#skip this

[justjensenanddean]

[madmadmilk]

a little.... socially-distanced holiday reflection (feel free to skip) >>

lol this year has been really lonely. 

(that’s it, that’s the post.)

nah, this year has been really lonely for obvious reasons... like, we can’t see people physically, we can’t go out without worry of what we’ll catch or bring home... we can’t be impulsive, we’ve just been home. in our boxes.

of course, there’s plenty of things that i “enjoyed” at my time at home, but its definitely enabled my introversion and laziness to put myself out there socially. 2020 has shown me that i can take care of myself and keep myself busy (most of the time), BUT it has also dulled my reaction time to people ‘outside’ of my quarantine bubble.

i’m not gonna totally blame 2020 for my lack of prompt responses, but it definitely blurred time for me. i’m upset that i just lie in bed instead of sending an easy text back to someone. i’m annoyed that my social energy runs out so fast, because i’m in my “home” environment. lol i’m angry at myself for thinking about it this way, BECAUSE IT’S SO EASY! THERE’S NO EXCUSE!

how can i be lonely?? but also unresponsive at the same time.....??? “what i should do” is so obvious! but my will is so weak.....

i’m content sharing things with friends on social media, sending memes or things they’d be interested in, but i totally trail off during long conversations.... ugh

lol i’m scared that friendships are disintegrating cos of this. i dunno.

the holidays make me think of this cos this is the time that we all ALWAYS make an effort to see each other, but i feel myself “going ghost” right now. i dunno, i know that i’m just in my head too damn much but.... yeah. 

it’s been weird. i don’t know what i’m really typing this for, other than to get the feeling out.

so reminder for all of you and myself: make time for your loved ones this /holiday/ season. we all need a little warmth

[prtty-xl]

vent

I miss when I was comfortable with my identity. Now I’m just an uncomfortable mess of a person who can’t understand why they are who they are. Why they can’t change and why society now won’t accept them.

Before I was just a fine heterosexual little girl. Now I’m a gay boy. Easy prey for these kinds of statements.

“You’re so young though, how can you be sure?”

“You have your whole life ahead of you. Who knows, this may just be a phase.”

“I thought when you transition you begin to like girls/the other gender?”

My favourite thing said to me, though, is this.

“You could be a lesbian.”

It’s fine that people don’t understand, but that doesn’t give them the right or pass to make assumptions about my future. That what I’m feeling now is wrong.

I wish things were easier like back then. I was fine with my pronouns, my gender identity, and my sexuality. Now I feel backed into a corner.

“I won’t call you (preferred name) yet because I’m so used to calling you (biological name).”

So you won’t try? Give an effort to understand why I want to be referred to as Axel?

Okay.

I want everything to be easy again.

I won’t have so many nights I cry if life was as easy as I hoped.

[lilyeholland]

not that anyone fucking cares but i’m gonna complain on here because i have no friends and no one wants to hear about my issues anyway, but you few people who still follow me can be blessed with me complaining about everything :)

i came to dance an hour early cause i’m a fucking idiot and i thought it started at 5:30 instead of 6:30. so i was panicking because i was already late but then i walked in and it was tHE WRONG FUCKING CLASS so i was freaking out and looking through all the studios to see if they were just in a different studio but nOPE. i’m fucking stupid and just showed up way too early for no reason. so now i’m sitting on the floor in the waiting room no one goes in because everyone hates me + i’m the newbie that no one wants to get to know because i’m just wrecking with their everything, i feel like i’m going to throw up and i hate my body very very much :)))

[dr-edits-fanart-and-imagines]

I'll just leave this right here... ~Mod Junko~

[roguepythia]

Apologies to everyone who follows me. You all are gonna get nothing but angry Pacific Rim: Uprising posts for a few days until Gotham comes back. 

[stale-sandcastle]

I know y'all have seen my love for Magnus Pääjärvi, but have you ever experienced my love for Ståle Sandbech??? Bc it's like my love for Mags, but like, enhanced 10x. Like, you know I teared up when I saw Mags score two goals in one game. Or that I cried when he won us the series against Minn. But when I watched Ståle win a silver medal at the XGames I bawled. I met him and I almost collapsed bc I was crying so hard I was shaking. Moral of the story, I just saw a picture of Ståle on insta and I'm crying again bc I love him so fucking much