Control, Surrendered.
@skadhis
“ my curiosity keeps me confused. ”
“what’s confusing?” she asks, brows furrowing. “do you want me to explain it again?” she offers, smiling slightly. “i promise it’s not really that confusing. it’s just – not everything translates very well into common, i’m sorry.”
What was confusing? Just about everything. This was no way to work, it did not make sense, the method of magic employed here almost counterintuitive to what Philippa was accustomed to.
A dull ache was starting to form just behind her eyes, and her fingers were aching, stiff with both the effort of the unfamiliar gestures and the pervasive cold.
“I understand the principle well enough but how do you get it to flow?” She demonstrated, taking care to pronounce every syllable with perfect inflection, to keep her movements smooth and steady. It was inconsistent, her magic guttering and spluttering like a candle burning low.
“See what I mean?”
skadi watches as phillipa performs the spell. jotunn magic is very hard for outsiders to cast, she knows this. part of the power comes from their bloodline, and without it, it can be extremely difficult to master. “i see,” she says, nodding silently. “when you say the words, can you feel the magic?” skadi asks, tilting her head slightly. “when they first teach us how to do it, they just want us to say the words and feel it in us. that usually helps. it helped me a lot when i first started out,” she offers, smiling encouragingly. “just try to feel it in your bones. let it flow in you and it will tell you how to use it.”
She ceases her spell, dismissing the flow of power with a flick of her wrist. This is embarrassing, she should have been able to replicate the spell almost instantly, yet here she was, struggling like a second year adept.
I have to do better.
“You can’t be serious?!” Philippa is incredulous, this is unheard of! To allow magic to take the lead, to allow it to shape itself? The thought of doing so alone sets her on edge. This is dangerous territory. Has she not been taught from day one that she must be the one in control, the one who shapes, who directs, who channels the wild energy into its desired shape? Everyone knows what happens to mages who surrender their control. She shudders at the thought.
She looks down at her hands, smooth and pale like marble, interlocks her fingers.
“And how can I trust that doing so won’t simply tear me apart? Because based on my considerate knowledge and expertise, it likely would.”
the jotunn lets out a laugh, her head shaking as she considers philipa’s words. they are taught to fear magic in aretuza, to not let it control you. she smiles to herself, unaware of how condescending her upturned lips are in this moment. “jotunn magic is very different,” she explains. “you southerners – you see magic as good and evil. perhaps the magic you all use may be that way, but the magic of the giants? our magic is neither good nor evil. it just simply is,” she says, hoping it makes sense to her. “we are vessels for magic. it works with us. we don’t control magic, and magic doesn’t control us. we become one with magic. when you let that happen, it will work. i promise.”
Is she mocking her? Or is this some kind of elaborate trap she is about to let herself be lured into? A double-cross, a set-up to undo her?
The magician tenses, runs her fingers through her hair with quick, nervous fingers.
No reward without risk, right? This better be worth it.
“I understand the principle”, she replies, an edge to her voice. Impatient.
“To us, magic is a tool. It can destroy or it can create, it can break or it can mend. It can claim a life or save one. But you must control it, if it is to be made useful. A warrior must wield the sword, not the other way around. How will I know what it will actually do, if I do not bend it to my will?”
If she had not witnessed Skadi’s power with her own eyes, she would more than likely walk away without another word. But she has seen, and she has been awed by it, an illusion so perfect, so tangible, almost impossible to penetrate. The pinnacle of perfection.
“And if it does not work? If I was to lose control… I cannot guarantee anything, least of all your safety.”
A warning, in more ways than one.
with phil’s explanation, skadi can begin to understand the apprehension. in jotunheim you are one with magic, you are one with your weapon – it is an extension of who you are, not a tool. skadi nods along as phil speaks. “i think i understand,” she says, her voice carefully measured. “but i consider you a friend philippa. i would not teach you this if i did not think you couldn’t handle it.” she hopes philippa can believe her words, for she speaks them with the utmost honesty. “would it make you feel better if i stepped back a bit, then?”
A friend?
Philippa is dubious, has she not learned that to trust anyone except herself is foolish, stupid, careless, a certain way to ensure one’s own demise? And yet, she can sense no lie here, no intention to betray. This is nothing like what she is used to, and it makes her uncomfortable, puts her on edge.
Time to take a leap of faith.
“No. Stay. I may need you to…”
This is beyond difficult to admit, but as with anything else, there’s a give and a take. Always. Maybe this is the true price to pay for this – her pride.
