaks through the trees and the porch light illuminates the face. It’s… almost a deer. You see wolf-like lips curl over a row- no, multiple rows- of jagged teeth, placed and pointed chaotically, as if they grew at random. A long tongue unfurls over those teeth, saliva steadily dripping from its end. Antlers atop its head are similarly discordant, no symmetry, just a bramble of sharp points branching from its skull.
You’re so overwhelmed you almost miss the eyes until the porchlight catches them, causing a brief eyeshine, drawing you to them. You’re expecting large dark eyes with a dull stare, like the hundreds of other deer you’ve seen throughout your life. Instead you find eyes that are bright. Blue. And they’re looking right at you.
Every muscle in your body is so tense it feels as if you’re burning. You’re not afraid. Fear takes cogency. You have nothing resembling thought in your mind, just a high screeching tone conveying to you that something is more wrong than anything’s ever been. Your gaze is affixed on the thing’s still-swaying head, its still-looking eyes, and you have the dull sense that your chest might crack open at any second with how hard your heart is beating.
A sharp bark cuts through the screeching of your mind.
The dog wandered after you. It’s standing just inside the doorway now, barking like crazy at the thing beyond the yard. The bright blue eyes that were locked on you shift to the dog behind you. You manage to achieve enough thought to jerk your locked body backwards, clumsily sending you through the door. Your heel catches the slightly raised floorboards of the doorway and you fall on your ass, hitting the wooden floor with a grand thump. You barely register it. You frantically scramble backwards on your hands and heels into the Shack, kick the ajar front door with all your might to slam it shut. The last thing you see is the deer, unwavering, its single too-long too-jointed leg still on the grass, its head still swaying.
You scramble onto your hands and knees, hoist yourself up and run back to the kitchen. You’ve regained the ability to feel fear, and it’s crashing over you in thick waves now. You almost trip over yourself in your haste to get back to the kitchen, back to Stan, back to someone who can help make sense of all this. You turn the corner. Stan is waiting for you with an expectant look on his face, and a beer in each hand.
“Suh-saw… th-there’s some… I duh-don’t… something….”
You blather hastily, unable to communicate the earth-shattering experience with something unexplainable by your standard worldview or the immense danger it seemed to present. Stan does not interrupt, letting you choke out half-words and sharp gasps. Instead he slowly extends his left hand out to you, offering you the beer it holds.
“C-creature….” you falter as you realize what he’s doing. You stare at the beer in his hand, mouth opening and closing in a voiceless babble. Your eyes dart up to his. He looks unshakeable, completely unbothered and with a knowing glint in his eye, something that under different circumstances could just piss you off, but grounds you here and now.
You step forward and take the can from his hand hastily, fingers grazing his rough knuckles. You crack it open, put it to your lips, and sip. Then, you gulp. Then, you chug. And chug. And keep chugging. The carbonation tearing through your throat brings tears to your eyes but you keep going, the harsh physical sensation grounding you further to reality. Your grip on the can hardens, aluminum creaking under your fingers. You keep going. And then the beer is gone.
For the second time tonight you open your mouth to say something, then slump over, hands on your knees, gasping for air. After a few pants you straighten, letting out a large belch as you reach your full height again. When you finally remake eye contact with Stan, you find he’s looking at your approvingly.
“Want another?”
“Yes,” you answer, quickly and plainly.
He hands you the other can. You take just a sip this time, followed by as deep a breath as you can manage. He grabs another from the fridge for himself, cracks it open, and turns back to you.
“So?”
You take another breath. You just saw something truly beyond comprehension. Something that should not be real, should not exist, something you cannot explain using the framework of the normal life you’ve lived up to this point. You’re scared, more scared than you’ve ever been in your life, of both the physical creature you witnessed and what this aberration in reality means from a wider perspective. Despite this, part of you is still clinging to some vestige of pride. You don’t want to have an existential breakdown in front of Stan. So you clear your throat and steel yourself to produce a clear, steady sentence.
“W-what was thaaAt?” Your voice comes out with a whine and a crack.
Stan lets out a loud laugh at your expense, and you find you don’t actually mind it. The corners of your mouth flicker upwards.
“Well, ‘thaAAAT’ was some spooky, paranormal somethin or other,” he says, mocking your pathetic attempt at a confident statement. Your lips upturn again.
“I don’t know what it’s called, or what it’s whole situation is. What I do know is that it comes out every other new moon, and I also know that it hates salt. So every other new moon I just pour a buncha salt around the Shack and it’s fine. Not even a big deal.”
“You have to deal with that thing every other month?”
“Well, not every other month. Sometimes it doesn’t show up. Who knows what other shenanigans it gets up to. But y’know, I always do it no matter what just in case.” He sips his can. “And it knows I mean business, too.”
“It does? How?”
“Had somethin’ to do with the couple dozen times I took pot shots at it,” he says with a wry smile, almost fondly reminiscing. “Pissed it off pretty bad.”
You’re silent, still reeling. Stan’s nonchalance does help, but you’re nowhere close to letting your guard down. Your hand is slightly shaking the can it’s holding. Stan is watching you closely.
“Hey, listen…” he starts, sounding a little hesitant, something you don’t often hear in his voice. He falters, still watching you, again mulling something over internally. After a few seconds he clears his throat.
“You wanna do what I did when I first found out about all this paranormal mumbo jumbo?”
You cock your head slightly. “What’s that?”
“Get really drunk.”
Your lips finally spread into a full smile.
“That sounds like a great coping mechanism.”
+++
“Y’see, the thing you gotta remember is it’s not all ‘terrifying hell deer’ out there. There’s stuff that’s less scary and more annoying, too.”
Your still-shaking hands clutch your beer, the cold liquid inside sloshing slightly as you fidget in your seat. You and Stan have moved to the living room. You’re sitting on the skull that sits next to his armchair, the dog laying down in the doorway that connects it to the main room. Stan’s sitting in his chair, looking and acting as if he was telling you another one of his silly tall tales, serving to soften the existential blow. A bright and grating infomercial plays on the television.
“Sure, finding out that monsters are real will throw ya into a deep pit of existential panic. And yeah, maybe learning that ghosts are real will make you question the nature of death itself and make you have to rethink everything you thought you knew about the world-”
“Ghosts are real?” you ask in a small voice. He pays no mind.
“-but once you realize that all that shit isn’t much different than the raccoons you keep outta the attic using electrified tennis rackets, it becomes a lot easier to swallow.”
You stare at the abrasive infomercial, mind swirling. He was right. You are going to have to rethink everything you thought you knew about the world.
Stan finally notices your encroaching crisis.
“But hey, uh, don’t think of any of this like a bad thing! You’ve got insider knowledge now! Ain’t it better to be able to peek behind the curtain and know the truth? Know what’s really going on around here?”
That perspective actually helps drag your train of thought back on the tracks.
“Well. It does make things make a little more sense,” you start thinking aloud. “I… I remember when I first moved here a couple years ago. My socks kept going missing. And then they’d show up in the weirdest places.” You take a quick gulp of beer. “In my medicine cabinet. In the dishwasher. One time I even found one in my mailbox.” You let out a small laugh and smile to yourself as you recount the memory. “At the time I thought I must have been sleep walking. But now…”
You turn to Stan. “Is there like a sock goblin?”
“Ahh, you mean the Sockobolds.” You let out a small bark of a laugh before you realize he’s being serious.
You take another gulp, finishing the can in hand. You’re feeling warm, the speed at which you’ve consumed this alcohol catching up to you quickly. You reach down and pull another can out of the twelve pack resting on the ground between you two.
“So, wait,” you start, pulling the can’s tab, “When did you learn about the spooky bullshit out here? Did you know from the start it was like this out here?”
Stan waves his hand. “Who, me? Yeah I’ve known allll about this stuff from the beginning. I’m basically an expert.”
He doesn’t continue. You expected him to launch into a drawn out, sensationalized story about his interactions with the paranormal. Normally, you wouldn’t prod. Stan can be evasive about some things, a trait you’re no stranger to. You respect a person’s right to their secrets. But the alcohol and recent trauma are making you bold.
“Oh yeah? Well what was it like when you first discovered it?”
“Y’know, just uh. Standard ‘finding out about the paranormal for the first time and being normal about it’ stuff.”
You hold back a snort. “And what exactly is that like? I can’t say I’d consider my experience anywhere close to ‘normal’.”
He shifts a little. You put your hand on the side of the skull and lean forward on it, towards him, a audacious act you wouldn’t dream of in any other context. “C’mooooon. I like your stories. Let me hear it.”
He hesitates for a second and then smiles, a reaction you weren’t anticipating. Something rolls around in your stomach amid the alcohol.
“Well. If you wanna hear it, I suppose I could do ya the honor of regalin’ ya.”
Stan straightens up in his seat and clears his throat.
“It was the dead of winter, year nineteen-eighty-something-or-other. I had just moved out here, see, and was still gettin’, y’know, acclimated. To how dark it gets, how the house creaks, all that stuff a city slicker isn’t used to. And one night, just as I was about to get some shuteye, I hear a thunk out in the hallway. I was awake instantly. I sat up in bed, and with my sharp, keen senses, I heard scuttling. Slow and strangely wet-sounding scuttling. I was paralyzed with fear.”
Stan’s eyes go wide and his hand grips his chest to emphasize his anxiety. You can’t help but giggle.
“I heard the wet scuttles wander by my door and pass it. Despite my fear, I couldn’t hold my curiosity back- I had to know what it was. I tiptoed to my door and opened it carefully. I peeked past my door just in time to see a dark shape turn the corner. It was goin’ up to the attic. My mind raced. What could this devil want with my attic?
“So I bravely grabbed a baseball bat and bravely pursued the creature. Bravely. I crept up the stairs to the attic… I could hear it messing around with some boxes. As I stepped ever closer, I again bravely gripped my bat tight, ready to fight whatever awaited me to the death. I pushed open the ajar attic door and saw…”
He pauses to draw out the suspense. You lean in a little closer to him, a smile on your lips.
“A plaidypus!”
You laugh, and Stan watches you do so with great satisfaction. “What was a platypus doing in Oregon?”
He shakes his head. “Nah, not that. A plaid-ypus. Like the fabric. Little shit must’ve smelled my old flannel jacket from a mile away, he was munchin’ on it when I caught him.”
“Is the punny name what they’re actually called or did you just make it up for fun?”
“Yes,” he says evasively.
You laugh again. “Your first encounter sounds way better than mine.” You take another sip. You feel lighter, calmer, but the creature is still haunting your thoughts. “But seriously, how do you live knowing there’s that terrifying thing out there?”
He shrugs. “Eh, once you learn how to either kill ‘em, shoo ‘em, or block ‘em out, it’s not a big deal.”
That answer doesn’t exactly satisfy you, but you can tell it’s all you’re going to get.
“Do they ever come into town? How come I’ve never heard anyone talk about this stuff?”
He waves his hand and rolls his eyes. “The townsfolk around here are either too dumb to notice or too repressed to ever talk about it in the open. I wouldn’t try starting any conversations about it. Trust me, you’ll get nowhere.”
“So, when will that thing go away?”
“It usually gets bored of tryna get in before midnight, but it’s best to wait ‘til dawn to be safe.”
You take another gulp from your beer, finishing your third. “Well, I’m glad you’re stocked up. Nothing to soothe an existential crisis like a whole bunch of alcohol.”
“Hey now, don’t get ahead of yourself. I’m chargin’ you for those.”
You smile and roll your eyes. “Oh no you’re not! These beers are my pain and suffering money! This happened at your place of business, after all. You’re the liable one here.”
“Yeah, and you’re off the clock!” He leans on the elbow on the armrest by your thigh. It slides forward, pressing his forearm against your leg, and a bolt of excitement runs through you. This always happens when he touches you. Condescending pats on the back, joking elbow nudges, a accidental grazes, all these fleeting contacts set fire to your nerves. And they’d been happening more frequently lately, too. Just the other day he briefly sprawled his large hand against the small of your back to move you out of his way. When Wendy asked why your face was so red a few minutes later all you could stutter out was something about needing to see a guy about a jackalope. Yes, you’ve been crushing on him since the day he hired you. It’s something you’ve nursed in secret, absolutely certain there was no chance of reciprocation. And you’ve coped with that lack of reciprocation using sound reasoning- it’s probably for the best. He is your boss, after all. One of the immutable rules of life is to never get in bed with your coworker, let alone your boss.
