It was in the middle of an argument the first time that Sirius had kissed Emmeline, mid sentence on her part as well, much to her annoyance. She had been more than angry about a particularly nasty gash he had running down his side after a duel with one of the Death Eaters and had been trying to tell him what it would do to the people around him if something happened when he’d grabbed her waist and just kissed her.
Mostly? Emmeline remembered being so shocked it took her a second to push him off and have him tell her that as much as he loved her voice, that talking was not a part of this particular plan.
She didn’t know what to think about Sirius most of the time, or how to figure out just what it was that he was meaning in regards to just about everything he said or the fact that there always seemed to be a secondary meaning underneath his words. Up until now, though, Emme had thought that most of this was completely in her head and that there wasn’t entirely anything that had made her be sure that he was reciprocated her feelings. Merlin, he was just incredibly good at throwing her for a loop, and she wasn’t entirely sure that was ever going to change, it seemed to be a particular goal of his at least.
There was a soft sigh that escaped her lips when his fingers wove their way into her hair while one of her hands rested against his chest, the other one gently brushing against his jawline for the few long moments that their lips were connected.
It took Emmeline more than a couple seconds to even begin to think of breathing again, or to begin to comprehend what it meant for their friendship. This… the fact that he had actually kissed her would change everything that they were, and if he thought that it was a mistake? Well, the thought alone made her stomach twist uncomfortably. This war had changed everything and had shifted their entire lives, for Emmeline? It terrified her that she has to make choices based off of a war that she never asked for.
That was the thought that made her pull back from him, her hands still resting in place before dropping away and moving to lightly touch her lips as they continued to tingle and shook her head. "We just..."
It took Sirius a few more seconds for his hands to be completely off of her, though the hesitation was clear in his movements, as though he was just waiting for Emmeline to stop him. "I thought I was never going to hear you yell again," he said quietly, stepping closer to her, though he still made an effort to keep from touching her quite yet. "When I was out there, I mean. Before James came and helped, I thought I wouldn't get to hear you yell at me about doing something stupid."
"You... you can't go and die on me," she mumbled, letting her eyes drop close before shaking her head as she wrapped her arms around her waist and let out a heavy sigh.
She heard Sirius move before his arms were wrapping around her, pulling her back against his chest in a completely different way than it had been just a few moment previous, and she couldn't even say that she was surprised by the way that she melted against him and nuzzled her face against his chest almost instinctively. "Emme, I don't want to forget how your voice sounds, I want you to be here waiting for me."
Emme let out a breath of air before she even tried to think about nodding her head in agreement, more aware of the fact that this was a time where she needed to really consider what it was that she was saying yes to. If she had thought the kiss would change their dynamic, it was nothing compared to the undertones of what he was saying just then, and Emmeline found herself nodding in agreement before she really thought it through. "Just please come back to me."
The first time that Emmeline Vance saw him, she thought he was overly arrogant, self-entitled, and certain far too loud. Then again, she was also thrown into the realization that the same boy that she was taking this viewpoint on was also from the same Black family that her father had said so many things about, the family he had cautioned her about getting involved with because of their rather dark reputation.
Granted, she then saw him sand another dark haired boy pull hard on her cousin’s hair, so maybe… maybe she could acknowledge that part of her opinion had more to do with that and less to do with who he really as.
Either way, she swore right then that Sirius Black would eventually pay for making her little cousin cry.
-
The first time that Emmeline spoke more than a passing word to him they were thirteen, her hair was a hot pink color rather than it’s normal blonde, and her clothing that was normally accented with Slytherin colors had been morphed into the bright, loud, and very frustrating colors of Gryffindor. Looking back, the speaking was moreso yelling and a string of curses that probably would have made some sailors blush were coming out of her mouth as Sirius just simply smirked.
Well, he smirked right up until Emmeline may have said something about how she understood now why it was that Regulus graved the attention of stable Pureblood men in the House, and Emmeline suddenly found herself pushed against the wall with Sirius’ arm keeping her in place and a wild look in his eyes only for a couple moments before they both heard Professor McGonagall screeching at them to stop and yelling at Sirius to let Emmeline go.
