“Ronan,” Gansey said, in the exact same way that he’d just invoked Jesus.
“Are we doing this?” Ronan replied.
Gansey threw open his door. Gripping the roof of the car, he slid himself out. Even that gesture, Ronan noted, was wild-Gansey, Gansey-on-fire. Like he pulled himself from the car because ordinary climbing out was too slow.
Kissing prompts day 4, given to me by the delightful @sleepy-skittles 💕 Thank you! I was looking forward to this one, and it sort of became way more than just the kiss, because I'm a big sucker for the build-up.
Pynch — A lingering kiss before a long trip apart.
-
It shouldn’t be this hard.
It’s never been this hard before.
Just over five years of Adam living in Cambridge while he stayed back in Singer’s Falls had been a difficult obstacle in their once budding, now wholly committed relationship. But all that time apart had been worth it, to see Adam’s elastic and amicable smile as he stood at the commencement podium and gave a speech to nearly two thousand other graduates, on a live stream. And it had been worth it, to have him back at the Barns for a few months of creature comforts and rest, even though Ronan knew it was fleeting and every moment spent close was precious.
He knew and, yet, it hadn’t seemed real as they loaded every single one of Adam’s personal belongings into a Uhaul. Nor had it seemed real, the summer before, when they took a hectic, life-changing road trip out to Los Angeles so Adam could check out the UCLA campus. It had been nothing more than a concept to Ronan, an idea he realized would eventually come to pass, but he didn’t allow himself to accept the reality of it all until there was no longer an option.
Ronan wakes at the ass crack of dawn, as per usual, to handle the cows and let them out to pasture. He’s too tired for his brain to catch up with what today is. It’s still early, so Ronan showers, cooks up some breakfast — scrambled eggs, heavy on the cheese, with turkey sausage and hashbrowns, just the way Adam likes them — and shoves it all in the oven to stay warm as he heads upstairs to wake his boyfriend up.
When he gets in the room, Ronan finds Adam stretched awkwardly across the bed, taking over practically the entire bed. The blankets have been kicked off, his shirt rides up a ridiculous amount, so much that it may as well not even be there. His head tilts to the side, mouth open with a dark pool of what Ronan can only assume is drool beneath it on his pillow. Ronan would be irritated, but the morning sun peeks through a tiny part in the curtains, illuminating Adam’s gorgeous tan skin and giving his dusty hair an almost golden hue, and suddenly apprehension takes over every part of Ronan’s conscious mind.
It shouldn’t be this hard, to let him go, when Adam has always found his way back.
He wanders over, brushing strands of gold-spun locks from Adam’s face, the gentle touch making light brows pinch together in silent protest. “Wake up, sleepyhead,” Ronan says, voice barely above a whisper. “Got a long day ahead of you.”
“Mmgh, piss off.” Adam’s half-awake irritability brings a smile to his face, even while Ronan’s stomach twists and turns with building nerves.
“I made breakfast,” Ronan continues, fingers running back to tickle Adam’s ear. This earns him a frustrated groan and a swat. “I’ll go start the coffee.”
Ronan leaves Adam to do exactly as he says. He distracts himself by grinding the coffee beans, listening to the sound of a shower running upstairs, switches to washing the dishes, wipes the counters, doing anything and everything to distract himself from the inevitable. When Adam comes down twenty minutes later, fully dressed and yawning, Ronan pretends like anxiety isn’t tearing him apart from the inside out.
It shouldn’t be hard. He won’t let it be.
What’s a couple thousand miles between him and the love of his life? It’s nothing, really, in the grand scheme of their life together.
They finish gathering the last of Adam’s various items, packing what he doesn’t need in the back of the trailer, and piling up the rest in the passenger seat. With a satisfied sigh, Adam claps his hands as if he’s just done something strenuous, or something to be proud of, and looks at Ronan with one of his classic, charming Adam Parrish smiles.
“You’ll miss me?” He asks, like the answer isn’t already obvious and lingering in the air around them.
“I already do,” Ronan answers. “But I’ll get over it. Always do.”
Adam is the one to bridge the distance between them, settling so close that Ronan can feel warm breath on his face, smell the distracting mint of freshly brushed teeth and mouthwash. He presses a palm to Ronan’s chest, just over his heart, their eyes locking. The moment is punctuated by a silence that is somehow tense and heartening at once. “I’ll come back,” Adam offers, just like he had the first time he left.
“I know. That’s all I’ll ever ask of you.”
His head tilts, still smiling as he leans forward to kiss Ronan. It’s soft, barely there, a request rather than a demand. Adam pulls back when the gesture isn’t returned, the corners of his mouth twitch with disappointment, a telling falter in an otherwise perfectly controlled façade.
