#snifferthoughts

[i--knew]

Chapter Four uploaded promptly with the 2nd Part Coming in a little... Lemony :D So chapter rating is gonna change! YAY

He didn’t get to do that. He was not allowed to do that. Not to her, not now. “You spent fifteen minutes listening to her and you think you have this thing figured out. I know nothing of this guy and you don’t know my mother, so just please stay the hell out of it.” And she’d been dismissed. Just like that.

[i--knew]

Nobody gets it

Seriously. Why does everyone think that money is always the fucking way? Couldn’t I just want to have an education? 

I want to know what the fuck I’m doing first before trying to demand compensation for the shit I’ll be doing in the future. That way, I can demand as much as I can without batting an eyelid because they’ll know I’ll be worth it. Not just in the whole “oh she’s been educated overseas” bit, but because my actions prior to it will speak for themselves. THEY will be the ones asking ME to work for them, not the other way around.

I don’t care about high salaries, not yet. I haven’t done shit to deserve that money but to be born of privilege. I have been born with certain advantages and I am fully aware of that, but I will NOT be banking on my mother’s reputation or the upbringing I was given forever.

I AM NOT A FUCKING SPOILT RICH KID AND I DO NOT CONTINUE ON BECOMING SO. I WILL MAKE MY OWN MARK ON MY OWN FUCKING MERIT AND IF I HAVE TO GIVE UP MY PAY FOR A WHILE IN ORDER TO GAIN THE SKILLS I NEED, THEN SO BE IT.

[i--knew]

Deactivated Facebook.

I'm usually not this anti-social. Especially when half of my friends are sprawn all over the globe. Technically, social networking and Skype/Facetime are the staples of a diplomatic kid.

Except these days I've found myself scrolling mindlessly across posts and things that... Well, do not really contribute to me at all. Not in a beneficial way anyway. Pictures, posts, comments about other people... Unprecedentedly stalking, then making yourself feel bad about it. Or finding out about things that really don't concern you at all in the slightest... Not healthy, I don't think.

It gives people the "right" to gossip for some reason, and it's just... Unnerving how normal it is now. I kinda counted how much time I spent in front of my newsfeed, just scrolling and not really taking anything in, and to be honest, it's become a massive waste of time.

What's worse is that I do it automatically every day. And instead of spending time with the people who are actually here present, I basically glaze over them too, just like when I glaze over other people's latest snack.

These days all I do is work and work and work, then sleep, then eat, and then work some more. I come home and I'm too exhausted to even talk to anyone. And when I get up, I am too late to have any significant social interaction either. At least in the house anyway.

I guess suddenly, on a whim, I deactivated it last night. And to be honest, it kinda feels good. The people you know who want to stay in touch, will make an effort to stay in touch. And the others... Well at least you'll know where you stand. It's a double-edged sword, but it feels liberating. 

I just hope that these couple of weeks without FB will give me some perspective and help me balance everything out. So until then, I guess I'll see you later Facebook!

[i--knew]

If had known that would be the last... I would've kissed you longer.

[i--knew]

You're the master of turning things around so that it becomes my fault, even when it was your fault that I'm like this in the first place.

At least now I know.

[i--knew]

Tú sabes quien eres:

Te odio. Por haber cambiado. Ese viaje no me gustó para nada. No me gustó saber que estabas triste, y que ese era el último lugar donde querías estar pero que no podía ayudarte. No podía ayudarte porque yo no era la persona que querías que estuviera alli.

Sabía que tenías problemas, y me hubiera encantado poder ayudarte. O al menos hacerte olvidarlo todo, pero se que había algo mas allí. O al menos habia algo para mí. Tu actitud de ‘machote’ no me gustó. De hecho, creo que me cabreé contigo durante el resto del dia. Antes me preguntaste si una vez me hubiera enfadado contigo, y te dije que no tuvimos tanta interacción como para que me pudiera enfadar… Pero ahora te puedo responder que sí. Que te odio.

Te odio porque de repente actúas como si que no me conocieras para nada. Como si que todos esos mensajes no te valieron mierda. Actúas como si nunca hubiera sido importante para tí. Y no estoy siendo engreída ni nada cuando digo que yo si te importé. Para mi, eso si que significó algo, sabes? No tengo miedo de admitirlo. Pero ya veo que eres cobarde. Te gusta mas pretender que ni me ves en el ascensor o en el restaurante, cuando me pasas por el pasillo o el comedor. Qué, de repente soy invisible o qué?

Te convertiste en el cabrón que se que no eres. Te conozco. O al menos creo que te conocía. Y el chico que conocí no era así. O al menos, el chico que me diste por conocer. Estos dias, ya no se ni quien eres. Tengo una imagen tan vívida de lo que eras. 67 mil palabras en un mes con un mensaje o dos cada dia es mucha evidencia, incluso demasiada evidencia para saber quien eres. No se que hiciste con ese chico, no sé que le pasó. Pero me gustaría saberlo.

[i--knew]

Fuck. Don't make it so hard. I'm trying to be strong here.

[i--knew]

♒ Aquarius: Aquarius feel very helpless when they realize that they’ve grown emotional towards a person. It’s the only thing that makes them lose their rationality and they become lost in the feeling.