Thankfully, when the professor had finally got around to assigning each of them detention for what they had got themselves into, the woman had the foresight to keep both of them in separate rooms.
-
The first time that they spoke in a way that didn’t involve one of them yelling at each other wasn’t weeks later, but rather during their sixth year after what had seemed to be a particularly nasty duel that Sirius had with one of her Housemates, Amycus Carrow. Somehow their friends ran in the same circles, and even though she could say that she probably knew more about the Black heir than she had ever thought she could, Emme could also say that she didn’t know anywhere near enough of him. They also had yet to have really spoke after the things Emmeline said in their third year (though she had told James that she was sorry and entirely out of line, she never had been great with anger).
It was a squeak of frustration that rang out through the halls when Amycus had grabbed her hand and gave her a warning glare before growling something about Slytherin loyalties, and keeping with the status quo. There was something about the fact that Black had been summoned (whatever that meant), and that he had to know the consequences of rejecting the offer. Emmeline hadn’t cared much about the fact that there was obviously more at play than she knew about, she didn’t care enough at the moment at least, but she could tell that as Sirius left the room he was in pain and Emme knew that she did a decent job of healing when the times called for it.
So, instead of going with her better judgement and sticking with the status quo and keeping herself safe, she pulled her arm away from Amycus and nodded to the man in mock acknowledgement before following the Gryffindor out of the room.
It didn’t take her long to find Sirius with his want out, mumbling healing spells at the wounds before she shooed his hand away before pulling her own wand out and muttering episkey on his split lip. “I’m sorry. For Amycus, he was out of line.”
“Yeah, well, that’s what you get with Purebloods, pretty words and pretty wounds when you don’t do what they want,” Sirius growled, letting out a hiss of pain with Emmeline muttered tergeo to clear the dried blood out of a wound that was on his arm. “Bloody hell, Vance, you could give me some warning.”
“You could try not to fight in the halls unless you’re going to win too, but I wasn’t going to say anything,” she shot back. “Episkey. What was he offering you anyways?”
“Nothing of importance.”
-
The first time that Emmeline ever touched him was their seventh year, and she was fairly certain that compared to her sixteen years, he had already reached his seventeenth (not that she was counting, or anything). Emmeline had found him slumped on the ground and his head in his hands. Even though she didn’t know what had happened, and she never did ask, Emme found herself sliding down to the ground next to him and wrapping her arms around him before letting his head rest against her chest.
It was hours before anyone else passed by them, and she was thankful that it was Lily Evans rather than a professor, because there was a recognition in Lily’s eyes about whatever and happened that made the ever confident and sure Sirius crumble that made Emmeline wonder if maybe the redhead knew more than she even did. She never did find out, but Lily did help her get Sirius back to the Gryffindor Common Room unseen, and then assist the blonde back to hers before continuing on her own patrol.
It wasn’t until days later that Emmeline realized Sirius hadn’t let go of her hand the entire time that they had been sitting on the ground, or even when they followed Lily through the corridors to the Common Room. That was something that she would swear she never did spend much time trying to figure out exactly what it was that had prompted her to grab his hand in the first place, let alone why it was that he hadn’t immediately let go of it. No, Emmeline Vance never did wonder what was changing with them.
-
The first time that Sirius kissed her, an important distinction in Emmeline’s mind since they were so steadfast in avoiding any type of touching unless she was the Healer assigned to him when he got hurt, they were barely out of Hogwarts, and Emmeline had got caught in a battle that she probably never should have been involved in. She remembered the sheer panic, and the moment where her mind was completely blank when she spotted the familiar movements of one of her former Housemates.
Emmeline had ended up with a rather beautiful looking gash on her leg for the thanks of that particular distraction, and she was reminded just why it was that she was the one that was in the background healing, not one of the ones that fought in the trenches.
She’d barely even got the slice cleaned out when he had barged into the room, cursing at her and at Andromeda Tonks for not having her healed already when she had rolled her eyes at him and told him to shut his mouth if he was going to give her a headache. Emmeline hadn’t expected him to grab her face and slant his lips down against hers and let his fingers knot into her hair, cradling her as though she might disappear at any second.
In retrospect, she now realized that was probably a little bit how he felt.
