Content : it’s very common for best friends to be lovers but is this the case here?
Jaafar Jackson x reader. (Angst)
Next Part
The first time Jaafar Jackson realized he was in love with you, you were sitting cross-legged on his kitchen counter at one in the morning aggressively peeling an orange because you were angry at your boss.
You had one of his hoodies on, sleeves covering your hands, ranting with complete seriousness while citrus peels piled beside you.
“And then she had the audacity to say,” you continued, mockingly deepening your voice, “‘let’s revisit this later.’ Revisit WHAT later? The fact that you embarrassed me in front of twelve people?”
Jaafar laughed quietly from where he leaned against the fridge.
“You’re scary when you’re mad.”
“You should be scared.”
“I am.”
“You should be.”
You pointed half an orange at him threateningly.
He remembered staring at you thinking, This is it.
The terrifying realization that his chest felt lighter whenever you were around.
He is seriously inlove with his childhood bestie, the girl he been around for almost 12 years.
And worse, he started building his life around that feeling without noticing.
You had your own drawer in his apartment over the years.
Neither of you acknowledged when it happened.
One day you opened a drawer looking for batteries and found:
• your charger
• your lip balm
• spare pajamas
• hair ties
• a toothbrush
You held up the toothbrush slowly.
“…Did you buy me a toothbrush?”
Jaafar glanced over from the couch.
“You come over a lot.”
“That’s not the point.”
“You were using your finger.”
“I could’ve bought my own.”
“You didn’t.”
You stared at him and he stared back innocently.
Then you muttered, “This is exactly how cults start.”
His laugh followed you into the bathroom.
The line between friendship and something else blurred so gradually neither of you noticed where it disappeared.
He’d reach for your hand automatically in crowds.
You’d fix his chains absentmindedly while talking.
Sometimes you fell asleep on his shoulder during movies and he wouldn’t move for hours even when his arm went numb.
One night, all of the close friends and cousins had a sleepover at the Jackson’s.
You woke up at 3 AM half asleep and wandered into the kitchen to find him sitting in darkness drinking water.
He looked exhausted, emotionally exhausted.
You leaned against the counter quietly.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.”
“You’re lying.”
He paused a bit then, “I think people forget I’m an actual person sometimes.”
Your chest tightened immediately.
You walked toward him without thinking and rested your chin briefly against the top of his head where he sat.
A silent soft, familiar gesture.
Jaafar closed his eyes.
“You know what’s weird?” he murmured.
“What?”
“You never ask me to be anything.”
You frowned slightly, “What do you mean?”
“Like…” he searched for the words. “Everybody always expects a version of me. You just…” His eyes lifted to yours. “don’t.”
You smiled faintly.
“That’s because you are just Jaafar to me.”
Something about that expression on your face nearly ruined him.
Because you actually meant it.
People noticed before you did, his cousins, your friends, even strangers noticed.
A thought crossed your mind while he was driving you home late one night.
The city lights blurred past the window beside you as you rested your head against the glass, quiet for a moment before asking almost absentmindedly,
“Why does everyone always think we’re dating?”
His fingers tightened slightly on the steering wheel.
“…I don’t know.”
“You think we act couple-y?”
He chuckled and mumbled , “Probabl-y.”
You laughed softly. “Shut up.”
He smiled too but didn’t answer.
Because the truth was, he thought about kissing you almost constantly now, and that terrified him.
Not because he didn’t want you.
Because he did.
You were the safest thing in his life.
If he crossed that line and lost you afterward, he genuinely didn’t know what would be left.
So instead he stayed silent, careful, stayed your best friend.
Until Adam.
Adam was easy and that was the problem.
He was kind and clear in uncomplicated ways, he asked you on dates instead of dancing around feelings for years.
The first time you mentioned him, Jaafar felt something ugly twist in his stomach immediately.
You were sitting on his couch scrolling through your phone.
“Adam wants to take me to this place downtown,” you said absentmindedly.
Jaafar muted the TV.
“Who’s Adam?”
You looked up.
“Oh. Guy I met a few weeks ago.”
