#small tokens

[tuli-azzameen]

My brilliant Rey,

I can't believe our fake wedding is only two days away. I'm sorry that this ruse has been so unpleasant. What can I say, Snoke is more disgusting than a Hutt’s asswipe. I knew he would want to take over the planning of our wedding. I was actually counting on it. He's so wary of being in the same room with both of us, that his obsession with micromanaging lavish ceremonies is the only bait that I know will work. But I never imagined it would be this bad.

That dress... personally, I think you’ll look fabulous in it, but I know you don’t care for it. It’s funny, I know that Snoke is pure evil, but somehow forcing a bride to wear a wedding dress she doesn’t like seems like a whole new height of evil. Jerk. I tried to intervene on your behalf, but he just told me to run along and build the wedding holosite, because that’s all grooms are good for. Ugh.

It sounds like Snoke has made up his mind about the wedding party, and it's pure politics. Hux will be my best man, and Phasma will be your maid of honor. I'm no more pleased with it than you are. I just keep telling myself that I have to go along with it, or he'll refuse to be at the wedding, and we'll never have the chance to take him down together, using the artifact.

On a lighter note, you can at least be assured that you aren't the only one who hates their outfit. I overheard Phasma begging Snoke not to make her wear her dress, and I couldn't help laughing my ass off. I know, I know. Phasma may be a genuine psychopath, but laughing at her misery was not very redeemed of me. I have already apologized to her.

The menu has also been settled on. The appetizer will be a bantha milk cheeseboard. The main course will be nerf wellington (I actually managed to talk him out of the porg l’orange). The cake will be jogan fruit flavored, with a meiloorun filling, and frosted with whipped moof cream. I hope that this will be one part of the wedding that you approve of.

Since the wedding is almost here, I have to ask, do you know if my mother's fleet is ready to attack, as planned? I know she said that nothing short of saving the galaxy would keep her away from our wedding, even if it's fake and she has been pointedly omitted from the guest list by our tyrannical wedding planner. I guess I should just have faith in her tactical skills. Just to make sure, she knows that her fleet is to drop out of hyperspace exactly as you may kiss the bride is said, and not a second earlier? Does she have equipment set up to watch the holocast? The timing has to be perfect.

Look at me, fretting over the wedding more than grooms are stereotypically supposed to, and it’s not even a real wedding. I am really excited too though. I can only imagine how excited I'll be if or when (pleasepleaseplease when) we get married for real.

Anyway, below is a little gift I thought you might want as a souvenir - one of the invitations. I’m as irritated as you are that it's only me (and some stormtroopers, WTF?) on the front. Politics. And Snoke just had to have it printed in High Galactic too. So pretentious. But hopefully it'll be good for a laugh in a few decades.

With affection warmer than the inside of a tauntaun, Kylo

P.s. Is the groom allowed to see the bride the night before a fake wedding?

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This story can be read in it’s entirety at    http://archiveofourown.org/works/11534406/chapters/25895388

[tuli-azzameen]

My dazzling Rey,

I hope you were not too put-off by my question, earlier today. You seemed quite shocked. A little frightened, even. I don't blame you. I know we have only been a couple for a few months, and a secret couple at that. It makes perfect sense that talk of marriage would be startling, even in the context of using the wedding as a plan to destroy the First Order.

I got the feeling that you tuned out everything I said after we should get married.  I don’t want to pressure you, but I do want you to make an informed decision. Logically, assassinating Snoke is the most expedient way to take the First Order down, and I am certain that with our combined power, amplified by the artifact, we could destroy him. The problem is this: while Snoke does want me to turn you to the Dark Side, and take you as an apprentice, he flatly refuses to meet with us both at the same time. He will not allow us both into his presence, only one of us at a time. He knows how dangerous we could be together.

What we need is some sort of excuse to make him willing to be in the same room as both of us. And my proposal - pun intended - is the only way I can think of to do that. It's the one bait that he won't be able to resist. Snoke LOVES pageantry. He takes this sick pleasure in planning out all the aesthetic details for every major FO ceremony and fundraising banquet. What the banners will look like, what people will wear, what they'll say, where they'll stand... He loves micromanaging lavish ritualistic ceremonies, and there is nothing more ceremonially ritualistic than a wedding.

If we had a “wedding,” he will want to involved, or more likely, he’ll take over completely, like the tyrant he is. Either way, he’ll probably be willing to risk having us both in his presence, at the ceremony itself. And then we take him down! He would be distracted by his obsession with elaborate ceremony, and you and I would be together - it would be the perfect time to use the artifact. Snoke would be destroyed. Without him, the First Order would be in disarray, and my mother’s fleet could do the rest.

