Did a very helpful reading this morning with The Earthbound Oracle, a beautiful divination deck from a.l. swartz.
from bottom to top, left to right:
the percieved physical problem :: resistance. maybe i feel like shit because im too stubborn for my own good. maybe i need to get off my ass and do something.
the percieved metaphorical problem :: wisdom. maybe things suck because my perspective is shallow and impulsive. maybe im a reactive, twitchy jerk.
the perceived consequences of the problem :: abundance (r). i always lack something. ive squandered my resources and things are not going to improve.
the perspective shift :: toxic (r). my internal monologue about why i feel like shit is, in reality, a large part of the shittiness. a stone in a river is not stubborn; it is a stone. wisdom isn't a map, or a stick to beat oneself with, or a list of objectives; it's a pursuit, and personal, and always changing. A lack of abundance isn't a spiritual or moral failing; it's an abstraction. what do i lack, physically? can i obtain what i lack? is it necessary or fulfilling to do so?
the ignored physical issue :: water. i'm dehydrated as hell. At my body weight it's recommended that I drink a gallon of water a day. I get maybe 30% of that on a good day. my eczema has been steadily spreading for the last few weeks. my throat is always dry. when i do remember to drink a glass of water, i chug it like i'm shotgunning a pabst. i gotta fall in love with water again.
the ignored psychological issue :: sleep. For months now, i've been getting very broken sleep. i'll get into bed at a reasonable hour, like 8:30 or 9, then lay awake until 2 or 3 am. I'll pop awake again at 4:30, spin my wheels, fall asleep again at 7, and finally crawl out of bed at 11:30 feeling like i've been run over by a garbage truck. my brain is an underfed, overworked, deep fried mess, and i'm kicking myself for not being more effective.
the rewards of addressing these issues :: healing. this card is very physical; it's not a metaphor, like abundance was. the sparrow's wounds have been tended, and evidence of the experience is displayed nearby. the arrows point away from her, laying harmlessly in her blind spot; she wouldn't see them even if she turned her head to look for them. her beak is still bloody, but the droplets shine like garnets. her eyes are clear. the worst is over, but the pain is still fresh. some water and unbroken sleep won't solve everything, but it'll stabilize me enough to be able to get out of the negative feedback loop im sitting in.
