The apartment they once shared was empty now, all traces of the life they had had, the one they had planned together, gone. All of the dreams they had shared, fantasies they dreamed up, late night talks they had - all of the memories still lingered, flashing through his mind as he stares at the now bare walls.
“Luca?” His aunt’s voice breaks him from his thoughts, causing him to jump slightly. “You ready to go?”
Exhaling slowly, Luca pulls himself to his feet, a grimace etched onto his face. “Yeah...gimme a minute?” He asks, tugging the beanie he was wearing down over his ears. “I just...I need a minute.”
“Of course. David and I will be down in the car. Text if you need anything.”
“Thanks.” Luca hated that he was this person, the kind that needed to ask for help in order to make it down a few flights of stairs, but he got tired so easily now. It had quickly become clear that he couldn’t live on his own anymore, his health somewhere between too sick to be alone but not sick enough to be hospitalized long term, and so the decision had been made that he would move back in with his aunt and uncle. He felt like a child again, eleven years old and alone in the world, and in a way, he was.
Dan was gone, any trace of either of them ever having lived in the apartment no longer there. It was like they had never existed, and that was what hurt the most. That what he and Dan had had together could be so easily erased, so easily forgotten, was what hurt the most. Leaving the apartment meant that it really was over.
Wandering towards the kitchen, Luca pauses at the counter, setting his set of keys down for the landlord to pick up later. He knew that it was time to go, time to start the next chapter of his life.
Door shutting behind him, he heads for the stairs, a single word leaving his lips - goodbye.
HEARTBREAK : ( /ˈhärtˌbrāk/ )
crushing grief, anguish or distress.
emery shen, in every imaginable sense of the word, was born a lover --- through & through.
but there was one overwhelming, devastating consequence that came with the yearning to love ; it was the destiny to fall. TO SINK. like your ankles trapped in quicksand. or your stomach dropped on a rollarcoaster. or a combination of the two, causing a mixmatch of emotions that left your body completely powerless. unfortunately for them, it was a feeling all too familiar: both the highs of a love like ecstasy, & the lows of a heartbreak like misery.
they’ve been through it all.
heartbreak, though --- god, did heartbreak sting. each missed opportunity ( because they refused to call them exes, they refused to reduce them to something that sounded so vile ) left a scar on their heart, similar to a tick on their bedpost but only cut them so much DEEPER. each missed opportunity burnt them differently, & some more so than others, admittedly so. they realized quickly that they remember those that hurt them the most rather than the ones who seared them effortlessly.
THEY REALIZED QUICKLY THAT THEY REMEMBER AVERY LOWELL. the boy from their freshman year enviro class, who sat in the front row ten minutes early just to doodle roses in their spiral notebook, who answered every question wrong that the teacher ever asked & yet emery fell so hopelessly hard for him anyway. or was it quick ? they couldn’t remember now.
avery rarely noticed emery ; aside from the simple borrowing of a pencil or a cheat answer on the study guide worksheet, their paths just never crossed. at least not in the way that they wanted them to. avery was something of a learning experience --- he was new, he was easy, & yet unattainable all at once. emery wished that they could just steal one CHANCE, say ‘hey, that rose looks pretty, do you mind if i sit next to you for a change ?’ except they were too shy ( which was funny, when you looked back on it, really, because emery is anything but shy these days ), too scared that palo alto was not as forgiving of a city as it seemed, too caught up in the imaginary to realize the reality that was right in front of them all that time.
they’d rather sit in the back, & stare, & hope, & dream rather than leap in for a risk. they still pluck roses from their bushes just to soak them in water ten years later.
