#slobscribbles

[slobonmynov]

Sports photographer Shane Hollander captures the exact moment Boston Bear Ilya Rozanov briefly looks up from the ice to thank his mother after scoring a buzzer beating goal that brings the Stanley Cup home to Boston for the first time in far too long

The photo is in the front page of every newspaper the next morning, the public has never seen the Russian Terror look so soft, so human, they’re eating it up with a spoon, it results in a wave of positive PR that kind of embarrasses him but he’s ultimately thankful for

The photo is the centerpiece of a limited exhibition honoring the team’s firecracker of a season staged on the route of their victory parade. The photographer is invited to the opening as a last minute thing, fuck it fly the guy down here Roz can thank him in person for the extra sponsorship $$$ this pic is earning him

Sports photographer Shane Hollander arrives to the event a recently single freelancer and leaves with the heart of a bisexual terminator and a conditional offer of permanent employment with the Bears organization

[slobonmynov]

The fact that there was a number three in their draft class that no one talks about becomes kind of a meme on hockey tumblr in the game changers universe. Sullivan finds out early and kind of loves it because at least SOMEONE is talking about him!!!

Sully doesn’t really keep in contact with them but does send them both supportive messages post-FanMail incident. He very low-key resented them for a while when they were all kids, but he’s a decent guy and this situation is shit.

THEN post-husbands someone makes an “And Steve” video of the three of them that breaks containment and is everywhere for like several full meme cycles, so much so that Ilya decides that it would be hilarious to go out to lunch the next time the three of them are in the same place, post about it, and start it all again. And the lunch is actually really fun, they all actually vibe, so they keep it going whenever it’s convenient to all of their schedules. Sully is now synonymous as a steve, his social media manager is savvy enough to capitalize on it, and he retires a beloved internet pet instead of a random also-ran to two generational talents.

THE END

[slobonmynov]

AU where Shane makes one tiny, heartbreaking mistake and is outed before the world junior championship but through sheer force of will, and the power of Yuna Hollander’s understanding of discrimination statutes and how to harness media pressure, is able to keep on his preferred career trajectory and make it to the draft. Crucially though, this means he does not approach Ilya Rozanov before they meet on the ice at the WJC, and Ilya, despite being highly intrigued by the incredibly talented and incredibly beautiful spitfire that led the Canadian team to beat him TWO YEARS IN A ROW, is not stupid enough to approach the boy the entire Russian team has been warned about. At least until he has an NHL contract signed and his American work visa secured. Which all coincidentally is completed just in time for the CCM shoot he masterminded to have an excuse to interact with said talented beautiful spitfire. Who hates him and thinks he’s a homophobic dick (despite almost zero empirical evidence to support this conclusion). But that’s just a minor detail, Ilya’s overcome worse odds.

Enter higher stakes for both of them, increased scrutiny, a Shane Hollander with even more to prove to the world, an Ilya Rozanov with a higher garden wall to scale, and an attraction that overcomes the odds in every universe.

Idk I just think it could be fun.

[slobonmynov]

AU where, when Shane is a youngish teenager, David and Yuna decide to spend the summer helping their relatives move to Korea for a work opportunity. Shane has a great time hanging out with his cousins, eating delicious off-season food, and generally relaxing in a country that doesn't give a shit about Canadian youth hockey.

It all starts to go wrong (for Shane) when due to a series of hilarious (not for Shane, but for everyone else) misunderstandings Yuna signs Shane up for a K-pop idol trainee class, thinking it'll be fun to try something new while he has a little time off, and maybe it'll give him some confidence off the ice, help get him break out of his shell a little bit.

Unfortunately (for Shane, and everyone else in the class) he 1: actually has a phenomenal singing voice, and 2: he’s so competitive about anything physical that he ends up picking up choreography really quickly and then ends up so bored while he waits for everyone else to catch up that he puts his own flavor on the moves and accidentally develops his own style. With those two factors on his side his natural awkwardness is perceived as a persona, and he’s quickly tagged as The Sweet Shy One. Basically, through absolutely no fault of his own, he blows everyone else in the class away and impresses the instructors so much that they beg his parents to let him audition for the entertainment companies.

There is a world in which Shane is able to put his foot down right there and stop the madness before it goes too far, and the events of heated rivalry proceed as they do, just with the pictures and video proof of this time in his life weighing down his Damoclesian Sword of gayness

However. In MY WORLD.

Yuna and Shane get stuck in a miscommunication doom cycle (you know that thing they do where she thinks he wants this because he thinks he'll disappoint her if he doesn't, but she only wants him to do what makes him happy, but it's impossible for him to know what that is because he's focused on making her happy) that results in him changing the entire trajectory of his life and becoming an honest to god K-Pop megastar.