Still. That doesn’t mean you can’t milk this situation for all it’s worth.
You lean forward and poke a finger into his chest, a challenging smile on your face.
“Well it’s still your property. I could sue the pants off you for endangerment!”
“Oh, now you want my pants? Well just for that I could sue you for sexual harassment!”
He’s wearing the same cocky grin he always does when the two of you verbally spar, engaging in toothless arguments neither of you really mean but still enjoy playing out. You stifle a laugh, but your smile widens as you retort.
“I’ll take any compensation I can get at this point. This whole thing ruined my big plans for the night, after all. I need some sort of consolation prize!” He raises an eyebrow.
“Big plans huh? What were you gonna do, watch that Cash Wheel marathon that’s on tonight? Cus, uh. I wasn’t.”
You open your mouth to retort. You’re interrupted by two steady knocks at the door.
You jump in your seat, grabbing Stan’s forearm to keep yourself from falling into his lap. All the work Stan had done to calm you down is thrown out the window- your heart immediately starts racing and dread fills your stomach.
“Hey, calm down there,” Stan says, and there’s unmistakable, genuine concern in his voice. “There’s no way that thing can get through the salt, remember? It’s probably some bum lookin’ for a ride. Happens more than ya’d think. I’ll go tell ‘em to buzz off and then we can get back to our lawsuits.”
He doesn’t hear you follow him to the door. You need to see for yourself that there’s no danger. Your heart is thumping hard, wishing you could will Stan to just turn around and keep the door closed. The prospect of opening up the safe, warm home feels deeply wrong.
Stan starts talking before he’s even opened the door.
“I don’t have a phone, I don’t have cash, and I don’t give free rides-” he says authoritatively, swinging the door open on his last word. Your breath hitches, dread curdling in your stomach.
Illuminated by the single light bulb on the porch is… a guy. Not much older than you, shaggy, agitated. The dread dissipates and you sigh a breath of relief.
“Listen man,” he starts in a Californian drawl you know is not going to help his case with Stan, “I just need a couple bucks for the bus, okay?”
Stan squares his shoulders. “I don’t do handouts either, kid. You better check the next house.”
That gives you pause. You know Stan’s a jerk, but is he really going to push this guy back out there, potentially into the hooves of that monster? You don’t want to invite this guy in- you were starting to look forward to a night alone with Stan, and this dude doesn’t seem like great company- but you can’t just push him back out there.
“Stan, what about-” you start, unsure how to broach the subject in front of the stranger. Stan turns slightly in his spot to meet your eyes, away from the door. You can see the stranger shift in his spot to try to catch a glimpse of you as well.
Something large and brown sweeps the stranger in the torso, throwing him off the porch. You hear him let out a yell as he’s tossed aside, a dull thump as he hits the ground, and frantic footsteps running away. The large brown thing sways, then stabilizes after its use of force. Finally, you can see your monster in all its glory.
You can see its antlers, though they look more like branches, stark white, dozens of twisted prongs branching off haphazardly and winding. They look like they’ve erupted painfully from the skull, the skin inflamed where they meet the head. You can see its nose, like a dog’s, moving wildly as it takes in the various scents of the Shack. You can see its legs, all six of them, just as wrong and bent as the one you saw before. If you were capable of comprehensive thought, you’d wonder to yourself how such a large deer is able to sit upon such spindly, spider-like legs. You can see its mess of jagged teeth, its dangling slick tongue, its terrible blue eyes.
The eyes are so much worse up close.
They’re almost human. Such a pale blue, with a small circular pupil, steady and sharp compared to the rest of the swaying, twitching beast. You can see a light behind them, but it’s not focused, not cogent. It’s just wild.
For an incredibly brief moment, the three of you stand still, each taking in the sudden change. You can’t think. Your brain is rejecting the reality in front of you. There’s nothing that looks like this. Nothing should look like this. This can’t be real, and you aren’t here. Adrenaline makes your blood thrum in your ears, your head so full of pressure no thought can penetrate it.
Stan slams the door shut.
He runs to you, grabs you by the crook of your elbow and pulls. You follow thoughtlessly, too wracked with fear to have any independence. He leads you up the stairs, through the second floor hallway before stopping suddenly. He pats the wall a few times before finding a button under the wallpaper and pressing it. The wall opens. Or rather, a hidden door is revealed. He pushes you inside and closes the door as he swiftly enters behind you, just as you hear the creature bang against the door downstairs.
You step forward and immediately meet with a wall. Stan’s inertia carries him into you, squashing you against it. His hands find the wall on either side of you and brace against it to keep himself from completely flattening you. His large torso is pressed firmly against your back, his hips flush against your backside.
He quickly pulls back, but there’s not much room in here for personal space. The most he’s able to manage is a few inches. You both hear the beast slam against the front door a few more times before it gives way, crashing open entirely. Multiple heavy hoofsteps tap against the hardwood floor of the Shack, almost echoing. They’re slow, meandering, almost clumsy as they explore the main floor. Each one elicits a twitch from your frayed nerves. Stan remains steady behind you.
Then it vocalizes.
euh-euh-euh-euh-euh
Deep, scratchy, rumbling staccato. You let out an involuntary small noise in your throat. Stan’s right hand leaves the wall it’s pressed against and travels to your right shoulder, then squeezes slightly. It elicits a different twitch, followed by the tiniest wave of comfort. Not enough to drag your brain back from the brink of insanity, but enough to keep you from falling over the edge.
A dog barks. You have your first fully-formed thought: My neighbors are going to be so mad I killed their dog. It barks again, and again, and again, and again, each time getting further away. The dog has left the building. The beast must not have been interested in it.
euh-euh-weuh-weuh-uh-uh-uh ?
It sounds like a question.
weuhrruhhhhhyyouu?
Bright, sharp nausea hits your gut and you grit your teeth, a sharp exhale escaping your nose. Stan’s large, warm hand squeezes your shoulder again. Your hands pressed against the wooden wall ball into fists as you feel your knees lock.
The meandering steps are moving away from the stairs, into the other room. You hear it attempt to mimic the dog’s bark in twisted, warbling yelps. You let out another whimper. You feel Stan lean closer to you, closing the mere inches-wide gap between you.
“Hey,” Stan whispers by your ear, and he feels your whole body twitch. “Stay with me. It’ll be fine.”
All you can do is let out a small noise of concern in your throat in response. Your jaw is clenched so tight you don’t think you could speak even if your life depended on it. You hear the creature wander even further away, fully into the other room.
“See? it ain’t comin’ up here.”
Stan reaches up and pulls a string that lights a dull, orange bulb. It doesn’t do much in the way of illumination, but it’s better than the pure dark you were in before. Your eyes adjust, bringing the dusty hardwood panels of this strange little room into focus. You hear the beast bump into something and a noise shoots through the thick silence of the Shack. Harsh, jarring, electronic.
I’m the singing salmon spendin’ all day jammin’
Stan feels your body flinch again. He lets out a small breath of a laugh at the absurdity.
I’m the singing salmon spendin’ all day jammin’
Another one. Your nerves are so shot you flinch again.
I’m the singing salmon spendin’ all day jammin’
This time you can hear a hoof press the cheesy novelty wall hanging. It’s doing this on purpose.
I’m the singing salmon spendin’ all day jammin’
Another flinch. Stan exhales and puts his other hand on your shoulder. He gently pries you from the wall, turns you in your spot to face him. You don’t meet his eyes, instead staring straight ahead, making eye contact with his loosened tie.
“Quit twichin’, you’re gonna give yourself a seizure,” he says in a low quiet voice.
I’m the singing salmon spendin’ all day jammin’
You hold it back this time, a small twinge in your shoulders and nothing more.
“Good,” he whispers. “Now listen. I told ya, we’re gonna be fine. Sure, that thing is a terrifying unholy abomination that shouldn’t walk this earth. But you gotta trust me when I tell you everything can die, and that includes this thing.”
I’m the singing salmon spendin’ all day jammin’
You continue to stare straight ahead, unresponsive. You feel one hand leave your shoulder and immediately miss it, but it quickly finds another spot. It rests under your chin and pushes upward, forcing your face up to his. The gesture is shockingly intimate; his knuckle under your chin is like an anchor, bringing you back to some semblance of rational thought. You’ve never been this close to him before. You realize he smells like wood and smoke and pine needles.
I’m the singing salmon spendin’ all day jammin’
The dull flickering light does just enough to illuminate his face. He’s looking at you with an eyebrow raised, presumably trying to discern if you’ve truly lost your mind yet.
You swallow, and manage in a wavery whisper, “W-what do we do?”
The concern on his face lessens. His hand drops from your chin and finds its spot back on your shoulder.
“It’s easy. We just gotta salt this sucker.”
You blink. “What?”
“We just gotta close the circle back up. This thing can’t be in the circle right? So that means the circle musta got broken. So we just go close that gap and it’ll expel it. Or something.”
“How do you know it’ll work?”
“Trust me, it’ll one hundred percent absolutely totally work.”
Despite his confidence, you don’t trust him, but you don’t have exactly have a choice.
“Okay. So what’s the plan then?”
“Easy. I run down there and distract it long enough for you to get more salt and find wherever the circle broke, fill it in, and boom, that thing’s toast.”
You swallow thickly. You want to just curl up and hide here until sunrise. Your body is starting to ache, every single muscle being so tense for so long. But he’s offering to do the dangerous bit- you know you have to do your part to end this thing. You close your eyes and take a deep breath in through your mouth, exhale through your nose. It’s accompanied by another involuntary whimper. Stan squeezes your shoulders.
“Hey, knock it off with the scared shit. We’ve got this, don’t even let yourself think for a second we don’t. The plan’s a piece of real salty cake. All you gotta do it get in the kitchen, grab that box of salt, and run outside. It’ll take two minutes. Okay?”
You open your eyes. His face is even closer to yours now. You think, dimly through the thick wall of fear, how easy it would be to kiss him, just like how you’ve daydreamed for months now. You shove that thought down and just nod in response.
“’kay. Here goes nothin’.”
He turns in his spot to face the door. He opens it quickly and confidently steps out into the hallway.
You realize with absolute terror that you haven’t heard the salmon for over a minute.
Stan’s body in the doorway blocks your view, but he can see every inch of the terrifying creature to his left. It’s hunched awkwardly on the stairs, spindly legs with too many joints bent at odd angles to fit its large body on the staircase. Its head sways and turns so it can fix Stan with one of its too-human eyes. The thing can’t smile, not really, but its lips curl back in a terrible approximation that makes Stan almost lose his nerve entirely.
They stand there, a mere dozen feet apart, staring at each other for three seconds that feel like years before Stan books it in the other direction, slamming the door shut behind him as he goes.
A few seconds after Stan’s departure you hear hurried, spastic hooves hit the hardwood of the hallway. You’re beyond trembling. You’re beyond shaking. You don’t think you can do this.
You hear Stan slam a door and yell.
“Can’t open a locked door with those dumb hooves! How ‘bout you go back to whatever weird hole you crawled out of and leave me and my salmon alone?”
He’s putting on a cocky act, but you can hear a small current of fear underneath his taunt. Stan is putting his life in your hands. You swallow a whimper and take a step forward.
You open the door slowly and peek around the corner. You can’t see them- he must have led it up to the third floor. You scamper as quietly as possible out of the room and down the stairs, heart pounding even louder than the creature pounding against the attic door. As soon as you make it to the kitchen you’re throwing open cabinets, looking for the box of salt you saw earlier. In one cabinet you find a box of Generic Salt Substitute. In another you find one labeled I Can’t Believe It’s Not Salt. You throw open a drawer only to be confronted with a label asking, You Didn’t Really Think This Was Salt, Did You? You hear more of Stan’s increasingly-worried mocking and the creature’s attacks on the door above you. In desperation, you swing open the refrigerator door. Your frantic heart is relieved to see a box of Yep, It’s Salt.