THEY REALIZED QUICKLY THAT THEY REMEMBER MERLIN BAYLEY. the boy emery met on a whim in the heart of seattle, just three weeks after they moved into town, between sweating bodies & mindless conversations & beats that moved way too fast. who asked to take them home, & didn’t waste a second of it, & treated them to a breakfast in bed the next morning that was oddly domestic for a night of that nature. emery ate those pancakes with a smile that saturday, said they were the best damn pancakes they’ve ever eaten in their life, even though they hated blueberries with a passion & they swallowed one with every bite.
their unexpected morning turned into an unexpected afternoon, breakfast into lunch & then some. their first date was exactly a week later. it was no surprise to either that they were planning the second the moment that they arrived on merlin’s doorstep, & emery left him with a kiss goodbye that sealed their THING --- whatever it turned into so unapologetically.
a month later & emery was calling it love, & in their mind, it was. wholeheartedly something that made emery feel like a fool for thinking that avery lowell was a feeling even close to such. they saw merlin every morning, every night, every spare moment in time that could be spent running fingertips through soft hair & pressing kisses to dimpled cheeks. they wanted merlin to know it, to feel it too, to fall in love with them as hard as they did him. it should’ve been a red flag that they never did.
because that was the thing about emery, wasn’t it ? their love was a tad bit smothering. every boy they ever crossed ran for the hills when emery attached, & they knew by now that it was hard to blame them for breaking their heart. not after merlin was the first. not after merlin saw better sights ahead & dropped the name, dropped the number, dropped the lover from his existence. they still grab a box of blueberry pancakes in the breakfast aisle at the supermarket six years later.
THEY REALIZED QUICKLY THAT THEY REMEMBER HUGO GRIFFITHS. the boy that was nothing short of a hurricane, & a wildly unpredictable one at that, who poured his love into emery when the sun went down & that was that. hugo was as simple as a call, as a text, as an ‘i’m bored & i kinda want you’. there was potential there, of course, there always was --- but this was much too short after merlin, you see, & emery wasn’t anywhere in the mood for seeking potential.
they loved him, though, or at least they thought that they did. hugo was nice, if not a little rough ; he was cute, if not a little dangerous ; he was right, if not a little wrong. emery enjoyed him, truly, & the evenings that they spent together were one of their favorites. it was like a quick escape from reality, an easy reminder that life’s not all that it’s cracked up to be & it’s okay to be reckless sometimes.
it wasn’t really a surprise, though, when hugo got BORED of them & dropped emery for someone else in the business --- someone who wouldn’t dare say the big ‘L’, someone twice as disposable with a tendency to leave ( emery made note ). they don’t keep any reminders of hugo griffiths, not anymore.
THEY REALIZED QUICKLY THAT, DESPITE ALL ODDS, THEY WERE STILL A LOVER BY SOUL. their heart may have had the tendency to break, & break, & break --- but it healed, it always did. avery lowell was a scar to prove it, as was merlin bayley, & hugo griffiths, & the several other boys failed to make mention who emery loved all the same. it healed quickly, so it could get right back out to loving & breaking & breaking again.
THEY REALIZED QUICKLY THAT THEY WERE UNBREAKABLE.
( just bendable )
They were the four words Brett never thought he’d hear, especially on his wedding day. Standing there in stunned silence, he stares back at his fiancee, jaw dropping slightly. Was this really happening? Maybe he was having some sort of nightmare.
Silence fills the synagogue, though there’s a roaring in his ears, forcing himself to say something, anything. “-what?” The brunette finally croaks, sure that everyone around them can hear how hard his heart is beating now.
“I’m sorry Brett, but I can’t..” Miriam trails off, shaking her head. “I can’t marry you.”
Perhaps a better time for this revelation would have been before they were standing in front of their family in friends, about to be wed, but apparently they were having this conversation now. People start to break out into whispers around them, trying to figure out what’s going on, while Brett stands frozen where he’s standing, unsure of whether he should stay where he is or reach out towards Miriam.
Looking in her eyes, he can tell that she’s serious, that this isn’t a cruel joke or a dream he can’t wake up from. But before he can say anything, she’s gone, disappearing down the aisle. “Miriam! Shit.” Cursing under his breath, Brett runs after her, searching the halls almost desperately. But she’s gone, almost as if she’s planned an escape route, leaving him to explain everything to the waiting masses inside.