It doesn't even have to be a real wedding. I probably should have made that more clear when we spoke earlier. It would just be an act, to save the galaxy! At least for now. I don't want to rush you into anything you're not ready for. I really don't... I should have explained better, and that's exactly why I am writing to you now. In the moment, I think I got a bit carried away by the idea of us openly claiming each other as lifelong companion. Needless to say, nothing else could ever give me such joy.

But, I could sense it, you know. You weren't completely horrified by my proposal. Startled, maybe, but not disgusted. We belong together. I've heard you whisper it in the dark more than once, when you probably thought I was asleep. We belong together...

Anyway, I have enclosed another gift. It’s some frozen dessert, a local delicacy from Bespin. I chose it mainly to show you how chill I am about this wedding idea. Also, it seems to actually have a picture of me unmasked. I know you prefer me that way, so I’ve asked the gift shop to start selling products without my mask. They’ve actually seemed to be making an effort to do so, lately.

As hungry for your love as an exogorth for a passing starship,

Kylo

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Credit to Sansacat for pointing me in the direction of the ice cream!

This story can be read in it’s entirety at    http://archiveofourown.org/works/11534406/chapters/25895388

[tuli-azzameen]

My wonderful Rey,

I miss you. I have been spoiled on being with you every day, these past weeks since our coup and/or fake wedding, so having to leave you for a whole 24 hours is a pain I am no longer accustomed to. The icy desolation I feel in your absence is proportional to the blazing rapture of being in your presence. Therefore parting from you really sucks. I know it had to be done, though. My mother really wanted me to show my face at the armistice negotiations. I suppose I can sacrifice a day with you on behalf of galactic peace, especially now that we have all the days of our lives to be together.

As you suggested, I did take the opportunity to make sure that Snoke’s prison is secure. Let me tell you, there is no way he could possibly escape, even if he could still wield the Force. Which he can’t. It’s strange, I always assumed that the artifact would destroy him, literally and physically. That he'd just go up in a puff of smoke, disappear like a bad dream. I never imagined that it would just strip him of his powers. And it’s surprisingly hard to hate him, now that he is so weak. Don't get me wrong, I still hate him. It's hard to explain, but somehow that hate is finally disentangled from the way I used to hate myself. I feel like I can finally move on.

On a more light-hearted note, I made it a point to pick up all the wedding gifts we left behind. Apparently we were registered at Spacy’s and Bed, 'Fresher and Beyond. Waste-not want-not, especially since we’ve decided to elope, so this is the only time we're likely to get a giant free pile of linens and kitchenware.

Your notion of eloping really is genius. I think we've both had enough of wedding bantha shit for a lifetime. But if you change your mind in the future, and decide that you want a wedding dress you actually like, and a giant party decorated to your taste, I am totally up for it.

It would be hard to top our fake wedding, in terms of excitement, though. I suppose we probably hold the galactic record for Most Explosions at a Wedding Ceremony. I'll never forget the way the grand assembly hall literally shook, the moment I kissed you. Of course, that was because you may kiss the bride was the cue for my mother's fleet to attack, but your kiss still rocked my world in every sense of the phrase. The space battle sounded like a lot of fun, I'm almost sad I didn't get to take part. My uncle showing up in his x-wing at the last, most dire second was no surprise. Have I mentioned that my family has a flair for the dramatic?

I have one last gift for you, my darling. I managed to snag the wedding cake topper from the other day, and the box it came in. I know you thought it was kind of cool, and I agree. Your doll comes nowhere near capturing your true beauty, but mine... They turned me into a pretty boy with scary eyebrows! I think we should display them on our mantel, when we move in to our new place. The dolls can keep Grandfather's skull company. I know he's been getting lonely, now that he's not the only one I feel like I can talk too.

Rey, I love you so dearly, and I am so infinitely grateful to have your love in return. I could say it a thousand times a day until the end of time and it would never be enough to express how I truly feel.

With a love worthy of a multi-billion dollar epic space opera, Kylo

P.S. The plan is to elope as soon as soon as I get back, right? Would it be in bad taste if I bridal-carried you over the threshold of my shuttle?

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The End

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Small Tokens can be read in it’s entirety at    http://archiveofourown.org/works/11534406/chapters/25895388

[tuli-azzameen]

My delicious Rey,

Thank you for speaking with me via Force bond last night. Talking with you was great, even aside from the more risque subject matter we, um, discussed later on  ;)    I know I say this all the time, but I miss you. It’s great that we get to see each other occasionally, but each goodbye is like being ripped in two by a rancor. You’d think I’d have gotten used to being torn apart by now, but it apparently doesn’t get easier. This pain is entirely bearable though, if only because of the anticipatory joy of knowing I will see you again. 