Victorious, you run outside as fast as your wobbly legs will take you, flinging the door open without a care for the noise, desperate to finish this. You reach the circle. You were expecting to find the break directly outside, assuming the stranger from earlier was the culprit, but it’s perfectly fine. You begin running parallel to its curve, looking for any sign of a disturbance. Each panicked step reveals more unbroken salt. You hear Stan again, this time more a yell than a taunt. Nausea is returning as racing thoughts ask how it could have gotten through the circle if it was unbroken. What if this plan doesn’t work? How are you going to save Stan? How are you going to kill this thing?
Then you see it. Just a few inches of salt smeared and spread across the grass behind the Shack. Even in the darkness you can make out a paw print.
Stupid dog. Stupid dog. Stupid fucking dog. You mutter the mantra under your panting breath as you fill the gap.
The effect is instantaneous. You hear the thing let out a deep, pained bellow, followed by thuds and crashes. You see a bright orange flickering light from one of the windows on the top floor. This thing is getting immolated, and fortunately, it doesn’t take long. The bellow turns into short bursts of harsh yelps, then rasping breaths, and then stop altogether. The light goes out. For a moment you stare up at the now-dark window, holding your breath, ready to exhale and collapse to the ground in relief. But before you can, you realize: you don’t hear Stan.
You run back around the Shack and fling the door open once more, ears straining for any victorious shouts or groans of pain. You run up the stairs as quickly as you can, but the night’s various physical exertions have taken their toll. You’re clumsy, banging your knee on the hard edge of a step more than once as you make your way up. You pay it no mind. Thoughts of Stan hurt or worse flash in your mind like so many strikes of lightning, sharp and painful. You make it to the door that leads to the attic entrance, pull it open and rush in. Right into Stan.
You overtake him, and he takes the brunt of your fall to the hard floor. You’re too surprised to register what’s happened at first; Stan, however, registers it immediately. He sits up quickly, forcing your body to slide into his lap. Your legs splay on either side of his hips until your knees meet the ground in a straddle. He props his torso up by placing his right hand behind him on the floor, the other hand reaching up to rub the back of his head while he swears under his breath. After a few moments, your brain finally catches up with the chain of events, realizing that Stan is indeed alive and underneath you, and you pry yourself from his chest to get a look at him.
He’s okay. There’s no visible injuries, and more importantly, no visible creature. Finally, relief crashes over you in one giant wave, so immense you feel every muscle in your body loosen simultaneously. You lean up and throw your arms around Stan’s neck, bringing him into a hug that’s definitely too tight, but you don’t care. You’re too glad you both survived.
You feel him tense up under your grip, obviously surprised by the contact. A few beats pass where he does nothing- you’re about to recoil when the hand rubbing the back of his head lowers. He wraps his left arm around you, his hand resting on your ribs, and hugs back.
“H-hey now, don’t go squeezin’ the life outta me. I just had a near death experience, I don’t need a full death experience.”
“You’ll be fine, tough guy,” you say, smiling, chin resting on his shoulder. You take a breath and revel in your relief. You’re both alive, you’re both unharmed, and you’re locked in an embrace that just a few hours ago would have been considered by you to be only possible in a wild fantasy. “I’m just happy we survived the most terrifying thing that’s ever happened to me in my entire life.”
Your eyes finally perceive something further down the hall- a large pile of dark ash is sitting in front of the door leading to the attic stairs.
“Wow. It really did become toast.” Stan chuckles, and feeling the movement of his chest against yours makes you feel warm.
“Told you it would!”
You finally pull back, knowing you’ve already been embraced for too long. For a brief moment your faces are inches apart, and the thought is stronger this time: You could kiss him so easily. It sends something electric through you, something that, compounding with the adrenaline still coursing through your veins, could push you into making a very hasty move. You shoot up, quickly bringing yourself to your feet and step back, creating distance to keep you from making a poor decision. You do, however, extend a hand to help him up.
Another bolt of electricity shoots through you as his large hand meets yours.
Once you’ve heaved him up onto his feet, you’re struck by an overwhelming awkwardness. What do you do now that the threat is gone? Do you call it a night? Ask him to drive you home, where you’re sure the dog is waiting, and get to those big plans you originally had? You don’t want to leave this space, not yet, not after you and he have shared so many little intimacies that were previously inconceivable.
Stan breaks the silence.
“I think this calls for some victory alcohol.”
You smile so wide your cheeks hurt.
+++
Despite your immense relief at the creature’s undeniable demise, you haven’t fully shaken the intense fear tonight’s events put you through. You nearly fell down the stairs when you heard a creak from below. Stan, behind you, caught you by the armpits and hoisted you back up effortlessly, another close contact that made your heart stutter. Stan made a joke at your expense initially, but when the same thing happened just a few stairs later, there was no mocking.
“Alright,” he said as he hauled you upright once more, “Let’s get you a shock blanket or something. I’m not about to let you get PTSD, you still got work Monday morning, y’know.”
He led you to the living room where you took your spot on the dinosaur skull, not shaking, but undeniably jittery. Stan disappeared into the kitchen. The longer he was away, the more nervous you became, despite your knowledge there was (probably) nothing more to worry about. When he returned he did so with his arms full of supplies. A six pack of beer, a large cup of water, several cans of Pitt, an old pint of ice cream, two blankets that looked more like towels, a rubber duck, and a terrifying clown puppet. You smiled at him, a little bewildered.
“Well, uh, I didn’t know what exactly you’d want so I just kinda grabbed anything that someone on the verge of a nervous breakdown might want. Drinks, blankets, creepy toys, the usual. Careful though, this ice cream is probably older than you are.”
You let out a snort of laughter, but you were truly touched. You’ve never seen him do anything so sweet and considerate for anyone before, let alone for you.
“How about you just give me the booze and the water for now. If I want antique ice cream I’ll get it myself later.”
You plucked your chosen items from his burdened arms and smiled to yourself as you watched him leave to return the rest.
So now you’re sitting together, having settled in front of the TV again, and you can’t help but feel a sense of gratitude for how the night has ended up. Sure, your nerves are still frayed from your horrifying, life-changing encounter. And sure, you’ll have some existential unpacking to do when you get home. But right now you’re sitting very close to a man you’ve been crushing far too hard on, sharing alcohol and a bad movie, and you’re not doing too bad all things considered. You can reconcile your forever altered perception of life and the cosmos tomorrow.
You’re trying as hard as you can to resist the urge to scooch closer to him as he goes on a bragging monologue you can’t help but enjoy. He’s enjoying himself, too- he’s got an easy grin on his face, confident and carefree. Your gazes wanders as he gesticulates. You notice he’s loosened his tie entirely and unbuttoned the first few notches of his shirt, gold chain and chest hair peeking through. You quickly force your eyes to return to his face, not wanting him to catch them lingering.
“That thing obviously didn’t stand a chance against the likes of me. Only thing in this life I’m afraid of is fear itself. Which, if you think about it, means it’s impossible for me to get scared, ‘cus the only thing that scares me is the thing I can’t be. So I’m literally fearless.” You snort.
“What about plaidypusses?”
“Well, that was before,” he seamlessly rebuts. “I was young and only mostly as fearless as I am now. Takes time to get this emotionally strong, y’know.”
Much like before you’re drinking much faster than you should be thanks to your nerves. Both residual from your encounter, and the fresh ones you’re getting from being so close to Stan. The drink is helping though, making you feel warm, loose, and generally a bit more calm.
An owl sharply hoots in a tree outside. You jump in your seat, spilling your beer a little.
Guess you’re not that calm.
Stan pokes fun at you again, a bit more gently this time. You give him a shoulder bump in return, one that widens the grin on his face. You open your mouth to retort, but you’re cut off by a wolf howling in the distance. This time, you jump out of your seat. You wobble in your spot after your butt lands back on the skull. You lean your body forward trying to keep your beer upright, which you succeed at, but at the cost of your balance. You lean too far over, spilling yourself instead of your drink, right into Stan’s lap.
It’s awkward and a little bit painful for the both of you. Your left shoulder hits the armrest, your left hip digs into his thighs. Stan lets out a small “oof”, followed by a quick bout of laughter at your expense once again.
“You gonna need a seat belt for that chair, sweetheart?”
Red flushes to your cheeks.
Sweetheart?
You twist your body to properly fit in his lap. You brace your shins against one armrest, prop your back up against the other, let your bottom sit neatly on his thighs. Your heart is racing as you grapple with the sudden closeness. Stan, for his part, is doing his best to appear unbothered. But you can’t help but notice a redness creeping up his neck. You let your eyes linger on his neck for just a moment before looking up at his face.
“Come on, you at least gotta give me some credit for the fact I didn’t spill my beer on you!”
“Good thing you didn’t, you’d be out the door in a heartbeat.”
“What, so I can come face to face with another terrifying abomination?”
“Now now, settle down there. That terrifying abomination we just turned to ash is pretty much the only one.”
“’Pretty much’?”
He shrugs.
“Well, as long as you don’t go too far in the woods on clear winter nights during a full moon. Or take a swim to the bottom of the lake at dawn. Or go pokin’ around in any caves. Seriously, never ever go into a cave, no matter how good it smells.”
You let out a hollow, disbelieving laugh at his nonchalance.
You really should get up from his lap and return to your seat. You’re amazed he hasn’t removed you himself yet. Just a few days ago you were left stumbling over your speech because of a hand on your back, and now you’re sitting on him. You’ve never seen him engage in physical contact with anyone outside of a slap on the shoulder or a handshake. You can’t believe he’s let these escalations slide.
You’re mulling over the potential reasons why he may have let them slide- apathy, pity, confusion- and then, as if you’ve been given a revelation from a higher power, you have the profound thought that he may be enjoying them too. The notion makes your stomach seize. But it also emboldens you.
You take another sip and then let yourself do something insane- you fall into him, leaning your body against his torso, letting your head fall against his shoulder. You can feel his body tense, but he doesn’t stop you. Ignoring your thumping heart, you continue as if nothing’s happened.
“Seriously, though. How did you live with that thing?”
“We’ve already been over that,” he responds, and you can feel the reverberations of his gravelly voice against your body. “I knew the salt worked. Everything was fine until someone barreled in and ruined it.”
You decide not to tell him who the real culprit was. “Were you just going to live like that forever if I hadn’t helped you?”
“Eh, sure.”
“Why?”
He takes a big gulp from his can.
“I told ya. I ain’t afraid of nothin’.”
There’s something in his voice that betrays a swirl of emotions you don’t think you can identify. You drop it.
The two of you turn your attention to the television, watching in amicable silence occasionally broken by quips or jokes at the film’s poor quality. The programming switched to a corny, cheap horror movie, a creature feature to be specific. The creature being featured is a man dressed up in a shabby ghillie suit with some antlers poorly affixed to his head. You both laugh when he’s revealed.
“Man, I really would have preferred fighting this dude over our monster,” you say into your fourth beer.
“You’re tellin’ me. This guy looks like mother nature’s hairball.” You laugh, and though you can’t see it, Stan smiles at the sound.
“This guy looks like a poor man’s Bigfoot.”
“This guy looks like if a swamp was a person.”
You’ve both gotten very comfortable. You’ve sprawled, throwing your legs over the one armrest and leaning back on the other. He’s rested his beer-holding arm over your legs, and you can feel the other right behind you on the armrest, warming your shoulders. You’re getting bad ideas again, uncouth thoughts swimming to the top of your alcohol-influenced brain. You’re working hard to keep them at bay, but you’re finding it more and more difficult as time goes.
The movie ends before you know it. A commercial break tells you that the new one will start in just a few minutes, at 11:45 pm.
“It’s not even midnight?” you exclaim, shocked it’s not closer to three in the morning. “This night has felt like five nights all mushed together.”
Stan glances down at you, face a little sheepish. “Well, uh, you don’t have to stay here y’know. Now that the thing is gone you could go home, if you wanted.”
You sit up slightly in his lap, unintentionally bringing your face closer to his.
“No! No, that’s not what I meant. I want to stay here.” You can see an unmistakable flash of relief cross his face at your assertion.
“What about those big plans of yours?” He asks, half joking, half curious.
You let out a bark of laughter. You’d almost forgotten.
“Oh yeah, my big plans for a crazy Saturday night,” you say, rolling your eyes at yourself. “You wanna know what those plans really were? I was gonna pop open a bottle of wine, plop my ass on the couch, put on some dumb shlock on the TV, and-”
You stop your buzzed brain just in time from saying the last part, leaving your mouth open and a flush running to your cheeks.