“If I was to lose control, you must restrain me, and you must do so without delay. I do not want to hurt you, or myself for that matter, but I cannot guarantee that I won’t. There is a reason why we practice our art with such restraint. A reason why we are so loath to relinquish our control.”
she watches as philippa struggles internally, head tilted as she waits for her to decide what to do. “alright,” skadi says, planting her feet firmly in the spot before phil. “if anything happens, i’m right here. you’ll be okay,” she promises, giving philippa an encouraging smile, hoping her friend actually believes her.
skadi readies her hands to cast a protection sphere if she needs to, but she’s confident in phil’s abilities – she’s seen her control herself with some of the most powerful magics there are. the giantess nods slightly, waiting for phil to try again.
A sharp intake of breath. Eyes closed, feet slightly apart. Solid. Grounded. Hands rising, moving with hesitation, her mind searching for the flow of force, finding it, relishing in that familiar feeling of power. A solemn nod towards Skadi, whose energy is clearly outlined against the swirling chaos that criss-crosses the inside of her eyelids.
Her first instinct is to contain it, to balance the scales, holding everything in perfect balance.
I can’t do this, she thinks. And then: But I am going to.
Philippa relinquishes her control.
It is as if someone had impaled her on a red hot iron spike. The pain is magnificent and at the same time unbearable, a force so strong that she is propelled backwards, almost thrown off her feet. The sorceress stumbles, desperate to find her footing, her balance, her control.
Release it. Become one with it.
“Do what you will”, she whispers to the great primordial force that courses through her, gaining momentum with every beat of her heart.
“Do what you will!”
It starts as a low hum, deep below the ground, a faint sense of vertigo. But the hum rises, rolls, becomes thunder, deafening and terrible and inevitable, as the ground begins to shake and strain, the ancient stones under her feet starting to crack with a sound like breaking bones.
Philippa jumps aside, without knowing how. She no longer controls her body, or any part of herself for that matter, taken by magic, every single nerve set alight with energy.
She’s aware of the great chasm that is opening up before her, a great abyss, so dark and so deep that it surely reaches down all the way to the centre of the very earth.
Magic continues to flow, and she is powerless to stop it.
she watches in awe at first, pleasantly surprised with the success philippa is having. that relief abandons her within mere seconds at the room around them shakes and strains. this is a reaction of jotunn magic she’s never seen before. skadi can feel the power emanating from phil, and it worries her. with a few words she casts the sphere, doing everything she can to contain the energy she releases. “o lord ymir,” she pleads, eyes cast to the heavens, “grant strength and courage. o lady jord, grant me forgiveness. i know she is an outsider, but she is trusted!” she shouts, eyes cast to the earth now. “i, skadi thjazisdottir, ask for your trust, o great mother of earth!” her words are spoken like incantations, commanding the deities of her people to listen, forcing them to understand.
the world stops, all of the energy swirling around skadi and philippa like walls, as though they’re in the centre of a great storm. as though the gods themselves are taking in a breath, the energy is sucked away, throwing skadi against the wall. the earth no longer shakes, the sky no longer rumbles – they are left simply with an eerie calm. it settles over the room like a blanket, and for a moment the giantess swears she can feel the gods around her, telling her they forgive her.
she scrambles to her feet, running over to philippa. “phil, are you okay?” she asks, glacier eyes searching her friend for any hint of injury.
It keeps rising, that great tidal wave of power that floods through her, overwhelms her, threatens to tear her limb from limb. She has to take back control! Philippa tries to centre herself, desperately, hanging on by a thread, her vision is blurring and every bone in her body feels as if it has been shattered like glass. Someone is screaming out in agony, and for a moment she is back at Sodden, fires burning all around her, the bodies of the fallen piling up by her feet, not a single speck of ground that isn’t soiled with spilled blood while the tide of battle surges towards her.
No! Not this!
It is her own voice that she hears, full of terror and rage.
Philippa Eilhart collapses to the ground, her legs simply giving way underneath her, the rough stone tearing her clothing, leaving a bloody scrape against her skin, yet the magic won’t stop flowing.
I can’t stop! It won’t stop!
Only it does.
She’s not sure what hurts more – the surge of power or its sudden absence. The sorceress is left reeling, her breath fast and ragged, and there’s something warm and wet dripping down her face. She wipes it away with the back of her hand, unsurprised when it comes away bloody.
Suddenly, Skadi is there beside her, that cool, calm, immovable presence, her hand upon Philippa’s shoulder endlessly reassuring, an anchor to reality.
Philippa looks up, once more wiping blood from her face.
“I’m going to be. I – I’ve never felt a force like that before. I’m surprised I’m not dead, to be perfectly honest.” Philippa reaches out with her mind, it’s painful to do so in this state, but something needs to be said, something that she’s far too proud to say in any other way.
Thank you. I mean it.