I guess it must seem strange that I am still writing letters to you like this, even now, when we’re sneaking off together every now and then, and talking via Force Bond every day. I guess I just like writing to you. I feel like whenever I talk with you in real time, I must come off like a lovesick jackass. I get so nervous around you, but it’s not the bad kind of nervous. More like the exhilarating kind - pleasurable, but not conducive to being articulate. But when I can sit down and write out my feelings, I can at least sound like a lovesick jackass with a college reading level.

About our little secret jaunt to the First Order gift shop the other day, I have been thinking about the questions you asked me. It doesn’t really bother me that the First Order puts my picture all over everything. I am used to that sort of thing. I was born the child of two celebrities, and was touted as the poster child of the new Jedi, back in the day. I am quite accustomed to seeing my picture on holo-billboards. At least nowadays, it’s only my mask.

But I honestly have no idea what “Star Wars” is. It seems to be stamped all over everything in the gift shop. I guess it must be the manufacturer we contract with to make all of this patriotic crap.

I think you had a good point as to the reason I keep sending you all this stuff with my picture on it. I had always thought of it as giving myself to you. But I guess subconsciously, I want you to be surrounded by images of me. I can’t escape you, the idea, the image of you. You are always on my mind. You appear wherever I look. So deep down, I wish that you would feel the same way about me. That’s a lot to ask though.

Bottom line to all of this is that I need to be with you. It’s not enough for us to meet up only occasionally. But I know that I can’t leave the First Order, not until I have figured out a way to take them down from the inside. Problem is, Snoke is wants you as an ally, but he is [rightly] terrified of being in the same room with both of us, at the same time. He knows that together, we could destroy him.  I have been brainstorming some ideas to get around this, and I thought of one that might work, but... it involves the sort of question that one should ask in person.

Of course, I have yet another little gift - I was inspired by our naughty conversation last night. Enclosed is some soap and a loofa. My reasons for sending it are two-fold - first of all, I rather like the idea of rubbing my face all over your naked body. Just the thought gives rise to certain - risings. Secondly, it seemed logical to send you soap, now that I know that you are such a dirty girl :p

With adoration from the lovesickest jackass in the galaxy, Kylo

PS. Maybe let’s meet up somewhere nice next time? Canto Bight, maybe? I mentioned my scheme to defeat Snoke to Grandfather, and he said that I needed to arrange for some sort of near-death experience before asking you, but my mother said I should just take you somewhere romantic. I’ll take HER word for it. 

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Thank you to  @red-applesith for contributing the soap and loofa suggestion! As always, feel free to send links/pictures of goofy Kylo products my way! Especially any new ones - I haven’t seen all that many absurd TLJ Kylo products yet, but I know they must be out there!

This story can be read in it’s entirety at    http://archiveofourown.org/works/11534406/chapters/25895388

[tuli-azzameen]

My perfect Rey,

As per your request, I have refrained from contacting you for at least 4 hours, so you could catch your breath after my visit . Don’t worry, I am not offended. I am fully aware of how intense I tend to get (thank you for putting it so kindly), I don’t blame you for needing a little time and am happy to oblige. My love, my dearest love, I still can barely believe that you actually love me too, but you actually do! The joy I felt when you explained that all this time, you had felt our strange connection just as strongly as I did, even if you didn’t embrace it quite as enthusiastically! Very understandable under the circumstances, I hated me too, at that time. But your ability to accept the truths I told you in the cave speaks highly of your strength of character. And unbelievable as it may have sounded, it was the truth, Rey.

I also wanted to thank you yet again for sharing your food capsules with me while we were stuck in the tomb. Enclosed is a little something for you to munch on, a gift to show my gratitude for your generosity.

I’m still not sure if I am glad that you talked me into coming over to the Resistance’s new base. Don’t get me wrong, it was great hanging out with you that evening, back in your quarters. I still maintain that there are no words to describe how wonderful it feels just to gaze upon your face in person, let alone… Oh, and you must have seen how extraordinarily amused and gratified I was to find out that you had decided to keep your birth control in the old cotton ear-swab tin, with my picture on it. I smile every time I think about that.