Bonus points for this outcome, because in this world Sveta becomes a huge METRO-$ stan, and through friendship-osmosis introduces Ilya to his latest and greatest obsession: Shane, the Sweet and Shy member who doesn't date because he's saving himself for marriage.

God help poor Shane (who spends his life surrounded by screaming girls he doesn't want and skinny artsy boys he is not attracted to) when Boston Bears #81 (a hockey player he is equal parts jealous of and dangerously hot for) starts to pursue him like a dog in heat.

[slobonmynov]

When Ilya was first learning English his brother thought it was hilarious to buy him a baby book, one of those “A is for Apple” type things. He was very much in the “I’m not a BABY” stage of adolescence and Alexei knew it would piss him off, and it did.

The thing is it was also kind of helpful.

Years later, there is an unmarked locked folder on Ilya’s phone that he privately calls “S is for Shane”. It contains pictures, mostly stolen or taken without his knowledge, that epitomize different moods. Of course it starts with Slutty Shane, Salacious Shane, Slow Shane, Strategic Shane, Swift Shane, Smooth Shane.

Eventually he gets to add Sleepy Shane, Sarcastic Shane, Selfish Shane (aka will not Share his protein ice cream Shane), Surprise Shane, Salubrious Shane, Soft Shane, Severe Shane, Secure Shane, Sardonic Shane, on and on and on and on. Forever.

[slobonmynov]

AU where Shane has a more nuanced relationship with his sexuality earlier on in his life and that somehow leads him to make the difficult choice to forgo playing professionally for himself, and instead channel his love of the game into making it a more inclusive place for the next generation. Show the world that you can play aggressive, technical, smart, kickass hockey AND not be a total douchebag. To that end he starts his own hockey camp straight off his highly successful college career and eventually turns it into Canada’s premiere youth development vehicle, churning out the highest number of NHL and PWHL draftees of any organization in North America, like ever. The kids who come up in it prove the concept and they DO start to create change in the upper echelons of the sport.

And that’s all lovely and fabulous but what I REALLY want to talk about is that because Shane’s professional life is so focused on molding young minds, being a good role model, setting a good example, being the change he wants to see in the world, etc etc, he really only has one vice, one outlet, one place where he can go and just truly let loose.

And that is how Shane Hollander, rec league pest, is born.

————_/\_————

Former Raider current Centaur perennial generational talent Ilya Rozanov is brought in to volunteer at the camp for some reason (court ordered community service (for an excess of unpaid parking tickets (he would have paid them except he GENUINELY FORGOT to give them to his accountant OK?))). He very much supports the camp and its mission but he finds Executive Director Hollander exhaustively boring, like almost so boring that it eclipses his tremendously hot face and incredibly fuckable body.

Until the day he and some of the other coaches set up a little friendly for the adults after the kids go home.

Executive Director Hollander slams NHL star center Rozanov into the boards so hard he sees stars, while simultaneously disparaging the hockey skills of his entire patrilineal line going back to the cosmic egg, and, well, the rest is history.

[slobonmynov]

“I’m not a chicken” he said before punching an opponent in the mouth at 7

“I’m not a chicken” he said before sneaking into an R rated movie at 13

“I’m not - I’m not a chicken” he said before kissing a man for the first time at 18

[slobonmynov]

CrackAU where the Metros discover that Shane and Ilya are hooking up pretty early on, but somehow only find out about certain incidents. Coincidentally, these happen to be incidences where 1) They’ve slept together before a game (any game, not just against each other) 2) the Metros won that game and 3) most of the games were strategically important for their season. Using these facts, Shane manages to convince the team that the first time was the result of a convoluted mistake (I’m thinking he convinces them that sex pollen exists (it doesn’t)) but that it’s a superstition for him now. It takes some work but they can’t see any another explanation and eventually the entire team is TOTALLY bought in.

Insert increasingly ridiculous situations wherein the Metros collectively scheme to get Ilya and Shane to fuck before important games, while still keeping everything hidden from management, the Raiders, and the world at large. They’re pitching in for a pj to get Ilya in for an hour when they play anyone on the eastern seaboard and he’s in Boston. They buy out entire clubs and leave them empty when he’s in town so he doesn’t get any funny ideas about finding someone else to hookup with. One time Comeau shoves them into an arena janitors closet prepared with a cot, condoms, and expensive lube, then stages an elaborate parking lot melee to draw the attention of every reporter in the press pen.

It’s not right, but this also results in the team viewing Shane as sort of a sacrificial lamb/purple heart so they are SO nice and respectful to him like all the time.

Shane is MORTIFIED about this. But, he’s also getting fucked 10000% more during the season and it really shows in his stats, so he can’t really complain that much.

They win the cup three years in a row.