#myshane

[lesbianrozanov]

toddler shane refusing to talk after his hockey team lose a game. yuna & david are trying to be encouraging like “bud!! you played so good!!” and shane is ignoring them while climbing into his car seat where he’s going to angrily drink his juice box and then chew on the straw.

[wannabetonthat]

I was half asleep daydreaming and I came up with the most cracky idea

Shane has been in face offs against Ilya for years, even if they didn't have their thing of the ice, he knows his face by memory. Which is why he notices when a mole in the underside of his jaw gets bigger.

It's the 2015-2016 season, middle of the hookup era, and he is trying to get this motherfucker to see a dermatologist, but nothing he says works. Ilya either distracts him or dismisses him with some stupid denial like russians don't get melanoma.

But the mole keeps changing and now its not even the same consistent color and Shane has googled the signs so he says fuck it, I'm gonna make him.

Shane uses his barely active public account to tweet a list of Boston based dermatologist and tags Ilya in each one.

This of course goes crazy with the fans because what the hell? Shane Hollander? Tweeting at Ilya Rozanov? Doctors? This is a very advanced very strange chirp? Is he calling his moles ugly?

The next time the Boston Raiders have a game the media scrum doesn't even try to pretend they came for another thing, they want to know about the Dermatologist Thread.

Ilya, at this point frustrated because his moles are fine, they're perfect, why is this a problem, so he answers.

"Hollander should mind his own businesses, he wants me to visit stupid skin doctor because he sees mole. I have lots of moles, always had, there's no problem here, it's normal mole!"

And Shane is getting out of his own game a few hours later, prepares himself to answer about the fumble in the second period when the media comes, and it's surprised when, instead, he gets shown a clip of Ilya's earlier interview. Now, this fucking reckless motherfucker, Shane explodes.

"You fucking asshole! You want to die by driving a Porsche into a wall be my guest! But you're gonna die of the most stupid thing in existence! A MOLE! A mole you decided not to check even if it changed size and color and it's in your fucking face where we can all see it every fucking face off with arena lights shining right into it! Why? Because you're stupid and you don't want to go to the doctor and you don't respect the sun. You're gonna die from a perfectly preventable thing and then what am I gonna do? I'm gonna be the best hockey player in mi generation with 10 cups and Harts and Conn Smythes and no competition because you're gonna be in the history books as that one promising dude who died from a mole. A mole! Go to the fucking doctor and use your fucking sunscreen."

That one goes viral. That one breaches containment and goes internacional meme viral.

Shane Hollander Skin Cancer Awareness King.

There's "Go to the fucking doctor and use your fucking sunscreen" T-Shirts.

Shane Hollander angry sneering face with the text "RESPECT THE SUN" under it.

Ilya Rozanov gets bullied relentlessly about it, everyone asking if he has gone to the doctor yet. He doesn't answer. Eventually, he appears with a new scar in his jaw where a wonky mole used to be.

A new meme begins, Shane Hollander has saved Ilya Rozanov's life. From a malignant mole.

[mymoonandmyshane]

its really important to me that people understand that when ilya calls hayden “15th best metro” he is fully joking. while certainely not on shane and ilyas level, hayden is one of shanes wingers on the first line. you dont get put on the first line with shane fucking hollander by being bad at hockey. same goes for ilyas chirp about shanes backhand. i doubt theres a single skill in hockey shane is truly subpar at.

[slobonmynov]

Places Shane initiates sexting

At night, in the dark, under his covers, behind a locked bedroom door and a double dead-bolted front door, after checking FindMy three times to triple check that his parents are still in a different city and not somehow on their way to his apartment. His dildo is also there.

Places Ilya initiates sexting

The locker room

On a run

His home shower

The club

Brunch with Svetlana

The Porsche dealership

Lifting weights with cliff

While taking a shit

In the back of an uber

On the other side of the room

The MLH awards

During a live interview

While watching men’s gymnastics

In the refrigerated aisle while trying to decide between brands of yogurt

Etc.

[thievedreams]

my low stakes shane headcanon of the day is that he can do a backflip off the dock into the lake and ilya feels Totally Regular about it

[renegade-bisexual-dog-stealer]

The thing that Shane fully did not consider when he made the plan to start a Mental Health charity and present it as a Cause they Both Love that brought them together, is that, especially after Ilya talks publicly about his mom, people are going to start wondering why Shane Hollander is so passionate about mental health and suicide prevention. And Shane is probably unaware of most of the speculation. It’s like a year in and he’s just so focused on how The Plan is going great and then Hayden says something about how Shane can always talk to him if he’s feeling depressed. And then Shane has to suddenly confront the idea that he also possesses Mental Health, a thing he has been studiously ignoring for his whole entire life.

[madebymothman]

Shhhh.... he's eeping...

[boitterfly]

orbs your shane