But I can’t pretend that visit was all smiles though. I’m glad that Skywalker wasn’t there (did I overhear something about a secret mission?), but I had to face my mother some time. I knew she’d be upset with me, even after I explained how my father’s sacrifice was not in vain. It didn’t even seem out of the question that she might let them arrest me - I probably deserve no less. That in mind, I guess I can’t complain about 60 seconds of abject humiliation, bent over my mother’s knee and spanked in front of half the Resistance. And she didn’t hold back either, she really went to town. You saw when we were alone, later that night! My ass was as red as my kriffing lightsaber.

But it seemed like the catharsis did her good, and I hope that the plan we discussed will help her truly forgive me. The Resistance now has the ultimate mole. The thing is, I had the impression that some of the other officers were not at all convinced. That one admiral, in particular. I get the feeling that she wanted to throw my ass in the brig, defector or not.

That in mind, I don’t think I should come to see you at the Resistance base again. I guess you’ll just have to come here, and I have been looking into options. I could sneak you aboard the Finalizer, for a few hours. I am confident that if you follow the enclosed instructions, it will work. I can’t wait to introduce you to Grandfather. He will love you, I’m sure of it.

The thing is, my quarters are only a single room, and Grandfather is in the middle of it… If we were to need some alone time (and kriff, I think that need is not strong enough a word for my part, my darling), it can’t be in there. I really can’t - not with him watching/listening, and I imagine it would be extremely awkward for him as well. Fortunately, Hux’s quarters are down the hall, and he’ll be out on leave for a few days. We can use his room, and he’ll never even know, if we’re careful not to make a mess. Oh, and you’re not allergic to cats, are you?

With a longing more all-consuming than a Sarlacc pit,

Kylo

PS. On second thought, let’s not worry about making a mess in Hux’s quarters. He has thrown me under the proverbial ground mass transport vehicle in front of our boss too many times. We’ll use his room for our rendezvous, and then that neat-freak can come home to a bed, soiled and crusty with our love. 

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Small Tokens (the title of this fic) can be read in its entirety at:

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11534406/chapters/25895388

And thank you to @thedarkside-and-thelight and @ashley0-0maltese for suggesting the cereal!

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[tuli-azzameen]

Dearest, loveliest Rey,

I don’t know what to write. I am speechless. I am wordless. I am weightless. I have been high, floating, flying, since the moment we parted. I’ve actually taken to wearing my mask again, because I can’t stop smiling. Rey, my darling, I am yours, body, heart and soul. Nothing else matters. Literally nothing. I don’t give a womp rat’s ass what happens to the First Order now. Nothing matters but us. Just the mere fact that after a mere 48 hours stuck together (thanks again for sharing your food capsules, by the way),  there actually is an us, that my beautiful, perfect Rey has professed herself my love, and not just in my dreams. Rey, my darling Rey, the rest of the galaxy can eat shit and die, for all I care.

I know, I know, I can all but hear you muttering that I’m only thinking with my dick. That’s probably true. I suppose all men have two brains, but I am apparently one of the few for whom the one in my trousers is clearly the wiser of the two. Who would have thought that my dick was so clear-sighted? It did arguably lead me to you.

But what an adventure we had on Jedha - so many, many surprises. I admit, it was my original intention to fuse the artifact shards using the Chaos Idol, harnessing the power of conflict, as Snoke has always taught me to. But after my time with you, I do not regret allowing you to fuse them using the Harmony Idol, focusing the power of balance. I’ve never felt anything so powerful, at least, not at that point in the proceedings ;)

What happened after that though, when the Idol came to life and declared that we would not be allowed to leave the temple until we’d found harmony, when those giant stone doors suddenly slammed shut… I was so torn between feeling annoyed at being trapped, and overjoyed at being trapped with you. I had waited so long to have a real, deep conversation with you that didn’t involve lightsabers, but looking back, I wasn’t really prepared. Your questions were - well, they were intense, but justly so. I confess, I feel a little embarrassed at all the crying I did. Far more than you, I think. I do not regret it though. How could I, with you there to comfort me? How you put your hand on mine, a touch became a caress, a caress became an embrace, and embrace became… Well, 48 hours with nothing to do but talk, and… I suppose boredom is an extremely underrated aphrodisiac, isn’t it? Not that talking with you was boring, but I suspect that listening to my regrets for hours on end probably was. That and, well, there’s only so much one can say with mere words.

I can only imagine - it makes me laugh to imagine - the look that must have been on our faces, when we discovered that the temple exit had opened, at some point during our harmonizing. My dearest Rey, I am yours. I am yours I am yours I am yours. Snoke can fuck right off. I would leave the Order right this moment, if I could, but things are a bit more complicated. But I will risk it if you ask it of me.