A few weeks ago.
The fact another man had existed in your life for weeks without him knowing made irritation flash through him instantly.
He hid it badly.
“You like him?”
“I think so.”
That answer sat wrong in his chest for the rest of the night.
Things changed after that.
You started spending less time at his apartment.
Your toothbrush stayed untouched in the drawer.
Sometimes he’d instinctively reach for his phone to text you something dumb, only to remember, you were probably with Adam.
And every time that happened, resentment curled tighter inside him.
Not at you but at himself, because he had created this situation.
He had every single opportunity and he never said anything.
The jealousy started leaking out in embarrassing ways.
One night you canceled movie plans because Adam surprised you with dinner reservations.
Jaafar replied :
“👍”
You stared at the message for a full minute.
Then immediately called him.
“What is wrong with you?”
“What?”
“The thumbs up.”
“…It’s a thumbs up.”
“It’s an aggressive thumbs up."
He scoffed.
“You’re insane.”
“No, you’re weird lately.”
“I’m literally fine.”
“You sound annoyed.”
“I’m not annoyed.”
“You are.”
“I said I’m not."
“Jaafar.”
“What?”
“…Did I do something?”
The irritation vanished instantly.
Because your voice suddenly sounded small and guilty. You genuinely thought you’d hurt him somehow.
His chest ached immediately.
“No,” he said quieter this time. “No, you didn’t do anything.”
But after the call ended, he sat staring at his ceiling feeling sick.
Because he wanted to tell you,
I think I’m in love with you and it’s making me miserable watching someone else have you so easily.
Instead, he said nothing.
Again.
The fight happened on a Thursday.
You remembered that later because Thursdays used to be your night together.
No matter how busy life got, Thursdays somehow always ended with the two of you together.
Food.
Drives.
Movies.
Ranting.
But lately Thursdays belonged to Adam too.
That night all three of you had ended up at the same industry birthday party through mutual friends.
Jaafar hated every second of it.
Not because of Adam specifically, but because Adam could touch and own you openly.
Hand on your waist, leaning close to hear you, kissing your temple casually.
Things Jaafar had imagined doing for so long that seeing another man actually do them made him feel physically ill.
And what is worse is that you looked happy.
Later that night, when Adam said he had to leave the party early, you started gathering your things too, until Jaafar casually leaned over and suggested that he could drive you home later, giving you a reason to stay a little longer..around him..without Adam.
The car ride afterward started silent.
Heavy silent.
The kind where both people feel the tension sitting between them breathing.
Streetlights flashed across Jaafar’s face as he drove.
Your heels were off, tossed near your feet.
You looked exhausted.
“So,” you said eventually, trying to ease the weirdness, “Adam wants me to go to France with him next week.”
The second the name left your mouth, Jaafar’s jaw tightened.
You noticed immediately.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“You did the face.”
“What face?”
“That face where your jaw gets sharper than a knife.”
He stayed silent, “Jaafar.”
His grip shifted higher on the steering wheel.
“I said nothing.”
You looked back out the window for a second before muttering:
“You’ve been acting weird for weeks.”
“I haven’t.”
“You have.”
“Maybe you’re just spending too much time with him to notice.”
Your head turned slowly.
“…What?”
“There it is,” he muttered under his breath.
“There WHAT is?”
“You disappear constantly now.”
“Oh my God.”
“What?”
“Are you jealous?”
“I’m not jealous.”
“You absolutely are.”
He laughed sharply.
“Right.”
“You are! Every time I mention him you get all.. all passive aggressive and weird.”
“I’m not being passive aggressive.”
“You literally just accused me of disappearing!”
“Because you HAVE.”
Your eyebrows lifted in disbelief.
“I’m allowed to have a boyfriend, Jaafar.”
“I know that.”
“Then stop acting like I committed a crime.”
“I didn’t say that either.”
“But you’re treating me like it!”
His voice rose slightly now.
“Because suddenly everything revolves around him!”
“Yeah! Because he’s my boyfriend!”
The words echoed inside the car.
Boyfriend.
