thoughts on towa and madarame's relationship and "likeliness", victimhood and slow damage's theme (currently at 60 hours of gameplay, about to finish madarame's route)
so madarame keeps saying he and towa are "the same", and sure, they somewhat match each other's need and viewpoint on violence, but i wouldn't say they're the same. in fact, it seems like he and towa are the exact opposite of each other, in fact. what they have in common - operating on instinct, the need for violence - both takes them and comes from very different places. towa's need for violence comes from a place of deep self hatred, and to anyone who has experienced that level of self hatred - especially one drive from sexual trauma - knows how deeply ingrained it gets and how it turns you so twisted you start experiencing the self hatred as a good thing. we see it when he gets hurt, and we see it during sex, towa feels good and gets off on being treated like scum, of being hurt, of being abused. its a sense of deserving, almost, like a "reward", in a way. euphoria, as much as it is an artistic movement, is also an elaborated excuse for towa to receive the punishment-reward he deeply feels like he deserves, its a way to experience the root of his trauma, over and over again: being an outlet for someone else, an object of pleasure, not necessarily sexual, as rape is not necessarily sexual, but of power, of desire, of the need for control, and for indulging. towa used to live on edge, back in his mafia days, his traumatic episode was never really over until the fight that killed his brother. once he adjusted to a somewhat happy, comfortable life, that's when he started to "heal", in a sense, but let a traumatized person heal on their own and watch them incessantly try to relive their trauma, over and over, am i right?
a lot of times traumatized people are drawn to their trauma, and towa, of course, much rather say he has a taste for violence, rather than admit he is a deeply traumatized individual. slow damage is, at its core, a read on the many facets of victimhood.
on the other side of the spectrum of victimhood, dare i say on the complete opposite side, we have madarame. madarame wants violence because inflicting violence is all he ever knew. it solved all his problems, and violence was, too, the root of all his problems. madarame is perpetually stuck in a cycle of violence, and he feels entitled to inflicting it as much as he feels obligated to. he and towa both romanticize their issues so they can ignore and deny the fact that they are, too, victims. madarame couldn't possibly be a victim, ever, if he is always "in control", right? if he is the one punching, if he is the one going after the fight, if he is the one winning the fight, he must always be the perpetrator, never the victim, never again. if he is calm and composed, if he doesn't give way for his own thoughts to get under his skin, then it doesn't bother him. it is the same for towa - when he says he is attracted to violence, when he convinces himself he enjoys the pain, he enjoys the abuse, when he seeks it out himself, then it isn't that he's a victim, it's that he's getting what he wants. he takes control by convincing himself the abuse is what he always wanted, like a kid who loses their toy and says "i didn't want it, anyway". towa and madarame would do anything before acknowledging they might need help, but in that sense, the strategy they choose for their mental gymnastics are directly opposed. comfort in inflicting violence, and comfort in receiving it. that is precisely why they work together.
what makes madarame and towa "soulmates" is both a combination of what makes them different and what makes them equal. the denial of their trauma and their view of themselves, the violence and the vessel, the boxer and the punching bag. if i were to point a character that is truly "equal" to towa, I'd point ikuina, and that is why towa shows such a small, fleeting interest for ikuina, especially in madarame's route. ikuina wants to be violent as much as he wants the violence done to him, he wants to drown in it, he is fascinated by it and willing to inflict it upon himself directly, as much as towa is. they crave it, are addicted to the violence, but especially addicted to the pain, on both a sexual and psychological level. ikuina's trauma is related to violence in a way that made him view himself like towa views himself, not only as a carrier for violence, but mostly as deserving of violence, like a deeply religious person thinks themselves deserving of divine punishment, it is, in their eyes, a reward just as much.
but to towa, that isn't what fulfills him. he doesn't want another to share his desire for abuse, because he doesn't want to abuse, not really. what towa wants - and here we're not really talking about towa, the person, but rather his subconscious, his instinct built on his traumatic experiences, not his rational self, not his personality exactly, but a much deeper force inside him, one he never really learned or even had the chance to learn how to deal with, and so made it part of who he is, or believes he is: his ptsd - what he wants is someone willing to abuse him, someone who both cares for him and is willing to abuse him, that is the dream of anyone seeking self destruction, but who isn't necessarily suicidal, which is towa's case. as much as he denies it, as much as he despises it, he hates it precisely because he knows its true: he does want to be madarame's pet. he wants someone who will give him what he wants, someone who will take responsibility for him, someone to hurt him and dress his wounds, so that he doesn't have to do it himself, to himself. that is towa's euphoria, as it is, in a way, anyone's euphoria, to relive their trauma, or a crucial part of it. for towa, it is being abused, being cut and raped, and not have to seek it himself. it is having it done to him, like the first time, like the times before, and mostly - by someone he trusted.
and madarame, he of course loves towa, in his own twisted idea of love, and a pet is exactly what he wants, too. because inflicting violence is his penitence, the only way he could ever love another is by showering them with violence. it is not that he's abusive, or toxic, not in his eyes, because to him, violence is beautiful - and that is what made him fall in love with towa, because that's what towa understands. violence is beautiful, both inflicting it and receiving it. it is a recurring theme in slow damage as a whole, of course, the damage, obviously, of violence, but especially the beauty of it. every character believes violence to be beautiful in their own way, maybe not as obvious as towa and madarame, but we have the minor euphoria models, we have characters like taku and rei, a doctor and a body modification professional, who are at their core also deeply related to violence, to pain, in order to heal, in order to turn into art. we have toono and sakaki, who we can say are the main "antagonists", in slow damage, who, despite being deeply connected to violence, also despise it. sakaki believes it to be a necessary evil for the greater good, and toono sees it as merely a tool. in most instances where towa's scars are brought up, words like artwork, body art, uniqueness, are brought up, except for when toono brings them up. what paints toono as a villain in slow damage is not his acts and much less his moral compass, but rather his refusal to accept violence, to embrace it, to find it beautiful.
i guess I'd say that is the main point "slow damage" wants to come across with, after about 60 hours playing it. from the roots of shinkoumi, the city itself fueled by violence, to the thing that gives purpose and fleshes out each of the side characters - and that could be another rant of its own entirely