To be perfectly honest, I have grown rather disillusioned with the First Order, anyway, even aside from certain unfortunate events a few months ago. Snoke has spent so much time telling me what I need to do to become stronger, and I have realized that nothing he has ever suggested has actually worked, and some of those suggestions have led me to actions that I deeply regret. When I started there, it seemed like such a good idea. A job for life (where can you ever find that, these days?), where you make a difference, all with a first-class benefits package? But it’s been awhile since I’ve started to question whether I like this difference we are making. And there’s been so much belt-tightening since Starkiller. No caf in the break room, and Taco Tuesdays have been cancelled indefinitely. And then there is the new health plan - the deductibles, Rey. The deductibles.

Well, I guess I wasn’t quite as wordless as I thought. That’s enough whining from me. Or actually, here’s a little more: I miss you. It’s been a whole six hours since I held you in my arms. I NEED to see you again soon. Oh, almost forgot, enclosed is an odd little product. I felt that it could be symbolic of the bond we share.

Thinking of you with more than just my dick,

Kylo

PS. My dick is also thinking of you. It is thinking pretty damn hard.

[tuli-azzameen]

My radiant Rey,

I hope you are getting some well-deserved rest after our latest adventure. I just wish it had gone more smoothly. I guess it really is always one step forward, two steps back for us, isn’t it? I should have known. No, I did know. I knew about the way Korriban (or Moraband, to hipster douchebags) tends to affect people, let alone a tomb in the very depths of the Valley of the Dark Lords. It doesn’t get much more intense than that, when it comes to malevolent energy. It’s strange. For so long, I have wanted so badly to give myself to the Dark Side completely. The spirits of the tomb finally took me up on that offer, gave me all the dark power I had always craved and then some. And somehow, once I finally had it, it was a massive let down. If the Light has always been constantly nagging at me, the Darkness clearly wants to control me completely. Snoke says it’s an acquired taste. But I’m not so sure I want to acquire it.

I honestly don’t remember anything from my brief Dark Side freakout, and I have absolutely no idea why I ripped off my own shirt. I assume it was me. I wouldn’t be mad if it was actually you ;) Now you know that while there are a lot of things about me that aren’t perfect, my abs aren’t one of them. Anyway, it feels weird to say this, but I am truly grateful that you punched me in the face, and even more grateful that it snapped me out of it before…. Under the spirit’s control, I could have hurt you! You gave me quite a shiner, by the way. I look like I got kicked in the eye by a bantha :p

I told grandfather all about it, and he says it’s about time that someone tried to beat some sense into me. He thinks I’m being offered redemption on a silver platter. Before you ask, yes, my grandfather is dead, but he does really talk to me. I think. I’m actually not sure. Maybe I’m actually just talking to myself. He used to always tell me exactly what I want to hear, but lately he has taken to telling me hard truths, ever since…. Certain regrettable events on Starkiller. He’s been saying that it’s not too late for me. He says that my crimes have nothing on his (did Skywalker ever tell you about the thing with the younglings? Yikes.), and even he came back. I countered that he died immediately afterward and never had to face any real consequences. If I were to…. It’s a lot to think about.

Enclosed is a little something that I hope will help you relax, before the next leg of this quest. Now that we both have one half of the artifact (sorry, I couldn’t come back to Snoke empty-handed again), it’ll be back to Jedha. I have been instructed to fuse the pieces with the Chaos shrine, and I assume you have been told to use the Harmony one. I guess we’ll have to talk it out when we get there. Either way, I am glad to have another excuse to see you in person.

With love to the bright center of my universe,

Kylo

PS. I apologize for that confusingly random comment about sand, when we had that brief Force Bond chat, the other day. That was Grandfather’s idea. He’d insisted that it would definitely get me to first base, and had been bugging me to say it for months. He likes to give me suggestions as to what I should put into these letters too, but some of it’s a little over the top, even for me. He’s at the other end of the room right now, hollering that I should write that I’m in agony and can’t breathe. Now you know where I get my dramatic streak….

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Psst - the Kylo Ren snuggie is like 60% off on amazon, at the moment.

[tuli-azzameen]

The epistolary Reylo Fanfic that no one asked for.... has come to AO3! Hopelessly smitten with his arch nemesis, Kylo Ren takes to sending nauseatingly sappy love letters attached to small gifts, with the extremely far-fetched hope of winning her heart.

All nine of his letters thus far, now posted on AO3. But will Kylo stop writing tooth-rottingly sweet love letters, now that he has supposedly won Rey’s heart? How about hell no!

New letters coming soon....