Jaafar felt something genuinely painful twist in his chest hearing you say it that casually.
You noticed his silence immediately.
And suddenly realization flickered across your face.
“…Wait.”
He kept driving.
You stared at him.
“Don’t.”
“Are you actually upset because I’m with someone else?.”
“I said don’t.”
“You cannot be serious right now.”
Something in him snapped then.
“Do you know what it’s been like watching this?”
“Watching what?”
“Some guy getting every version of you I—” He cut himself off violently.
The car went dead silent, your heart started pounding.
Jaafar looked horrified at himself, because he’d finally said too much.
Neither of you spoke for a few seconds.
The only sound was the low hum of the engine and the blinker clicking as the city passed outside in streaks of gold and red.
Your heart was beating so hard it actually hurt.
Jaafar kept his eyes fixed on the road like if he looked at you something irreversible would happen.
“…What did you mean by that?”
He swallowed once.
“Nothing."
“Don’t do that.”
“I said nothing.”
“You literally just said—”
“I know what I said.”
“Then explain it.”
His jaw tightened hard enough for you to see the muscle move.
“You’re dating someone,” he muttered. “Forget it.”
Forget it.
After years of blurred lines and almosts and moments that meant too much, forget it felt insane.
You let out a breathless laugh of disbelief.
“No, absolutely not.”
He finally glanced at you then.
You looked shaken and angry.
“You don’t get to say something like that and then tell me to forget it.”
“I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“But you did.”
The car slowed at a red light.
Orange streetlight poured through the windshield, illuminating the tension in sharp pieces, his clenched hand around the steering wheel, your glossy eyes, both of you breathing too hard.
You looked at him carefully.
"the only valid explanation to this is that you are in love with me?”
The speculation hit him like a car crash and his entire expression changed instantly with fear, real fear.
And that answered you before he even spoke.
“Y/n…”
“Oh my God.”
The light turned green.
Cars behind you honked when Jaafar didn’t move immediately.
He jerked the car forward again with a curse under his breath.
You leaned back against the seat slowly like the air had been knocked out of you.
“You’re in love with me,” you repeated quietly, almost to yourself.
“Can we not do this right now?”
“Right now?” you stared at him incredulously. “When exactly were you planning on doing this, Jaafar?”
“I wasn’t.”
“That’s even worse!”
His frustration cracked through immediately.
“What did you want me to do?”
“I don’t know!” you shot back. “Maybe say something before I built an entire relationship with somebody else!”
His laugh came out sharp and humorless.
“Yeah, because that would’ve gone great.”
“At least I would’ve known!”
“You knew.”
Your head snapped toward him.
“What?”
“You knew.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did.”
“Jaafar, I thought we were—”
“What?” he interrupted suddenly. “Just friends?”
The words landed harder than they should’ve.
Because neither of you had treated each other like just friends in a long time.
Your throat tightened,“You never said anything.”
“And you never stopped it.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Isn’t it?”
He sounded angry now.
Not at you, but at himself and the situation.
At years of restraint turning poisonous inside him.
“You think it was easy watching you with him tonight?” he asked tightly.
Your brows furrowed.
“Then why didn’t you DO something before???”
“Because if I lost you, I’d lose everything!”
The confession exploded out of him so suddenly it silenced both of you.
Your breathing caught.
Jaafar looked stunned by his own words.
Then exhausted.
Like he was finally too tired to keep carrying them.
“You’re my best friend,” he said, quieter now. “You’re—”
He stopped and ran a hand down his face roughly.
“You’re the first person I look for everywhere.”
Your chest physically ached hearing him say it.
His voice got lower.
“When something happens to me, you’re the person I wanna tell first.”
“You know me better than anybody.”
You looked away quickly because your eyes started burning again.
“And you waited until I was with someone else to say all this?”
The second the words left your mouth, guilt flashed across his face.
Because you were right, that was the ugliest part.
You laughed weakly, shaking your head.
“This is unbelievable.”
“It’s not like I planned this.”
“No, you just let me move on while saying nothing.”
“I was trying not to ruin what we had!”
“But you already did!”
