[ @skyfire-and-princes ]
‘ Diarmad ! ‘
The psychopath jolted right up off of the mattress, nails tearing into the sheets as he gripped with a lot of force, gradually beginning to realise it was only a dream. His throat seemed dry; rough, as if he had been screaming out but he knew he hadn’t. Of course, the elemental was sound asleep beside him, nose pressed gently into the soft, white pillow that belonged to him; he had shifted a little, too. A raggedy breath tumbled over the older males lips as he settled back down for a few moments - gaze focusing entirely on the ceiling above as he willed himself back to some small shred of comfort. The pair had not been parted from one another in years now and those dreams; nightmares, rather, were so much of a disturbance that he found himself recoiling from the security he believed they had. If he couldn’t even tame his own slumber, he felt too weak and powerless - unable to prevent any harm. A waste of space and human decency, he reprimanded himself, acknowledging that if this continued a part of him would wind up lost, again, cornering him into admitting he could not offer protection, even though it was the one thing he had faith in; that he would always look out for his husband.
Casper shuffled about a little then, stretching across and pressing a lingering kiss, upon the Cloud Walkers forehead - brushing a strand of hair away from his eyes before combing his fingers through it. Another forlorn sigh rolled out of his mouth, but he managed a smile, finding happiness in him as he always had. But his demons would always be around to haunt him. The life he used to lead.. how he treated others, was going to plague him for as long as he lived, unless he could find a way to end that misery. He didn’t want to end his life; he wanted to find his life and as he was only living, with the elemental by his side, he had to chase away the darkness with something else. Drinking was never, ever a bad option and though he had given up completely several years ago, long before he had met the other male, that particular vice was a force of habit in stressful situations and whilst he could not, at all, see another way out from his own personal hell, it was the only viable solution. But as soon as he set foot into the kitchen and the coolness of the tiles shot through him, he pulled away.
Drinking was n o t going to keep this from happening. Downing shots and bottles of whiskey wasn’t going to have his torment shy away. Being near the elemental aided him in his woes.. eased him s o much that he forgot all about them for weeks on end until they appeared again. Shattering a glass in pure frustration of his own inability to help himself was the only thing he could do, as he stood there, expression torn between fury and severe upset at what he couldn’t do. He had such loathing, toward depending on an relying on others to force his worries out and lock away the key, yet understood that was the only way it would ever be resolved. Sniffling as he went, the odd hiccup escaping him, as he rolled back onto the mattress and lay on his side, the psychopath took his time to rove his eyes, over every feature on the others face. Was he still asleep ? reaching forward, neglecting the pooling of all those tears that built behind his lids, the older male brushed another unruly strand away.
‘ I can’t lose you to this world. I wish.. ‘ he hummed, pausing in thought. ‘ I wish we could find one of our own. Somewhere I know you would be safe; somewhere I wouldn’t wake with torment believeing I lost you. I don’t know why you love me, but I know why I love y o u... ‘