-
By the time that she had finally been willing to be the first to say I love you, she heard James joking about how much Sirius loved her far more often than she had ever heard the sentiment out of his best friend’s mouth. She’d remember James’ panic, however, when Lily finally went into labor and how Sirius had almost joined into that same panic only moments later, while Emmeline and Lily had both been left to work as a team with the Healers while the two men hyperventilated in the hallway.
She wasn’t the first one other than Lily to hold Harry, because that would be far too much of a volition of both James’ right as the father and Sirius’ right as the godfather, but she was definitely the next one right after Sirius. And even though she never told him that she did, in fact, hear him mutter how much he ‘bloody loved her’ against her hair, Emmeline would also certainly never forget the fact. Particularly whenever she would rub it in that she was the one that worked up the courage before he had ever been able to manage it and his jaw would tick like he wanted to confess but was letting her win this particular round.
-
She’d never imagined marriage with him, partly because they were in the midst of the war, and in the midst of that… well, bringing any new ideas into the mix was chaos enough. But regardless, Emmeline could tell you the exact date that she had first dreamed about the possibility of marrying Sirius. At that point, however, it was an impossibility of epic proportions.
It had taken her a good hour or two after she woke up from the dream to even remember the fact that Lily and James were both dead, and there was certainly no way for her to talk them into somehow letting them use Harry as the ring barer, despite the fact that he was barely even eighteen months old. James and Lily were gone, Harry was in hiding somewhere that Professor Dumbledore had put him, Peter was dead as well, and Sirius… well, Sirius was the one that had made all of it happen.
It may have been the first time that she had dreamed about the possibility of marrying Sirius Black, but it was certainly the last time that she ever let her mind go down that particular road again. In all the years though, it was certainly the first time that she muttered that she hated Sirius for everything that he had brought down on all of them, it would take her hundreds more times of saying it for her to finally believe it though.
-
The first time that Emmeline ever saw Sirius after he had escaped from Azkaban, she was fairly certain that it was an accident on Sirius’ part.
He looked… well, he looked the same and yet different too. He seemed exhausted and didn’t seem anywhere near the same man that he was before and his eyes showed just how much he had gone through since she had last seen him, just days before James and Lily were murdered. Her own eyes, however, had ended up landing on Remus, asking one of her best friends whether or not this was a joke or something that her mind was making up just because she still missed him even when she wouldn’t say it.
Remus had been no comfort in that area, that was for sure.
The werewolf hadn’t offered excuses or explanations, and he certainly hadn’t managed to shift the entire conversation around their mutual friend who was supposed to still be in Azkaban for life after what he had done, and when Dumbledore appeared, he hadn’t even tried to play it off.
There were precious few of the Order that were still alive after the previous war, and apparently they had been wrong about the fact that Sirius had been the Secret Keeper for James and Lily. They had been entirely wrong, and Emmeline hadn’t even been able to say anything else after she had found something like that out but spent most of the rest of the meeting nodding her head as the weight grew heavier on her shoulders that she had believed everything she’d been told and it had been wrong.
-
The first time that they spoke after the Order had been started, it was less about an actual conversation and more about them repeating each other’s names as they tried to come to terms with the fact that they were really both there and for a few brief moments the world was quiet.
It didn’t last long, one of the Weasley twins had bursted into the room unceremoniously and the now thirty-five year old Emmeline Vance couldn’t help but laugh at the situation. Normally, in the old days, it would have been James and Remus that had bursted in and interrupted whatever was going on, but now it was a different generation of troublemakers.
In an attempt to keep herself together, though, she did close her eyes and just focus back on his voice saying her name over and over, the fact that he was actually in front of her and he hadn’t been responsible for killing their best friends. There wasn’t a time where she should have believed that he had done it and yet she had, and even though Emmeline was the one that was left to live with that, Emmeline was just glad that he was here now.
-
She would be lying if she said that she hadn’t at least got a little comfort from the fact that no matter how crazy her life got, or who was in or out of it, at least she could take comfort in the fact that Sirius was still alive, even if it was somewhere like Azkaban. Emmeline had been more than comforted in the fact that he had meant more to her than she had ever realized until he wasn’t able to be a constant presence in her life.
