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[rasta628]

[rasta628]

[rasta628]

[themistressophelia-blog]

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[jcarod23]

Reading the Defense

Lately, as I prepare to tell Steph how I feel. I've been relentless in basically preparing myself with knowledge. How we got here: I lost a bet to my friend about having to tell Steph how I feel, if I didn't by Friday the 13th, he would use my phone to tell her I "love" her. I was able to buy time by simply avoiding him, & outsmarting him. Now, I have another bet with my friend, it's basically worse. If I lose, I have been dared to basically I have to smell her flats & put it on a video.😒😣😷😵😲 so, that's not good. It's Friday right now, I see my friend tomorrow, it's gonna take a miracle to avoid. I'm seen Steph the last few days, & she seems happy to be with me, & she has that "over zealous" laugh that I'm sure is a good sign. But, by reading Instagram, it seems like she is sad..about someone..don't know who..it could be anyone. Also, I hung out with my friends Ted & gena. Ted has a girl & a side chick, gena just got out of relationship. It is...painful to watch Ted over the top flirt with gena. He went out of his way to take us to Chinatown & buy is Bubbletea. The way Ted acts around her..he makes it no secret he find her attractive..& gena..doesn't respond with the flirting..she's just a flirty type. I know how I am around Steph. It may be bad, but I'm sure it's not that bad, but it could be.Then I look at my cousin. When he reads this, I want him to see that I wrote he's an OUTSTANDING person, he's great, he's reliable. A good human being. There's a lot of superlatives I could throw at him. I've heard from him what happened to the girls he's liked. So far, he hasn't been successful, but one thing you can't knock him for, relatively quickly he tells the girl he likes then. He gets it out the way quickly. The only flaw to this, is when he hangs out the girls that he likes, it's borderline the girl is using him..more than an acceptable it's just friends hanging out. If he still likes the girl more than a little, & he's doing the favors, I'm not a fan of it. What I've learned from this, Stephanie is my best friend, by far, I'd do a lot of things for her, that I'd only do for a select few. In a way, she is not using me. But, I knew what it's like to be used. It was with Sakeenah. When I first met her, she didn't use me, we were friends, during sometime out of high school. After high school, it was different. It was very hard to see her, hang out with her. & the times I was with her, She was probably using me. But, when me, Sakeenah, & Steph all became friends, she was different. It was more like the high school days with her, & it was mostly great. Of course, last year it ended badly, & I'm not completely over it. & that's where I'm at, I have bets ready to expire, but Steph seems sad..& very vulnerable, & I don't want to win her on vulnerability. If I told her I liked her, I don't think I'd win her. I need a gimmick, which is the picnic. It's complicated, oh so complicated.