#slightlytreks

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i could spend literal hours thinking of the first time spock and jim touch in more than a our-life-is-in-danger/our-world-is-ending/reach-for-me-and-i-will-save-you sort of way

the slowness. the tenderness. the exploration.

these men are scientists, they are explorers. can you imagine the joy they would feel as they experience something new and so, so hoped for?

ugh i could go on and on, literally somebody stop me i can get so intense about this

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i feel like i have to watch SNW through the lens of ‘the show runners are just playing barbies’.

would spock do that? not in canon, but this isn’t canon this is a pool party at the dream house where there’s a cannonball contest off the deep end.

would these people ever end up together in the published material? nah, but it’s fun to smash the dolls’ faces together and make them kiss.

barbies!

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my ancestors are so disappointed

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I’m being so normal about the idea of Spock learning to physically care for humans through his relationship with Jim. So normal about him diving into his memories for how his mother used to give him creature comforts that he slowly learned to bat away as his more Vulcan traits were desired and how he comes to a new appreciation for the small things like a touch to the arm or a mug of tea of an evening.

No matter that the temperature controls are always set where they should be, Jim likes a blanket over his shoulders as they sit and play chess or chat and Spock takes care of this. It doesn’t matter that Jim’s clothes are always neat and pristine, before they enter the bridge he would always check himself over, dusting off his shoulders in habit; Spock does this now, with a nod to answer Jim’s appreciative smile.

I’m so normal about Spock learning to appreciate the small courtesies and going out of his way for someone else, an illogical thing to do, really. Jim is a grown man who can take care of himself.

All the same, Spock does it. And he finds it isn’t so illogical after all when Jim looks at him like that.

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I can’t live peacefully in a world where Jim and Spock don’t grow old together, into forever at each other’s sides, always getting into trouble until one of them finally admits (it’s Spock, on Jim’s disgruntled behalf) that, “Perhaps they should slow down a fraction in their later years”.

Only for their post-space-faring days to be spent torturing the next generation of Starfleet that can’t parse a Vulcan’s dry sense of humor and therefore they think Spock hates them all, until Jim comes in to play ‘good cop’ and pats him on the shoulder as they then speak about the glory days to anyone that will listen.

They’ll be old professors and Spock will enjoy every moment he can sit still and sink into his research while Jim terrorizes whatever starbase they’re on with his younger-than-his-years antics.

They will fall asleep in each other’s arms and always make sure to catch at least one meal a day together no matter how busy they get.

They do not separate. This does not end. And fairytales can happen, for two lovers, brothers, friends.

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Spock appearing at Jim’s side when he is needed most, an occurrence we see so many times over the original series and the movies, is great. yadda yadda, they’re married they’re in love they’re t’hy’la (though i am never not feral for this don’t mistake me).

but the beauty is in devotion. it is in that kind of love that doesn’t rest rooted within only feeling but in choice and said choice is made over, and over.

Spock is devoted to Jim. doting. stern when it’s needed because he truly has Jim’s best interests at heart. it’s all the best parts of friendship wrapped in tender affection interspersed with the gentle knowing of another person and

god i love them for it.

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obsessed with the cosmic joke that Spock’s lifemate would be Kirk.

my mans spends his entire life trying not to be human, to keep a very prominent space between his Vulcan heritage and the lesser half of himself

only to be thrust under James T. Kirks’s manic, oftentimes mildly suicidal, gut-following command. his ancestors are laughing.

because goddammit he likes it.

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sometimes i get in a mood and begin to feel truly, deeply, for spock’s struggles, especially as a young boy.

as a late-diagnosed neurodivergent woman who is still, even at 29 years old, trying to figure herself out and beginning to comb over the stages of her life with a shiny new fine-toothed comb, i mourn. i mourn for a spock who was willfully misunderstood his entire life. vulcans are capable of so much intelligence and that extends to the emotional. the adults in his life could not have missed the applicable nuance that should have been applied to him, and their IDIC ideals should have crafted in them a curiosity about who he could become.

and yet such a little boy, soft and wondering and bright eyed as any child would be, was looked on with cold eyes and colder shoulders. we see this plainly in aos but i believe it happened in tos as well, given how spock’s shame in thinking of jim’s friendship caused him much emotional upheaval.

and so i mourn, because he is me, and he is all of us who are coming to terms with who we are later in life. he didn’t deserve the narrowed eyes, furrowed brows, and the whining questions of “why won’t you just be like us?”.

and neither did i. and neither did you.

but spock crafted a life from what others despised that he enjoyed, and he found a man to share it all with in friendship and…more—no matter the eyerolls and the disdain from others. it gives me hope on the dark days, because we all know people like this who have fought their way to happiness and i am as inclined to be so determined.

i want to be a little more like spock.