“…And what?”
“Uh, that was it. Just those things. Nothing else.”
A smirk spreads on his lips as he gets ready to pry. “Oh no, you’re not gettin’ off that easy.”
You can’t help but snort. “You’re telling me.”
His smirk deepens and he raises an eyebrow. More red rushes to your face, mortified you couldn’t stop yourself from the dumb quip.
“Oh my god.” You cover your crimson face with your non-beer holding hand, but Stan grabs it by the wrist and pulls it back, leaving you nowhere to hide in your embarrassment. You feel your stomach seize at Stan’s grip.
“C’mon, we just killed a horrible hellspawn together, we got like, a warrior’s bond. I think you can tell me what your grand plans were.”
His grin is brazen, his hold on your wrist dizzying, the closeness to his body intoxicating. You crumble.
“Okay, fine!” You raise your eyes to the ceiling to avoid his piercing eye contact. “I was gonna spend the whole night jerking off. I’m so cool and awesome that my big plans for a fun Saturday night were drinking and masturbating. Happy?”
You expect him to recoil or express some degree of disgust. Instead, he laughs.
“Yeah, plenty happy.” Eyes still stuck to the ceiling, not looking at his face, you don’t see the hesitation on it before he says, “Y’know, it’s not too late. How ‘bout you let me help you keep your plans.”
A shock runs down your spine. Your eyes fall back to his, wide in shock.
“What?”
“C’mon sweetheart,” he says, and the second use of the term of endearment shoots you in the chest, “You’ve spent the last hour squirming in my lap and your thighs are tight enough to crush a watermelon. I might be old, but I’m not stupid.”
Even more mortified, you realize what he’s said is true. Your thighs have been incredibly tense this entire time, and you’ve done plenty of shifting in your seat, or rather, in his lap, as a result. You can’t believe how obvious you’ve been. After the initial wave of mortification passes through you, the reality of the situation hits you like a slap across the face. He just opened the door to the kind of encounter you’ve been fantasizing about for months now like it was nothing. So many days and nights thinking about him, about kissing him, about what those hands of his could do, and it’s here.
Your face is red hot, your heart is racing, your mind a mess of tangled thoughts, but above all else, you’ve very quickly become very horny. You adjust your face, tilting it upwards a few inches and bringing it closer to his. You’re confronted by a glint in his eyes that makes you clench your thighs even harder.
“Well,” you start slowly, trying to regain your faculties enough to manage some semblance of flirtation, “I don’t know, Stan. You really think you’re capable?”
“More than capable. I can do it better than you can.”
“That’s a pretty bold claim,” you say as you inch forward, closing the gap between your lips. “You sure you can back it up?”
“You tell me, sugar,” Stan replies, low in his throat, before pressing his lips to yours.
He does it harder than you expected, but you can’t say that you mind. You kiss him back with the same pressure, heart ballooning more and more with each kiss he plants on you. It’d almost be romantic, if you’d let it. But you’re impatient, the heat between your thighs growing rapidly. You lick his lips and he opens his mouth eagerly. You lap your tongue against his in quick strokes, teasingly flitting it back after each one. He only takes a few of those before the hand holding his beer places it on the skull, then finds your jaw, pulling your face even closer to his, forcing his tongue into your mouth in one broad movement. It makes you throb, and a tiny moan leaves your throat.
His hand travels downward. It grazes your neck, your collarbone, your chest, until it finds your breast and squeezes. Your back arches at the touch. He gropes you, lifting your breast as he squeezes, his large hand taking all it can. After a few more he finds your nipple through your shirt, hard from the arousal and the stimulation, and pinches gently. Another small moan escapes you. His hand then moves swiftly, finding the hem of your shirt and moving back up underneath it, pulling down the cup of your bra and groping you even harder, rough against the soft flesh of your breast. He alternates between groping and stimulating your nipple as his tongue begins to overtake yours. You’re squirming in his lap, thighs rubbing together almost painfully.
Finally, his hand moves again. It travels down and tosses the empty beer can that was resting against your legs onto the ground, then opens your thighs, grabbing one and pushing it from the other. He finds the waistband of your jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping them with ease. Your heart feels like it could jump out of your chest with anticipation as his knuckles drag against your stomach, your mind blank for the third time tonight as it’s overtaken by pure arousal. His hand dives beneath your underwear, large fingers grazing against your skin as they venture further down. They reach your slit, already slick, and he smiles against your mouth when he feels your wetness.
You’re so desperate to feel his fingers on you, in you, but he doesn’t give them to you. Instead he slowly, lightly rubs two fingers up and down against your slit. Each pass makes you think he’s going to plunge his fingers inside you, but they don’t come. They just caress you far too softly, a teasing touch that has you desperate. It’s torturous. Small moans are coming out of you at a steady pace as your arousal reaches a point of near insanity. Stan just continues to tease your pussy with his fingers, continues to massage your tongue with his at the same slow pace. You’re about to pull back and start begging when suddenly, he removes his hand entirely, using it to pull your jeans and panties down to your ankles. His hand pushes your thighs open even more, baring you. He lazily traces the inside of your thigh back to your cunt and spreads you open.
Two fingers spread your pussy open just enough for a third finger to graze against your entrance. You make a deep, pleading noise in your throat. You push your hips into his hand, trying desperately to encourage any penetration, any further stimulation, but he keeps his touch light. You can feel his cock hard against your ass as you writhe in his lap. And you keep doing it, trying to focus on his cock in an attempt to arouse him enough to stop teasing you. Despite your best efforts his fingers remain slow and light- you do, however, manage to elicit a low groan that you swear you can feel in your chest. Finally, you feel two large fingers positioned against your cunt. Your heart is pounding so hard you can hear thrumming in your ears, your tongue lapping against his frantically, eagerly in anticipation. He doesn’t make you wait any longer. He thrusts them inside you quickly, your wetness offering little resistance despite their size.
Your mouth opens as you let out a loud moan, and he laps it up. Teasing is over; Stan’s thrusting his thick fingers in and out of you at a steady pace, offering you no time to acclimate, spreading you open, dragging against your walls. Your thighs open wider to allow him more room. One of your hands reaches up and grabs the front of his shirt, clutching at it as the penetration quickly builds more heat in your cunt. You’re losing the ability to kiss him back, your brain getting overtaken by the pleasure. Stan doesn’t seem to mind, though. His tongue travels deeper into your mouth. Your thighs are tight as you try to roll your hips in pace with his hand, but you’re quickly losing yourself in the stimulation. Your pussy is throbbing around his fingers, every push and pull pooling more heat within you. Your moans are getting louder against Stan’s tongue, and the heat shoots through your whole body your orgasm rolls through you.
It came so quickly it’s almost taken you by surprise. Your hips jerk, your thighs clench, your whole body tenses as waves of pleasure force their way through you. Stan kept his fingers inside you despite your bucking hips, and they keep their pace, pulling you through it, prolonging it. Each throb feels harder than the last, the ecstasy almost difficult to bear. After a dozen or so seconds they begin to subside and you start to come down.
Stan’s fingers keep their pace.
He pulls his tongue out of your mouth, pulls back and looks at you. You’re deeply red, eyes dazed, mouth open and panting. You can’t even focus your eyes on him at first, still reeling from the orgasm. His cock gets even harder underneath you.
“You look like you need another,” he says, devilish grin on his face, fingers relentless in your cunt, and you feel a twitch of arousal inside you despite the orgasm you just had.
“G-good luck,” you say between pants. “Even- nnh- I c-can’t do th-that.”
“I’ll get you taken care of sweetheart,” Stan says as he pushes a third finger into you.
You moan sharp and loud at the additional penetration. He doesn’t lose his rhythm, continuing to rock in and out of you steadily as he stretches you open. You feel his other hand come up to cradle the back of your head, tangling his fingers in your hair.
“Open those legs a little more for me, sugar,” he says in a deep voice, and you clumsily kick off your pants from your ankles before throwing them open thoughtlessly.
Stan readjusts his hand. He places his palm flush against your pussy, hard bottom of his palm pressing right into your clit. He continues thrusting his fingers while keeping that pressure against your clit, and the stimulation is almost overwhelming. It makes your thighs twitch, makes you clutch his shirt even harder, moan even louder. You can hear your wetness with each thrust, feel it dripping down your cunt. Stan brings your head up to his face and starts laying sloppy kisses on your cheek, your neck, your ear, adding in small bites as he goes that make you seize with pleasure. He keeps this up for minutes that feel like hours, steady and unwavering as arousal builds back up in earnest. You’re writhing more than you were before. Or at least, you’re trying to. Stan’s grip on your head and in your pussy are too strong, keeping you in place so you don’t accidentally fall out of his lap or buck his fingers out of you. Your body is hot, so much it’s almost painful, the arousal once again built in your cunt but this time not enough to push you over the edge. Your moans are just as frustrated as they are ecstatic. You want to come again, you want the release, but your body is infuriatingly unable to get you there despite his ceaseless stimulation.
Stan can see the trouble you’re having. So he talks you through it.
“Atta girl,” he says in that deep voice again, right into your ear, and just that is enough to give you another spike of arousal. “You’re lookin’ so pretty with me knuckle deep inside your pussy. You hear how wet you are? I knew you were gonna be easy.”
He gently bites your earlobe. Unintentionally edged for so long your nerves feel raw, the sensation of every thrust amplified. To make it even worse, Stan presses his fingers upwards, applying pressure to your G-spot, and that stimulation combined with his palm grinding against your clit makes you feel like a live wire. You let out a broken sob- it’s almost too much.
“I’ll make you come again. And I could do it again after that, if I wanted. I could make your tight cunt come for me over and over, fuck you all night. You want that?”
You’re too lost in white hot ecstasy answer him at first. He tugs at the hair in his grip.
“You want me to fuck you all night?”
You manage to choke out: “Y-yes… aahngh…. p-please…”
“Good girl,” he growls against your ear, and you’re finally there.
You come again, and this time it’s sharp and bright as it shoots through you. Your thighs are twitching, your mouth open but unable to produce any sounds other than soft, strangled “*ah”*s over and over as your body is at the mercy of your orgasm. Your body bucks and writhes, but Stan keeps you in your place, his fingers still working inside of you, drawing the already-intense orgasm out long and hard enough to make your eyes water. Your cunt squeezes Stan’s fingers and his cock is so stiff underneath you it’s almost painful for him.
The last throe leaves you and you come down hard and sudden, collapsing into Stan’s lap, entire body spent.
Stan slows his pace this time. He doesn’t leave your pussy, just reduces his thrusts to a slow and almost gentle rhythm inside you. You’re still throbbing. You look up at him, somehow even more red and more dazed than before. It’s obvious how much these have taken out of you.
“You still want me to fuck you all night?” He asks in a sultry voice, but it’s a genuine question.
You don’t know if you can come again. But you do know you’re willing to try.
“Do your worst, old man,” you say with a weak smile, and his cock twitches against your ass. Fingers still moving slow, he brings his face back down to yours to initiate a kiss.
navigation ep1: stanley pines was saved by a mermaid
sea grunk era stanxreader, 4.5k words, sfw, no warnings apply.
You’re stuck, and you have no idea where to go. Stan and Ford have been everywhere, and they’re almost home. The lake holds more secrets than the three of you combined, which is saying something.
When a pair of intriguing old men come to the small lakeside town that’s been your prison for the better part of a year, who could blame you for getting so interested so quickly? Especially when the way one of them smiles at you makes you feel… nauseous? Huh. That’s weird. Must just be the seasickness.
+++
it's time! it's finally time! i'm very pleased to announce my newest entry into my series where i'm normal about old men: navigation! i'm back in the longfic business baby, and this one's gonna be a real doozy. hit the read more to check out the first chapter, or hit that link to read it on ao3.
Stanley Pines was saved by a mermaid.
He swears it- that’s the only thing it could have been. When the boat jerked and threw his inattentive ass overboard, the cold shock of the water made him forget all the safety tips. He fought his own natural buoyancy, arms flailing as the freezing water short-circuited his nervous system. He didn’t hold his breath, didn’t try to let his lungful of air do the work to pull him up, and his inability to even find up to begin with was only making things worse. The water was murky from the storm, green like long-oxidized copper, and the low light of a dusk shrouded in thick heavy thunderclouds didn’t help.