The first time that she realized that he was gone though, was when Professor Albus Dumbledore showed up on her doorstep and the twinkle in his eyes were gone. She hadn’t said much, hadn’t even wanted him to confirm what it was that her fears were, but she couldn’t barely even whisper before her eyes were watering, “Please just tell me we can fix it, he can be Healed, right? I mean… it’s Sirius. He’s too bloody stubborn to die after all this time, and he…”
Dumbledore had stopped her with a hand on her shoulder and had held her when she crumpled against him, letting her cry into her robes and didn’t say anything when she begged the old Professor to do something that would bring him back to them.
-
There hadn’t been time for anyone to put up Sirius’ gravestone, it wasn’t proper given that no one officially knew that he was even alive given that he was supposed to be on the run, but also everything changed after that night with the Death Eaters knowing just what it was that they were missing out on. Instead, Emmeline had gone to James and Lily’s gravestones and sat down on the ground and told them what had happened, not that they wouldn’t have already known simply from the fact that at least Sirius was with them now.
She could remember all of these little details, but even days later, Emmeline could tell that the way he said things was starting to fade from her memory and there was only so much that pictures could remind her of.
Then again, there wasn’t a whole lot that Emmeline could predict at this point, and she certainly never would have been able to predict the fact that it would only be a week after her visit with Lily and James that Emmeline herself would be killed by Death Eaters as she protected the Prime Minister.
Emmeline Vance wasn't great at sleeping. Her mind was always working, especially in a time like this, a time of war. That's why Sirius was lying wide awake in his bed after his third time waking up that night. The room was pitch black, so the only place he really had to look was the ceiling. It was a solid eggshell color, but in the dark that was barely noticeable. There were almost enough bedrooms for everyone staying to have their own, but with a handful of couples choosing to share, it created more space. That was the only reason Sirius had taken a room. Otherwise, he'd have been just fine on the couch, or even the floor.
The thought of Emm being awake as he lay there in the bed, hands folded on his torso, began to pester him more and more. She wasn't taking care of herself. Sirius had to admit, this was a weird feeling for him. He wasn't used to being the worrier. He was the one people worried about. But in this case, he knew how important it was for her to be at her healthiest to deal with what was to come. Emmeline was possibly the last person, rivaled only by James (for good reasons that even she would understand), that he would want to see in any kind of harms way.
It was nearly four in the morning when he finally decided to get out of bed, hoping to either find her asleep in the living room or the living room empty with her asleep in her room. Of course that wasn't the case. Mary and Marlene had fallen asleep on the couch and were both practically falling off of it, but Emm was seated on the floor just in front of them. She was hugging her knees to her chest and staring into the crackling fire that was just ahead of her in her family's fireplace.
"Vance," he whispered, trying his best not to wake the other girls. She didn't respond. "Vance," his voice was only a hint louder now. Still, there wasn't even a hint of her hearing him. This time he didn't raise his voice, just changed his tactic, "Emmeline." Finally she turned to face him. She seemed shocked to see him, but soon her look of surprise soon became a very small, tired smile. Sirius slowly walked over and bent down beside her. "Come on, time for you to go to bed."
"Black, I can't sleep. I'm fine here." The reply was weary and Sirius simply was not having any of it. "No, Emm, you are going to bed. You need some kind of rest. Even if that means just shutting your eyes and keeping them closed at least until sunrise." When the two stood up, Emm's legs buckled and she wavered a bit. Sirius caught her and let out a little bit of a laugh. "My room's closer, you can stay in there." She looked at him a furrowed brow, obviously thinking he was up to something. The two had a clear chemistry and they both had definite feelings for each other, but never so much as a kiss had occurred between the pair. Not with the war. They both knew it was best to simply not get invested at a time like this.
"Don't worry Emm, no funny business, I promise," he said, that signature Sirius Black smile appearing on his lips. "I will keep my hands to myself for once, promise." She was too tired to do anything but believe him, so she caved in and allowed Sirius to taker her to his room.