Ronan recognizes that he isn’t the only one struggling with this. Adam is, too, why wouldn’t he be?
All these years apart, Ronan has only ever thought about how it is for himself.
It shouldn’t be this hard, but it is. On both of them.
“Adam…”
“It’s fine, really.” His voice quivers and he starts to step back. “I should get going.”
Ronan reaches out, fingers curling in Adam’s t-shirt. He uses the grip to pull him close again, smashing their mouths together a little harder than intended but, unlike the kiss Adam had given, this one is a demand. It’s Ronan urging Adam to come back as they both tip into it, deepening the kiss. It’s Adam insisting he never once thought otherwise when his tongue glides over Ronan’s bottom lip and he allows him in on mostly instinct. It’s both of them with wordless stipulations — if you promise to be here, in one piece, then I’ll always come back to you. And I’ll be waiting, I’ll be waiting, I’ll be waiting.
As they linger, their kissing drifts between near animalistic hunger and something sweeter, more modest, their hands wander aimlessly to touch every inch within reach. Ronan uses this opportunity to burn the feeling of Adam’s ribs beneath his palms and the familiar warmth of his sun-kissed skin into his mind, a memory for later, to sate him when he starts to feel lonely.
His hands eventually find themselves on either side of Adam’s face, holding him still as their lips glide together slow, with intention. Adam wraps his arms around Ronan, tugging him close, moaning into his mouth. It’s wet and sloppy and leisurely, as if they have all the time in the world to make out. Maybe they do. Just...not now. So, against his better judgment, Ronan breaks contact, knocking their foreheads together and staying there.
“I’ll come back. I promise.” Adam says, breaking the silence first.
“I’ll be here. Waiting.”
“Maybe...you should go somewhere, too.”
Ronan raises an eyebrow and pulls away to give Adam a look. “What the hell does that even mean?”
Adam grins and shrugs. “We’ll talk about it later, when I get to the hotel. I gotta head out if I want to stick to my schedule.”
He blinks, still confused, trying and failing to figure out what Adam means. The words, maybe you should go somewhere, echo in his head as Ronan watches Adam climb into the Uhaul, as he gives an excited and ironic yeehaw through the rolled down window, as he starts off down the long, winding driveway and out of sight.
It shouldn’t be this hard, but it’s okay that it is. All the best things in life are worth working and waiting for, their relationship is no different and, besides —
Ronan runs a hand over his scalp, kicking at a stone with his bare foot. At least this gives him something to consider, instead of allowing the realization that Adam is gone, again, while he’s still here to take him over. Maybe he doesn’t need to always be waiting, maybe that’s what Adam meant.
i’m doing a teen wolf rare pair thing! i made a poll which will be linked below, you can vote for what rare pairs you’d like to see me make moodboards for, i’ll be doing the top ten!
sdcc 2017 got me reliving my sdcc 2015 tag and i’m so happy about it. what a time. what a week of PURE AND FRUSTRATING EMOTIONS.
like, remember when dylan stepped through the ethereal plane into an alternate universe where time moves differently to take that ONE SERIES of beautiful princely photos and then immediately changed back into last week’s floor shirt and the most unwashed baseball cap he could find for the rest of the weekend? we STILL HAVEN’T SOLVED THAT MYSTERY TBH. THE MYSTERY OF THE ALTERNATE UNIVERSE PHOTOCALL. INVESTIGATE.
remember that one night when everyone stayed up until like 3 in the morning talking about dylan o’brien ruling over his domain of trash as the king of the trash mountain?
remember when kat said they were all dressed like confused frat boy fishermen???
remember how we ended up having a bunch of like, Very Serious Conversations About Sexism in between shouting graphic sexual scenarios at each other across the interwebs?
remember when i melted down so hard i came up with an incredibly detailed alternate universe in which the cast/characters (HARD TO TELL WHICH TBH) of teen wolf sailed the high seas and like, were pirates but for Good and Justice or some shit?
remember when tyler posey got on stage wearing UNDERWEAR AND SUSPENDERS AND THEN WAGGLED HIS BUTT???
there was also apparently a lot of YELLING in inboxes that i completely forgot about but that is also completely in character like wow we’re very extra?
anyway it was a fun few fandom days and i’m nostalgic even though i HATED IT.
Thank you guys so much! I had a little sulk and then laughed a bit with my current supervisor (who I ADORE). I’ll be okay, even if it sucks that I can’t be at my favorite of the three branches of our library. :)