He could only see the hands attached to the arms that grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him upwards. Well, that, and a brief glimpse of the face.
He saw it for only a second before he was thrust back up into the realm of sweet, salvative air and choppy waves separated them. The dim sunlight fighting to pierce the turbid water revealed it to him: the curve of a jaw, a stream of bubbles shooting from the nose, terse lips and a furrowed brow, all distorted by the water’s refraction. But the eyes under that furrowed brow were clear as day when they snapped down to him at the very last second, looking wild, pissed off even, shooting like arrows through his nearly-asphyxiated brain. It’s those eyes that stay in his mind as he surfaces, suddenly alone, before being swiftly ensnared by a life preserver and reeled back to the boat by his highly-frustrated brother.
It’s obvious. There’s only one thing that fits the description of his savior.
“There are no mermaids in Lake Michigan, Stanley,” Ford says, exasperated, as he digs in a large wooden chest to grab dry clothes for his sopping, shivering twin standing in the doorway of their cabin. He clutches a ratty blanket around his shoulders. It is failing to keep him warm, just soaking up the water and becoming yet another wet layer for him to endure.
“Oh, come on! We see selkies in a pond at the bottom of the Grand Canyon and that’s normal, but I’m a dumbass for thinking a mermaid could be in the world’s biggest lake?”
“First, Lake Baikal is Earth’s biggest freshwater lake by volume,” he starts, and Stan does not restrain the eyeroll that follows. “Second, as I’ve already informed you, my extensive preemptive research confirmed that the only creatures in the lake of any flesh or blood are fish, lampreys, and the occasional wayward Näkki. All other possible anomalies are incorporeal. Your fear and the lack of oxygen must have induced mild hallucinations.”
“I didn’t hallucinate someone grabbin’ me and pulling me out of the water, Ford! If I did, how’d I get back up?”
“You got lucky and the tumultuous waters expelled you,” Ford says simply to the chest before standing, dry clothes bundled in his hands. Stan starts to walk towards his brother to take them, but Ford gives him a quick “eh eh”, eyes darting down to the puddle that’s growing under Stan’s feet. Stan groans and begins removing his clothes where he stands.
“You’re as bad as ma.”
“That’s patently untrue. I’ve never made you vacuum the walls, now have I?”
Stan snorts. “Not yet.”
Ford releases his hostages and Stan changes into a set of clothes effectively identical to the ones now piled into a waterlogged heap next to him. The blue jeans slip on easily, well worn. The red beanie caps his damp silver hair. The collar of his plain white t-shirt tugs at the gold earring on his left ear as he pulls it down over his head.
Neither the hole or the ring that hangs from it are new. While picking out his swashbuckling attire back in Gravity Falls, Stan happened upon the simple gold ring he wore for a stretch of his youth in a box at the bottom of his closet. He laughed to himself, at first, as he held the small thing in his palm, remembering how cool he thought it looked. He was on the verge of discarding it when he suddenly wondered if the hole in his ear once pierced by a sewing needle sterilized with a Zippo lighter persisted. He slid the post in with only a bit of finagling. He looked in the bathroom mirror, and with a small “huh”, found he still thought it looked cool. So it stayed.
He sops up the puddle left at his feet with the failure of a blanket, gathers it up with his wet pile of clothes, then heads up to the deck. The air is still thick with residual ozone after the storm, but the agitated winds are enough to make up for it. He tosses his laundry over the taffrail. The blue jeans and brown jacket snap in the wind, droplets of water flinging back into the lake where they belong. Once he’s satisfied they won’t slip into the lake, probably, he straightens, rolling his shoulders back and raising his head to take in his surroundings. The grey-pink glow of a muffled sunset pours over the docks their trusty Stan O War (2) now rests against. He quickly scans the surrounding slips. Still no neighbors.
They’d called ahead for a slip at the small marina, but as they pulled in they realized how unnecessary that was. Out of the dozen rows of docks extending from the beach out into the lake only one other spot was spoken for. They, at the southernmost row and in the slip furthest from land, were far enough away from the other occupant that they couldn’t even shout to get their attention if they wanted, which suits both twins just fine.
The last marina they called their temporary home was almost claustrophobically crowded. Feeling crammed in a tight living space with your brother on a boat is one thing, that boat being crammed in between nosy and raucous strangers is another. They were on their last legs and final nerves during the ten seaday journey through the Great Lakes-St. Lawrence Seaway, the series of locks and channels that bridge the aforementioned lakes with the Atlantic Ocean. This peace and quiet is much needed.
Stan gulps down a deep breath of dense air. His eyes cast back out onto the lake, the low waves churning slightly against each other. Each small crash of water looks like the flip of a large tail as his thoughts wander back to the (one hundred percent real, despite what some know-it-alls may say) mermaid. Ford’s been wrong before. He could be wrong about this, too. He’ll just have to be the one to prove it. His large nose crinkles as he cycles through a sigh, finally registering the aroma around him. Lake Michigan doesn’t smell like an ocean. It’s more… fishy. Still, he finds it a nice change of pace after nine months of swallowing salt. After a few more musty inhales he turns, crossing the deck and going back down the few steps that lead into the cabin.
It’s a nice space, really. Nicer than you’d expect considering the humble exterior.
To the right of the entrance are a pair of plush swivel armchairs separated by a side table, next to two portholes. A couple of large bookshelves with closing doors sit on either side of the nook, which is nestled right up against their kitchen counter. A tiny stove, a satisfactory microwave, a sink, and plenty of cupboards tuck into the port stern. The starboard side holds a number of chests and a tall cabinet nailed down by the doorway. A dinette juts out from the wall, two wide bench seats sandwiching a thick table parallel to the nook with its own two portholes, and behind that lies the twins’ bunks.
The beds also protrude from the wall of the cabin, stacked close to fit in their low-ceilinged quarters. Stan had immediately called the top bunk, and kept it despite the many nights he almost slipped down the short and narrow ladder, and it only took Ford thirteen accidental collisions between his forehead and the hard wood of the frame above before his muscle memory took the hint. This is where Stan goes, grabbing the red jacket hanging from a nail haphazardly shoved into the wall and reaching his arm under the bottom bunk to pull out a pair of dry and somewhat dusty back up boots.
“You wanna go into town and find some grub?” He asks Ford as he sits on his brother’s bed and starts lacing his boots. “I ain’t looking for day ten of bean delight for dinner.”
Ford nods. “Yes, I’d also prefer a change of cuisine. Additionally, I need to see if they have a supply store- someone’s been a little too aggressive with the cleats and we could use some new ones.”
“Well you want the rigging secure or not?”
They bicker toothlessly as they make their way to the shore, docks creaking under their heavy steps. The pale stretch of beach that separates the marina from the town is narrow. Only a few yards from the shoreline and the sand suddenly ascends, forming a ten foot dune that runs parallel to the water. Tough bundles of dark green beachgrass line the top, interrupted only by the broad wooden staircase climbing up the sharp slope for convenience. Grains of sand whirl across the cracked oak with each burst of breeze coming from the water. The very tops of pines and maples and aspens are visible as they ascend, green with new spring growth.
No sounds trickle down the stairs to greet them, no commotion from the town just beyond the crest of the dune. Only the noise of winds and waves pressing at their backs.
Sand meets asphalt as they enter Waaban Cove. Smaller than Gravity Falls, they can see almost the entirety of the downtown area as they stand on the edge of it. It’s a matryoshka doll of infrastructure: a square of low red brick buildings surrounding a square of sidewalk surrounding a broad grey street which surrounds a tall and proud clocktower at the very center, by far the tallest manmade structure in sight. The only way out is along the street that breaks through the two northern corners, running east and west before sharply turning up into the forest that sandwiches this small slice of civilization between the water. The enclosed arrangement of brick and asphalt is hostile to residence, catered to commerce. This is a town with a singular purpose: tourism.
Stan and Ford begin a self-guided tour of the large block, passing by business after business with narrow doors and tall display windows packed together on each street. The only other living souls in sight are an older couple shuffling by on a ritualistic evening walk and a hunter, still in camouflage, carrying a freshly-crossbowed turkey by the legs as he strolls in the direction of the forest, returning to some humble abode nestled between the trees. The shop fronts they pass feel nearly identical at first blush.
Unreasonably-priced boutiques, a fudgery, a few restaurants, a small convenience store, a hardware store, a supply shop, all struggle to differentiate themselves from the brick that binds them together. Some do this with painted doors, a bright yellow or turquoise trying to impart a little whimsy. Others slap large decals on their windows, screaming about deals, steals, and hot meals. A few have carefully crafted handmade signs either hanging or standing by the doorway. Each and every location has some small distinguishing factor once you look close enough. There is one thing they do have in common, though. They’re all closed.
“Seriously? It’s not even seven!”
“Yes, well, you know how small towns operate. On their own schedules.”
“Schedules shmedules. If I have to eat beans outta the can again tonight I’m gonna die and I want the mayor of this town held personally responsible.”
“Held responsible? Would you prefer the mayor go to jail or erect a giant statue in your honor?”
“D’you even have to ask?”
Ford nods with a slight smile. “Giant statue it is.”
They finally locate the only storefront with any sign of life, resting on one of the broken corners. Lakeside Party Store. A dim neon light fashioned in the shape of a beer can informs that they’re open. Stan pushes inside- if he’s going to have to eat beans again tonight, he might as well wash them down with some alcohol.
The store is tiny, grimy, and silent. Formerly-white tiles stained beige by years of booted customers tracking in mud, snow, and salt sit loosely on the cement foundation. Wood that looks to be (and very well could be) over a hundred years old lines the walls between cooler doors. Rickety metal shelves hold small conveniences like Twinkies that are probably not much younger than the antique wood. Stan briskly walks past the register by the door and locates his prey at the back. He grabs a six pack from a cooler door.
He turns back to look at Ford hovering by the front of the store- he wordlessly asks if Ford wants in.
All those stories and tales you hear about twin telepathy are, of course, exaggerations. But they’re also not entirely unfounded. Spending your earliest formative years so closely entwined with another human can easily lend the ability to perceive and interpret one another’s slightest movements. Eyebrow raises, smirks, half-shrugs, all can hold sentences’ worth of meaning if you’re paying attention. And to Stan’s great satisfaction, the wordless twin communication they had as children came back more easily than expected once they hit the high seas together.
Ford wordlessly responds that he does, indeed, want in. Stan grabs a second six pack and heads back up front.
He’s about to tell Ford it’s his turn to buy when he spots the woman behind the counter. Bored, lazily flipping through a Bass Pro Shop catalogue, the forty-or-fifty-something barely seems to register that anyone else is in the shop with her. She’s small-town pretty, fried blonde hair and maroon acrylics signaling like plumage to Stan that this is a woman he can try to flirt with, probably.
He coughs to get her attention. She starts a little, her reflex being a bit of a glare in his direction.
“Anything else?”
“Nope,” he says, trying to get a read on her, trying to find a way in. He sees the catalogue. “So. You, uh, like fishing, huh?”
“S’cuse me?”
“That magazine there. You like fishing?”
“Naw, I was just looking at hats.” She finishes typing the costs into her till. “Twelve fifty-eight.”
He plucks his wallet out of his pants, finds a twenty.
“Well ya know what they say about bait hooks,” Stan starts, eyebrow raising over a cheesy grin, completely missed by the woman whose eyes are lingering on the catalogue. She musters a meager “mmm?”, the barest possible gesture of recognition.
Romance hasn’t been a primary objective for Stan during his travels, but he’s pursued opportunities when they arise. Or rather, he’s tried to. His track record over the last nine months leaves something to be desired. His most successful endeavor to date climaxed with an almost kiss, right before the man he had brought back to the deck of the Stan O War turned into a terrible eldritch abomination and tried to drag him down to the bottom of the ocean to make him his consort. Or his jester. Stan wasn’t really sure. Regardless, he hasn’t exactly been killing it in the romance department, and he would be lying if he said it didn’t shake his confidence. The brick wall of a woman currently in front of him isn’t particularly encouraging. But, he reminds himself, Stanley Pines is no quitter.
“They’re a real pain in the bass.”
The woman levels Stan with a look of withering scorn; Ford walks backwards out of the store as if retreating from a wild animal.
