This is rather long so I'm going to put it under a read more.
I know I make posts like this a lot, or just tell you a lot, about how much you all mean to me. I know that you all know I mean it, but I'm not sure if you realize just how much I mean it. I have always been a part of the internet and making random friends on it. I think it was 2005 when I made my first roleplay account on myspace, where I played Ginny Weasley. However it wasn't until about 2009 (discovering Starkid I think it what really pushed this) that I finally found a group of friends that truly changed my life.
I had never been a complete outcast in highschool, mostly because I went to a fine arts school since the age of 11 and we were all a little nerdy, but I still always had a certain level of uniqueness/oddness that didn't always match up with those around me. I was very different, and it sometimes caused me to be teased or to have a lack of close friends. It always brought me very far down, as I believe something like that would for anyone. In fact the teasing got so bad for me sometimes that I really began to hate myself.
One instance that I will never forget was something that happened around 10th grade. I was a techie, which if you aren't familiar with the term it is someone who designs the sets, lights, and all the behind the scenes work for a theatre production. So we often had to do things like come in on Saturday mornings and stay until very late at night. One time around noon when we were all eating lunch at the school I went to go find the rest of the group who I knew was there. Now we weren't friends by any means, but at the same time they were the only other people there so I would tend to be where they were or attempt to hang out with them. Anyways, when I went to where I knew they were I only caught a glimpse of them running out the other door. At first I thought it was something else, but when I followed them and they kept running it soon became very clear that they were running from me.
The bullying then only got worse, I know I didn't have it as awful as I'm sure others did/do, but I think we can all agree that any amount of it is enough to send anyone into a fit of tears. I had never felt so alone in my life. This was highschool, wasn't I suppose to have a group of friends who had sleepovers and complained about boys? I knew it wasn't suppose to be this way. I wasn't suppose to be taking the hallpass to "go to the bathroom" when really I'd just sit in the stall and cry for 5 minutes a day. There was nothing I was doing that made me deserve this, but as depression creeped into my mind I started to tell myself I did. But then around 2009-2010 I discovered a crazy site called tumblr, and through tumblr I found some of the best friends I could have ever hoped for.
Suddenly every day became a bit easier, all because I knew that I was only hours away from laughing until I cried at some of the dumbest jokes that have ever existed with some of the greatest people from all over the world. Hours away from seeing people who told me every single day how pretty I was, how funny I was, or how great I was. I had become so bitter from bullying (and still am sometimes) that I couldn't even fathom (and still can't) the niceness of the people I've met here.
As months passed I gained even more friends here and learned about cultures and people from places I had only dreamed of visiting. I have even had the great privileged of meeting some of you face to face, and will get to meet even more when I go to Leaky Con in June. Its just so hard to believe how much my life has changed for the better all because I thought "hey this sight looks cool! I think I'm gonna make one of these!"
You all have taught me to love others and to love myself. You have taught me so much about general knowledge that I could have never learned in a school or in my daily life. You taught me about wonderful tv shows, about some of the most inspirational people, and have tirelessly sent me encouragement when I was upset. It makes me sad when I see people talking about how much tumblr has "ruined" their life (no matter if they're joking or not) because for me, it has truly saved my life.
I still have a lot of troubles, I still have a lack of friends in my daily life and I can still safely say that I dislike myself a great amount. But every single time I log onto this site I get so flooded with I love yous and praise that it gives me all the confidence I need, because I'm so incapable of providing myself with any. You all keep me running, you keep me alive, and you are the best people I have ever met. I don't even want to begin to think what my life would be like, or if I'd even be alive at all, if I hadn't met everyone that I have over the last few years of being here.
What I'm trying to say is, thank you.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are all beautiful and wonderful people and without you I'd be unfathomably lost.