That hit him hard and you saw it immediately, the hurt flickering across his face almost made you take it back.
But you were hurting too now.
Years suddenly rearranging themselves in your mind..every touch, every look, every almost-confession.
You remembered every moment people assumed you were together.
Every time you secretly wondered, what if?
And now he was telling you it wasn’t imaginary.
The realization should’ve felt good, instead it felt devastating because the timing was horrible.
Because another person was involved now.
Because if he loved you this whole time, then why did you spend years feeling unwanted?
“There were so many times I thought maybe there was something between us and then you’d pull away and act normal again and I started thinking I was delusional.”
Jaafar’s stomach dropped.
Because he remembered every one of those moments too.
The nights he almost kissed you, almost said it, almost reached for you.
Then got scared and buried it again.
“You think I didn’t feel it too?” you whispered.
That nearly broke him as the car went silent again.
Then he asked quietly, “Do you love him?”
You closed your eyes briefly. “…I don’t know yet.”
The honesty of it wrecked him anyway.
Because there was possibility in those words, a future, something IS growing, something he was already too late for.
Jaafar nodded once like he deserved that pain.
“We should probably stop being friends.”
Your head turned sharply.
“What?”
“I’m serious.”
“No.”
“You’re with somebody now.”
“So?”
“So this—” he gestured between you both helplessly “—whatever this is, it’s not fair to him.”
Your chest tightened violently because he was right.
And you hated that he was right.
You stared out the window suddenly because looking at him hurt too much.
The city blurred outside.
Then quietly, without looking at him, you said:
“I would’ve chosen you.”
The words shattered the air instantly.
Jaafar’s breath caught so hard it almost sounded painful.
You kept staring forward, but voice trembling now, “If you had said something… I would’ve chosen you.”
He looked destroyed. Actually destroyed.
One hand left the wheel briefly like he almost reached for you instinctively before stopping himself.
“Don’t say that,” he whispered.
“Why?”
“Because we can’t do anything with it now.”
Tears finally slipped down your face silently.
His grip on the steering wheel loosened.
His breathing became uneven.
His eyes shut briefly like he physically couldn’t handle hearing that.
And suddenly the car swerved slightly.
“shit,” you muttered, grabbing the door for stabilization.
He handled the steering wheel of the the car immediately.“Sorry.”
You stared out the window because looking at him suddenly hurt too much.
The city lights outside blurred together through the tears gathering in your eyes.
“I am trying to do the right thing.”
“The right thing?” you repeated. “After dropping this on me NOW?”
His frustration cracked instantly.
“What was I supposed to do?!”
“ANYTHING!”
Your voice echoed loudly inside the car now.
“Anything would’ve been better than this!”
He shook his head harshly.“You don’t understand.”
“No, YOU don’t understand.”
Your breathing turned uneven.
“You don’t get to suddenly tell me you love me after years and then act like I’m supposed to go home and continue my relationship normally!”
“I know that!”
“Then why are you acting like this is simple?!”
“It’s not simple!”
“Then stop pretending it is!”
The car fell into another suffocating silence.
You could hear both of you breathing.
Emotional exhaustion soaked every inch of the space between you now.
Then Jaafar said quietly, “Maybe we should’ve never crossed lines in the first place.”
That one hurt differently, it felt like something cold sliding directly into your chest.
You stared at him slowly, pure hurt, because suddenly he was talking about your relationship like it was a mistake.
Like all those years together had become something shameful now that feelings were involved.
“You know what?” you whispered. “Stop the car.”
Jaafar exhaled sharply through his nose. “We’re five minutes from your apartment.”
You laughed once in disbelief.
His jaw tightened immediately.
“Y/N listen to me.”
“NO YOU LISTEN TO ME.”
The tension finally snapped completely.
“every time things get real between us, you decide my feelings for me!” you shouted. “You don’t get to confess something like that and then act like I’m the problem for having feelings about it!”
(2018) fanart of my bestie and i playing the pokémon let’s go games. i remember how excited i was to buy my limited edition switch. i was literally waiting by the window for it to be delivered.