The walk back to the Stan o War is silent. Ford is occupied with drafting a mental shopping list of supplies they’ll need to keep the ship in shape; Stan is busy considering the pros and cons of shoving rocks into his pockets and walking directly into the lake. Neither speak until they’re settled back into the cabin, eating spoonfuls of beans between sips of watery beer as they go through their plan.
Ford smooths out a crinkled map across the dinette table, revealing the entirety of Lake Michigan and its surrounding shores: the left half of the mitten of Michigan’s lower peninsula to the east; the sharp rounded curve that hosts Chicago to the south; a shred of Wisconsin to the west; the sloping bottom curve of Michigan’s upper peninsula to the north.
He pulls the drawstring of a small satchel and upturns its contents onto the map. Tiny clay figures, painted Monopoly tokens, repurposed beads, and more tumble out- all to be used as various markers for their map, gifted to them by a crafty niece. He moves a glittering yellow Monopoly boat to the southern curve of the upper peninsula, marking their current location. He pushes puffy alien and ghost stickers to various spots in the lake, including a few small islands, then slides a number of tiny plastic baby figurines into the green, sparsely populated woods to the north.
Satisfied with their arrangement, Ford clears his throat. Stan settles in, knowing a monologue when he sees one. These are mostly for Ford’s benefit, a way for him to synthesize and summarize their information and goals, though Stan will admit he finds them helpful- he can’t always pay attention to his brother’s mutterings about UFOs and the space time continuum.
“As previously discussed, there have been documented hauntings on all the Great Lakes for hundreds of years. I am uncertain if these hauntings are unique to the commercial vessels that riddled the area with the encroaching French, British, and American colonization efforts of the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries. It’s possible that there are legends among the Indigenous peoples that coincide with these events from The Ottawa and Ojibwe nations that traditionally resided here. The earliest documents I was able to find on our way in regarding sightings of the strange date back to the eighteen-forties, almost immediately after colonialist forces began moving into the area in significant numbers. Newspaper articles, diaries, even advertisements have all made reference to odd and frightening phenomena for over one hundred and sixty years now, a clear sign this is not some stray flare up or fluke. The anomaly hotspot I’ve detected in this region is not the strongest, but it does cover quite a bit of ground. Or water, to be specific. I don’t have the exact location of its epicenter yet- one of our main objectives is to triangulate and nail down that location precisely. Whether it’s a thinning of the lining of reality or the result of a singular entity, we’ll need to approach with caution.
“Naturally, we’ll have to do a general skimming of the lake. We have to determine if what stalks these waters is corporeal, incorporeal, human spirits, demonic mimics, or some elaborate holographic illusions created by local millionaires attempting to retain ownership of their land. We also will want to investigate local lighthouses- lighthouses are a classic focal point for hauntings. These two here,” he points to an island with a lighthouse at both the north and south points, “will be a great starting point.” Stan leans over and sees the name of the land mass.
“Heh. Beaver Island.”
“Yes, very good,” Ford deadpans. His fingers go to a cluster of markers in the woods to the north.
“We can also investigate the surrounding towns- I heard from some fellow boatmen these rural towns hold secrets. Whether that’s relating to this anomaly hotspot or some small town mayoral scandal remains to be seen.
“And of course there’s the beach. I was thinking tomorrow we can do a simple trawl, get the lay of the land, do some vigorous hiking in the nearby woods-”
“Slow your roll there Sixer,” Stan says, interrupting his own sip. “You’re supposed to be takin’ it easy, remember?”
Ford restrains a sheepish look. “Well, yes, but it’s been two weeks already. The swelling is almost completely gone, and…” he falters under Stan’s judgmentally-raised eyebrow.
“I’ll take it easy,” he says with a sigh. “Now who’s as bad as mom?”
“Pshh, please, only reason I’m buggin’ you to take care of yourself is ‘cus I don’t wanna have to play nurse.” He says it as a joke; Ford twitches a smile in return. Stan leans to the side, peering under the table to look at Ford’s leg.
“You need your ice pack?” Stan is already lifting himself off his seat as he asks, but Ford preempts him, rising swiftly and heading to the mini-fridge in the corner. Stan lowers himself back down, keeping a wary eye on his brother, looking for a limp. He finds a slight one, enough to keep him concerned. Ford grabs the cold compress and returns to his seat, applying the pack to his right knee.
“It is better, right?” Stan asks behind his beer can.
“Yes, it is. You are right, I do just need to be mindful.” He gives a small hollow laugh. “How funny that out of all my years hopping dangerous dimensions, all the paranormal horrors I’ve faced over the decades, my fiercest opponent is my own ligament.”
“Don’t sell yourself short, Sixer. That werehog had a little somethin’ to do with it.”
Ford smiles earnestly this time. “Yes, he can certainly bear the brunt of the blame on that.” He takes a sip of his beer- still his first, lagging behind Stan’s third- and then lowers his can slowly.
“I’m sorry your attempt at romantic initiation earlier was unsuccessful.”
A few months ago, Stan would have assumed Ford was mocking him, but he knows now when his brother is being genuine- it’s clear in his voice. There’s always a line of hesitance underneath, like he’s not entirely confident in what he’s saying. Stan shrugs.
“Eh, you can’t win ‘em all,” he says simply.
“That’s quite an improvement compared to when you spent days moping around after that siren turned you down back in the Gulf of Mexico.” Ford has a slight cheeky grin on his face. Just as it took time for him to learn when his brother was being genuine, there was a similar learning curve when it came to his teasing. Stan used to think he was being crudely insulted and would react defensively, but after several, entirely avoidable arguments, he now knows a lighthearted rib when he sees it.
“Yeah yeah, what can I say, I’ve really matured after nine months in a boat isolated from civilization.”
Ford sees Stan taking the rib in stride, but knows not to go too far. He switches tracks back to their plans, negotiating the level of physical exertion Ford should be allowed to indulge in.
They resolve to start small and poke around the town tomorrow, when all establishments should actually be open. No vigorous hikes or long distance beach strolls, yet. After one more pair of drinks they decide to call it early, both eager to enjoy a night’s rest free of noise pollution. No shouting frat boys, no booming music, no bright spotlights left on all night. Just an inky blue sky and endless small waves swashing up the beach.
There, laying in the soft dark as he hears his brother’s breathing gradually slow beneath him, Stan closes his eyes and wills himself asleep.
One thing both twins were surprised to learn they shared after thirty years apart was an absolutely terrible relationship with dreams. Typically ranging in severity from “stressful” to “waking up shouting”, neither of them really look forward to the act of sleep. It’s an unfortunate fact that had the upside of bonding them early on, each stumbling through the act of comforting the other after being awoken by a three a.m. yelp. It’s hard for both of them to talk openly about what plagues their subconsciouses, but in some ways, it’s harder for Stan. Ford’s dreams feature grandiose backdrops, unimaginable torments, traumas that just feel more real to Stan. He can’t help but feel that his own pale in comparison.
Often they’re little more than painful amalgams of fears and feelings. Trying to navigate through a labyrinth of cold dark cement, or falling perpetually in a bottomless pit while countless hands try to grab at him, or finding himself at a hippie music festival, overwhelmed by tie dye and patchouli with no way out. Though not enjoyable, those dreams are at least more tolerable than the rest.
Occasionally, they’re random memories from his younger days. Like that time he had to fight off two pug smugglers going after his loot, one of them slashing his arm as he escaped, making him resort to stitching up the wound with shoplifted dental floss in a pharmacy bathroom. Or that other time he was traveling door to door selling painted chicks passed off as baby ostriches, and a seemingly-interested housewife invited him inside their house, only to attempt a kidnapping to ransom his fake company for the safe return of their wares. Or that other time he had to chew his way out of the trunk of a car. He always wakes up with the taste of felt in his mouth after that one.
The worst, though, are the ones featuring his most painful moments in excruciating detail front to back. Even with his brother asleep mere feet away from him, he still experiences his loss thirty years ago over and over again. Even with Weirdmageddon successfully averted, he still conjures up the crushing fear of those days wondering if his family was alive or dead, the sky an oppressive red, the warped creatures that ran rampant. Even with Bill eradicated, that fucking triangle still manages to wriggle its way through the wrinkles of his brain, twisting and morphing and cackling as he chases after everyone Stan has ever cared about.
Tonight, however, is different. Tonight he’ll dream of mermaids. Two of them, circling him as he floats submerged in clear, green-tinged water. They’ll mind their own business, swimming after each other in a placid ouroboros, for the most part. Every once in a while the smaller of the two will come in close, giving a quick caress to his arm or his face before returning to its place. He’ll know it’s a dream, and he’ll strain to commit everything to memory- the cool water, the assuasive cycle of the mermaids, the loving touch of the one that ventures to him.
Stanley Pines won’t remember this dream, but he’ll sleep better than he has in years.
stanxreader, 5.9k words
NSFW 18+ it's smut time again baby!!!
fem!reader, vaginal fingering, PIV sex, handcuffs, spanking + choking, multiple orgasms, general brat taming activities, this was supposed to be 2.5k words lord help meeeeeee
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A poor night’s sleep. Five tour buses at once. Some kid spilling a giant milkshake in the showroom. One tourist hitting on you. Several other tourists giving you multiple kinds of shit. Another kid spilling an entire half-gallon of lemonade in the gift shop. The twins accidentally breaking the Sascrotch during an impromptu game of “Throw The Dodgeball As Hard As Humanly Possible”. These things are all bearing down on you as the day ends. You’ve never been so happy to watch Stan flip the Open sign to Closed. You were starting to snap at customers in the final hour, something far outside your norm, and you could practically hear Stan’s teeth grinding as the last tourist left the shop.
You’re in his office now, counting out the tills as fast as possible while he nails the underpants back on the Sascrotch. He doesn’t normally let you do this, but today’s an exception considering all the extra closing tasks you’ll have to knock out before he’ll let you call it a day. As you count you hear Mabel, Dipper, Soos, and Wendy all rush out of the gift shop, followed by Stan calling after them, frustrated, asking what’s so important they have to skip out on work. Mabel rambles an answer on her way out and you can hear Stan’s aggravated grunt as the door slams. You sigh. It’s going to take even longer to clean up just the two of you. You neatly organize the tills, tuck the carefully counted profits into a large envelope and slide it into a drawer on your right. You stack the two tills and heave yourself out of his chair, mentally crafting a plan to blow through all the cleaning tasks as quickly as possible. You only make it a couple feet in front of his desk before it all comes crashing down.
When you collide with him it sends it all flying, including the two of you, bouncing against each other and falling back on your asses amongst scattered change and bills.
If you were both being honest, you’re both at fault. You were still looking down at the tills as you walked to the door, and he was focused on straightening a handful of dollar bills from the tip jar as he entered. But neither of you are in the headspace to give grace right now.
“You have GOT to be kidding me,” you exclaim angrily, not specifically at him, but rather to the powers that be.
“It’s not my fault you don’t watch where you’re goin’!” Stan immediately retorts, assuming your exclamation was pointed, and you can feel your irritation bubbling.
“Watch where I’m going? You’ve got eyes too, buddy. Unless those cataracts of yours are as bad as you try to convince the cops they are.”
“Yeah, they’re bad alright, and the only thing worse is your situational awareness.”
“Oh my god,” you groan, standing slowly as he does too. “Just say you’re sorry and we can move on!”
“I should say I’m sorry? Sorry but that ain’t gonna happen when this isn’t my fault. And it also wouldn’t happen even if it was.” He adopts an aggressive stance, one that you match by balling your fists.
“There you go, acting like I’m some sort of prissy bitch, when all I ever do is call you out on your shit!”
“I ain’t acting nothing! You’ve got an attitude, princess.”
Anger flares.
“I told you not to call me that! And I don’t have a fucking attitude! I just don’t bow down to everything you say!”
He steps forward.
“Yeah, and things would be a lot easier around here if you did.”
You stand your ground.
“You’re just a stubborn old man, and you can’t handle a stubborn woman? Embarrassing.”
He steps forward again. He’s only couple feet away now, trying to loom over you.
“The only thing embarrassing here is you throwing a fit!”
More anger flares.
