Playground ~ Super Junior Siwon
A/N.: I really wanted to try writing something like this and really enjoyed how it ended up being ^^
Genre: angst, with a bit of fluff in the end ✨
Warnings: mentions of death, might make you cry (?)
It hasn't been long since you and Siwon had been going out - a little bit more than two months filled with beautiful dates, cute texts but a certain load of absence from his part. You understood it in the beginning, he had a career and a lot of schedules he had to be committed with. But things between the two of you were becoming serious and the days you spent without a peep from him were starting to bother you - the longer he'd take to answer a text or call you back the more worried and stressed you would feel , so you decided to put the cards on the table and confront him at dinner.
Siwon came over to your apartment, looking much more tired and worn out than usual. Still, he managed to shine a smile to you when you opened the door.
"Hello, sweetie." he greeted, leaning in to kiss your cheek.
"Well, hi." you answered, closing the door. Much of your frustration faded when you saw how exhausted he looked. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just had a really long day."
You stared at him as he took off his coat and wandered around your place. You could sense something wasn't right, but you couldn't quite put your finger on it.
"Are you cooking?" he asked, rolling up his sleeves.
"Yes, I am. Was, actually. It's in the oven for about ten more minutes and then we can eat. Why don't you go wash up while we wait?"
As he was in the bathroom, you took a look at your apartment. His things were all over the place and it seemed so right - his coat on the couch, his wallet and keys on the balcony and his phone on the kitchen table, ringing.
"Sweetie!" you called, approaching the phone. "Someone's calling you!"
"Let it ring, it's probably work!" he yelled back.
You felt your heart sink as you read the name on the screen before it stopped ringing.
Everything around you swirled, your hands were shaking and you were about to cry.
"How was your day, sweetie?" Siwon asked, making his way back to the kitchen and you took a deep breath.
"Just okay. Worked, cooked, read a book." you smiled, handing him his phone. "Someone called."
"Oh, I'll reply later." he said, putting the phone in his pocket. "I just want to spend time with you tonight."
Something inside you felt hopeful, but your rational side said you should brace yourself for the worst. Even while dining, you felt the dread of talking about that. But it would explain his absence lately... That was the last thing you wanted to talk about but if worse came to worse, you had to have closure at least.
"Sweetie?" you asked and his eyes shifted towards you. You stared at him for a while, losing track of what you wanted to say.
"I... There's something bothering me. And I wanted to talk to you about it."
"It's just that, lately, you've been a bit-"
The sound of his phone going off interrupted you and your whole body froze. Siwon frowned staring at the screen and then at you.
"Give me a second, it'll be quick, I promise."
You barely nodded when he got up and answred his phone on the hallway.
"Yes, I know." you could only hear him muttering. "No... Just wait till I get there. No, don't call her. Yes, honey I know, I'm on my way, don't worry."
Siwon came back to you with a weary look on his eyes and sat down again, visibly nervous.
"Who was on the phone?" you asked blatantly, dropping your silverware back on the plate.
"Who was- it doesn't matter. Just go on." his eyes gave him away, he was so nervous he couldn't even hide.
"How do I know that name? She called when you were in the bathroom." your eyes filled with water. "Who is she?"
"No! Don't "sweetie" me!" you got up, dropping your napkin and a glass on the floor. "God, how could I be so stupid?!"
"Y/N, calm down, I can explain it to you but you have to calm down." he stood up, approaching you, but you hit his hands away.
"I don't want to calm down! I want to be alone, please, just go."
"You told her you would be there soon, wherever it is. Just go." You cried, turning your back to him.
What hurt the most was hearing him shuffling around to get his things before leaving.
"I'm sorry." he whispered and then closed the door.
You hated yourself for not letting him explain but hated him the most for leaving. You knew you told him so, but if he hadn't anything to hide, he wouldn't leave. He tried to call you later that night and every day after that for more than a week - and you avoided all of his calls and all places you could run into him.
He wouldn't give up though. Siwon was pretty much convinced he wouldn't have half of a chance with you now, but he needed to explain it you. He kept calling and when you didn't answer him, he went to your apartment and waited for you to come back from work.
"What are you doing here?" you clenched your teeth seeing him at your door. "You're going to harass me at my home now? Get out!"
"Y/N, look, I know I'm the last person you want to see now. I know we'll probably never speak or see each other ever again after this, but I need you to understand and don't leave with the wrong impression of me."
"I don't wanna understand! Get away from my doorstep and let me get in or I swear I'll call the police."
"Look, I'll be at the park tomorrow afternoon, around four. Please meet me there." he pleaded, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I promise you you'll never hear about me after that if that's what you want. "
You stared at the floor, playing with your keys to distract yourself from crying in front of him. You weren't even going out that long, why was it hurting so much?
"In honor to the person I thought you were for the past three months, I will try to be there." you muttered, unlocking the door. "But don't hold your breath waiting for me." you said, getting into the apartment and slamming the door behind you.
You weren't planning on going, not really. But the next day came and around the time he said, you started feeling anxious, starting to change your mind. You didn't wanna go, so why were you changing your clothes? Why get your keys? Why get out of the apartment?
You only came back to your senses when you were already entering the park.
