shit is about to get real; because i'm about to spill a lot of shit out.
okay so. all the way through elementary school and middle school i thought i'd never do drugs, i'll never drink. there's no point. i won't smoke cigarettes because my mom's addicted, i won't drink because there is a past of drunks in my family including my mom and dad - who have changed - none the less. i didn't want to become that. i would stay a virgin until i was married, or in a very stable relationship, and i was ready. well, here i am sophomore year going into junior year. i've drank, a lot. i've smoked, cigarettes and weed, and i'm no longer a virgin, just because i wanted to get it over with. everything changed. my perspective on life changed. you only live once right? so i figure i'm a teenager, meant to make mistakes, figure shit out. sad part is? i wish i could take it all back. cigarettes take away my stress, weed makes me happy, and sex? well, i haven't fucked a guy since march.. and a girl, though i've made out, i haven't "had sex" with one since last year. i also believed that i wouldn't like a girl. i couldn't. things changed, though never against it, i started to have feelings for them, and find them attractive. my ex girlfriend comes to visit next month, and although i'm in love with someone at the moment, joshua scott, i'm afraid she's gonna bring feelings back. and i don't want that to happen. because he's everything i've ever wanted.. this kinda sucks :l but i can't wait to see her, i haven't since last year. so, if you think things will always be the same, they won't. but that doesn't mean they go from good to bad, they might, but they also get better. a lot better. yeah, don't give up. i'm working on quitting all of my bad habits. i don't judge, it's just not the person i want to be "labeled" as. i suppose. anyway; i just felt the need to say that.