“You started this shit! You know what your problem is? You can’t handle any pushback! As soon as anyone questions you—” you jab a finger into his chest to emphasize your point, tilt your face up to him, and hit him with your best glare, “—you just—”
He grabs your left wrist, yanking your hand away from his chest, cutting you off.
“You know your problem? I know the real reason you’re such a brat. You’re under sexed!”
You blink.
“Excuse me?!”
“You heard me! I ain’t stupid, sweetheart” —the term of endearment, however sarcastically said, sends something through you— “I see the way you look at some of the tourists that run through here.” He unconsciously squeezes your wrist. “I see the way you look at me.”
A shock runs through your spine.
Fuck. You’ve been that obvious?
“Sorry for stealing a glance every now and then, boss. You’re a gross old man, you should be familiar with the practice,” you say with as flippant an expression as you can muster, though you can’t stop the slight heat creeping up your neck.
His eyes dip down to your body quickly before jumping back up to your eyes. He hasn’t let go of your wrist. You’re starting to feel something too close to arousal for your liking… You have to get out of here before you do something extreme.
“That’s it. I quit.” You try to wrench your wrist away but he doesn’t let you. A pulse of warmth throbs within you at his strong grip, and you curse the heat you can feel now rising to your cheeks.
“You don’t get to quit. Cus I’m firing you. In thirty minutes.” His face is serious, but something in his voice sounds… eager?
“Seriously? Thirty more minutes? You that desperate for my help?”
“Once those thirty minutes are up, you can walk outta here scot-free. I’ll even give ya your pay on the spot.”
You’re trying to read his expression. It’s not working- you have no idea what he’s thinking. You don’t really want to quit- you just wanted him to admit he needed you. But maybe after a half hour you’ll both have calmed down enough to renege. Still, you’re not going to back down that easy. Not yet. You’re still riding your wave of frustration, needing the outlet.
“Fine. You get me for thirty more minutes. As long as after that I don’t have to work for your overbearing ass ever again, I’m satisfied.”
His eyes glint. He’s still holding your wrist.
“I don’t think you are satisfied. You got anything you wanna say to me before you’re no longer my employee?”
“No.”
“Anything you wanna do?”
“No,” you repeat, more firmly this time, more to yourself than him, keeping unwavering eye contact. The glint in his eyes sharpens.
“You’re real good at sayin’ no, aren’t you?”
“Better than I am at saying yes.”
“Heh. Cute. We’ll see about that.”
He pulls your arm back, forcing you to step closer to him. His left hand grabs your jaw from underneath, four fingers on one side and a thumb on the other, holding you firm. He slams his lips into yours. The sudden unexpected contact has your nerves alight, your heart jumping in your chest, and an undeniable throb running through you.
He steps forward, pushing you back to his desk, pressing his hips hard against yours and making you hop up on the desk to escape the pressure. He slides between your legs. You try to scooch back to allow more room but the hand on your wrist finally leaves to find the small of your back and pull you back to the edge, against his groin. His lips are aggressive against yours, as if he’s still trying to fight you wordlessly.
You break for air. His hand remains on your jaw. You place your palms behind you on the desk, lean back on them so you can look him in the eye. “You’re just trying to get out of paying me, aren’t you? Hoping I’ll forget?”
He bears down on you. Your chests are nearly pressed together.
“Oh sugar,” he starts before leaning in. You reflexively lean back further but his hand moves from your jaw to the back of your head, grabbing a fistful of hair to hold you in place. He tilts your head to the left, exposing your neck. His lips find your ear and he veritably growls,
“I’ll fuck you so hard you won’t remember your own name.”
A shiver runs through you. You like the sound of that. But you’re not going to make it easy for him.
“I should sue you for sexual harassment, old man.”
He bites your earlobe, the hand on the small of your back running down to grab your hip and squeeze.
“You can tell me to stop aaaaany second now, princess. But I think we both know you’re too desperate to do that.”
“Oh fuck off,” you say, irritation at the demeaning nickname flaring, “If I were desperate I would have taken that cowboy up on his offer to take me for a ride this morning. I’m just here to make sure I get my money,” you lie, in an effort to rile him up even more.
The hand on your hip moves up under your shirt, up to your breast. Despite the throb of arousal that runs through you when he grabs your breast, you continue.
“I’m sure this won’t take too much time… how long can an old man like you last anyway?”
He finds your nipple and pinches, bites your earlobe again. Your back arches.
“Can’t wait for you to find out.”
Before you can retort, he suddenly moves you. His hand moves to your sternum and he presses, guiding you down to lay longways on his desk. He throws his other arm out in one large swipe to get rid of the various papers, pens, and knicknackery on the desk and allow you space. You swing your legs up on the desk and the lamp tumbles to the floor. Fully sprawled on his desk now, he looms over your right side, taking in the look of surprise and fluster on your face with great pleasure. You quickly shake it off, not wanting to give him the satisfaction.
“Let’s get this over with then,” you say, reaching a hand out to his crotch. He intercepts it, then grabs your other wrist, bringing it into his left hand and pinning them to the desk over your head.
“Oh no, it ain’t time yet sugar,” he says, and his right hand trails down to your shorts. He’s already unbuttoning them, unzipping them, and diving beneath your underwear when he says,
“I wanna hear you beg for it.”
You fight the throb that runs through you.
“Tch, you haven’t even done anything yet—”
His finger finds your clit and presses hard. You squirm despite yourself, the touch sending hot flashes of pleasure through your body. He releases the pressure for just a moment before applying it again, just as harsh, just as exhilarating. He repeats the cycle, each time making your body seize.
“Haven’t you ever- nngh- heard of a delicate touch?”
“I can tell you’re one of those who doesn’t like a delicate touch.”
You can’t deny it to yourself- you’re already desperately aroused. But you don’t need to let him know that.
“You don’t know shit about me.”
“You can stop tryna act up” —suddenly his finger leaves your clit, and he thrusts two large fingers inside of your wet pussy— “proof’s right here.”
You gasp when the fingers enter you, arch your back at the sudden penetration. You’re ready for his fingers to work inside you when just as fast as they entered you, they leave, and he’s right back to work on your increasingly sensitive clit.
“Nngh- stop wasting my fucking time, already. I’m getting bored.”
“You got a real smart mouth, you know that?”
“Yeah, and you’re gonna have to work- nngh- way harder than that to shut it up.”
His hand leaves your clit again. He shoves his still-wet fingers into your mouth. He massages your tongue, smirks down at you, enjoying how quickly red spreads across your face.
“I know you’re easier than that, sugar.”
You clench your thighs together, getting more aroused every second. Then his fingers dip too deep, traveling into your throat, making you gag. You strain against the hand holding you by the wrists.
“Heh, didn’t expect you to have a gag reflex. Don’t worry, we’ll take care of that.”
You take the first two thrusts in your throat, horny enough that you almost let yourself fully submit to him. Almost. When he goes in for a third you bite down on the fingers that are now knuckle deep in your throat. Stan removes his hand quickly. You manage to break free of his grasp and you sit up, close to his face. Through your arousal and red hot face you manage to pant out,
“I’m not gonna just lie there and take it.”
You expect to find displeasure on his face. To the contrary, Stan looks pleasantly surprised at your defiance.
“Yeah, you will.”
He grabs the back of your head again and kisses you, this time shoving his tongue inside your mouth. His tongue works against yours in a few large strokes before he moves you yet again. He breaks the kiss and twists your head to the left, other hand forcing your right hip in the same direction, flipping you over, and before you know it he’s pressed your left cheek to the hard wood of the desk and your body is now fully prone in front of him. Holding you down by your neck with his left hand he uses his right to reach under you and grab your groin. With a mighty lift he hoists your hips up so you’re on your knees, ass in the air. With that same hand he yanks your shorts down, your underwear coming down with them, down your thighs, exposing you. Before you can fully comprehend the new position he’s put you in, he smacks your ass. You let out a short “ah!”- both at the stinging contact and the rush of arousal that makes your pussy throb immediately after.
“You gonna apologize for biting, princess?”
You’re stunned by the sudden escalation. You definitely don’t want to apologize. And you definitely do want more of what you just got.
“Not ‘til you apologize for how weak that was-”
He smacks your ass again, a little harder this time, eliciting another short high moan. He doesn’t give you a chance to speak before laying two more on you, each stinging more than the last, the hand on your neck squeezing while he does it. The sting is almost too much, as is the intense yearning in your pussy for any sort of stimulation as a result of it.
“How about now?” Your face is turned away from him, but you can hear the satisfaction in his voice as he asks.
You’re breathing heavy, panting, head swirling with arousal, hands clenched in fists on the desk. He lays another one on you as you don’t respond, and another deep throb of desperation runs through your cunt.
“Aaah— S-sorry”
Another smack. Another throb.
“Sorry who?”
You know what he wants to hear. You’ve refused to call him this since your first day working at the Shack, rolling your eyes whenever he’d urged you to do so. You grit your teeth. “Sorry… sir.”
“Atta girl,” he replies deep and low, and you’re almost embarrassed at the shot of excitement those two words induce.
He runs a hand against your ass, getting dangerously close to your cunt.
“Just a few little spanks and you’re dripping back here, huh?”
“Are you gonna do something about that or just keep wasting my time?”
He lays a gentle tap against your swollen cunt that spurs a sharp groan in your throat. He chuckles.
“I’m gonna keep wasting your time. I’m having too much fun hearin’ you make all those noises. And you can act tough all you want, but I can see you are too.”
He gropes your ass a few times, each grasp teasing your desperate pussy. You can feel your thighs tensing with arousal, and the low hum you ca hear him making in his throat tells you he can too.
“I think I’m gonna need both my hands for this next part though.”
The hand on your neck leaves you, and you actually miss the pressure it had on you.
“Don’t move a muscle, or else. That ass of yours is red enough as it is.”
He walks around behind you, hand trailing from one side of your ass to the other, gently grazing your pussy as it does. He pulls open a drawer, grabs something that clinks in his hand. You identify the sound instantly.
“You’ve gotta be kidding me-” you start to raise up on your palms on the desk so you can turn to him and properly mock what you know is coming. He swiftly walks back around the desk and pushes your upper body back down onto the hardwood, pressing your left cheek back down onto the desk. He takes your wrists and places them in a pair of cold steel handcuffs behind your back.
He smacks your ass again. You moan.
“Told ya not to move, sweetheart.”
“G-great, so you got me handcuffed like I’m in a bad porn. What’s next, you gonna pretend to be the pizza boy?”
He goes back to his spot next to you on the desk. His left hand grabs a fistful of hair. It doesn’t pull, just rests against your scalp so you’re aware that he could so do whenever he wanted. His right hand runs from the underside of your left thigh, up to your ass, before finally letting the tips of his fingers run over your wet cunt.
“Why would I wanna roleplay when I already got you right where I want ya?”
He shoves two fingers inside you again, and you let out a whine at the penetration your pussy was so desperate for. But this time he doesn’t stop, he keeps thrusting his fingers hard and fast, pressing downwards and dragging against your g-spot. You can’t help the long moans it draws out of you.
“You sound like you haven’t been handled like this in years. Too much for ya?” he asks from behind you, and you can hear the smirk in his voice.
“H-hardly. I was j-ust thinking how small they f-feel— aaah!”
He shoves a third inside without hesitation. Your moans get louder.
“If this is how you act with just a few fingers in ya I can’t wait to see how you cry when you get the real deal.”
You can’t even respond to that one. You’re building up to a climax and trying to hold back. You don’t want to give him the satisfaction of making you come so fast. Unfortunately for you, he’s perceptive.
“Speaking of real deal… it sounds like you’re real close.”
His fingers leave you and you immediately miss their presence. You take in a gasp of air to catch your breath when he takes your thighs and pulls, bringing your hips to meet the short edge of the desk, then turns you over. The edge of the desk digs into your sore ass, the handcuffs on your wrists dig into your lower back. The discomfort only bolsters your excitement. He looks down at you, red and sweating through your shirt, with great satisfaction. Now that you’re facing him you can see he’s starting to get red too, heat creeping up his neck. Your eyes find his. He’s looking at you like he wants to devour you.
He pulls your shorts and underwear off your legs the rest of the way, letting them drop to the floor.
He places one hand on your left hip while the other shoves three fingers right back inside you, continuing their relentless pace. You’re still trying to hold back, but it’s no use. After just a few thrusts you feel it about to crash over you. You reflexively turn your head as it mounts.
