#snowmance

[zanephillips]

Jesse Hutch as Cole Snowmance (2017)

[friendlydrifter]

Massive loser nearly fumbles wife to be by being stupid and odd (he's staring at her through her window and using it like a peephole)

[tvmoviechristmas]

Snowmance (ION, 2017)

And as my best friend, you are bound by blood and friendship bracelets to support me no matter what.

Starring: Ashley Newburgh, Jesse Hutch, Adam Hurtig, Lauren Cochrane

Plot Synopsis: No man is perfect enough for Sarah Groves, except perhaps the impressive snowmen she sculpts annually with her childhood pal, Nick. In mid-December, her snowman disappears, and in his place, materializes Cole, who seems too perfect for Sarah to be true. (x)

In My Humble Opinion: Years ago, when I was a young and naive twenty year old, Lifetime aired a movie called Holly’s Holiday. It was about a woman who had a crush on a mannequin and it came to life during the holiday season, and it was incredibly ridiculous. At the time I thought it was going to be the most bizarre plot I would have to review in the name of this blog. However, I didn’t account for the fact that five years later this blog would still be ticking and that Snowmance would premiere after all that time.

Snowmance opens on an eight-year old girl about to kiss a snowman copy of the boy she has a crush on, and it just gets weirder from there, because years later that snowman comes to life. When it came to Holly’s Holiday, I could at least trace back the origins of its craziness to it being a less fantastic Christmas twist on the movie Mannequin. Snowmance is just a movie titled Snowmance about a snowman who leads to romance.

And yet the bonkers nature of the plotline isn’t the thing about Snowmance that drove me the most crazy! Instead it was the lame nature of the romance that got my goat. As in, the leading lady doesn’t find lasting romance with her snowman come to life because she has to learn a lesson about how real love isn’t magic. Real love comes in the form of your male best friend who has been pining after you for your years, and who comes across like a total Nice Guy at certain points of the film.

I hate these type of romances. I hate them so much. I know other people love a good best friends to lovers story, but I instinctively don’t trust them. Because there’s usually a scene where the dude complains about how the female lead just never noticed how perfect they were for each other, and there’s barely ever a scene where the dude is called out for not making a move or for being a dick in thinking he is entitled to her romantic feelings anyway. Snowmance doesn’t fail to avoid these friends to lovers pitfalls. It tries, there’s a random reference to the leads having possibly had a past failed relationship, but it never comes up again, so I’m not sure if I imagined it to make myself more comfortable with the male lead’s moping and threatening.

Snowmance should have been an amazingly stupid tale of a woman falling in love with a snowman. Instead, it was an amazingly grating tale of a man realizing that if you just wait long enough, eventually the girl your friends with will want to bang you. Hooray?

Watch If: You like to draw abs on your snowman, if you blame your parents for your wistfulness or if you have been looking for the right gust of wind.

Skip If: You think it’s normal to not have a permanent address, if you think traditional Nordic cusine is amazing, or if you would prefer not to feel like you have been hit by a bolt of lightning when you fall in love.

Final Rating: ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

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[friendlydrifter]

I found old art of these two losers from when Snoh was mainly human

His human form is kinda canon technically still lol

[friendlydrifter]

Alone on a Friday night? Impossible

[freakyc00kie]

Same sex literally!

It's not rlly sexual just them kissing in bed shirtless lol

[friendlydrifter]

Silly Snoh doodles

[friendlydrifter]

The man the lad the snow sniffer himself

Snohomish my boy