You couldn't find Siwon anywhere near and all of your instincts told you to leave. You would've left, but as soon as you turned on your heels, your eyes recognized him sitting on a bench inside the crowded playground - a lot of moms and dads were sitting around or running after their children, lots of children, playing and yelling and giggling everywhere.
"Why here?" you asked, sitting down at his side and startling him.
"I wanted to talk. And show you my reasons."
"Well, I'm here, aren't I?" you glanced to his side and noticed his hand resting over a baby's carriage handlebar. Your mind raced with fear of what you thought he could say.
"You see that little girl over there, with the clearly sloppily done pigtails?" he chuckled to himself and your heart sunk. "That's Seo Young, she's 6 and has a very strong opinion about pretty much anything. And this baby here?" he signed to the baby sleeping in the carriage, softly rocking it. "This is Mi Sun, she's 11 months, practically one year old. They're my children." he glanced at you for the first time.
"What- what do you expect me to do with this information, Siwon-ah?" you asked nervously after a long silence, crossing your arms to keep you from sniffling. "You want me to feel horrible for meddling with a family? Because that's what you-"
"No." he interrupted. "I expect you to ask the question everyone asks when they see me with them."
"Where is their mom?" you said in a whisper, tearing up quickly and Siwon seemed to age ten years with your words. "Where's your wife?"
"My wife..." he smiled bitterly, looking at his baby. "A year ago she was six months pregnant with Mi Sun and had an unexpected bleeding of some sort, so the doctors delivered Mi Sun early to save her life but... Eun Byeol, that was my wife's name, she kept bleeding and the doctors couldn't get it under control. So she passed away shortly after labor."
Suddenly it seemed the whole world felt silent.
"Don't be sorry." Siwon leaned back and held your hand. "You didn't know. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier, it's just that there's a lot of circumstances to take into account."
"Such as?" you took a deep breath. "I don't mean to sound like this, it's just that I want to know the whole story."
"It's ok. When I first met you, I had been kicked out of my house by my mother." he chuckled. "I hadn't gone out of it since my wife's funeral and, you know, with kids it's never easy. They needed me, and honestly, I needed them too. But my mother thought I should get some fresh air and meet people instead of changing diapers all night long."
"Why didn't you tell me back then? I wouldn't run away if I knew you had kids..."
"I wasn't in my best shape, Y/N. I didn't want to have kids that night. It was... I didn't want to be a single dad, just for once. And after that, there's never a good moment to break the news to your girlfriend that you're a widower with two kids."
"Well, it's not like we see that everyday with such young men." you shuffled on your seat, gazing at the sleeping baby on the carriage. "How old were you when you got married?"
"I don't know, 24 or 25 maybe. Seo Young was born when I was 29." he laughed at the way you were staring at him. "I know, I was really young. But I don't regret it, I loved her. And she gave me my most precious treasures."
You fell silent again, weighting all of that.
"Why did your daughter called you last week?" you asked cautiously.
"Ji-won, my sister, was babysitting for me that night and Mi Sun had caught a cold a few days before. She seemed fine when I left to meet you, but she had a fever later and my sister asked Seo Young to call."
Mi Sun shuffled on her sleep, making a weary Siwon rock her carriage again, calming her down before continuing to talk.
"She was scared. Mi Sun was premature and had a lot of health issues. She has been improving but a cold could turn to something worse and Seo Young absolutely adores her so when she called saying her sister had a fever and Ji-won was asking me to come back, I had to go. I'm sorry."
"Don't be." you hand searched for his but Mi Sun cried in the carriage and he picked her up, softly shushing her.
You watched the scene in absolute silence, not knowing what to do.
"It's okay, baby, it's okay." he whispered until she drifted off to sleep again, in his arms.
Siwon caught you staring and sighed.
"This is what I wanted to show you. They are my reasons. And I totally understand if you can't take it, it's too much sometimes, but it's who I am, Y/N." he caressed Mi Sun's cheek and glanced at you. "I'm a widower with two baby girls that depend on me for life, I'm a dad, and that comes first."
"I know. I'm sorry I thought you were cheating or something. I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions. I understand you, I do." your hand played with his hair and you took a deep breath. "It's a lot to take in."
The moment between you got loudly interrupted by the appearance of a tiny girl with messy pigtails and curious eyes. She looked exactly like Siwon - the same eyes, the dimples, the frown on her brows...
"Daddy who is she?" she asked, slightly hiding behind her sister's baby carriage.
"This is Y/N. Y/N is a..."
"I'm a friend." you smiled at her, trying to help him out.
"Yes, she's my friend. Y/N, this is my daughter Seo Young. Seo Young, this is Y/N, a friend of dad's." Seo Young smiled. "What do we do when we meet new people, Seo Young?"
"Hi! Nice to meet you!" she giggled, extending her hand for you to shake. She had his smile too, even the way she scrunched her nose when she laughed was exactly like him.
"It's nice to meet you too, Seo Young." you shook her hand with a smile and watched as she made her way back to Siwon, looking closely to her sister, giggling.
That was definitely not what you were expecting.
Siwon exchanged a gaze with you and caught you smiling shyly at his children. Maybe it wasn't a lost chance afterall.