“Look at me.”
You barely hear him say it.
The hand on your hip raises to your jaw. It grips hard, turns your face up to his. He leans over you so he can better look at your face. That look of hunger in his eyes is inescapable, and it pushes you over the edge.
The orgasm hits you like a tidal wave. Your hips buck, your head reflexively tries to snap up as the pleasure rolls up your spine, but the strong hand on your jaw keeps it in place, keeps your eyes with Stan’s as he drinks up your face in the throes of ecstasy.
You come down. Stan’s fingers don’t stop, only slow, and the continued sensation is almost overwhelming.
Stan chuckles as he sees your face screwed up, desperate over the stimulation.
“I’m not hearin’ a thank you.”
You’re barely holding onto coherent thought.
“Th-thank you.”
“Thank you who?”
“Thank you, asshole”
He picks the speed of his fingers back up and you let out a cry. He chuckles again.
“Still got some fight in ya, huh? I like it. Let’s see how much longer that lasts.”
His fingers leave you again as he straightens up. You let your head loll back, swallow deep breaths at the break from sensory overload. He’s still standing between your legs at the edge of the desk, but you hear him reach a hand back into a drawer. You manage to raise your head enough to see him tear a condom from a roll. You swallow.
“W-wow, how long have those been g-gathering dust in there?”
“Got these about six weeks ago.”
It takes you a second to realize the timing.
“Don’t tell me…”
He chuckles as he unbuttons his pants.
“You were so busy lookin’ at me you didn’t see me returning the favor. Even in the interview. You really gotta work on that subtlety.”
You hear him unzip. You try to raise your head up further to watch him pull it out, heart working overtime to manage the come down from your orgasm in addition to a new wave of arousal at the prospect of him sticking his cock inside you. Stan notices; he reaches up and grabs your jaw again, forcing your head back against the hardwood, unable to look at anything other than the ceiling.
Another bolt of arousal shoots through you, blooming through your spent cunt and making it throb again. Hand still on your jaw, his other hand rolls the condom on. He places the head of his cock at your entrance.
“You think you can take it, princess?”
The demeaning nickname you hate so much makes even more aroused.
“Oh please,” you respond, trying to keep your voice steady despite the intense excitement, “there’s no way it’s that big.”
He enters you slowly. You realize instantly you’re going to swallow your words. You can’t hold back the high moans that escape as his head pushes into you, his girth stretching you far wider than his fingers had just a minute ago. He keeps going, still holding your jaw so you can’t see how much further he has to go. Every second the moans in your throat get higher, more urgent. With every inch that enters you you’re sure that’s it, his hips are going to meet yours, but he keeps pushing in. You start babbling “oh my god” over and over again, completely beyond yourself at the sensation. After another inch you can finally feel his hips about to meet yours. His free hand grabs your left thigh and lifts it, throwing your knee over his shoulder so he can go even deeper, and for a moment you think you might not be able to take it. Finally, he’s to the hilt, and you’re panting like you’re trying to run a marathon in between loose, weak “ohmygod”s.
Stan finally lets go of your jaw and lets his hand trail down to your chest. He pulls your shirt up so he can watch your breasts heave as you pant. His hand continues to trail downward, caressing your torso as it goes. His thumb finds your clit and presses just as hard as he did before, forcing a strangled “ahng!” from your throat. Your hips try to buck, but Stan uses his grip on the thigh thrown over his shoulder to keep you in place, keep you impaled on his cock. He doesn’t thrust, just assaults your clit with friction and pressure to watch you twitch and writhe.
“When was the last time you had dick this good, princess? When was the last time someone hit you this deep?”
You don’t answer at first, still reeling. He presses even harder on your clit and you answer in a desperate whine.
“I d-don’t know! I don’t remember! Probably- nngh- never!”
You look at him, standing at the edge of the desk, balls deep inside you, one large hand gripping your thigh and another working your clit. He’s got a cocky grin on his face as he takes you in. He’s also red, starting to break into a sweat, not quite panting yet but certainly breathing heavily. You’ve fully recovered from your orgasm and the initial shockwave of his large cock, and your arousal is building up in earnest again. He releases your clit. He reaches up, undoes his tie and the first few buttons of his shirt, gold chain and chest hair in full view, and you can’t help but stare. His grin somehow gets more cocky.
“I’ll make sure you remember this.”
He pulls his hips back slowly, pulling more high moans from your throat. He pushes back in, faster this time, and you cry out at the feeling of his girth stretching your cunt, his length hitting you so deeply. Heat flushes to your face as your blood pumps. Again he pauses, watching you pant, letting out small “hah”s as you struggle to adjust.
“I told you I’d have you cryin’ on my cock.”
He pulls back again at a steady pace. After a moan you manage to eke out,
“Just c-cus it’s big d-doesn’t mean you know how to u-use it-”
He slams into you hard, making you cry out again.
“Oh I know how to use it. And I’m gonna use it to fuck the brat right outta you, sweetheart.”
He fucks you fast, watching your body tense and writhe in front of him, watching you strain against the handcuffs under you. His eyes travel up to your face, screwed up again in pleasure and overwhelming sensation, mouth open as it lets out a stream of high moans. He can tell you’re getting close again.
“Look at you, ain’t even been five minutes and you’re drunk on my cock. You’re takin’ it good, too, takin’ the whole thing for me. How’s it feel?”
His talking you through it has you beside yourself because he's right, it's almost embarrassing how close he has you after such a short amount of time, you're just so pent up, not just from the frustrating day, but from the weeks of daydreaming about Stan, wondering what he'd feel like inside you, and now that you're here it's almost too much. Another orgasm is about to shoot through you. Before you completely lose the ability to talk, you stutter out a lie,
“I-it’s fine.”
“You deny it all you want with that mouth of yours but the cunt squeezin’ around my cock says somethin’ different.”
That does it. With a few broken sobs you come, and it’s hot, sharp, rolling through you, making you jerk against him. He holds you down so your bucking hips can’t interfere with his thrusts, the hand on your thigh gripping it hard and pinning it flush against his torso, his other hand pinning your hip. You feel like putty in his grip, mind swirling at the intensity of the orgasm wracking your body. You come down and he slows the tempo, again not stopping entirely, just relenting enough for you to catch your breath. Once he sees you stabilize he reduces his rhythm to painfully slow, gradually pulling all the way out before pushing all the way back in.
“You done bein’ a fuckin’ brat yet? Or am I gonna have to pound it outta you even harder?”
“Nngh- d-don’t give y-yourself a heart attack.” You’re almost slurring your words as you struggle through the response.
He chuckles. You look at him, still thrusting his hips into yours. While the grip on your thigh remains, the hand pinning your hip to the table is now wandering, feeling up your torso, your waist, your breasts. Beads of sweat line his brow and his cheeks are are fully flushed red. The cocky grin is still there but underlined with something more ravenous. The newly slowed thrusts are drawing whines out from your throat, embarrassingly high and desperate sounding, but you can’t help it. He’s keeping you on the edge of overstimulation. Your pussy is sensitive from your climaxes and you’re fighting to recover.
“You need to be careful, sugar. I got you right where I want you. You’re not exactly in a position to fight back, y’know.”
“D-don’t -nngh- need to be. I know you’re about to bust, I’m in the -nngh- home stretch.”
He grabs your breast, gropes it hard. He lets out another chuckle.
“Who says I’m letting you go after I’m done with my first round?”
The threat sends a fresh wave of arousal through you.
“O-oh yeah? And what do you think -nngh- you’re gonna do to me?”
“I’ve been meaning to fuck that smart mouth.” Another wave of arousal. They’re hotter now, feeling like lava pooling in your lower half. He’s keeping the same arduously slow pace, still pulling out entirely with each thrust, and you can hear the slick of your come with each reentry.
His hand wanders up from your breast. It travels up your sternum, brushing past your clavicle before finding your throat. He rests his thumb on one side and lets his fingers fall in line on the other.
“I bet I’d like what you say a lot more with my cock down your throat.”
He squeezes gently, applying light pressure to the arteries under your jaw. You gasp- you immediately feel lightheaded. Your brain was already struggling to maintain coherent thought and is now fogged over, barely able to register any thoughts other than how good his fat cock feels sliding in and out of you.
“There we go,” Stan growls, and your cunt throbs on his cock. “Tell me how it feels.”
“N-not bad.”
He applies a little more pressure. You gasp again.
“G-good.”
“That’s what I thought.”
He watches you closely as more lava-hot arousal builds within you. The feeling of thrust after thrust after thrust emphasized by the fingers around your throat and the restraint of the cuffs and his grip is all starting to drive you insane. Before long you feel burning hot, feverish, an almost primal lust blooming within you. You start weakly trying to get him to increase his speed with your hips, but he doesn’t let you. He keeps his torturously slow pace.
“P-pick it up old man-”
He pulls out entirely and keeps his head at your entrance. You feel so empty when he leaves you, you want his cock back inside you immediately, no, actually, you need it, and you try to push your hips to lead it back to your pussy but he holds you in place.
“You want my cock? I’m gonna need to hear you beg for it.” He fully releases the pressure on your throat, giving you the ability to speak unhindered.
“P-please, I want your cock,” you mumble.
“Didn’t quite hear ya.”
“Please, I want your cock,” you begrudgingly say louder.
“Who’re you talking to?”
You let out a noise halfway between an exasperated sigh and a moan. “Please, I want your cock, sir.”
He nestles the head of your cock between your folds, pushing in just an inch before pulling back. You whine.
“That doesn’t sound like beggin’ to me.”
“Please fuck me, god, I just want you to fuck me sir!”
He slides the first couple inches in but goes no further, looking down at you expectantly.
“Please sir, I’m desperate for your cock, I’ll do anything if you just fuck me again, I’ll shut up, I’ll be good, I’ll—”
He slams his hips into you and you yelp. He doesn’t fuck you as fast this time. Instead he slams into you hard and rolls his hips, mercilessly pounding every inch of your cunt. You’re yowling, babbling ‘thank you’s and ‘oh god’s and arching your back as an unbearable pressure builds in your body, and as he fucks you he’s telling you how good you are for taking his cock, how he knew he could shut that bratty mouth up, how next time you talk back to him he’s gonna bend you over the counter in the gift shop and fuck you however he wants, how pretty you look crying on his cock, and oh god you are crying, the intense stimulation after two strong orgasms making a few tears well up and spill over, and as you get closer your babbling dies in your throat, you’re only able to make small strangled “ah”s, pathetic little noises that make Stan fuck you even harder, and-
-fuck-
you’re coming. It’s sharp, less like a wave and more like a dam breaking. Your body is wracked by powerful throbs making you seize against Stan’s relentless hips, but finally as he watches you struggle on his cock for the second time, he lets himself finish too, giving you a few final pounds before plunging deep and remaining there as he groans.
The two of you come down together. He’s panting heavily, you’re all but whimpering. He takes you in. You’re a sweaty mess blinking tears out of your eyes and gasping for air. He pulls out of you slowly, watches you react one final time to his cock. He lets your thigh slide down off his shoulder. He takes the condom off and pitches it. He reaches back into the drawer.
He grabs you by the shoulders and gently hauls your upper body into a sitting position. You fall forward into his chest, barely able to support yourself after all that exertion. He reaches a hand down behind you and unlocks the cuffs. Your arms fall down and find purchase pressing against the same edge of the desk digging into your thighs. He stands there, letting you pant together as you lean into him, and rubs small circles into your lower back where the cuffs had dug in and made impressions in your skin. You nuzzle against his chest for a minute letting him do so, feeling fuzzy and rubbery in the afterglow. After that minute passes, you lean back and look up at him.
“Well, good news Stan. You’ve convinced me to not quit.”
He chuckles.
“Good. Cus your thirty minutes were just about up.”
You smile, and he looks down at you with a smile far softer than you expected. It sends a different kind of warmth through you. Stan, seeming to become self-conscious of his intimate gaze, clears his throat.
“I’ll keep ya around. But you better stay in line, sweetheart, otherwise I might have to call you into my office to, uh, discuss your performance. I’m big on employee discipline, y’know.”
You smile wider and nuzzle back into his chest as he continues working out the impressions.