Almost immediately after her head hit the pillow, Emmeline was asleep. It took a bit longer for Sirius to doze off, however. But one thing certainly helped. Emm had, in her state of unconsciousness, cozied up next to him, her head and hand resting on his chest. And in mere moments afterward, he fell asleep once again, with a smile on his face.
It had been just over a month since the death of Harry. Things were getting worse in the wizarding world by the second and as much as Sirius wanted to be a hero, it was getting to the point where he wasn't sure he could handle it anymore. He wanted to protect his friends, their families, the girl he loved, but he couldn't do it. He wasn't strong enough, wasn't powerful enough. He was going to get himself and everyone he loved killed.
Just one day before, he had been sailing with Emm for her birthday, no matter how bloody cold it had been. Sirius was positive that he had never seen her happier and that made what he was doing all the more difficult.
He had cast an undetectable extension charm on the bag he once carried around as a student at Hogwarts. A Gryffindor student. A house he no longer belonged in. All the things he thought that he may need one day were shoved into it and he slung it over his shoulder. It was still dark out and Sirius could only see Emm in a very, very faint light of the moon that remained. If that had been their last night together, at least it was a happy one.
Sirius thought about kissing her forehead before leaving, but it might wake her up. He couldn't bring himself to explain what he was doing. And of course, that ruled out leaving any kind of note. For anyone. It was better for them to come up with their own conclusions than to know that he was a coward and a fake. He hesitated a moment, almost wanting to stay, just for her, but he knew he couldn't. She'd be safer without him. Remus, James, Peter, everyone would protect her. After what felt like hours, he finally disapparated, planning on never turning back. He'd start a new life. A life without magic. It was the smartest choice.
Emmeline awoke along with the sunrise. This wasn't uncommon for her, in fact, it was something Sirius often complained about, always groaning and telling her to come back to bed. But today, for the first time since the pair had gotten together, she woke up without an arm draped around her waist, without Sirius. At first she thought maybe something had caused him to wake up, a bad dream or thoughts about the Order or the Ministry being taken over. She'd find him in the kitchen with a cup of tea, surely.
He wasn't there. She looked outside, he was nowhere to be found. She called his name and still nothing. Emm would have thought there was a Death Eater attack, but she would have been woken up by it, they would have attacked her too. She returned to her bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed that they had slept together in as a couple, only mere hours ago. Maybe he had gone out to get something, he'd be back. After all, his bag... his bag. She looked to the chair at the vanity where it had been placed that night. It was missing. Now, there was no telling if she was right, but a sinking feeling in her gut told her that he was gone. Sirius was gone for good.
The one who had promised to never hurt her. The one who she thought loved her. He had run away. She never thought he would make her cry, but she couldn't stop the tears from falling, no matter how hard he tried. Turns out, Emm had been right. He was the same cad she had always thought during their school years. Sirius had just been wrong about her. No ice queen would be able to feel so hurt.
Due to the events of recent months, Sirius knew he wasn't going to be around too much longer. Not that he was going to die, though he couldn't really guarantee that, but he was going on a hunt. He was going to find out who the bastard was that sold out James and Lily. And he was going to kill them. Kill them for causing so much pain to his best friend. Kill them for bringing on the murder of his godson. They were not going to get away with it, he just needed to find them first.
Since he knew he'd be gone for a while, he needed to make the time he had left with the people he loved really count. So when December first rolled around, he found himself in Dartmouth. With the false pretenses of an Order meeting, Sirius lured Emm to her family's vacation home. When she arrived, he was ready and waiting. "Right this way Vance," he said, straightening up. "But, the meeti-"
He cut her off. "There's no meeting. It's your birthday Emm, you're coming with me." He grabbed her hand and began to walk. Finally, they made it to the water where there was a sailboat waiting for her. "Now, I haven't the slightest clue how to work these things, so you'll have to do the steering, but instruct me on whatever you need and I can probably manage it." She simply grinned.
"You are unbelievable Sirius Black," she laughed. Emm stepped onto the boat, Sirius following right behind her. He would leave the next day, exit on a high. Because despite being utterly clueless about boats and sailing, he knew that he wouldn't get much happier at the moment. For now though, Sirius would just enjoy being with the woman he loved, doing one of her favorite things in the world, on her birthday.
