When my parents quarrel...
My parents are NOT okay. I just witnessed another horrible intense quarrel with my parents which I had to step in and stop my father from further throwing and flipping shit everywhere. Definitely not the worst but the second worst experience.I don’t usually talk about this topic but sometimes it’s good for oneself to express. I don’t know what other peeps have been through but when things get hot here THINGS BREAK AND IT CAN GET BLOODY UGLY. And they quarrel over the most stupid things and its become only worse over the latest years since my dad became blind. Also I figured out that my dad has ADHD….I finally got the picture and understood why he’s always hot tempered and abuse-rages at me, my siblings, my mom over the stupid silliest things and why shes grown tired of him. they’re both in the edge of divorce since I was a child. I see no positivity and hope in their relationship. They only badmouth each other every single fucking day now its become so toxic I don’t even wanna go home and hear the same shit again. Things got calmer now thats why I’m writing this btw.
I kinda hope that they divorced alot sooner but since we’re heavily catholic it’s a heavy sin which is not allowed to happen if they’re married. But the thing I realized is the amount of damage they cause to their children mentally is far worse than what they affect to themselves. I remember having suicidal thought when I was little already
This is one of the reason why I’m so afraid of getting in a relationship in the first place. I don’t wanna hurt anyones feelings because of me especially my partner and friends. Also one of the reasons why I’ve been struggling mentally since childhood with my self-esteem.
Last time a quarrel got this seriously bad (and even worse) was maybe a few years ago where my dad went outragedly insane and wanted to run to the kitchen, grab a knife and told us to kill us or else he’ll kill himself and hit his head on a door crying and pledging me to call an ambulance for no reason (which I did but got directed to the police where I actually told the situation). I remember how scared I was when I talked by phone with the police and how I my body started to shake uncontrollably out of chock and unstable emotions. This was the most traumatic and scariest thing I’ve had to deal with in my family and it sucks to have to deal with this shit. Honestly I’ve said this this alot to myself and I’ll say it again only to ease/release my emotions. FML!